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Old 04-16-2021, 10:26 AM   #1
BigL
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Default prayers needed - divorce

Wife and I are getting a divorce. We've tried to work through it for the last 2+ years. Actually we've been having problems on and off for 8 years but the last 2 have really gone down hill and the last 6 months was terrible. It's best for our happiness to split. We are both being agreeable on the divorce and only lawyer that we are getting involved is to review the material.


The prayers are needed for this afternoon when we tell the kids. It's going to kill me to tell them i'll only see them 50% of the time.


Once it's done tonight i'll be moving out into my travel trailer this weekend for about 2 months. That's the timeline he has to move out the house. Once she moves out, the plan is for me to move back into the house. We're doing this for the kids to let them finish out school from here.


I haven't had a drink in 6 months and could definitely use one but not yet. Trying to not do anything stupid! Probably will have a few with friends on Saturday night after it's all done.
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Old 04-16-2021, 10:29 AM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BigL View Post
Wife and I are getting a divorce. We've tried to work through it for the last 2+ years. Actually we've been having problems on and off for 8 years but the last 2 have really gone down hill and the last 6 months was terrible. It's best for our happiness to split. We are both being agreeable on the divorce and only lawyer that we are getting involved is to review the material.


The prayers are needed for this afternoon when we tell the kids. It's going to kill me to tell them i'll only see them 50% of the time.


Once it's done tonight i'll be moving out into my travel trailer this weekend for about 2 months. That's the timeline he has to move out the house. Once she moves out, the plan is for me to move back into the house. We're doing this for the kids to let them finish out school from here.


I haven't had a drink in 6 months and could definitely use one but not yet. Trying to not do anything stupid! Probably will have a few with friends on Saturday night after it's all done.
Prayers sent. Been there and done that. Worst thing you can do is start drinking to numb out. It'll make things exponentially worse in the long run. Ask me how I know. I'll be praying for you.
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Old 04-16-2021, 10:30 AM   #3
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BTW - first person I told was Bill. I left him a voice mail - "Bill, I'm getting a divorce. Let's plan the elk hunt"


Anyone want to start to plan a caribou hunt?
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Old 04-16-2021, 10:31 AM   #4
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Prayers sent. Been there and done that. Worst thing you can do is start drinking to numb out. It'll make things exponentially worse in the long run. Ask me how I know. I'll be praying for you.
yea i'm not trying to numb it out which is why i haven't had a drink

If i have some on saturday it will be to celebrate moving on and for happiness.
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Old 04-16-2021, 10:31 AM   #5
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It will suck for awhile then you'll realize your actually spending more quality time with the kids and have alot more money somehow. Just remember you aren't the only one that's been through it and hopefully both of you can be reasonable and civil. I have always been civil with my ex when it comes to the kids.
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Old 04-16-2021, 10:32 AM   #6
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As someone who went through the same thing last year I’ll be praying for you. It’s hard at first, but I promise it gets better.
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Old 04-16-2021, 10:38 AM   #7
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Prayers. Stay away from the booze. Its very painful process, i know first hand. Do all you can to just love on the kids and assure them all will be okay. Get them everytime its your turn. Never miss a time.
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Old 04-16-2021, 10:41 AM   #8
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Hate to hear this, but I guess sometimes its for the best.
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Old 04-16-2021, 10:41 AM   #9
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Prayers up for Y'all.
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Old 04-16-2021, 10:43 AM   #10
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Sorry you're going through this. Sounds like you and your soon-to-be ex are handling it well for the kids. Good on y'all.
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Old 04-16-2021, 10:45 AM   #11
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I don't know your story or the details surrounding the disconnect between you and your wife. May you both encounter the truth of Jesus and the depth of his love for you, perhaps even to the point of repentance, reconciliation and restoration of your family. There is no hope aside from him and the fracture in your family that you and your wife are choosing to make will only get wider and impact generations to come.
Nothing is too difficult for God, the one you are asking us to pray to on your behalf. he can mend the broken heart but it takes willingness to choose connection.
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Old 04-16-2021, 10:47 AM   #12
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Easy with the sauce Bud.....Prayers for your kids as they enter this transition.
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Old 04-16-2021, 10:47 AM   #13
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Been there. It's hard but you are going to make it. I'll be praying for you.
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Old 04-16-2021, 10:51 AM   #14
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Sounds exactly like my situation 26 years ago, my drinking was the issue, was sober 4 months when we finally split. We also used the same lawyer & she moved out & I stayed in the house. Telling the kids is tough, my youngest blamed herself, she was 10 at the time. If alcohol is a problem, do yourself a great favor & do without it, I have a great life now & so does my ex. Good luck my friend, not a fun time for a while.
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Old 04-16-2021, 10:53 AM   #15
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Prayers for you and your family. Sometimes it has to be done.
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Old 04-16-2021, 10:56 AM   #16
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Its not easy.....stay strong.
Prayers sent ....
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Old 04-16-2021, 10:57 AM   #17
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Just to clarify - alcohol was not the problem. I'm been avoiding it as we tried to work through the problems so I wouldn't do/say something stupid. We were trying to work through it, didn't need me having loose lips and saying something I would regret. Now that it's really over, who cares what I say?

When i move out, strange is on the menu and i may need alcohol to help lower my standards... :-)


The prayer request is for strength when we tell the kids today and for them. Thanks.

Last edited by BigL; 04-16-2021 at 11:03 AM.
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Old 04-16-2021, 11:05 AM   #18
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Man give yourself some time to heal brother. And don’t give up on God.
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Old 04-16-2021, 11:12 AM   #19
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Prayers sent for your request and more.
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Old 04-16-2021, 11:12 AM   #20
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Sorry to hear this BigL.....Prayers up for you and your kids....
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Old 04-16-2021, 11:17 AM   #21
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Default prayers needed - divorce

Drink in moderation. Keep your wits about you! You are getting a divorce, and itís not over till itís over. I know you are saying itís all agreed on and you are sharing a lawyer, but we have all seen that go South quickly. Just expect something to go wrong, and have a plan ahead of time. I assume she canít get all the money from the bank accounts? Make sure of that..I got cleaned out after being told he wouldnít and the bank said he couldnít...but he did.
Be careful what you do and who you do it with before the papers are signed. That can all be brought up as a custody problem. Donít give her any ammo.
Talk to your kids as much as possible. It will have an effect on them no matter how smooth it goes. Keep them out of it as much as possible. Donít trash your ex in front of them. They wonít forget it if you do.
Good luck. I hope it goes smoothly, but even good divorces suck.
After itís done, live your life. My divorce was awful, but completely worth it in the end.

Last edited by Lostacresranch; 04-16-2021 at 11:20 AM.
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Old 04-16-2021, 11:22 AM   #22
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Geez. Try to have this thread removed. Should we also pray for you to find a hot piece of ***? Good luck
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Old 04-16-2021, 11:30 AM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BigL View Post
Just to clarify - alcohol was not the problem. I'm been avoiding it as we tried to work through the problems so I wouldn't do/say something stupid. We were trying to work through it, didn't need me having loose lips and saying something I would regret. Now that it's really over, who cares what I say?

When i move out, strange is on the menu and i may need alcohol to help lower my standards... :-)


The prayer request is for strength when we tell the kids today and for them. Thanks.
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Old 04-16-2021, 11:30 AM   #24
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You will be fine. Once you have had as many as I have it’s like falling off a log.
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Old 04-16-2021, 11:36 AM   #25
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Originally Posted by Slabby View Post
Geez. Try to have this thread removed. Should we also pray for you to find a hot piece of ***? Good luck
He didn’t request “hot”, just a piece. He clearly stated the his efforts to lower his standards.


Good luck in your search BigL.
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Old 04-16-2021, 11:36 AM   #26
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Geez. Try to have this thread removed. Should we also pray for you to find a hot piece of ***? Good luck
Word
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Old 04-16-2021, 11:40 AM   #27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BigL View Post
Just to clarify - alcohol was not the problem. I'm been avoiding it as we tried to work through the problems so I wouldn't do/say something stupid. We were trying to work through it, didn't need me having loose lips and saying something I would regret. Now that it's really over, who cares what I say?

When i move out, strange is on the menu and i may need alcohol to help lower my standards... :-)


The prayer request is for strength when we tell the kids today and for them. Thanks.
Understand completely - It's a different world getting your kiddos half the time. It's been 10 yrs for me and I still dont feel right 50% of the time.

My key was/is staying busy and being with Family/Friends as much as possible. Idle minds are HORRIBLE in these situations. Stay active and fill up as much time as you can to keep occupied.

Good luck to yall!
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Old 04-16-2021, 11:44 AM   #28
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Kids are highly resilient, you would be surprise what they could adapt to and become the new normal.

The only thing that heals is time. Good luck on your new life, heck you might become a better man.
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Old 04-16-2021, 11:51 AM   #29
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As has already been stated, expect things to go south before it's all said and done, then you won't be caught off guard.
Just because y'all start out on the same page, doesn't guarantee that y'all will still be there, by the time the divorce is settled.

They say divorces cost a lot.......because they're worth it.
Been there; done that, and I couldn't be happier now!
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Old 04-16-2021, 11:59 AM   #30
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Dammmmm sorry to hear it Bud!!’
If we can help let me know!



Ron
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Old 04-16-2021, 11:59 AM   #31
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You might want to have some backup plans for things that don't go as planned.
It happens. If her move out plans fall through she might not leave.

I have three kids. It appears you have four.
You will be divorced legally but your still going to have to be around her for more than you would like unless you play the deadbeat card and never attend anything the kids do when they aren't in your custody.

When your kids get older they will thank you for being the civil one over the years.
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Old 04-16-2021, 12:00 PM   #32
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Is Dallas Nite Club still open?

I heard a fellar could do pretty well there back in the day.
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Old 04-16-2021, 12:01 PM   #33
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Prayers brother I just made my first year of being divorced,thankfully there were no kids.I had to divorce my best friend,just a really unique unfortunate situation and it hurt and still hurts like hell.As mentioned above try and include God in all your affairs and one way or another it will be ok just a life changing event.I prayed and prayed that something good come from something so bad.I met a sweet woman that I was able to introduce to Jesus along with her son.Sheís now my fiancť and Iíll have a son before long too.Keep moving forward and do whatís right in your power and it will be ok.
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Old 04-16-2021, 12:21 PM   #34
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Originally Posted by JHT View Post
You might want to have some backup plans for things that don't go as planned.
It happens. If her move out plans fall through she might not leave.

I have three kids. It appears you have four.
You will be divorced legally but your still going to have to be around her for more than you would like unless you play the deadbeat card and never attend anything the kids do when they aren't in your custody.

When your kids get older they will thank you for being the civil one over the years.

Yea we already have it written and agreed to. Will file with courts next week after a lawyer reviews it to make sure we have the i's dotted and t's crossed. I don't think it will go south as long as I don't say anything stupid.

Yes I plan to be at all the events I can be at whether I have them or not. If we gave them the choice, at least the 2 oldest would choose to live with me. That is part of the problem. She hasn't been happy and they are always asking why is she so mad. But either way, we both are focused on what is best for the kids given the situation. We're doing joint custody so we'll have them 50-50% of the time.

I'm still struggling with the idea of not telling the kids good night 183 night a year.
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Old 04-16-2021, 12:28 PM   #35
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Going through the same. We are super civil, we sit together at my sons baseball games and so far have helped each other with him when situations arise. I dove head first into a bottle of booze for about a month and I am here to tell you it ain’t worth it. Keep a clear head and always take the high road.
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Old 04-16-2021, 12:30 PM   #36
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Slabby View Post
Geez. Try to have this thread removed. Should we also pray for you to find a hot piece of ***? Good luck
I said i needed prayers for strength when I tell the kids and for the kids.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bayouboy View Post
You will be fine. Once you have had as many as I have it’s like falling off a log.
This is my 2nd but that one didn't involve kids. This one is way harder.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Benno View Post
He didn’t request “hot”, just a piece. He clearly stated the his efforts to lower his standards.


Good luck in your search BigL.
Actually i didn't request anything but prayer for strength tonight and for the kids. Hell if you want add my soon to be ex in your prayers too. I pray she finds happiness.

The comment about lower my standards with alcohol was just a poor attempt to be funny when I was trying to clarify that this divorce isn't about alcohol.
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Old 04-16-2021, 12:33 PM   #37
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Yea we already have it written and agreed to. Will file with courts next week after a lawyer reviews it to make sure we have the i's dotted and t's crossed. I don't think it will go south as long as I don't say anything stupid.

Yes I plan to be at all the events I can be at whether I have them or not. If we gave them the choice, at least the 2 oldest would choose to live with me. That is part of the problem. She hasn't been happy and they are always asking why is she so mad. But either way, we both are focused on what is best for the kids given the situation. We're doing joint custody so we'll have them 50-50% of the time.

I'm still struggling with the idea of not telling the kids good night 183 night a year.

Zoom or Facetime. It's not the same but its up to you to put forth the effort.

Download Uber to get everybody off your back.

If your friends are worth a flip you will be going out soon and plan on drinking heavily.

It's not a crime and you will find it to be a very positive influence on your new lifestyle.
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Old 04-16-2021, 12:39 PM   #38
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Prayers sent BigL. Take good care of those kids.
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Old 04-16-2021, 12:40 PM   #39
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Sorry to hear this Leland. Prayers for all involved.
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Old 04-16-2021, 12:40 PM   #40
BigL
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jer_james View Post
Understand completely - It's a different world getting your kiddos half the time. It's been 10 yrs for me and I still dont feel right 50% of the time.

My key was/is staying busy and being with Family/Friends as much as possible. Idle minds are HORRIBLE in these situations. Stay active and fill up as much time as you can to keep occupied.

Good luck to yall!
Yes this is my concern is idle mind/time. All our friends that we hung out with are really her friends. I'll get back to working out more. More in the weight room, more bike riding, etc. and i've been considering writing a book about what I do for work but I am worried about the idle time when I don't have kids.

My idle time without kids will probably be spent planning what we are doing when they are with me.
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Old 04-16-2021, 12:45 PM   #41
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Zoom or Facetime. It's not the same but its up to you to put forth the effort.

Download Uber to get everybody off your back.

If your friends are worth a flip you will be going out soon and plan on drinking heavily.

It's not a crime and you will find it to be a very positive influence on your new lifestyle.
Yes will be doing a lot of facetime/zoom/duo with them. I help them with their math homework so plan to continue to do that via video chat daily and video chat with them nightly. Will be buying the 11 year old a phone for this purpose as well. She's the one that's going to be hit the hardest. She's a daddy's girl.
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Old 04-16-2021, 12:50 PM   #42
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Sorry to hear. Divorce sucks especially for the kids.
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Old 04-16-2021, 01:25 PM   #43
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Sorry to hear that. Praying for you. Keep your head up
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Old 04-16-2021, 01:32 PM   #44
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Prayers for ya.
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Old 04-16-2021, 01:33 PM   #45
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BigL View Post
Just to clarify - alcohol was not the problem. I'm been avoiding it as we tried to work through the problems so I wouldn't do/say something stupid. We were trying to work through it, didn't need me having loose lips and saying something I would regret. Now that it's really over, who cares what I say?

When i move out, strange is on the menu and i may need alcohol to help lower my standards... :-)


The prayer request is for strength when we tell the kids today and for them. Thanks.

Good luck with your new endeavors.


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Old 04-16-2021, 01:41 PM   #46
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Prayers up for you, buddy! You wll get through this.
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Old 04-16-2021, 01:42 PM   #47
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Prayers for you and family. Sorry to hear. Good luck.
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Old 04-16-2021, 01:44 PM   #48
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Well man, as far as divorces go it at least sounds like yours is mutually agreeable. Hate it for the kids. Best of luck.


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Old 04-16-2021, 01:45 PM   #49
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Divorce is hard but in the end worth it. My ex get along better today than ever married. Prayers fr you, your ex and the kids
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Old 04-16-2021, 01:47 PM   #50
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BigL View Post
I said i needed prayers for strength when I tell the kids and for the kids.


This is my 2nd but that one didn't involve kids. This one is way harder.


Actually i didn't request anything but prayer for strength tonight and for the kids. Hell if you want add my soon to be ex in your prayers too. I pray she finds happiness.

The comment about lower my standards with alcohol was just a poor attempt to be funny when I was trying to clarify that this divorce isn't about alcohol.
I read the ďlower standardsĒ comment as an attempt at humor. I havenít experienced divorce but have been along for a few with friends and family, I suggest you say very little on here about your situation or thoughts until itís all over. As you said, it should go fine as long as you donít say anything ďstupidĒ, saying anything stupid in print could go real bad real quick. Prayers up for this evening.
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