UGGGG Divorce

[freestylest22]

The wife and I are calling it quits after a little more than 10 years. We've kinda grown apart the last 2 with her being a recovered alcoholic and now her 2nd OD attempt on Rx pills.

Anyone done the divorce on their own without a lawyer? How'd that go? We have one kid, an 11 boy and I've already told her he stays with me because of her addiction and she agreed. But this is before I decided to file. And how long does something like this take?

Any pointers on what I should do from a man with lots of toys standpoint? Or just where to start besides the states webpage for filing?

[Mayhem]

Good luck and prayers sent.


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[BrianL]

My ex and I did it without a lawyer, but you have to agree on everything, and there was something in there about not having any dependent children. I think that was a condition of no lawyer, but can't remember for sure. We didn't have a dependent child so it wasn't an issue. Seems like it cost $200 in court fees.

[Gerald G]

Even if it’s non-contested, A lawyer would be still be your best route to make sure it goes the way you want it to.

[MLank]

Originally Posted by Gerald G

Even if it’s non-contested, A lawyer would be still be your best route to make sure it goes the way you want it to.

Especially with an 11 yr old.

[AntlerCollector]

Get a lawyer!!!!

[Bayouboy]

Lawyer and mediator.

[eastover53]

Been there done that.

Hire a lawyer before she does. She is going to have everyone on her side telling her to get a lawyer. Once she does that, she will file for custody, child support, alimony, etc...
And you will have to fight to get everything back. Whoever files first wins.

[TxxAgg]

Yall have a kid together and she has mental issues. Get a lawyer!!

[ctom87]

I can appreciate you trying to save some cash by not getting one, but you don't know the future and you don't know what she may pull. With a kid involved, I hate to say it but throw every dollar you can at a good lawyer for peace of mind at the very least. This one needs to be done right. Good luck. Prayers sent for the best outcome.

[TxDispatcher]

Ain’t no way I would ever face a divorce with a chemical dependent person and risk my child’s safety without hiring a lawyer. Not happening

[Brazos Hunter]

Originally Posted by BrianL

My ex and I did it without a lawyer, but you have to agree on everything, and there was something in there about not having any dependent children. I think that was a condition of no lawyer, but can't remember for sure. We didn't have a dependent child so it wasn't an issue. Seems like it cost $200 in court fees.

We went this route and it all worked out in the end. It was by far the hardest and best decision we could have ever made. If things are civil, you can agree and assets are limited there is absolutely no reason why you can’t do it yourself and save a ton of money and stress. As I recall here in Brazos County it took 3-4 months after filing for a court date then it was done.



Micheal

[Landrover]

Hire one before 5 pm today..........waaaaaaaay to many moving parts sir!

[S-3 Ranch]

Originally Posted by TxxAgg

Yall have a kid together and she has mental issues. Get a lawyer!!

Yep x 1000% !

[awry]

With kid(s) lawyer up with the best you can afford ASAP!
Especially with the mental issues

[Hogmauler]

Play for keeps. Document everything. Contemporaneous notes go a long way with the court.

[Tom]

sorry to hear this. I am a one more last chance guy but if you are the limit there is only one thing to do.

[CrownKiller14]

You're going to want a lawyer so you can get full custody. Most Texas judges aren't going to grant you full custody unless you have some proof she has mental/substance issues.

[BillyJack1975]

Get a lawyer. Been down your exact rd 2X. It sucks but you will come out the other side ok.
Get a good lawyer too. Not just the cheapest.

[miket]

Been through a couple.....get a lawyer even if uncontested. Best of luck to you, going to suck for a while, but not forever.

[piercebronkite]

Lawyer up, you're in Texas and typically women have more rights than men in divorce situations. Doesnt matter who did what, thats for a judge to decide.

Things will get ugly and you better protect your as$ and property because men usually get the crap end of this deal and while it's sometimes civil that is not always the case. Ex wifes/ex husbands certainly turn in to people that you didnt know once you owe child support or have possessions taken away. It is now a "business deal" and all things that are mutually agreed on dont mean sh*t.

Originally Posted by eastover53

Been there done that.

Hire a lawyer before she does. She is going to have everyone on her side telling her to get a lawyer. Once she does that, she will file for custody, child support, alimony, etc...
And you will have to fight to get everything back. Whoever files first wins.

100% true.

[Royal21973]

Good luck and Prayers. The kid is the most important part and I would recommend counseling for him.

[Quackerbox]

Originally Posted by TxxAgg

Yall have a kid together and she has mental issues. Get a lawyer!!

yep

While I dont have first hand knowledge Ive listened and watched plenty of dads yell at their ex from the street. Id also start rat holing some cash

[Duckologist]

Originally Posted by AntlerCollector

Get a lawyer!!!!

Right now

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[RR 314]

Oooof to the ten years. 9 would have been better. 10 opens you up to spousal maintenance. "Cooling off period" is 90 days I believe. This means the decree cannot be signed by the judge until after 90 days from filing. All toys/property acquired during the marriage (with few exceptions) is community property. Man, with what you stated I would go the pro bono route and give it a shot if you truly think it can be amicable. You can retain counsel if things don't work out quickly. Just don't do anything stupid during that period.

[tps7742]

Definitely lawyer up. Seems like I remember somewhere the court/judge usually appoints a lawyer to look out for the dependent child(ren) best interest (from their viewpoint). But I am not sure.

I know when I adopted my oldest daughter (uncontested) many years ago the court appointed her an independent lawyer that we paid for and they said it was for her interest.
Prayers up for you and your Family!

[txtrophy85]

Doing it yourself is call filing Pro-Se and I cannot remember if you can do it if there is a minor child involved.

We agreed on everything right down to the dog and saved thousands and thousands of dollars in legal fees.


Also, that was on the advice of my attorney who knew us and knew we could be civil.

[Buck Slayer]

Originally Posted by Quackerbox

yep

While I dont have first hand knowledge Ive listened and watched plenty of dads yell at their ex from the street. Id also start rat holing some cash

And slowly moving valuable belongings of yours to an undisclosed location (friend/family members) unless you want to end up paying for it all for a 2nd time.... if you leave early for work, before the rest of the house is awake, that's a great time for a safe to start slowly emptying itself.

[Mission408]

Get a lawyer for your kids sake

[cehorn]

From my experience use a lawyer but the lawyer can do everything. YOU need to get the lawyer and YOU need to file though as others have stated.

If everything stays the course (y'all agree on everything), YOUR lawyer can handle everything for the both of you. Keep in mind a lawyer can only have 1 client. I found this out real quick when we initially decided to try to do it as you are and the lawyer (HER lawyer) wouldn't return any communication with me and my ex started writing EVERYTHING down that was discussed for HER lawyer. Again I figured it out real quick but there was some damage done thinking we could agree. I have good friends who did it the way your are hoping to and it worked out though. They even used my decree as the template since I was only a couple of months ahead of them. It can be done.

With that said, in a matter of weeks we went from "agreeing on everything" to the biggest dog fight I've ever been in. Everything from custody to every penny to every spatula was contested once she had people get in her ear and telling her how much she "deserved" and was "entitled to". IF it goes south which it likely will, then you will already have the lawyer and she will have to find her own. As others have said, start setting money aside and getting your stuff out. Separate accounts, credit cards, etc. NOW!! The quicker you can separate finances the less you will have to make equal.

When I got divorced I moved out after the lawyers were involved to make sure there was no chance anyone could say I abandoned my family. Nobody told me I couldn't come back in to MY house once I did. It took litigation for me to get back in to get guns I needed for weekend hunts, etc. My wife changed the locks right after I moved out and there was nothing I could do on A LOT of the stuff I left behind. I ended up losing most material things because I couldn't get back to them. So get it out NOW if you have ANY interest in keeping it or using it during the process.

One other thing to consider. If there is any chance it goes south talk to several lawyers even if you already know who you want to use. I'm not 100% sure on this but I was told even an initial consultation with you would prevent that lawyer from representing her. I did talk to a couple of the big sharks in Austin to make sure she couldn't use them. Again, I'm not sure how accurate that was but it is worth doing in my opinion.

[Pedernal]

Prayers up for you and your family.

[Jtrage]

Sorry man. That sucks. As a lot of the others have said, the kid is a GameChanger. We did on our own without a lawyer but no kid. Sure it was cheap. But with a kid and your situation, I wouldnt take chances with you kiddo ending up with her and her relapsing again.

Good luck.


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[CEO]

Tough enough being the husband/dad in a divorce. No way I'd do it without a lawyer on my side.

[EarleyBird]

I haven't been through it but you're crazy if you don't get a good lawyer. Also, get your bank accounts squared away and convert as much as you can to easily hidden cash.

Good luck, man.

[RJH1]

Marriage counseling?

Better or worse

[STGS]

I recently went through a divorce with a similar aged child and similar duration of the marriage. I STRONGLY agree with the advice given above concerning getting a lawyer.

Best of luck and please try and keep the well-being of your child front and center. The marriage may be over, but you are forever linked as parents.

[150class]

Good luck sir.

Just went through one after 5 years myself and we did it without Lawyers. No kids and just a house that we agreed to a number for me to buy her out (house was financed through just me). Smooth process overall I suppose...

[Mission408]

.

[Duckologist]

Originally Posted by RR 314

Man, with what you stated I would go the pro bono route and give it a shot if you truly think it can be amicable. You can retain counsel if things don't work out quickly. Just don't do anything stupid during that period.

Nice fairytale but get a lawyer and hurry up

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[Jcjohnson]

Get a lawyer and be careful what you share on the Internet. Prayers sent

[GarGuy]

Cancel all the cards today. Close bank account today . Get lawyer 8am tomorrow

[Txhunter3000]

Do what your gut tells you. Only you know what has transpired in the 10 years you have been together.

[Strummer]

Get a lawyer. Get any medical records you can get relating to her OD’s and past rehabs . Don’t be nice .

[mooney_ag]

I suggest getting a lawyer. This lawyer can represent you both on the divorce assuming you agree on everything but will have a primary client. Fees are pretty low in these cases. This will just move the process a little quicker and smoother. Keep it in district court and out of the state ag office as well. The laws are straight forward for custody and support. It just prevents meddling from the state imo. If something slides and goes awry you're still protected with a lawyer and she’ll be forced to get one.

[Bayouboy]

I hired a feisty red headed female lawyer. Worth every penny!

[Redfeathers]

Lawyer up yesterday!!

[SmTx]

Originally Posted by Duckologist

Nice fairytale but get a lawyer and hurry up

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Take a guess at his profession

[miket]

Originally Posted by Duckologist

Nice fairytale but get a lawyer and hurry up

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Its certainly possible, done it twice, I hired a lawyers and they didnt fight it. I got primary custody of the kids both times.

I do realize Im a special case due to my history/personality ( they both knew I would never take advantage, just wanted to be fair and move on )

[DeerMagnet]

Was married 19 years….Tried the No lawyer deal at first. We agreed on splitting the assets, but couldnt agree on debts, cuz I found out she had charged up over $30,000 in credit cards. I wanted to know what the purchases were and she just said it was things for kids. Didn’t believe her cuz I bought everything. Ended up having to get attorney to file disclosure orders. She ended up relenting and took all her debts. I kept my retirement and gave her the house. It sucked but I think I came out ahead. Attorney was $10k.

[bsmizzy07]

Originally Posted by eastover53

Been there done that.

Hire a lawyer before she does. She is going to have everyone on her side telling her to get a lawyer. Once she does that, she will file for custody, child support, alimony, etc...
And you will have to fight to get everything back. Whoever files first wins.

This. And ask around - not all lawyers are good, or SMART. If shes amicable, it can go smoothly - but get anything an everything with custody in writing and signed by the judge. Make you the Custodial parent, and make sure its written that way.

Also, I havent been thru divorce (and never will hopefully) but all your possessions might not be a bad idea to "sell" them to a close friend(s) or relative with a bill of sale, then "buy" them back once things are finalized. Perhaps ask a lawyer how this would work - but I would think you might want to do this with any cash or investments you have as well - cash them out and move into something you can "sell" and then "buy" back later on - if they were truly all YOUR things paid for by you and in no part subsidized or paid for by your soon to be ex. Sounds petty, but her lawyers (if she gets one - id bet she does) will go after anything and everything that is "communal" property.

My dad had half his 401k go away on top of alimony and child support when my parents got divorced, and drained our college savings paying for lawyers and court to fight for 50/50 custody. I didnt understand it all as a kid but I do later in life now - and my parents did a fine job of hiding all this drama from us kids, which I would highly recommend as well - no matter what kind of person she is to you or others shes still his mother, and a boy will always need his mom no matter how old.

Good luck, hopefully things all work out for the best.