any good disfunctional family christmas stories

[BigL]

Anyone got any good ones? I have a few that the pre story leading into Christmas seemed like it could get interesting but fizzled out on Christmas day. Anyone want to share theirs?

[kingchip]

I avoided all the drama this year. My side of the family has SIL that drinks too much every time and then talks out her azz and pizzes off someone, usually me.

Wifes family equally dysfunctional. SIL again, divorced husband and took then 14yo daughter to Cali seeking fortune and fame, (think honey boo boo). Their son dropped A&M and does dive master stuff in Nicaragua in season, and commands the couch in the offseason.

[Boss Buck]

This thread reminds me of a good ole Christmas song.

[CEO]

Went to Christmas with my then girlfriend and her family. Witnessed a fist fight between a brother and sister, both in their 40's, after one was offended at the outcome of Chinese Christmas gift exchange. The worst part is no alcohol was involved.

[EarleyBird]

Originally Posted by kingchip

I avoided all the drama this year. My side of the family has SIL that drinks too much every time and then talks out her azz and pizzes off someone, usually me.

Wifes family equally dysfunctional. SIL again, divorced husband and took then 14yo daughter to Cali seeking fortune and fame, (think honey boo boo). Their son dropped A&M and does dive master stuff in Nicaragua in season, and commands the couch in the offseason.

Got any pics of the SIL that likes to drink too much?

Hahaha, just kidding.

No, but seriously.

[Addicted2bh]

In laws.... That is all...

[COWDOG]

I rightfully help defend my wife against my FIL's drunk girlfriend. Hair was pulled...punches thrown...first time I laid my hands on a women. Cops were called and my wife and I went to my folks house. I was scared I/we were going to jail. No charges filled because the officers knew her as a drunk and had made several arrests for PI's.

Long story short... She's gone... Thank god! A Christmas I'll never forget.

[red]

This is about 10yrs ago, and not my family, its the couple across the street...but very disfunctional
Our 4 year old daughter slept on the couch to try and catch Santa. About 3am we have a girl beating on the door screaming that "he's trying to stab me!!!" I grab my pistol and head to the door. I recognize the voice as the girl from across the street. She is my age, and about 115lbs. Her fiance is about 10yrs older, and no hair on his tail to back up his mouth. She is covered in blood and a rip or 2 in her clothes. I pull her in the house, and her fiancé is calling me to say she is drugged up and drunk and going crazy. Still this whole time, our daughter is 10ft away asleep on the couch. We had the cops come out, and at that point, the fiancé barracaded himself in his house. Extra police came out and were just about to break down his door when the guys dad showed up. He was able to talk him into surrendering after about an hr. After the fiancé is hauled away, the dad comes to our house and begins to holler at us for not calling him instead of calling the cops. I told him to see his way out before I remove him from my house, and to finish raising his own son before he tries to tell me right from wrong. This whole time our daughter slept on the couch through the whole thing. We were afraid to move her and her awake for the sitiation.
Throughout the situation, we find out a friend of the fiancé got in a fight at the bar the 3 of them were at. The blood on the girl was from the guys fighting/stabbing each other with broken bottles. When the couple got home, the fiancé was trying to cook and yelling that they need to bail the friend out of jail. The girl was trying to tell him that friend went to the hospital before jail. They argued back n forth when the fiancé grabbed her and shoved her away, which is how her clothes got a rip or 2. He ended up getting barred from his own house for 30days.
As you could only hope, that family didn't make it past this event.

[BBBGP]

Long time ago I politely aske my now ex uncle to step out side after he contentiously insulted my mother. I whooped him and locked him outside. He left and they divorced a year later. I was 22yo. It was festive and jolly when I came back inside.

[MisterB]

The Christmas Steak

A man was jogging in the park when he came upon an elf surrounded by people. The elf was reaching into a big red velvet bag and passing out presents. The man, being the polite person he was, waited for the crowd to dissipate. As he approached to pass, the elf said, "Did you get a present?" The man said said "No."
The elf asked, "What would you like?"
The man had been on a diet and spoke without thinking, "I'd like a steak," and chuckled.
"Any thing in particular?" the elf asked.
Again, being polite, as he always was, the man said, "No. As long as it's about an inch thick."
The elf reached deep into the bottom of his bag and handed the man a wrapped gift, smiled and said, Merry Christmas," and poof disappeared. The man stood there a moment staring at the gift in his hand. He went home, put a potato in the oven, lit some charcoal in his grill, and went to take a shower. He came back, opened the fridge and opened the box the elf gave him. For a long moment he just stared down at it. Inside was a one inch square piece of wood, twelve inches long with a sharp point.

[saintsfan]

An otherwise sane man finds himself surrounded by crazy annoying in laws every year at this time. He spends time in the garage avoiding them the n has a couple of drinks then goes to bed. The cycle repeats until they leave. Not a funny story but pretty typical scenario for my Christmases. God why didn't I go to the lease?!?!

Ah whatever I'll go have another drink then go to bed.

[rjet]

I have no stories to tell, but am sure my family does.
I did take a guinea hen to a Christmas party once.

[Davoh]

First Christmas after I married my wife. All of my in-laws are pretty great, other than my wife's brother. A real "piece of work", he would spend all his money on his vehicles, then refuse to get anything for his parents or sister. The only reason he got something for his mother, was (and I quote) "Shut [her] the f*** up" (spoken to her face).

Wife and I had just found out that parenthood for us would be a certified miracle, so all the family talk at dinner Christmas Eve, about "when's the kids coming?" was really wearing thin on my wife. Her brother, posts a message on Facebook(while we're at the dinner table, knowing the entire situation) about how happy he is for his sister and her new family, and that he was looking forward to our having kids. And he tags her on facebook, so everyone we know on both sides of the family is getting this notification about it. Both of our phones start blowing up with people saying "OMG CONGRATULATIONS!", to which we have to explain the situation.

My wife at this point is crying, really upset, which leads him to make more offhand comments about how stupid she is. I'm a pretty level headed guy, but admittedly I get a little hot tempered when someone hurts my wife. I start closing distance, when their grandmother(who's 75+ y/o, about 4'10", and maybe a 100 lbs soaking wet) steps in front of me, and quite loudly says(prompting me by my full name), "It's Christmas Eve, so you'll have to just turn the other cheek... (and turns over her shoulder) even if he is being complete ***hole..." This from one of the sweetest little old ladies I'd ever met.

Fast forward nine months, we hadn't spoken to him since that 'event'(a big deal since he and my wife up till we got married, would talk multiple times a day...). We run into him at their parent's place. Apparently he had unplugged a freezer that I'd been keeping in their garage, full of groceries and venison(which all spoiled). She confronts him, and that is responded to with him punching her. I'm not sure how it got to that point. I just hear her from inside the house, scream out "stop, get off of me". I look out to see him man-handling her, throw her face first into the side of his truck(hard enough to for me to hear the "thunk" from inside the house), and punch her in the head. While yelling obscenities about her. I step outside already mad, and yell at him 3 times to get off her, his response was laugh, and hit her again. The 4th time i ordered him to let go, it was backed up with my pistol being drawn. Now that I had his attention, and he was threatening me, the pistol went back in the holster, and placed on the hood of the car.

Yet, I'm the one everyone resents, and no one will bother to talk to me about it.

*shrugs*

[Jesus is Coming]

Originally Posted by rjet

I have no stories to tell, but am sure my family does.
I did take a guinea hen to a Christmas party once.

That guinea hen at the Christmas party is one of the funniest stories I've ever heard

[saintsfan]

Originally Posted by Davoh

First Christmas after I married my wife. All of my in-laws are pretty great, other than my wife's brother. A real "piece of work", he would spend all his money on his vehicles, then refuse to get anything for his parents or sister. The only reason he got something for his mother, was (and I quote) "Shut [her] the f*** up" (spoken to her face).

Wife and I had just found out that parenthood for us would be a certified miracle, so all the family talk at dinner Christmas Eve, about "when's the kids coming?" was really wearing thin on my wife. Her brother, posts a message on Facebook(while we're at the dinner table, knowing the entire situation) about how happy he is for his sister and her new family, and that he was looking forward to our having kids. And he tags her on facebook, so everyone we know on both sides of the family is getting this notification about it. Both of our phones start blowing up with people saying "OMG CONGRATULATIONS!", to which we have to explain the situation.

My wife at this point is crying, really upset, which leads him to make more offhand comments about how stupid she is. I'm a pretty level headed guy, but admittedly I get a little hot tempered when someone hurts my wife. I start closing distance, when their grandmother(who's 75+ y/o, about 4'10", and maybe a 100 lbs soaking wet) steps in front of me, and quite loudly says(prompting me by my full name), "It's Christmas Eve, so you'll have to just turn the other cheek... (and turns over her shoulder) even if he is being complete ***hole..." This from one of the sweetest little old ladies I'd ever met.

Fast forward nine months, we hadn't spoken to him since that 'event'(a big deal since he and my wife up till we got married, would talk multiple times a day...). We run into him at their parent's place. Apparently he had unplugged a freezer that I'd been keeping in their garage, full of groceries and venison(which all spoiled). She confronts him, and that is responded to with him punching her. I'm not sure how it got to that point. I just hear her from inside the house, scream out "stop, get off of me". I look out to see him man-handling her, throw her face first into the side of his truck(hard enough to for me to hear the "thunk" from inside the house), and punch her in the head. While yelling obscenities about her. I step outside already mad, and yell at him 3 times to get off her, his response was laugh, and hit her again. The 4th time i ordered him to let go, it was backed up with my pistol being drawn. Now that I had his attention, and he was threatening me, the pistol went back in the holster, and placed on the hood of the car.

Yet, I'm the one everyone resents, and no one will bother to talk to me about it.

*shrugs*

Wow. Well I thought I had it bad. Good luck man.

[Jesus is Coming]

Originally Posted by Davoh

First Christmas after I married my wife. All of my in-laws are pretty great, other than my wife's brother. A real "piece of work", he would spend all his money on his vehicles, then refuse to get anything for his parents or sister. The only reason he got something for his mother, was (and I quote) "Shut [her] the f*** up" (spoken to her face).

Wife and I had just found out that parenthood for us would be a certified miracle, so all the family talk at dinner Christmas Eve, about "when's the kids coming?" was really wearing thin on my wife. Her brother, posts a message on Facebook(while we're at the dinner table, knowing the entire situation) about how happy he is for his sister and her new family, and that he was looking forward to our having kids. And he tags her on facebook, so everyone we know on both sides of the family is getting this notification about it. Both of our phones start blowing up with people saying "OMG CONGRATULATIONS!", to which we have to explain the situation.

My wife at this point is crying, really upset, which leads him to make more offhand comments about how stupid she is. I'm a pretty level headed guy, but admittedly I get a little hot tempered when someone hurts my wife. I start closing distance, when their grandmother(who's 75+ y/o, about 4'10", and maybe a 100 lbs soaking wet) steps in front of me, and quite loudly says(prompting me by my full name), "It's Christmas Eve, so you'll have to just turn the other cheek... (and turns over her shoulder) even if he is being complete ***hole..." This from one of the sweetest little old ladies I'd ever met.

Fast forward nine months, we hadn't spoken to him since that 'event'(a big deal since he and my wife up till we got married, would talk multiple times a day...). We run into him at their parent's place. Apparently he had unplugged a freezer that I'd been keeping in their garage, full of groceries and venison(which all spoiled). She confronts him, and that is responded to with him punching her. I'm not sure how it got to that point. I just hear her from inside the house, scream out "stop, get off of me". I look out to see him man-handling her, throw her face first into the side of his truck(hard enough to for me to hear the "thunk" from inside the house), and punch her in the head. While yelling obscenities about her. I step outside already mad, and yell at him 3 times to get off her, his response was laugh, and hit her again. The 4th time i ordered him to let go, it was backed up with my pistol being drawn. Now that I had his attention, and he was threatening me, the pistol went back in the holster, and placed on the hood of the car.

Yet, I'm the one everyone resents, and no one will bother to talk to me about it.

*shrugs*

Dang man, wish he wasn't such a jerk that you had to do something and now you're the bad guy. He was out of hand.

[Davoh]

Originally Posted by Jesus is Coming

Dang man, wish he wasn't such a jerk that you had to do something and now you're the bad guy. He was out of hand.

Tonight's dinner wasn't all that bad. We just kinda stayed quiet and waited for them to leave. Then everything was pretty ok.

That said, I still wasn't invited to the family fish-fry tomorrow, while my wife is on a 36 hour shift at the fire station.

[kck]

Let me preface this with the fact that I'm 34 years old and my parents have been divorced since I was 10...Well, the wife and I just got home from my mother's house as I'd had enough of both Glenlivet and listening to my mother and her boyfriend argue about whether playing music in your golf cart on the golf course is being inconsiderate and trashy or not. All whilst my father is there as well and is officiating the exchange nonetheless. Yes folks, I'm a fairly screwed up individual...haha

[Brute Killer]

Disfunction is behind us. I suggest y'all do the same and ride off from it. It's not worth keeping.

[bearkat67]

My niece and SIL live in Oregon but are home for the holidays. At the dinner table, my son tells everybody that my niece says they are moving to Canada if Trump wins the presidency. It was all I could do to not respond how I wanted to. It's the one time a year my wife gets to visit with her and I promised to be on my best behavior.

[TxMedic]

Originally Posted by Davoh

First Christmas after I married my wife. All of my in-laws are pretty great, other than my wife's brother. A real "piece of work", he would spend all his money on his vehicles, then refuse to get anything for his parents or sister. The only reason he got something for his mother, was (and I quote) "Shut [her] the f*** up" (spoken to her face).

Wife and I had just found out that parenthood for us would be a certified miracle, so all the family talk at dinner Christmas Eve, about "when's the kids coming?" was really wearing thin on my wife. Her brother, posts a message on Facebook(while we're at the dinner table, knowing the entire situation) about how happy he is for his sister and her new family, and that he was looking forward to our having kids. And he tags her on facebook, so everyone we know on both sides of the family is getting this notification about it. Both of our phones start blowing up with people saying "OMG CONGRATULATIONS!", to which we have to explain the situation.

My wife at this point is crying, really upset, which leads him to make more offhand comments about how stupid she is. I'm a pretty level headed guy, but admittedly I get a little hot tempered when someone hurts my wife. I start closing distance, when their grandmother(who's 75+ y/o, about 4'10", and maybe a 100 lbs soaking wet) steps in front of me, and quite loudly says(prompting me by my full name), "It's Christmas Eve, so you'll have to just turn the other cheek... (and turns over her shoulder) even if he is being complete ***hole..." This from one of the sweetest little old ladies I'd ever met.

Fast forward nine months, we hadn't spoken to him since that 'event'(a big deal since he and my wife up till we got married, would talk multiple times a day...). We run into him at their parent's place. Apparently he had unplugged a freezer that I'd been keeping in their garage, full of groceries and venison(which all spoiled). She confronts him, and that is responded to with him punching her. I'm not sure how it got to that point. I just hear her from inside the house, scream out "stop, get off of me". I look out to see him man-handling her, throw her face first into the side of his truck(hard enough to for me to hear the "thunk" from inside the house), and punch her in the head. While yelling obscenities about her. I step outside already mad, and yell at him 3 times to get off her, his response was laugh, and hit her again. The 4th time i ordered him to let go, it was backed up with my pistol being drawn. Now that I had his attention, and he was threatening me, the pistol went back in the holster, and placed on the hood of the car.

Yet, I'm the one everyone resents, and no one will bother to talk to me about it.

*shrugs*

You sir are a better man than I...pretty sure I'd still be whipping his arse!

[akey]

Originally Posted by Davoh

First Christmas after I married my wife. All of my in-laws are pretty great, other than my wife's brother. A real "piece of work", he would spend all his money on his vehicles, then refuse to get anything for his parents or sister. The only reason he got something for his mother, was (and I quote) "Shut [her] the f*** up" (spoken to her face).

Wife and I had just found out that parenthood for us would be a certified miracle, so all the family talk at dinner Christmas Eve, about "when's the kids coming?" was really wearing thin on my wife. Her brother, posts a message on Facebook(while we're at the dinner table, knowing the entire situation) about how happy he is for his sister and her new family, and that he was looking forward to our having kids. And he tags her on facebook, so everyone we know on both sides of the family is getting this notification about it. Both of our phones start blowing up with people saying "OMG CONGRATULATIONS!", to which we have to explain the situation.

My wife at this point is crying, really upset, which leads him to make more offhand comments about how stupid she is. I'm a pretty level headed guy, but admittedly I get a little hot tempered when someone hurts my wife. I start closing distance, when their grandmother(who's 75+ y/o, about 4'10", and maybe a 100 lbs soaking wet) steps in front of me, and quite loudly says(prompting me by my full name), "It's Christmas Eve, so you'll have to just turn the other cheek... (and turns over her shoulder) even if he is being complete ***hole..." This from one of the sweetest little old ladies I'd ever met.

Fast forward nine months, we hadn't spoken to him since that 'event'(a big deal since he and my wife up till we got married, would talk multiple times a day...). We run into him at their parent's place. Apparently he had unplugged a freezer that I'd been keeping in their garage, full of groceries and venison(which all spoiled). She confronts him, and that is responded to with him punching her. I'm not sure how it got to that point. I just hear her from inside the house, scream out "stop, get off of me". I look out to see him man-handling her, throw her face first into the side of his truck(hard enough to for me to hear the "thunk" from inside the house), and punch her in the head. While yelling obscenities about her. I step outside already mad, and yell at him 3 times to get off her, his response was laugh, and hit her again. The 4th time i ordered him to let go, it was backed up with my pistol being drawn. Now that I had his attention, and he was threatening me, the pistol went back in the holster, and placed on the hood of the car.

Yet, I'm the one everyone resents, and no one will bother to talk to me about it.

*shrugs*

He was hitting your wife and you gave him 3 verbal warnings? My wife's family would be giving me the cold shoulder for letting it go that long. Not saying you handled it wrong because I wasn't in your shoes but I just can't see how they would have expected that situation to end any better. It could have been justifiably way worse for him.

[Davoh]

Originally Posted by Brute Killer

Disfunction is behind us. I suggest y'all do the same and ride off from it. It's not worth keeping.

^^^^^^^^ Wise words spoken there....

Originally Posted by TxMedic

You sir are a better man than I...pretty sure I'd still be whipping his arse!

Nothing virtuous about it. He's about 6'7", and works for the rail road. That's not a fight I want to be in. Two things will happen. Either he'll whip me, or I'll seriously hurt him. lose-lose for me. I only wanted the threat ended.

Originally Posted by akey

He was hitting your wife and you gave him 3 verbal warnings? My wife's family would be giving me the cold shoulder for letting it go that long. Not saying you handled it wrong because I wasn't in your shoes but I just can't see how they would have expected that situation to end any better. It could have been justifiably way worse for him.

"But their sweet innocent baby-boy could never hurt anyone..." (insert rolling eyes here)

[akey]

Originally Posted by Davoh

^^^^^^^^ Wise words spoken there....







Nothing virtuous about it. He's about 6'7", and works for the rail road. That's not a fight I want to be in. Two things will happen. Either he'll whip me, or I'll seriously hurt him. lose-lose for me. I only wanted the threat ended.







"But their sweet innocent baby-boy could never hurt anyone..." (insert rolling eyes here)

What is your wife's response to that? Especially when the parents say that. Does she enable him, too? No judgement here because I have a dysfunctional family too.

[Davoh]

Originally Posted by akey

What is your wife's response to that? Especially when the parents say that. Does she enable him, too? No judgement here because I have a dysfunctional family too.

It frustrates her. That's about the best way I can put it.

[joshwt]

The absolute best thread yet!!! Keep it
Coming!��

[TallTexan]

Originally Posted by BBBGP

Long time ago I politely aske my now ex uncle to step out side after he contentiously insulted my mother. I whooped him and locked him outside. He left and they divorced a year later. I was 22yo. It was festive and jolly when I came back inside.

Your mom was married to your uncle?

[junkmanhunter]

Originally Posted by TallTexan

Your mom was married to your uncle?

When I read that last night, I wasn't sure what to make of it... It sounds a little more than dysfunctional

[bloodstick]

Originally Posted by Davoh

First Christmas after I married my wife. All of my in-laws are pretty great, other than my wife's brother. A real "piece of work", he would spend all his money on his vehicles, then refuse to get anything for his parents or sister. The only reason he got something for his mother, was (and I quote) "Shut [her] the f*** up" (spoken to her face).

Wife and I had just found out that parenthood for us would be a certified miracle, so all the family talk at dinner Christmas Eve, about "when's the kids coming?" was really wearing thin on my wife. Her brother, posts a message on Facebook(while we're at the dinner table, knowing the entire situation) about how happy he is for his sister and her new family, and that he was looking forward to our having kids. And he tags her on facebook, so everyone we know on both sides of the family is getting this notification about it. Both of our phones start blowing up with people saying "OMG CONGRATULATIONS!", to which we have to explain the situation.

My wife at this point is crying, really upset, which leads him to make more offhand comments about how stupid she is. I'm a pretty level headed guy, but admittedly I get a little hot tempered when someone hurts my wife. I start closing distance, when their grandmother(who's 75+ y/o, about 4'10", and maybe a 100 lbs soaking wet) steps in front of me, and quite loudly says(prompting me by my full name), "It's Christmas Eve, so you'll have to just turn the other cheek... (and turns over her shoulder) even if he is being complete ***hole..." This from one of the sweetest little old ladies I'd ever met.

Fast forward nine months, we hadn't spoken to him since that 'event'(a big deal since he and my wife up till we got married, would talk multiple times a day...). We run into him at their parent's place. Apparently he had unplugged a freezer that I'd been keeping in their garage, full of groceries and venison(which all spoiled). She confronts him, and that is responded to with him punching her. I'm not sure how it got to that point. I just hear her from inside the house, scream out "stop, get off of me". I look out to see him man-handling her, throw her face first into the side of his truck(hard enough to for me to hear the "thunk" from inside the house), and punch her in the head. While yelling obscenities about her. I step outside already mad, and yell at him 3 times to get off her, his response was laugh, and hit her again. The 4th time i ordered him to let go, it was backed up with my pistol being drawn. Now that I had his attention, and he was threatening me, the pistol went back in the holster, and placed on the hood of the car.

Yet, I'm the one everyone resents, and no one will bother to talk to me about it.

*shrugs*

Wow, i hate to hear things like this happen.
Wish you and your family a Merry Christmas.

I thought i had it rough having to deal with one of those "gluten free granola cruncher" SIL. Talk about a strange woman. Wont let her kids be kids and play outside. Freaks about every little thing like mosquito bites, dirt, and random red marks kids naturally get from playing on the floor.

[Uncle Saggy]

Lol, good thread

Last night my SIL reminded me of a Christmas back in Illinois about 30 years ago.
I was home on leave from the Army and the jackwad big brother and his evil wife showed up.
I'll spare the details, but it ended with the hardest fist fight I've ever been in..... Destroyed the living room.
It's sad but life ain't always perfect. I have not spoken to him in 15 years, nor has anyone else in our family......

[JGreen31]

Nothing virtuous about it. He's about 6'7", and works for the rail road. That's not a fight I want to be in. Two things will happen. Either he'll whip me, or I'll seriously hurt him. lose-lose for me. I only wanted the threat ended.

That's a big A-hole.... I wouldn't have shot him but I would have showed him why God invented a baseball bat.

[Draco]

[QUOTE=Davoh;109096



Nothing virtuous about it. He's about 6'7", and works for the rail road. That's not a fight I want to be in. Two things will happen. Either he'll whip me, or I'll seriously hurt him. lose-lose for me. I only wanted the threat ended.[/QUOTE]

You handled that completely wrong when you gave a warning. 6'7" just means he will go down harder when you hit him over the head, from behind, with no warning, with what ever was handy that was very hard and preferably heavy.

I put a BiL in the hospital for 4 days for beating my sister. I couldn't whip him as he was much bigger than me. I beat him with a 1x4 board as that was what was handy. You should have done the same. He needed it, he deserved it, and it would have been an educational experience for him.

[CEO]

Originally Posted by TallTexan

Your mom was married to your uncle?

Love knows no bounds my man.

[ShockValue]

Originally Posted by CEO

Love knows no bounds my man.

Your Dad's brother???....I hope.

[CEO]

Originally Posted by ShockValue

Your Dad's brother???....I hope.

Makes the thing with my cousin seem trivial

[Double C]

Before a white elephant exchange, my uncle relentlessly bragged about how his gift contribution was 'worth thousands, but is a really priceless collectable, but ya'll know how I do Christmas"......

Well when my brother ended up with this gift...which was a VW Fast Toy . Uncle kept going on about it, so we looked it up on ebay and it was worth about $10 at the time, but we think he got it for free test driving a VW at the dealership. We confronted him on his bs and he went ape$^** that we disrespected him. What a guy eh? HAHA

[rwurz]

Nothing virtuous about it. He's about 6'7", and works for the rail road. That's not a fight I want to be in. Two things will happen. Either he'll whip me, or I'll seriously hurt him. lose-lose for me. I only wanted the threat ended.


I'm 5'-4" and Would have been on him like white on rice! That would have been the last time he would have even thought about touching my wife.

[ted_kennedys_liver]

Christmas isn't the same without the po-leece showing up

[Chew]

I was working patrol one christmas. The grandmother at this house had died in her sleep. They covered her with a sheet because they didn't want to call anybody and interrupt the party.

A grandson and grandaughter began arguing over who was getting grandma's refrigerator. Now remember....grandmother is in rigor mortis in the next room. Granddaughter stabs grandson as he is cleaning out the fridge to load it in his truck. She lunged him and he almost died.

I arrested granddaughter after threatening to shoot her and then had to call for a body car and ME investigator for grandma.

Merry Crimmus mofos!

[M.E.B.]

Had one Christmas that I would love to forget.

[Black Ice]

A Thanksgiving Miracle - SNL - YouTube

[RascalArms]

Originally Posted by Chew

I was working patrol one christmas. The grandmother at this house had died in her sleep. They covered her with a sheet because they didn't want to call anybody and interrupt the party.

A grandson and grandaughter began arguing over who was getting grandma's refrigerator. Now remember....grandmother is in rigor mortis in the next room. Granddaughter stabs grandson as he is cleaning out the fridge to load it in his truck. She lunged him and he almost died.

I arrested granddaughter after threatening to shoot her and then had to call for a body car and ME investigator for grandma.

Merry Crimmus mofos!

[glen]

Many yeas ago
My parents house. My brother and I have the exact same guns Sig P220. I had done some trigger work and my brother wanted me to work on his. So we cover the pool table with a sheet and take his gun apart and work on it for about an hour. Mom calls for us to come eat. We all go eat and my brother goes and puts his gun back together except for the washer in the grip. He has a habit of dropping on in the pipe closing the action and then seating the magazine. Well he does this except the magazine does not go in because the washer is not in the gun. We look for the washer for about an hour and then give up. He then asks me if I felt his trigger. I pick it up-aim at a dot on the side of the pool table and sqeeze of the round in the chamber. round goes through the pool table down into the carpet goes under a wall and comes up out of the carpet in another room and striking my Mom in the collar bone and then bounced up and landed on my wife's head burning the hair and her scalp.
Well the bullet was a hydro-shock and my Mom's collar bone is bleeding from the exposed point and we are thinking it may have fractured her collarbone. We load up and goto the hospital to have X-rays and my brother being an EMT calls ahead and explains what happened. Return from hospital only to have HPD crime scene all over the house. My Mom starts making plates for the Detectives that are talking to my bother and I. Get done talking to us and then state they are headed to the hospital to interview the gunshot victim. My Mom pipes up and says that she is right here. Detectives leave and a Parol Officer stays around while Crime Scene gets everything. Patrol Officer stays around for a few hours and sits and eats evening meal with family and we even had him say the prayer for the meal. My Mom fixes him a plate of cookies and pie and fixes him a large glass of milk to take with him. Patrol Officer takes plate but refuses milk saying he didn't want to take her container. About 15 minutes later our doorbell rings and it is the Patrol Officer saying everything is closed and he will be happy with a glass of milk. We all laughed and he came in and played cards and spent another hour or two at the house. He stopped by my parents house every Christmas after that until he retired

So I guess we qualify- I shot my Mom and wife on Christmas.

[kumathebear]

Got some probably on the way! All 3 son's are married and their women want to spend ALL the holidays around their family. My middle TBH son put his foot down and said next year they will just spend Christmas at the Deer Lease, lol. My oldest stayed in Houston and that's ok. My youngest, the military one, is having the same thing trying to keep all the in-laws happy-his wife's side.

Susan and I just agreed next year it's either at the Deer lease or Las Vegas...something like that. Then, well, we will just send Sonic gift cards and do our thing..

[curtintex]

Originally Posted by glen

Many yeas ago
My parents house. My brother and I have the exact same guns Sig P220. I had done some trigger work and my brother wanted me to work on his. So we cover the pool table with a sheet and take his gun apart and work on it for about an hour. Mom calls for us to come eat. We all go eat and my brother goes and puts his gun back together except for the washer in the grip. He has a habit of dropping on in the pipe closing the action and then seating the magazine. Well he does this except the magazine does not go in because the washer is not in the gun. We look for the washer for about an hour and then give up. He then asks me if I felt his trigger. I pick it up-aim at a dot on the side of the pool table and sqeeze of the round in the chamber. round goes through the pool table down into the carpet goes under a wall and comes up out of the carpet in another room and striking my Mom in the collar bone and then bounced up and landed on my wife's head burning the hair and her scalp.
Well the bullet was a hydro-shock and my Mom's collar bone is bleeding from the exposed point and we are thinking it may have fractured her collarbone. We load up and goto the hospital to have X-rays and my brother being an EMT calls ahead and explains what happened. Return from hospital only to have HPD crime scene all over the house. My Mom starts making plates for the Detectives that are talking to my bother and I. Get done talking to us and then state they are headed to the hospital to interview the gunshot victim. My Mom pipes up and says that she is right here. Detectives leave and a Parol Officer stays around while Crime Scene gets everything. Patrol Officer stays around for a few hours and sits and eats evening meal with family and we even had him say the prayer for the meal. My Mom fixes him a plate of cookies and pie and fixes him a large glass of milk to take with him. Patrol Officer takes plate but refuses milk saying he didn't want to take her container. About 15 minutes later our doorbell rings and it is the Patrol Officer saying everything is closed and he will be happy with a glass of milk. We all laughed and he came in and played cards and spent another hour or two at the house. He stopped by my parents house every Christmas after that until he retired

So I guess we qualify- I shot my Mom and wife on Christmas.

You win.

[Russ81]

Davoh, like stated your bigger man then me! Bil needs a oil change for that attitude stat!

Originally Posted by Draco

You handled that completely wrong when you gave a warning. 6'7" just means he will go down harder when you hit him over the head, from behind, with no warning, with what ever was handy that was very hard and preferably heavy.

I put a BiL in the hospital for 4 days for beating my sister. I couldn't whip him as he was much bigger than me. I beat him with a 1x4 board as that was what was handy. You should have done the same. He needed it, he deserved it, and it would have been an educational experience for him.

Bingo!

Originally Posted by glen

Many yeas ago
My parents house. My brother and I have the exact same guns Sig P220. I had done some trigger work and my brother wanted me to work on his. So we cover the pool table with a sheet and take his gun apart and work on it for about an hour. Mom calls for us to come eat. We all go eat and my brother goes and puts his gun back together except for the washer in the grip. He has a habit of dropping on in the pipe closing the action and then seating the magazine. Well he does this except the magazine does not go in because the washer is not in the gun. We look for the washer for about an hour and then give up. He then asks me if I felt his trigger. I pick it up-aim at a dot on the side of the pool table and sqeeze of the round in the chamber. round goes through the pool table down into the carpet goes under a wall and comes up out of the carpet in another room and striking my Mom in the collar bone and then bounced up and landed on my wife's head burning the hair and her scalp.
Well the bullet was a hydro-shock and my Mom's collar bone is bleeding from the exposed point and we are thinking it may have fractured her collarbone. We load up and goto the hospital to have X-rays and my brother being an EMT calls ahead and explains what happened. Return from hospital only to have HPD crime scene all over the house. My Mom starts making plates for the Detectives that are talking to my bother and I. Get done talking to us and then state they are headed to the hospital to interview the gunshot victim. My Mom pipes up and says that she is right here. Detectives leave and a Parol Officer stays around while Crime Scene gets everything. Patrol Officer stays around for a few hours and sits and eats evening meal with family and we even had him say the prayer for the meal. My Mom fixes him a plate of cookies and pie and fixes him a large glass of milk to take with him. Patrol Officer takes plate but refuses milk saying he didn't want to take her container. About 15 minutes later our doorbell rings and it is the Patrol Officer saying everything is closed and he will be happy with a glass of milk. We all laughed and he came in and played cards and spent another hour or two at the house. He stopped by my parents house every Christmas after that until he retired

So I guess we qualify- I shot my Mom and wife on Christmas.

Originally Posted by curtintex

You win.

Curt beat me too it

[wtb90]

Originally Posted by glen

Many yeas ago
My parents house. My brother and I have the exact same guns Sig P220. I had done some trigger work and my brother wanted me to work on his. So we cover the pool table with a sheet and take his gun apart and work on it for about an hour. Mom calls for us to come eat. We all go eat and my brother goes and puts his gun back together except for the washer in the grip. He has a habit of dropping on in the pipe closing the action and then seating the magazine. Well he does this except the magazine does not go in because the washer is not in the gun. We look for the washer for about an hour and then give up. He then asks me if I felt his trigger. I pick it up-aim at a dot on the side of the pool table and sqeeze of the round in the chamber. round goes through the pool table down into the carpet goes under a wall and comes up out of the carpet in another room and striking my Mom in the collar bone and then bounced up and landed on my wife's head burning the hair and her scalp.
Well the bullet was a hydro-shock and my Mom's collar bone is bleeding from the exposed point and we are thinking it may have fractured her collarbone. We load up and goto the hospital to have X-rays and my brother being an EMT calls ahead and explains what happened. Return from hospital only to have HPD crime scene all over the house. My Mom starts making plates for the Detectives that are talking to my bother and I. Get done talking to us and then state they are headed to the hospital to interview the gunshot victim. My Mom pipes up and says that she is right here. Detectives leave and a Parol Officer stays around while Crime Scene gets everything. Patrol Officer stays around for a few hours and sits and eats evening meal with family and we even had him say the prayer for the meal. My Mom fixes him a plate of cookies and pie and fixes him a large glass of milk to take with him. Patrol Officer takes plate but refuses milk saying he didn't want to take her container. About 15 minutes later our doorbell rings and it is the Patrol Officer saying everything is closed and he will be happy with a glass of milk. We all laughed and he came in and played cards and spent another hour or two at the house. He stopped by my parents house every Christmas after that until he retired

So I guess we qualify- I shot my Mom and wife on Christmas.

You win

[black dallas]

Originally Posted by glen

Many yeas ago
My parents house. My brother and I have the exact same guns Sig P220. I had done some trigger work and my brother wanted me to work on his. So we cover the pool table with a sheet and take his gun apart and work on it for about an hour. Mom calls for us to come eat. We all go eat and my brother goes and puts his gun back together except for the washer in the grip. He has a habit of dropping on in the pipe closing the action and then seating the magazine. Well he does this except the magazine does not go in because the washer is not in the gun. We look for the washer for about an hour and then give up. He then asks me if I felt his trigger. I pick it up-aim at a dot on the side of the pool table and sqeeze of the round in the chamber. round goes through the pool table down into the carpet goes under a wall and comes up out of the carpet in another room and striking my Mom in the collar bone and then bounced up and landed on my wife's head burning the hair and her scalp.
Well the bullet was a hydro-shock and my Mom's collar bone is bleeding from the exposed point and we are thinking it may have fractured her collarbone. We load up and goto the hospital to have X-rays and my brother being an EMT calls ahead and explains what happened. Return from hospital only to have HPD crime scene all over the house. My Mom starts making plates for the Detectives that are talking to my bother and I. Get done talking to us and then state they are headed to the hospital to interview the gunshot victim. My Mom pipes up and says that she is right here. Detectives leave and a Parol Officer stays around while Crime Scene gets everything. Patrol Officer stays around for a few hours and sits and eats evening meal with family and we even had him say the prayer for the meal. My Mom fixes him a plate of cookies and pie and fixes him a large glass of milk to take with him. Patrol Officer takes plate but refuses milk saying he didn't want to take her container. About 15 minutes later our doorbell rings and it is the Patrol Officer saying everything is closed and he will be happy with a glass of milk. We all laughed and he came in and played cards and spent another hour or two at the house. He stopped by my parents house every Christmas after that until he retired

So I guess we qualify- I shot my Mom and wife on Christmas.

Wow!! i laughed out loud on that one. thanks i needed that!

[HR3]

shoot, the holiday's the only time dez nutz act half way decent.....DRAMA all the rest of the time.....LOL.......my folks are from New Orleans, in-laws from Little Rock soooo you know they can clown......best one I got is my wife's first Christmas in New Orleans with my folks.....She asked: "y'all have any cold drinks"....my cousin: "oh, they outside in the ice chest".....she came back in and said "those ice chest full of beer"......my cousin's response: "oh, Baebeeee that's all we got to drink around here....we might have a few sodas out in the deep freezer for the mixed drinks"........she had never seen how we do it....LOL

[JW]

****ters full!!!