When spanking doesn’t work...

[HoustonHunter94]

I had what I consider the best dad in the world, that being said I was terrified to step out of line, I remember going to the grocery store with him at a young age like you are referring too, with red stripes across the back of my legs from switch he beat my arse with. A water hose, wet rope, and anything else that was handy was also used. I had three whoopins growing up and remember everyone of them like they were yesterday, they were not spankings woopins! Most loving dad you could ever ask for but, acting up was not tolerated. different day and age though.

Same here. I’m 45. Had a great Dad who was at every ball game, worked two jobs to make sure we had everything we needed and loved us but acting up was just not tolerated period. Like you I had 3-4 woopins that I remember vividly. I deserved them and I learned from them. You’re also right, it was a different time.


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[jessBsemple]

Something to think about..what you do to your child, you do to yourself. Think about the punishment and the outcome you want.
My boys are strong willed. They come by it honest on both sides, all the way to great-grandparents.
They were spending alot of time in the office. They were spanked and that did not work.
They started picking up rocks. We grow rocks of all sizes. They had a 2.5 gallon bucket, a small garden shovel, and a regular screwdriver. Whenever they were sent to the office they got to pick up rocks (full buckets). We eventually graduated to 5 gallon buckets. They filled the buckets ...maybe 4 times after that. One time, the local deputy rolled by and asked what we were doing. I told him, "We are taking care of it, so you don't have to." He smiled and rolled on.
Basically, if they are strong willed, you will need to find something that involves endurance.
My friend in high school used to get in trouble and his dad would beat the snot out of him. (quick and painless- for the most part) His dad started doing what my Grand Dad did. Getting up early saturday and Sunday moring cleaning tractors, plows, combines, horses, stalls, barns... you name it. He also "pimped" him out to other folks for work. Things changed REAL quick. Use your imagination and think along the line of endurance. Make it unpleasant. You may have to do it a few times, but it will eventually stick. My boys do not like the phrase, " There's alot of new rocks." Hang in there. Hold the liine.

[Strummer]

I have a issue with my 4 year old at school . He can’t stand his teacher . When she is not there is never gets in trouble . When he gets in trouble and we ask him why he tells us it’s because he wants to go home . He will not take a nap . And try’s like hell to not let the other kids nap. Gets sent to the office once a week during nap time . We finally got the school to spank him . After telling them since August. That was 3 weeks ago . He hasn’t been sent back since .

[roberts]

I reached a point with my son about the same age. Spanking did not work and taking things away, like ipad and TV, did work. But the most agonizing pain he felt when being punished was I would make him sit in a chair, with no TV or any electronics on at all. He would have to sit there in dead silence, no talking or moving. What got him in trouble would determine how long he sat in the chair. I would work around the house and keep an eye on him or I would sit in the same room and watch him. He hated this, because he could not talk or move around. To this day, if he acts up, I can grab a chair and tell him what is about to happen if he does not straighten up and he will come back around as well.

I had to come up with the chair solution because my son is on the spectrum of having Autism and does have ADHD as well. Double whammy. He is a good kid and very high functioning, but he does know right from wrong and has manners.

[Blitz]

A lot of people have already touched on it. I have (3) boys of my own. They all react differently to different types of correction. The one I have learned is to take away what they value the most. Once you identify that, then it becomes a time of figuring out for how long.

A spanking/whipping (albeit painful), is over quickly. Taking a toy/game/electronic device/ etc away for a period of time has deep impacts. Just don’t let that child substitute what they lost for something else. It’s also super important to be consistent. Also, the severity needs to increase with repeat offenses so that child doesn’t become content with the punishment.

One thing I remember my dad saying to me. They didn’t give him a manual on how to raise a child, so you get one crack at it and he’s doing the best he can.

[BW412]

I have a 6 year old daughter who is as stubborn and head strong as they come. I stopped using the paddle when I figured out it made me feel better, but didn't work with her. I do believe in the paddle, but not for all kids. We found taking away things that matter to her (dolls, tv, electronics) seemed to work a little better. She's great at school but awful at home sometimes. It does seem to be getting a little better. Best of luck and hang in there!

[Dusty Britches]

My dad would spank us with his hands but he worked a jackhammer during the day and we would beg for a belt.

Then we had to "hold up the wall". place hands just above shoulder height on a wall, back the feet up until angled, looking like you were literally keeping the wall from falling. 5 minutes felt like 5 hours. IF we moved, spanking and back to the wall. Oh yeah - and if people asked us what we were doing and why, we had to tell the truth! Oh, the shame!

A friend of mine a long time ago said his mom and grandmother would take a few handfuls of pebbles, throw them in the corner and make the kids kneel on them for 5 minutes or longer. Tears and honest apologies shortened the time but a second misbehavior meant no easy way out.

And, if they boys cried, they also got humiliated by the other boys.

[Uncle_Milty]

My wife and I have 9......that's right 9 kids. Currently we have 3 - 3 year olds and I feel you pain, the little blonde headed one is so dang stubborn and ambitious it will drive you mad.

With that being said, every single one of ours is different and has responded to different means of discipline. Some a butt whoopin is the only thing that works, one of them I could whoop until and there isn't anything to whoop and he would still cold stare me. I have found 2 things to be key:

1st..........consistency, you have to be consistent in that there will always be a consequence for an inappropriate actions or behaviors

2nd.........figure out what they will respond to which sounds like the situation you are in. Different things that we have found effective for our brood include.......

Talking to them and letting them know they screwed up and you don't appreciated (oddly enough with our 2 oldest girls that is literally all it takes, combined I don't think they have had 10 butt whippings)

Whoopin, 1 of the boys this is the only thing that (kinda) works still working on that one.

Fishing, 2 of the boys fish everyday, it is there absolute passion. Taking that away from them will line them quicker than anything. They both have ADHHHHHHHHHHHHHD so unfortunately it happens fairly often.

The 6yo boy absolutely HATES running so guess what he does.....he runs laps to the big Oak Tree and back. We have implemented this tactic with the 2 fisherman as well with success.

Timeout, works on the youngest 3 yo

The 3yo twin boy send him to his room and let him cool off generally within a few minutes he is remorseful and apologetic. Don't have to do it often though.

The 3yo twin Girl - she is going to be a leader one day. It may be of a Prison gang but she WILL be a leader! She has been a tough one to crack and the working technique with her changes like the weather so we are always on our toes. Flavor of the month currently is No Hunting. Prior to that was no playing with friends and before that it was no gymnastics


Wish there was a Magic Secret that I could share with you but that is the best that I have to offer. Good Luck and don't beat yourself up it's a learning process for all of us.

[smokeless]

When my boy was little and done wrong, momma would take his boots away and put them on the refrigerator. He could see them but couldn’t get them. He learned and problem was solved.

[arrowsmack324]

Lots of great advice coming in. I'm sure you'll find what works just gotta be consistent above all else. Whooping works on some but I have a cousin who'd get the tar beat out of him for various things growing up, he's a TDC queen these days. I'm sure you'll get a handle on your little one. What worked for me is finding what my little lady valued most and I only had to threaten to destroy it for her to see the light. Its a tough one and I've enjoyed reading all the pointers you've gotten so far.

[Chuy]

Our 4 yr old is that way sometimes. Spanking literally does no good, the more you spank, the more he digs his heels in. He's defiant, like his dad. He goes through spurts of making bad choices (these words are key) but is overall a great kid. We use a sticker system throughout the day and he gets rewards for making good choices at school. When he acts up, we sit down, eye to eye and talk about what happened and how to make better choices. Then I explain why he's getting a spanking and make sure he understands why. It didn't take long before it "clicked".

[TeamAmerica]

No advice specifically but praying for you and the family. That sounds like a tough situation.

[ShockValue]

This may seem crazy, but does she have allergies? Is she taking Zyrtek?

DO NOT GIVE SMALL CHILDREN ZYRTEK!!!!!

[jer_james]

"Talking to them and letting them know they screwed up and you don't appreciated (oddly enough with our 2 oldest girls that is literally all it takes, combined I don't think they have had 10 butt whippings)"

This was me! As I mentioned, I got my butt whooped with everything and many many times. When I saw my Mom cry, and tell me how disappointed she was, I was done. That was the switch that turned me around.

I got my manners from my whoopins, and respect for my Dad. But I didnt act right until Mom broke down. I still apologize every once in again for letting it get to that point.

[Big Lee]

Not sure if anyone has mentioned this. Is this the only child care she has been to? Is this a brand new place for her? She might need time to figure out the new routine. Also, If this is new to a new place and the other place this didn't happen. Maybe something with the staff or their behavior throws her off.

My ex-sister inlaw's son was similar all the way through 5-6th grade. Finally a break-through when a Doctor was able to find a good balance of meds. He is now 19-20yrs old off meds a great young man. He told me a couple years ago that he felt as a child living outside of his body looking in. He knew right from wrong but couldn't make the right decisions. While acting out he still knew it was wrong. It was a bizarre situation for him. Don't be afraid to get her help medically soon. The old notion of they just need a whippin is out dated. Hell half the adults on the green screen are probably taking some kind of anti-depressant and is a game changer for them.