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Old 11-25-2021, 08:59 AM   #1
Brinkley
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Default Aging parents and guns

Talking through this as work the other day.
Scenario.
Father is aging and has dementia. Never really messed with his guns before. Probably like many of us, just put them up and take them out to use them. However, this gentleman takes his pistols out and “dinks” with them. The family is worried that he is aging and frail, not to mention the “frontal lobe dementia”and that he will hurt himself or others.

How do you handle this type of situation without taking to poor guys dignity?
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Old 11-25-2021, 09:03 AM   #2
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We secretly had firing pins removed by the gunsmith while she was at the beauty shop. We were scared Mamaw was gonna shoot the mailman.

We kept all the parts and restored the guns to working condition later.

Last edited by TransPecos; 11-25-2021 at 09:05 AM.
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Old 11-25-2021, 09:05 AM   #3
Brinkley
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Originally Posted by TransPecos View Post
We secretly removed firing pins. We were scared Mamaw was gonna shoot the mailman.
I thought about this as well. They said he uses snap caps to function the gun. Does it still “click” with the firing pin removed.
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Old 11-25-2021, 09:17 AM   #4
critter69
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Yes it will still click, as far as trying to fire. I don’t think snap caps actually produce a noise, but not sure of that. Doubt he was know the difference. But I would do something ASAP, before he sticks a round in one and it’s to late.

Last edited by critter69; 11-25-2021 at 09:19 AM.
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Old 11-25-2021, 09:35 AM   #5
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My grandad ended up pulling a Saturday night special on a guy that owned the retirement community he & my Grandma lived at. Grandad had decided this fella was attempting to woo my grandmother, although 35 years her junior. All of it was delusional & we just flat out took his guns from him as he could no longer be trusted to make good decisions with them. He was going to hurt someone or get himself hurt. He ended up in Harris county jail over the deal for a day or 2.
My opinion is to take them before he gets to the point where he may hurt him self of someone else, hard as that may be.

Last edited by Highbridge hand; 11-25-2021 at 09:49 AM. Reason: .
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Old 11-25-2021, 09:50 AM   #6
Walker
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Take the guns away. He may pull a gun on someone and get himself shot, firing pins or no.
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Old 11-25-2021, 10:06 AM   #7
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That’s a tough one and I’m not sure how to handle it since I’ve never been in that situation. I think that I might try to reason with him but I’m afraid that ego, pride and fear would would get in the way of a rational conversation. But then again, I suppose it all depends on who you’re dealing with.
I’m getting older and my be on the receiving end of that conversation some day and knowing how I am now, it wouldn’t go well for the very reasons I mentioned.
I will be following this one for ideas.
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Old 11-25-2021, 10:12 AM   #8
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My dad has Alzheimers. All guns were distributed to me and my brother in the beginning.

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Old 11-25-2021, 10:19 AM   #9
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Originally Posted by Tex_Cattleman View Post
My dad has Alzheimers. All guns were distributed to me and my brother in the beginning.

Sent from my SM-G781U using Tapatalk
Same here - as my dad’s dementia progressed we got worried so I went over when he wasn’t there and loaded up his guns. He asked where they were a couple times but eventually forgot about it
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Old 11-25-2021, 10:19 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brinkley View Post
Talking through this as work the other day.
Scenario.
Father is aging and has dementia. Never really messed with his guns before. Probably like many of us, just put them up and take them out to use them. However, this gentleman takes his pistols out and “dinks” with them. The family is worried that he is aging and frail, not to mention the “frontal lobe dementia”and that he will hurt himself or others.

How do you handle this type of situation without taking to poor guys dignity?

Michael, Frontal lobe dementia is a very serious form of dementia. I pray you and you family as I know these are tough time. Having a father who suffered from mental issues, you need to remove the guns. I have a Uncle who has this form of dementia and I have seen first hand how fast this disease can progress. Prays for you father and family.
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Old 11-25-2021, 10:21 AM   #11
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First off sorry to hear your father has frontal lobe dementia. Lost my mom last year after a 7 year battle with it. One thing with frontal lobe dementia is a lot of them tend to get violent at some point. My mom went from the sweetest woman in the world who never cussed or being remotely violent to cussing worse than a sailor and hitting my dad and me. We got that correct with medication. Of course it wasn't her it was that **** disease. From my experience I would advise to take the guns to prevent any possible tragedies. This disease will make them do things they would have never done before. With dementia depending on what stage they are in you often can't reason with them as they are determined they can do anything as they have done before. Also make sure to take his car keys. Sorry he is and your family is having to go through this horrible disease.
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Old 11-25-2021, 10:31 AM   #12
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Had same problem with my father a few years back. Asked him to turn them over so my brother, I, and son could use them and enjoy them. He refused so I put trigger locks on them and hid the keys. He got mad and went next door to neighbor to grind them off. I said screw it and said, I'm taking them get made if you want to. End of Story.
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Old 11-25-2021, 11:11 AM   #13
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Been there and done that, with my dad. Get the guns out of his possession. Way better that he gets mad (he'll get over it), than the possible alternatives.
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Old 11-25-2021, 11:19 AM   #14
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Grandfather has dementia. I took them immediately when he diagnosed.
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Old 11-25-2021, 11:24 AM   #15
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Another important safety measure was to have a mechanic install a kill switch on the car. It never sunk in that he could no longer drive and mom was terrified that he would find the keys and take off.
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Old 11-25-2021, 01:52 PM   #16
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As for driving my dad refused to quit even though he was legally blind. I talked to local PD and they did not do anything so I pulled the ECU from both vehicles.
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Old 11-25-2021, 03:16 PM   #17
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When I get to the point I cant have firearms, someone please just kill me.
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Old 11-25-2021, 03:33 PM   #18
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Never had to deal with the gun issue, but did have a similar issue with m-i-l and her car. Her dementia had gotten so bad the car stayed "in the shop".

I would remove the guns right now--
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Old 11-25-2021, 03:41 PM   #19
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I locked all my FIL's guns in his safe and changed the combination.
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Old 11-25-2021, 03:51 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jerp View Post
Same here - as my dad’s dementia progressed we got worried so I went over when he wasn’t there and loaded up his guns. He asked where they were a couple times but eventually forgot about it
This and just say their at the gunsmith being cleaned up. You can kick the can a few times then they’ll be forgotten (unfortunately).
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Old 11-25-2021, 03:53 PM   #21
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Lots of good advise here. Now you need to go see your father's doctor and also get ahold of the alsheimers assn and get a handle on what's to come. Your going to have to prepare yourself for some much more difficult decision in your father's future. My mother had it and is the most devastating disease you can imagine. Try to prepare yourself and your family.
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Old 11-25-2021, 04:45 PM   #22
mikemorvan
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Guns and dementia are a bad match.
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Old 11-25-2021, 05:00 PM   #23
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My dad has dementia that is getting worse daily! I have his guns in my safe that he doesn't even remember owning at this point. He still has a car but we don't let him drive. Somebody mentioned a kill switch and I think that may be my next step. Such a sad disease I wouldn't wish on anyone!

OP I understand the dignity issue but the safety issue is much more important.
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Old 11-25-2021, 05:01 PM   #24
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Originally Posted by mikemorvan View Post
Guns and dementia are a bad match.
Yep , I was confronted by a guy with dementia and a pistol while showing a ranch to clients, seems that he forgot his kids were selling it , and he flipped out when i told him why we where there!
Old POed dude with a pistol and dementia = a tragic ending
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Old 11-25-2021, 05:24 PM   #25
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I need to remember all these tricks when they start trying to ground me.
Seriously, in recent years I have started using foul language more and more. In most cases it is the most correct way to describe something...or someone.
I'm into new definitions too. Nowadays, "getting lucky" means that I remembered what I went in the kitchen for, and a "nooner" is a bowl of soup and a 2 hour nap.
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Old 11-25-2021, 05:45 PM   #26
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tx_basser View Post
Had same problem with my father a few years back. Asked him to turn them over so my brother, I, and son could use them and enjoy them. He refused so I put trigger locks on them and hid the keys. He got mad and went next door to neighbor to grind them off. I said screw it and said, I'm taking them get made if you want to. End of Story.
IK I am an unknown around here, but you need to look at the above

my mom never had guns, but she is going through this now (dementia and sundowners) and because she still thinks I am 9yo she does not have to listen to a thing i say

long story short after going to the neighbors across the street and telling them one morning she could not revive my father (that had been dead and cremated and put away 4 years prior)....and other incidents that "were just one time" I came into town and told her that her not safe for an 81yo woman house was being sold and 2 days later when she got home from church and getting KFC and was "dizzy" the car went to Carvana less than 3 weeks later

it was done no more discussions and no more asking nicely like I had for the last 4 years

she gets mad at times and argues and we both argue (it sucks), but it is better than her laying in a ditch somewhere (like the neighbors that she went to had happen to her mom) or walking off in the woods near her home or the MAJOR river near her home

you just have to do it anger and resentment from them or not.....sadly they will forget sooner than later and if they are the arguing type well it will be (sadly) on to something else
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Old 11-25-2021, 05:53 PM   #27
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Originally Posted by Smeone View Post
IK I am an unknown around here, but you need to look at the above

my mom never had guns, but she is going through this now (dementia and sundowners) and because she still thinks I am 9yo she does not have to listen to a thing i say

long story short after going to the neighbors across the street and telling them one morning she could not revive my father (that had been dead and cremated and put away 4 years prior)....and other incidents that "were just one time" I came into town and told her that her not safe for an 81yo woman house was being sold and 2 days later when she got home from church and getting KFC and was "dizzy" the car went to Carvana less than 3 weeks later

it was done no more discussions and no more asking nicely like I had for the last 4 years

she gets mad at times and argues and we both argue (it sucks), but it is better than her laying in a ditch somewhere (like the neighbors that she went to had happen to her mom) or walking off in the woods near her home or the MAJOR river near her home

you just have to do it anger and resentment from them or not.....sadly they will forget sooner than later and if they are the arguing type well it will be (sadly) on to something else
My dad gave up truck keys willingly. I had to take his shotgun ammo to keep him shooting the mistletoe out of his trees. He lived in a neighborhood in the county. He just couldn’t see the problem with shooting so close to neighbors. He was most upset w/ me. Sometimes you just gotta handle up…
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Old 11-25-2021, 06:39 PM   #28
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Goin thu hell with wife,Started about 2y ago...went to many doc /nero etc .Diagnosed about Year ago with ALZ...Still knows people..and makes a little conversation..and has 2 to 4h a day not making any sense...wont listen and Argue and cus like sailor ...Pretty well wheelchalr bound .Can walk a little hunkered over bad balance...and falls 3 or 4 time a month..She always been a gun person ,but they seldome come up and I got them locked in safe and changed numbers...Its a terrible thing...to deal with. My heart goes out to all caretakers and LOVED Patients
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Old 11-25-2021, 06:48 PM   #29
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My dad has it too, we all hurt for you on this. What my dad remembers about the guns is we told him that “ he gave them to the grandsons as present s”. So we made it a passing down the family heirlooms type of thing.

He was happy with that.

Also gps his phone.


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Old 11-25-2021, 07:24 PM   #30
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SJP51 View Post
When I get to the point I cant have firearms, someone please just kill me.

You won't even realize it when it happens.....
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Old 11-25-2021, 08:32 PM   #31
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Originally Posted by Brinkley View Post
I thought about this as well. They said he uses snap caps to function the gun. Does it still “click” with the firing pin removed.
mike what guns are you talking about specifically, i might be able to help

already have been through the alzheimers with dad and dementia with mom,, both of them are gone now

Last edited by xman59; 11-25-2021 at 08:38 PM.
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Old 11-25-2021, 08:41 PM   #32
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Originally Posted by Walker View Post
Lots of good advise here. Now you need to go see your father's doctor and also get ahold of the alsheimers assn and get a handle on what's to come. Your going to have to prepare yourself for some much more difficult decision in your father's future. My mother had it and is the most devastating disease you can imagine. Try to prepare yourself and your family.
True in every way. My mom had it and it’s a horrible disease to watch it take over your loved one.
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Old 11-25-2021, 09:55 PM   #33
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I have to agree that alz & dementia are some of the worst diseases to watch as they progress. I pray for any family that gas to go thru the heartache that comes with dealing with either. Dad had it and luckily the driving part was easy as he figured out on his own that it wasn't safe for him to drive. Unfortunately the gun situation was not as easy and when he pulled his pistol on my wife after calling her over to his house to help him get cleaned up I had to put every gun in the safe and change the combo. It was the second hardest things I had to do next to putting him in a care home when he began refusing to let us care for him. He was still lucid part of the time and it was a hard fight keeping his guns away but for his safety and everyone else's I did what had to done.
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Old 11-25-2021, 10:09 PM   #34
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Vehicles, guns, stoves. Bless everyone that has to deal with aging family.
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Old 11-25-2021, 11:04 PM   #35
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I'm with the guy that said when I get to that point, just shoot me. Maybe I'll take a long hike in some National Forest.
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Old 11-25-2021, 11:21 PM   #36
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HeyMikey View Post
You won't even realize it when it happens.....
Fact
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Old Yesterday, 12:37 AM   #37
3ChordTruth
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Originally Posted by dustoffer View Post
Never had to deal with the gun issue, but did have a similar issue with m-i-l and her car. Her dementia had gotten so bad the car stayed "in the shop".

I would remove the guns right now--
X2, same issue with my MIL. Before taking her keys away, she would need to drive to Fort Worth and end up in Denton. Based on my family experience with dementia, take the guns away.
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Old Yesterday, 07:01 AM   #38
AntlerCollector
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TransPecos View Post
We secretly had firing pins removed by the gunsmith while she was at the beauty shop. We were scared Mamaw was gonna shoot the mailman.

We kept all the parts and restored the guns to working condition later.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brinkley View Post
I thought about this as well. They said he uses snap caps to function the gun. Does it still “click” with the firing pin removed.


Bad idea!!!!!


What if he points his gun at someone?


TransPecos, y’all are lucky she didn’t try to shoot the mailman. No telling how that would have ended.


Remove the guns immediately is the only real solution.
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Old Yesterday, 08:14 AM   #39
Ksig512
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It's hard to do but i was in this situation. My dad let his diabetes get away and ended up with vascular dementia. I had to remove all of his guns. they are in my safe now.
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