I'm about to get real with y'all for a minute. Bare with me...
I never knew how much a funeral cost until April of 2016 when my brother shot and killed himself. Intentionally.
I was the last person he texted.
Last person he talked to on the phone.
I was one of the only people in his life that knew he was suffering from depression.
He died 39 years young.
My story starts with.. March of 2016 I was hired as a the first female firefighter paramedic for a city. When the news hit that I was the first chick on April 5th it went viral, national news, magazines, cameras following me on scenes and patients homes, and I was recognized everywhere I went. I know y'all posted up a thread congratulating me. Thank you so much for the support. Little did I know just days later that my brother would kill himself. April 11th.
I knew Tony was suffering because he reached out to me. He told me just weeks before that he wanted to die. I did as much motivating as I could to keep him going thru texts and phone calls. Until 5 minutes before he pulled the trigger, he said "I love you."
He timed his gun shot with the church bells of the parking lot he was sitting in.
I was able to fly to South Carolina and be with my family. My parents were financially strapped due to taking care of my sister who had brain cancer.
So, I stepped up and paid for a lot of the service costs. My parents covered the cremation but I never knew how much a funeral really did cost. The flight there, the bulletins, the production, the arrangements... When I got back home my bank account was depleted.
I made the decision to sell my bow and all of my bow hunting equipment. This was a hard decision for me to make but its something I had to do to get by. I didn't have a deer lease and being a new rookie at the FD stressed me out so much I didn't have time anyways.
Boy did I miss it. I still do. Everyday. I regret selling my set up. All my arrows, favorite release, Rages.. It's like every memory with that bow went along with it and it is still heartbreaking to me.
The next 6 months or so rocked me solid. I'd lay in bed all day long and not understand why.. I'd try and chalk it up as a rough shift and Chris tried to hold things together. Until... we separated. I didn't know why at the time. I look back now and know that it was depression driven and he wasn't able to handle it.. Wasn't educated on how to handle it.. Neither was I. We filed for divorce in January and it was over in March.
So with the stress of new chick FF, Tony killing himself, separation leading to divorce, and now I'm a single Mom in less than a years time frame..
2 months later my sister was re-diagnosed with brain cancer.
I couldn't believe it.
Work became so overwhelming throughout the next year. I took a 3 month leave of absence and it stressed me out the thought of going back. Being the first female at a small city was a challenge I couldn't handle along with everything else that had happened. My only escape was fishing.. because I couldn't hunt anymore. But, that didn't happen near enough.
March 9th 2018, I changed fire departments and it was one of the absolute biggest blessings of my life over the past couple of years. It's been a complete game changer for me. I love where I'm at and it brings so much peace to me.
Until.... May 31st 2018 my sister, Jessica, passed away from brain cancer.
She died 39 years young.
My son and I flew back to South Carolina and helped my parents with the service costs. I never thought I'd live my life without my brother and sister. I'm typing this out with tears in my eyes because I'm still rocked solid.
To this day, I feel like I'll never get back on my feet.
Anyways, long story long..
Some of y'all know I took a few years hiatus from TBH. I'd check in from time to time but never said anything until a few months ago. I missed it. I missed the folks I talked to. I missed the camaraderie. And I'm happy to be back.
The past few weeks have put a lump in my throat watching all of y'all gear up, ready to head out this weekend. I miss my bow and slinging sticks for some therapy.. There is no way I could afford buying a bow anytime soon.
Today, when I opened TBH, the first "new post" I saw on my phone was from Jaker_cc "Free Bow to First Responder or Military"
It was one of those "Yes Please and Thank You God" moments that you receive every once in a while. I contacted Jake right away and he said it was mine. I pray it fits. If it doesn't, I'll be passing it forward but, God, please, I pray it fits.
I don't even have it in my hands yet but I'm so emotional about this opportunity, I had to share it with you guys.
I plan on going by Cinnamon Creek Ranch to see about getting it tweaked for me... and maybe then I'll be able to buy a release and arrow or two to practice out back.
This.. this guys... rocked me solid.. but thankfully in a good way.
Thank you TBH and THANK YOU Jaker_cc
God bless you all and your deer season.
I never knew how much a funeral cost until April of 2016 when my brother shot and killed himself. Intentionally.
I was the last person he texted.
Last person he talked to on the phone.
I was one of the only people in his life that knew he was suffering from depression.
He died 39 years young.
My story starts with.. March of 2016 I was hired as a the first female firefighter paramedic for a city. When the news hit that I was the first chick on April 5th it went viral, national news, magazines, cameras following me on scenes and patients homes, and I was recognized everywhere I went. I know y'all posted up a thread congratulating me. Thank you so much for the support. Little did I know just days later that my brother would kill himself. April 11th.
I knew Tony was suffering because he reached out to me. He told me just weeks before that he wanted to die. I did as much motivating as I could to keep him going thru texts and phone calls. Until 5 minutes before he pulled the trigger, he said "I love you."
He timed his gun shot with the church bells of the parking lot he was sitting in.
I was able to fly to South Carolina and be with my family. My parents were financially strapped due to taking care of my sister who had brain cancer.
So, I stepped up and paid for a lot of the service costs. My parents covered the cremation but I never knew how much a funeral really did cost. The flight there, the bulletins, the production, the arrangements... When I got back home my bank account was depleted.
I made the decision to sell my bow and all of my bow hunting equipment. This was a hard decision for me to make but its something I had to do to get by. I didn't have a deer lease and being a new rookie at the FD stressed me out so much I didn't have time anyways.
Boy did I miss it. I still do. Everyday. I regret selling my set up. All my arrows, favorite release, Rages.. It's like every memory with that bow went along with it and it is still heartbreaking to me.
The next 6 months or so rocked me solid. I'd lay in bed all day long and not understand why.. I'd try and chalk it up as a rough shift and Chris tried to hold things together. Until... we separated. I didn't know why at the time. I look back now and know that it was depression driven and he wasn't able to handle it.. Wasn't educated on how to handle it.. Neither was I. We filed for divorce in January and it was over in March.
So with the stress of new chick FF, Tony killing himself, separation leading to divorce, and now I'm a single Mom in less than a years time frame..
2 months later my sister was re-diagnosed with brain cancer.
I couldn't believe it.
Work became so overwhelming throughout the next year. I took a 3 month leave of absence and it stressed me out the thought of going back. Being the first female at a small city was a challenge I couldn't handle along with everything else that had happened. My only escape was fishing.. because I couldn't hunt anymore. But, that didn't happen near enough.
March 9th 2018, I changed fire departments and it was one of the absolute biggest blessings of my life over the past couple of years. It's been a complete game changer for me. I love where I'm at and it brings so much peace to me.
Until.... May 31st 2018 my sister, Jessica, passed away from brain cancer.
She died 39 years young.
My son and I flew back to South Carolina and helped my parents with the service costs. I never thought I'd live my life without my brother and sister. I'm typing this out with tears in my eyes because I'm still rocked solid.
To this day, I feel like I'll never get back on my feet.
Anyways, long story long..
Some of y'all know I took a few years hiatus from TBH. I'd check in from time to time but never said anything until a few months ago. I missed it. I missed the folks I talked to. I missed the camaraderie. And I'm happy to be back.
The past few weeks have put a lump in my throat watching all of y'all gear up, ready to head out this weekend. I miss my bow and slinging sticks for some therapy.. There is no way I could afford buying a bow anytime soon.
Today, when I opened TBH, the first "new post" I saw on my phone was from Jaker_cc "Free Bow to First Responder or Military"
It was one of those "Yes Please and Thank You God" moments that you receive every once in a while. I contacted Jake right away and he said it was mine. I pray it fits. If it doesn't, I'll be passing it forward but, God, please, I pray it fits.
I don't even have it in my hands yet but I'm so emotional about this opportunity, I had to share it with you guys.
I plan on going by Cinnamon Creek Ranch to see about getting it tweaked for me... and maybe then I'll be able to buy a release and arrow or two to practice out back.
This.. this guys... rocked me solid.. but thankfully in a good way.
Thank you TBH and THANK YOU Jaker_cc
God bless you all and your deer season.
Comment