Marriage question

[3DW5]

Taking her along is a great start. That said, as a general rule, when Momma's ready to go, you are also ready to go.

This^^^^^

[xman59]

i have no idea what your marriage vows were, but there is a part in the scriptural vows that are used about " forsaking all others"

you can not have a "single" life and a "married" life at the same time,,,

[Saltej_77]

I may be the anomoly, but my wife never tried to change my my brohavior. I dont ever present any opposition when she wants to go visit her best friend(1hr drive), and she doesnt oppose when I go get sloshed with my buds.

[wloftis]

A lot of good advice here...I've had the same issue. I haven't "given up" my friends but instead take the wife with me; when she's ready to go, I go too (most of the time). I have also changed the late night guys night out to drinks after work and maybe dinner; then home. It all seems to work itself out, and sooner or later those single buddies get girlfriends/wives and everyone brings their better half along.

[Raypo]

Guys night, buddies, all those terms are now past tense. I do a few hunting trips a year with my friends and occasionally will have them over (with thier spouses) to watch a fight or something like that. My buddy(ies) is now my wife and kids...

A weekly or biweekly hangout in my opinion won't work...

[Smart]

She doesn't have many friends here in Houston, and I try to include her all some guys nights, but she leaves early and I guess expects me to leave with her.

As she should.....yall are a couple. She shouldn't have to leave alone....

[Dry Bones]

My wife and I both separated from our "buds" in order to raise our family. Married men should not act as single men in my opinion and that includes the all nighters. OP great deal including her, but as said several times above. When she's ready so are you. I don't enjoy the company of most men my own age either. They are usually in the drunk scene trying to hold onto a past that should have been put to bed long before.
Hard to serve God and work on your marriage when you keep running off like a stray.

[Brian243]

I lived this same scenario. Me and a couple buddies I played ball with in college all ended up buying houses next to each other in Cypress. While it is nice having the added security of knowing people you trust your life with are right around the corner, it can affect the health of your marriage. It happens at least once a month and much like you it's good clean fun at one of our houses, no drinking and driving, no tearing up bars it's just hanging out at the house. My wife would have a drink or two and then she's ready to turn in at 9-10pm.

For us the argument was that she felt I would rather hang out with my friends than her. The reality of the situation is that I just wanted to hang out period, the fact that it's with them is irrelevant. I would gladly hang out with her and actually prefer it when she joins us, she's a ton of fun and those nights usually end up with some good one on one time in the end anyway .

We have come to an agreement that I will be honest with her going into it. If I think it's going to be a "guys night" where all we do is shoot pool or play cornhole outside and all of the wives are inside babysitting, I will warn her and she has every right to say have fun but I'm staying here.

The beauty of it for us since we are all right next door to each other, if she does join but ends up not having fun and wants to go home, I'll go home with her and Alex at 9pm and help get him bathed and in PJ's and put down. Then her and I can talk for a few minutes or whatever else she wants to do but I can easily walk back over there for a couple more drinks once she's ready to turn in. Sometimes that happens and sometimes I stay home.

Bottom line is, she wants you to concede sometimes and show that her feelings matter. Make it a point to go to bed early with her next time, you might just like the outcome.

This was a good one. Everyone has given helpful advice. I really appreciate it and hope we can figure it out. We do a lot of things together, and a lot with my friends. She considers them her friends as well and that helps a lot. Again, thanks for the advice and I look forward to the rest of the advice.

[txjustin]

All right married guys, I lived a pretty awesome life as a bachelor and I was lucky enough to live in a town with someone my best friends from High school, We grew up together then all ended up here in Houston. Now that I am married I try to find time for my wife (every day of the week) and I try to squeeze in some time with my buds. When my buds and I get together we usually have a good time and it leads to a late night (all good clean fun) but my wife just doesn't understand and we have looooong convos the next day about it.
She doesn't have many friends here in Houston, and I try to include her all some guys nights, but she leaves early and I guess expects me to leave with her. We are trying to find out how other couples make this work, or does it just not work?

Sorry if this is a stupid thread, but I feel like the GS is responsible for some good advice.

So what does "guys night" consist of? Bar? Hanging at a friend's house? Hunting/Fishing? This is a very important part of the equation...

[jer_james]

Seems like the ones on their seconds are a more secure and little more lenient.

I try to have a schedule of every Thurs. night I get together with the buds. We head out for a drink (sports bar with event we want to watch), basketball / softball / tennis. I've never told her she couldn't come, but she knows about Thurs. nights and I've never done anything to make her not trust me.

The buds know this is my time and so does the significant other.

[tmurray]

I've gone back and read the OP several times and I am missing the part where a bar is involved. If that is the case then I am with everyone else, time to make the right decision and find couples to hang out with. My scenario is all married couples with kids and all in my neighborhood it just usually ends up with the guys outlasting the wives. I just always make it a point to go home with my wife when she is ready to leave. I don't always stay home but I always tuck her in, kiss her goodnight and tell her I love her and then walk back over.

And for added clarity, it's not every weekend in my world, it's more like once a month.

[JeffJ]

You just have to find the balance. Funny, she was laughing last night about all her friends husbands calling and texting when the first playoff game started. They were all ****** bc the wives werent home yeat and they had been gone X amount of time. Thats a no win for the husband every time. First word out of my mouth when my wife got home was, "youre home earlier than I thought"...major point right there. And for Gods sake DONT keep score.

Here is how the last week went at our house:

Monday: She had the girls over to watch Bachelor. I watched one of the Alaska shows upstairs in the media room. This works really well during football season as I can watch MNF in peace and quiet.

Tuesday: We watched some Netflix show we like.

Wedensday: She had dinner out with two friends. During golf season I play nine holes with buddies and the wives all get together with the kids and have dinner...we join in after golf.

Thursday: I went straight to ranch to feed cows, check feeders, etc.

Friday: Dreaded couples baby shower, but it was at some good friends house so it was more like we all just got together for dinner.

Saturday: Were at the ranch. She helped me work cows and we were asleep by 9.

Sunday: Came home earlier than we had planned from the ranch so she could go to brunch and shopping for a friends bday. We had planned to stay at the ranch until after lunch but I got everything done early. Dinner out with the kiddos and home to watch Netflix.

You got to have the his, hers and our time.

[blntrey3]

Forget the bars, hanging out at your place. ALWAYS invite her.....

[Ætheling]

Brian243, what is a late night? That could be the problem. If you aren't coming in till the morning hours than I can see her being upset because lets face it, that's the pattern of someone sleeping around (not saying you are). If you are home well before midnight and its only once a month or so and she is complaining Id tell her to go find some friends or do like some on here have suggested and have those guys bring some girls out.

[BigLig]

Lot of good advice here.

I' was married for 13 years, divorced, and will be married again in March to wonderful God fearing woman who is an absolute blessing to me. If there's any doubt whatsoever about how to great your wife I HIGHLY recommend seeing what the Bible says about how husbands should love their wives.

Ephesians 5:25-33New King James Version (NKJV)


25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,

26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word,

27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.

28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.

29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.

30 For we are members of His body,[a] of His flesh and of His bones.

31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.