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Epic Cooking Fails Anyone?

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    Epic Cooking Fails Anyone?

    I know that there are alot of good cooks on this site. Just a few trips to the recipe forum will verify that. But nobody was born knowing how to cook. You learn through trial and error. Let’s hear about some of your “ What was I thinking” moments. I’ll start.

    When I was about 20 years old I built my first smoker. It wasn’t the best design but I thought it was a masterpiece. So it’s time to try it out and I invited virtually everyone that my young wife and I know for Saturday BBQ.

    Now at the time I know absolutely NOTHING about bbq other than I like it and how hard can it be? All you do is stuff a bunch of wood in there and set it on fire and cook the meat and slap some sauce on it. So now all I need is some wood and some meat.

    Looking back I don’t remember if we were just poor and couldn’t afford any wood or charcoal but I had a plan. I went out to some old pasture land that we had and pulled up a couple of old 6” split cedar posts for my cooking wood. Yes you are reading this right. CEDAR. Do I really need to continue on? I thought wood was wood.

    I bought some chicken and sausage and the dogs ate really well that day. It was totally black from cedar soot. Thank God for Pizza Hut being close by to save our party. I’ve learned a little since then. Come on guys let’s hear em.

    #2
    Got drunk and burned the beans for a wedding meal

    Comment


      #3
      Went on a Hunting trip with a LARGE group of friends. I carried a thawed out 22lb turkey that we were going to smoke and eat on. Got the fire going, might have had a few adult beverages, did a little hiking up a hill, came back to camp and noticed the pit was roaring smoke. Grabbed the handles, lifted the lid and flames shot up about 10 feet high.
      We saw what WAS a 22 lb turkey. Black as Midnight. The back, thighs, wings and drumsticks were charcoal. The Breast was PERFECTLY done.
      Figured out that a 22 lb turkey CAN be cooked in 25 min...

      Comment


        #4
        a couple years ago my cousin introduced my family to grilled PB&J sandwiches.. they are awesome and my boys want them dang near every night now. just butter up the bread and throw it in a skillet...just watch out, that jelly will burn the S out of your mouth.

        well, one night last summer, my 13yo son, in all his infinite wisdom, is up late by himself and decides to make one, except he isnt too sure about his ability to use the stove so he figures 10mins in the microwave should do the trick.

        its probably around midnight and i wake up and think the house is on fire. it burned that thing to a chunk of charcoal and filled the whole house with smoke.

        we still give him a hard time about it to this day.

        Comment


          #5
          My daughters first birthday party(she’s 30 now). I was taught to cook brisket by smoking at 225 for 5 or 6 hours and then wrapping and raising temp. Well, there was a foil issue. Either it wasn’t wrapped good or it got tore moving it on the pit. Juice leaked and a SERIOUS rise in temp occurred. Burnt it up. Luckily we had plenty of deer hamburger and were able to get it thawed and burgers saved the day. Had about 20 people over. Never let that happen again 😄

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            #6
            When my oldest was about 2 we ate biscuits and gravy every morning that I was off work. (Her request). For some reason that I can't remember, we spent a couple of days at my sister's house. She was at work when we got up one morning and I started our normal breakfast. No matter how much flour I added, (she kept it in a big tupperware container) my gravy wouldn't thicken up. After emptying the container we chunked the "gravy" and went to waffle house. Several weeks later my sister called and asked what we ate that required a whole container of powdered sugar. [emoji15]

            Sent from my motorola one 5G UW using Tapatalk

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              #7
              Not mine but an aunt and uncle hosted a bunch of old school South Texas beef guys many years ago. They were keeping it simple with hamburgers.

              Due to the amount of people they were feeding they bought a bunch of pre-made patties.

              When it was all said and done, to their horror, they realized they accidentally bought and served veggie burgers to some big time ranchers. lol

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                #8
                My roommates and I decided to grill some chicken quarters one night when I was in college. Mix some alcohol and hungry 20 year olds and we MIGHT have taken them off the pit a little early. We all got sick as dogs. That was 15 years ago and I still over cook chicken occasionally out of habit from that experience.

                Another story; just a few years ago I was making a gumbo at deer camp. Spent a couple hours after the morning hunt making a homemade roux and went out (around 1-2) to help fill feeders. Back at camp my buddy thought it was just some “burnt leftovers” and threw it out. So we had to go buy a jar of roux, and I’ve never made my own roux since. ��

                Comment


                  #9
                  When our kids were young we would go on vacation, staying in a high rise at Destin with all of my wife's family (10-12 people) My SIL had brought two beef tenderloins and my BIL and I were tasked with grilling them. Well, after putting them on the grill down by the pool we got to drinking and watching all the girls and ended up getting plastered and losing track of time. It was a panic moment when we remembered - there sat over $200 of beef burned to a crisp and a dozen hungry people upstairs waiting for us. I remember going up to take our medicine from the wives - a guy on the elevator looked at what I had in the pan, laughed and said "Oh boy, you guys are effed!" He was right

                  Comment


                    #10
                    So many.

                    First time I made Chicken and Dumplings as an adult (No Granny there to tell me exactly what to do) I didn't realize the recipe made enough seasoning for multiple batches. It called for a cup of salt. I read it over and over knowing that didn't sound right. I rationalized that I'd made other recipes where I hesitated at the ingredients and they all turned out fine. Of course eating that was like licking a salt block. Made it again the next day with the appropriate amount of salt and it was outstanding.

                    Once pan seared a steak and I guess I burned the oil. I was the last one to take a bite and I could see my daughter and wife not moving while chewing. I took one bite, stood up, and threw it in the trash. The wife and daughter both exhaled in relief.

                    Too many to name on the smoker.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Originally posted by Drop Tine View Post
                      My roommates and I decided to grill some chicken quarters one night when I was in college. Mix some alcohol and hungry 20 year olds and we MIGHT have taken them off the pit a little early. We all got sick as dogs. That was 15 years ago and I still over cook chicken occasionally out of habit from that experience.

                      Another story; just a few years ago I was making a gumbo at deer camp. Spent a couple hours after the morning hunt making a homemade roux and went out (around 1-2) to help fill feeders. Back at camp my buddy thought it was just some “burnt leftovers” and threw it out. So we had to go buy a jar of roux, and I’ve never made my own roux since. ��
                      Store bought roux? Get a rope. LOL. Just kidding. I’m sure it’s a time saver.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        I was put a Venison roast in the crock pot on top of veggies. Added beef & vegetable stock. Cooked on low for 6 hrs.
                        Went to eat it. Roast was DRY like Sahara Desert dry. The veggies was still raw. Wife was upset with herself for serving it. I laughed. That's when it got "fun" [emoji17]

                        It was my recipe, and I did the prep work. All she did was put it in the crockpot and turn it on she in no way served me a bad meal.

                        Anyways. I called Mom, I was 49, she asked me a few questions. She said ok, here's what YOU relearned [emoji56]. 1 way of NOT cooking it. [emoji56]
                        Mom taught me to cook.

                        She said I should have removed the silver skin and cooked the veggies on high for 4 hours & than added the roast on low for 2 hours.

                        She went on to explain that my method was the way she cooked a 6-8 lb roast feeding a family of 4 and a Kyle. [emoji56]. It wasn't the correct method for a 2-3 Venison Roast.
                        I didn't tell my wife I called Mom. My wife's kinda sensitive about her cooking....

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Originally posted by Drop Tine View Post
                          My roommates and I decided to grill some chicken quarters one night when I was in college. Mix some alcohol and hungry 20 year olds and we MIGHT have taken them off the pit a little early. We all got sick as dogs. That was 15 years ago and I still over cook chicken occasionally out of habit from that experience.

                          Another story; just a few years ago I was making a gumbo at deer camp. Spent a couple hours after the morning hunt making a homemade roux and went out (around 1-2) to help fill feeders. Back at camp my buddy thought it was just some “burnt leftovers” and threw it out. So we had to go buy a jar of roux, and I’ve never made my own roux since. ��
                          Originally posted by Gumbo Man View Post
                          Store bought roux? Get a rope. LOL. Just kidding. I’m sure it’s a time saver.
                          I learned to make roux to make a gumbo. Once I found out about jarred roux, I will never make it myself again. It’s only flour and oil

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Volunteered to cook a couple of briskets for opening day of my sons youth football team, wife was team mom. Went to the camp house after work Friday with $120.00 worth of meat, got the firebox going and temp holding at 225. Put briskets on the pit, closed the lid and kept the temp right and lowering the weight of my cooler till 5am. Now it had been awhile since I smoked a brisket, and the whole time it seemed to me the fire box was taking a lot more wood than I remembered using in the past. Whatever, just watch the gauge and pull me off at 5:00. I never open the lid, why would you? The magic is happening. Well, when time was up and I did open the lid 2 12lb briskets were not much bigger than my foot. Temp gauge had gone bad and I was probably smoking at about 600*. FYI, about $250 for BBQ for 20 people.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              A few years we invited a bunch a friends over for supper.
                              I decided to make Gumbolaya [emoji846]
                              Bought shrimp, Andouille(sp?) Sausage, crabmeat, Bell peppers, Onion's, Boudain, Spicy Boudain, Rice, Barley, corn & ??. Bought a big ole stock pot to make it in. Bought some clear glass bowls so we couid see what we're eating. Got it all cooked and i seasoned it with some Red Pepper & Cayenne pepper. I knew my guest didn't like spicy. I tasted it. I didn't taste any spice so I added a bit more. I let it simmer for a while so the flavors could mix and there thing. When I served it was OMG [emoji3062][emoji3062] SPICY.
                              We ended up ordering Pizza [emoji17]

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