Old guy sayings

[SaltwaterSlick]

Man, he's tighter'n a bull's arse in fly season... when talkin' bout a tight wad (my uncle, his brother)...

[Calrob]

So dumb he couldnt poor **** out of a boot with the instructions on the heel.

[rtp]

wish in one hand and s h i t in the other and see which fills up first

One of my Dad”s favorites.


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[SaltwaterSlick]

He'll spot you 99 and beat you to a hundred...

Definition of "goin' some"... when a cat sits on top of a telephone pole and takes a dump, and jumps down and digs a hole for it to fall in...

[rtp]

Lord willing and the creek don’t rise.


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[Sharecropper]

Any idiot can pizz on the floor, why not be a hero and crap on the ceiling . .

[HogHunter34]

“He ain’t firing on all cylinders”
“He can’t poor **** out of a boot with the directions wrote on the heel”

Also used to hear my grandfather when leaving after visiting someone
“Well come go with us”

[tmurray]

If a frog had wings he'd get Mockin bird pu$$y
You'd ***** if I hit you with a brand new hammer
You could **** up a steel ball
I'm broker'n the ten commandments
I'm 9 days older than Christ

[rtp]

Measure twice and cut once

You’ve cut it twice and it’s still too short

Shut the **** door we aren’t air conditioning the entire city.


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[Goldeneagle]

Well boys, it's time **** on the fire and call it a dog.




Till tomorrow!

[Hoggslayer]

My Dad:
Boy you are as worthless as t1ts on a bore hog.

Life ain't always pretty. Sometimes even the best t urd will leave a skidmark on the bowl.

Those are my favorite but here are a few more he left me with.

When referring to:

Tightness: That's tighter than Dicks hat band.

Hardness: That's harder than woodpecker lips.

Difficulty: That's harder than Chinese arithmetic.

Age: He's older than dirt.

Beauty: Her Daddy must have been a looking glass maker.

Amazement: I've been to 9 county fairs and ain't never seen no **** like that.

[Yelladog]

Shaking like a dog crapping peach seeds on a frosty morning
That boy could F up a rock fight
Some days your the bug some days your the windshield
I can see the light at the end of the tunnel but it may be a train
knocked his Cock in his watch pocket
I'd rather drink kerosene and **** on a brushfire
Id rather Jack^%$ a bobcat with a handful of stickers

[WTucker]

My grandpa is full of great sayings: “It’s colder than a witches tit in a brass bra.”

A co-worker: “Working here is like goin’ to the moon in a covered wagon.”

[BarBBar]

I'm going to see a man about a dog... followed by a "courtesy flush" or two

[D-BULL]

You bout as sharp as a bowling ball