I need a laugh . . . tell me the funniest joke you've heard recently.
-
Last edited by TxHamJello; 01-07-2022, 07:01 AM. -
The only difference between marriage and prison is they give you conjugal visits in prison. -
-
A guy was in the hospital and they thought he might have Covid. He is lying there with an oxygen mask on and a pretty nurse comes in to give him a sponge bath.
He looks up at her a says, “Are my testicles black?”
The nurse says “I don’t know and I’m not here for that. I’m only here to give you an upper body sponge bath. “
The patient says “please, I need to know if my testicles are black.”
The nurse thinks to herself I’m a nurse, I shouldn’t be embarrassed, so she pulls the sheets back and softly and carefully inspects his manhood. After her inspection, she turns to the patient and says,” sir, you have nothing to worry about, your testicles are not black. “
The man removes his oxygen mask and says to the nurse “thank you, thank you so very much, but listen to me very carefully…..Are my test results back????Comment
-
A doctor walks in to the exam room with test results in hand. He says “sir, your test results are in”. The patient indignantly replies, I am not a sir and you will not refer to me as sir. My name is Monica!” The doc replies, “ Ok Monica, you have a prostate infection”.Comment
-
Biden and Harris have it under control.Comment
-
-
-
One that sticks in my mind came from a former coworker. Old school, hard *** type guy with 40+ years in commercial roofing. With that being said, myself & a couple other guys got along with him really well.
"You know what burns my ***? A grass fire about this high." (Puts his hand at his waist)Comment
-
Saw this one on another forum.
An old blind cowboy wanders into a female biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter,
"Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a, very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
"Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat
The bouncer is a blonde girl
I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate
The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter
The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler
"Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No... Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."Comment
-
An Engineer dies and goes to hell. He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly.
The moving walkway motor jammed, so he unjams it. People can get from place to place more easily.
The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to the Satellite dish and now they get hundreds of high def channels.
One day, God decides to look down on Hell to see how his grand design is working out and notices that everyone is happy and enjoying umbrella drinks. He asks the Devil what's going on?
The Devil replies, "Things are great down here since you sent us that engineer."
"What?? An engineer? I didn't send you one of those, that must have been a mistake. Send him back up right this minute."
The Devil responds, "No way! We are going to keep our engineer. We like this guy."
God demands, "If you don't send him to me immediately, I'll sue!"
The Devil laughs. "Where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"Comment
-
Ok so a man takes his teenage son to a bar for the first time. Within minutes his son has his eyes on two women sitting at the bar and says “ I think I’m gonna go chat em up and get their phone numbers”. His dad informs the teen that those women were lesbians and the boy had no idea what a lesbian was. So his dad leaned over to his son and whispered in his ear what lesbians did to each other. Immediately the young boy busted out in tears and his dad asked why he was so upset. His son replied “ Dad I think I’m a lesbian”.Comment
-
I thought that my dryer was shrinking my clothes, it turns out it was actually the refrigerator.Comment
-
A nurse walks up to a patient and pulls out two identical thermometers. She seems unsure which to use. She says one is an oral thermometers and one a rectal thermometers. Patient seems aggravated and asks,"what's the difference?" As she slides one under his tongue she answers..,"only the taste".Comment
-
One day in class, the teacher was asking questions about what they had discussed the day before. Little Johnny raised his hand and said……………….umm, can’t tell that one.
During the last recess at school, Little Johnny went up to the little red hair girl and …………………..naw, can’t tell that one either.
One day Little Johnny was playing with the little girl next door. She was always bragging on what she had. He’d get mad every time and finally he thought of one thing she didn’t have, so he……………….shoot, can’t tell that one either.
Hell, all I know is Little Johnny jokes!!!Comment
Comment