|
 |
 |
 |
05-30-2022, 05:42 PM
|
#1 |
|
Associate Sponsor
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Lake Bob Sandlin, Northeast Texas
|
One Liners?
Alright it's been a very Somber Day here and I've got metal dust or something in my eyes a few times today. Then I remembered Patton's speech about Memorial Day - that they would of wanted us to enjoy the day. My son Dylan sought to cheer me up!
A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender if I show you something cool can I have a free drink? Sure! So he pulls out a 10" Pianist and a tiny piano playing Yankee Doodle! Bartender: WOW! Here's your drink! Then he says if I show you something cool can I have another? Heck yeah! So he pulls out a genie who says I'll grant you one wish! Bartender: I want a million bucks and POOF!! there's a million DUCKS in the bar! Bartender: I didn't ask for a million ducks?!?! Well I didn't ask for a 10" pianist either!! |
|
|
|
05-30-2022, 07:19 PM
|
#2 |
|
Pope & Young
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Golden Triangle
|
That’s about an 8 liner.
A one liner would be like… The definition of pregnancy is something taken seriously that was poked in fun. |
|
|
|
|
05-30-2022, 07:50 PM
|
#3 |
|
Pope & Young
Join Date: Aug 2021
Location: Livingston Texas
Hunt In: Between Onalaska and Groveton
|
Or “ Hey your pretty funny. You should be on stage. There’s one leaving at midnight”.
|
|
|
|
05-30-2022, 07:57 PM
|
#4 |
|
Pope & Young
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Golden Triangle
|
I got fired from the calendar factory because I took a day off.
|
|
|
|
|
05-30-2022, 08:18 PM
|
#5 |
|
Pope & Young
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Bastrop
Hunt In: Bastrop
|
Dung beetle walks into a bar and says “is this stool taken?”
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
|
|
|
|
05-30-2022, 09:29 PM
|
#6 |
|
Four Point
Join Date: Oct 2016
|
What’s brown and sticky?
A stick. |
|
|
|
|
05-30-2022, 09:37 PM
|
#7 |
|
Ten Point
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Hallettsville
Hunt In: Victoria County
|
Even a broken clock is right twice a day.
|
|
|
|
|
05-30-2022, 09:41 PM
|
#8 |
|
Pope & Young
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Golden Triangle
|
On keeping secrets…
Don’t tell but if you tell, tell the one you tell not to tell. |
|
|
|
|
05-30-2022, 10:58 PM
|
#9 |
|
Ten Point
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: East Texas
Hunt In: Everywhere
|
I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous…
|
|
|
|
|
05-31-2022, 08:02 AM
|
#10 |
|
Pope & Young
Join Date: Apr 2014
Hunt In: Votaw, Del Rio, Eldorado, Bon Wier
|
My wife donates money to the homeless but gets mad when I donate to the topless.
|
|
|
|
|
05-31-2022, 08:05 AM
|
#11 | |
|
Pope & Young
Join Date: Aug 2021
Location: Livingston Texas
Hunt In: Between Onalaska and Groveton
|
Quote:
|
|
|
|
|
|
05-31-2022, 11:59 AM
|
#12 |
|
Associate Sponsor
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Lake Bob Sandlin, Northeast Texas
|
Ha! These are great! I would have to say AntlerCollector is in first so far! LOL!
|
|
|
|
|
05-31-2022, 12:00 PM
|
#13 |
|
Associate Sponsor
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Lake Bob Sandlin, Northeast Texas
|
I woke up last night and I was driving!!
|
|
|
|
|
05-31-2022, 12:08 PM
|
#14 |
|
Pope & Young
Join Date: Oct 2006
|
On trying to argue with our local libs....
It's hard to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person! |
|
|
|
|
05-31-2022, 12:33 PM
|
#15 |
|
Pope & Young
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Richmond, TX
Hunt In: Sutton County
|
If they can’t find you handsome, let em find you handy
|
|
|
|
|
05-31-2022, 12:38 PM
|
#16 |
|
Associate Sponsor
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Mansfield, TX
Hunt In: Gouldbusk, TX
|
Hurting you is the last thing I want to do...
But it's still on my list. |
|
|
|
|
05-31-2022, 12:42 PM
|
#17 |
|
Pope & Young
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Allen, TX
Hunt In: Where ever I get a chance.
|
It's time to go kiss the dog and kick the old lady. (An old co-worker used to say that at quitting time.)
|
|
|
|
|
05-31-2022, 12:44 PM
|
#18 |
|
Eight Point
Join Date: Oct 2011
|
Stand em on their heads, they all look like sisters.
|
|
|
|
|
05-31-2022, 01:48 PM
|
#19 |
|
Eight Point
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Near Austin
Hunt In: Bertram
|
Baseball coach
“There’s no secret to winning, just play teams worse than your team.” |
|
|
|
|
05-31-2022, 01:52 PM
|
#20 |
|
Four Point
Join Date: Jul 2021
Location: Deer Park
Hunt In: Goldthwaite, D'hanis
|
I heard the other day that yardstick companies aren't making them any longer.
|
|
|
|
|
05-31-2022, 02:08 PM
|
#21 | |
|
Ten Point
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Clifton,Tx
Hunt In: Tree
|
Quote:
|
|
|
|
|
|
05-31-2022, 02:18 PM
|
#22 |
|
Four Point
Join Date: Oct 2016
|
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
He died. |
|
|
|
|
05-31-2022, 02:56 PM
|
#23 |
|
Ten Point
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Allen, Tx
Hunt In: Coleman, Ok
|
If Jack@sses could fly, this place would be an airport.
|
|
|
|
|
05-31-2022, 03:16 PM
|
#24 |
|
Ten Point
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Newark, Texas
|
Never miss a good opportunity to shut up!
|
|
|
|
|
05-31-2022, 03:26 PM
|
#25 |
|
Ten Point
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Leon Springs, Tx
Hunt In: Searching
|
Go ugly early!!
|
|
|
|
|
05-31-2022, 03:34 PM
|
#26 |
|
Pope & Young
Join Date: Aug 2021
Location: Livingston Texas
Hunt In: Between Onalaska and Groveton
|
If you can’t say anything good, you might be an A-hole.
|
|
|
|
|
05-31-2022, 03:40 PM
|
#27 |
|
Pope & Young
Join Date: Oct 2006
|
You're a melancholy person... body like a melon and a face like a collie...
|
|
|
|
|
05-31-2022, 03:41 PM
|
#28 |
|
Pope & Young
Join Date: Oct 2006
|
So you're gonna come after me....well son you might just have more hell turnin' me loose than you did catchin' me!
|
|
|
|
|
05-31-2022, 03:42 PM
|
#29 |
|
Pope & Young
Join Date: Oct 2006
|
You're drivin' me crazy!!
Pack light! It's a short trip! |
|
|
|
|
05-31-2022, 04:00 PM
|
#30 | |
|
Six Point
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Flatonia
Hunt In: Fayette
|
Quote:
|
|
|
|
|
|
05-31-2022, 04:06 PM
|
#31 |
|
Eight Point
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Baytown
Hunt In: Where I can
|
What do you call a magician who's lost his magic?
Ian. |
|
|
|
|
06-01-2022, 07:40 PM
|
#32 |
|
Associate Sponsor
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Lake Bob Sandlin, Northeast Texas
|
Ha! Ha! These are so great!! Heck I miss Ol' Rodney Dangerfield!!
|
|
|
|
|
06-01-2022, 07:41 PM
|
#33 |
|
Associate Sponsor
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Lake Bob Sandlin, Northeast Texas
|
Take my wife...Please!!
|
|
|
|
|
06-01-2022, 07:58 PM
|
#34 | |
|
Pope & Young
Join Date: Aug 2021
Location: Livingston Texas
Hunt In: Between Onalaska and Groveton
|
Quote:
|
|
|
|
|
|
06-01-2022, 08:20 PM
|
#35 |
|
Ten Point
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Mont Belvieu, TX
Hunt In: Real County, TX
|
She’s a 2 at 10:00 and a 10 at 2:00.
|
|
|
|
|
06-01-2022, 08:56 PM
|
#36 |
|
Eight Point
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Arlington
|
My wife, she’s a bad cook.
One night she tells me to take out the trash. I told her “You cooked it, you take it out!” |
|
|
|
|
06-01-2022, 09:06 PM
|
#37 |
|
Six Point
Join Date: Oct 2012
|
Guy walking out of a liquor store gets asked, "hey, whatya doing?" and replies...
"Getting a six pack for my wife." original questioner replies, "great trade!" |
|
|
|
|
06-01-2022, 09:12 PM
|
#38 |
|
Pope & Young
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Burleson, Texas
Hunt In: Kick CoViD's tail!
|
"I saw that!"- Karma
|
|
|
|
|
06-01-2022, 09:15 PM
|
#39 |
|
Pope & Young
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Burleson, Texas
Hunt In: Kick CoViD's tail!
|
Be carefull when you follow the masses, sometimes the "m" is silent.
|
|
|
|
|
06-01-2022, 09:18 PM
|
#40 |
|
Pope & Young
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Burleson, Texas
Hunt In: Kick CoViD's tail!
|
Have you ever listened to someone for a while and wondered,
"who ties your shoe laces for you?" |
|
|
|
|
06-01-2022, 09:20 PM
|
#41 |
|
Pope & Young
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Burleson, Texas
Hunt In: Kick CoViD's tail!
|
Youth and Talent are no match for age and treachery.
|
|
|
|
|
06-01-2022, 09:21 PM
|
#42 |
|
Pope & Young
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Porter Trash
Hunt In: Tyler County
|
If she had as many stuck out of her as she's had stuck in her, she'd look like a porcupine.
|
|
|
|
|
06-01-2022, 09:23 PM
|
#43 |
|
Pope & Young
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Burleson, Texas
Hunt In: Kick CoViD's tail!
|
Dear Karma,
I have a list of people you missed. |
|
|
|
|
06-01-2022, 09:35 PM
|
#44 |
|
Pope & Young
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Leander
Hunt In: Leander/Christoval
|
There's a reason God gave you two ears and only one mouth.
|
|
|
|
|
06-01-2022, 09:39 PM
|
#45 |
|
Pope & Young
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Burleson, Texas
Hunt In: Kick CoViD's tail!
|
I didn't mean to push your buttons. I was just looking for mute.
|
|
|
|
|
06-01-2022, 09:40 PM
|
#46 |
|
Pope & Young
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Burleson, Texas
Hunt In: Kick CoViD's tail!
|
If you are agitated and confused, my work here is done.
|
|
|
|
|
06-01-2022, 09:41 PM
|
#47 | |
|
Pope & Young
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Burleson TX
Hunt In: For a place
|
Quote:
|
|
|
|
|
|
06-01-2022, 09:42 PM
|
#48 |
|
Pope & Young
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Burleson, Texas
Hunt In: Kick CoViD's tail!
|
Don't confuse my personality with my attitude. My personality is who I am. My attitude depends on who you are.
|
|
|
|
|
06-01-2022, 09:43 PM
|
#49 |
|
Pope & Young
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Burleson, Texas
Hunt In: Kick CoViD's tail!
|
Common sense is so rare these days, it should be classified as a Super Power.
|
|
|
|
|
06-01-2022, 09:46 PM
|
#50 |
|
Pope & Young
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Burleson, Texas
Hunt In: Kick CoViD's tail!
|
I LOVE sarcasm. Without it, I'd really have to pretend to like a lot of people.
|
|
|
|
 |
| Thread Tools | |
| Display Modes | |
|
|
Linear Mode
