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Old 08-10-2022, 12:17 PM   #1
Gumbo Man
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So it had been on my heart for sometime that I hadn’t visited my dad and grandmothers grave site in a long time. It’s just something that I struggle with. They are buried in Rock Island which is where she had lived for many years. My dad died at an early age from lung cancer. The last year of his life he had to live with her as there was no way he could physically take care of himself after having one lung removed and 1/3 of the other one.

When she passed away she was laid to rest next to her only son and the new headstone was made for them both. I was ashamed when I saw the condition that we had allowed it to be in.

So a quick trip to Sheridan and the Dollar Store and we headed back to take care of business. We freshened the grave and made it look somewhat new again and then my wife gave me some one on one time so I could talk with both of them for a while. It was a great trip and I needed it as much as they did. Please take the time folks.

I guess I should explain the “struggle” of visiting. For me there is a lot of pain still from losing my dad. He was my best friend and mentor. He never got to see me walk the isle with my wife. He never got to meet his grandchildren nor they meet him. He never got a chance to witness my failures as a young man and and witness how I rebounded from those failures. He never got to witness any success that I have had in my life nor see what I had become knowing that he would be proud of my perseverance and work ethic that I learned from him. The pain never goes away and I’m glad that it doesn’t if that makes sense to anyone. It tells me that I am human.
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Old 08-10-2022, 12:28 PM   #2
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My wife and her sister never go to their parents grave. My folks are buried right across from the Aggie Field of Honor in College Station. I didn’t go to their grave last time I was there but plan on it next trip. I know that only their remains are there, but it still brings me peace when I go to their gravesite.
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Old 08-10-2022, 01:40 PM   #3
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Nice work on the clean up.

Funny thing, I dont go visit graves of my loved ones. I have great memories, but it has just never been something I do. However, I like going through graveyards and looking at the ages and finding the oldest marked graves.
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Old 08-10-2022, 02:00 PM   #4
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Go every chance I get, and talk to them.
Me and dad just made a trip weekend before last, and cleaned up my grandmother's stone, and 2 of my uncles stones.
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Old 08-10-2022, 02:10 PM   #5
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Go every chance I get, and talk to them.
Me and dad just made a trip weekend before last, and cleaned up my grandmother's stone, and 2 of my uncles stones.
Those are nice stones MH.
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Old 08-10-2022, 02:18 PM   #6
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Those are nice stones MH.
Appreciate it, headstones have been a family business for nearly 60 yrs.
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Old 08-10-2022, 02:20 PM   #7
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Just got back from a trip to Rio Vista, Itasca and Waxahachie. Took my dad to the gravesites of his family. Sucked seeing my dad just staring at the stones, I could see it in his face. We make the trip at least two times a year. I'm very thankful I still have my parents to this day, I couldn't imagine not being able to pick up the phone and call them. Try to record them with my phone when I can. Stone looks great, excellent job!! Gumbo, I'm sure he is looking down on you and smiling at the man you are and your accomplishments!!
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Old 08-10-2022, 02:26 PM   #8
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Just got back from a trip to Rio Vista, Itasca and Waxahachie. Took my dad to the gravesites of his family. Sucked seeing my dad just staring at the stones, I could see it in his face. We make the trip at least two times a year. I'm very thankful I still have my parents to this day, I couldn't imagine not being able to pick up the phone and call them. Try to record them with my phone when I can. Stone looks great, excellent job!! Gumbo, I'm sure he is looking down on you and smiling at the man you are and your accomplishments!!
I record my parents every chance I get, it's one of the best things about technology.
So many that i would love to just hear their voice again..
I have old footage of my brother but it's 8mm and no sound.
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Old 08-10-2022, 02:35 PM   #9
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Funny you should post this, making that trip has been on my mind lately. My father is buried in Parker Cemetery outside Grapeland. It started as a family cemetery in the 1850's when my Parker ancestor buried a son who died in an accident. There are several hundred graves there now many of whom I am related to in one way or another. The majority of my family on that side never left Houston County or the surrounding area going back 170 years. When I go, I take picture of old headstones so I can do some research on who they were. The older I get the more compelled I am to explore my roots...
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Old 08-10-2022, 02:44 PM   #10
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I record my parents every chance I get, it's one of the best things about technology.
So many that i would love to just hear their voice again..
I have old footage of my brother but it's 8mm and no sound.
Yes sir, a guy told me one day "I just wish I could hear my mothers voice again". He also told me to record my folks, make copies and keep them in a different location just in case. He stated on his ruff days he would listen to voicemails of his mother to get him through the day. His phone crashed and he loss it all. I did the same with my brother but no copies, phone crashed and lost it. Thanks for posting Gumbo, just a heads up for others to make it a point to visit their loved ones!!
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Old 08-10-2022, 02:47 PM   #11
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Mom and I get out to visit Dad on a regular basis. I try to keep his Marker as clean as possible.
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Old 08-10-2022, 02:49 PM   #12
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Funny you should post this, making that trip has been on my mind lately. My father is buried in Parker Cemetery outside Grapeland. It started as a family cemetery in the 1850's when my Parker ancestor buried a son who died in an accident. There are several hundred graves there now many of whom I am related to in one way or another. The majority of my family on that side never left Houston County or the surrounding area going back 170 years. When I go, I take picture of old headstones so I can do some research on who they were. The older I get the more compelled I am to explore my roots...
I know Grapeland well Jerp. Itís only an hour from me.
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Old 08-10-2022, 02:51 PM   #13
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Yes. I wish I could go back and record my mom and dad. I tell everyone to take lots of pictures. I save all my wife and sons voicemails as well. Take no day for granted.
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Old 08-10-2022, 02:54 PM   #14
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Mom and I get out to visit Dad on a regular basis. I try to keep his Marker as clean as possible.
Thatís a nice monument Brandon. Itís a symbol of not only what our dads did for our family, but what they did for our country as well.
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Old 08-10-2022, 02:55 PM   #15
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Yes. I wish I could go back and record my mom and dad. I tell everyone to take lots of pictures. I save all my wife and sons voicemails as well. Take no day for granted.
So true. Every word of it.
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Old 08-10-2022, 02:56 PM   #16
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Yes sir, a guy told me one day "I just wish I could hear my mothers voice again". He also told me to record my folks, make copies and keep them in a different location just in case. He stated on his ruff days he would listen to voicemails of his mother to get him through the day. His phone crashed and he loss it all. I did the same with my brother but no copies, phone crashed and lost it. Thanks for posting Gumbo, just a heads up for others to make it a point to visit their loved ones!!
Awesome stuff Redfeathers.
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Old 08-10-2022, 04:34 PM   #17
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Yes. I wish I could go back and record my mom and dad. I tell everyone to take lots of pictures. I save all my wife and sons voicemails as well. Take no day for granted.
That is no lie. I kept my laar voice-mail from my grandfather as long as I possibly could. Had to end up getting a new phone and never had it again. Killed me at the time
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Old 08-10-2022, 04:59 PM   #18
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My folks sit in a jar in my sister's closet. It's a long story. Great job on the clean up Terry

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Old 08-10-2022, 05:43 PM   #19
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Great thread Terry. Thanks for the reminder. You describing your dad sure reminded me of mine. I lost my dad to cancer January 2021. Right in the middle of covid madness. I was able to see him in the hospital the night he passed. I didnít attend the very small graveside service for him again because of covid. My grandmother was 90 at the time (still alive). She was scared of covid because all she does is watch the news on tv. I wanted her to be there and grieve the loss of her son. I went later after she had left. Someone took this pic of me kneeling where my dads ashes had been buried.

Itís never easy to say goodbye to someone that was so influential in the man you became.

I think I will pay him a visit this weekend.




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Old 08-10-2022, 06:01 PM   #20
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Gumbo Man, that is a great tribute and reminder, thanks for sharing. And know that your pops has been smiling down from above, watching you fail and succeed along your journey, with a smile on his face. Take care brother!
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Old 08-10-2022, 06:09 PM   #21
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Iím a sorry SOB. I donít get wound up about dead family members. I loved them but they are dead and gone, just like I will be dead and gone one day. Putting flowers on my/their grave wonít bring them back. Thatís just $30 that will die and get swept up by the caretaker of the cemetery.

The religious folks may have different opinions and thatís cool also.


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Old 08-10-2022, 06:10 PM   #22
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I may be in the minority, but I do not like going to graveyards. I miss my father, mother, grand parents, uncles & aunts and great uncles and great aunts. To me they are not at that grave - they are with me. And I still talk with them. One of the things I love about hunting is sitting in the still dark of an hour before 1st light and just thinking and talking. When I kick the bucket, I'll be cremated and spread out somewhere. There is always the guilt of not visiting and I don't want to pass that on.
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Old 08-10-2022, 06:14 PM   #23
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Great thread Terry. Thanks for the reminder. You describing your dad sure reminded me of mine. I lost my dad to cancer January 2021. Right in the middle of covid madness. I was able to see him in the hospital the night he passed. I didnít attend the very small graveside service for him again because of covid. My grandmother was 90 at the time (still alive). She was scared of covid because all she does is watch the news on tv. I wanted her to be there and grieve the loss of her son. I went later after she had left. Someone took this pic of me kneeling where my dads ashes had been buried.

Itís never easy to say goodbye to someone that was so influential in the man you became.

I think I will pay him a visit this weekend.




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Thatís awesome AC.
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Old 08-10-2022, 06:15 PM   #24
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Gumbo Man, that is a great tribute and reminder, thanks for sharing. And know that your pops has been smiling down from above, watching you fail and succeed along your journey, with a smile on his face. Take care brother!
Thankyou for the kind words brother.
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Old 08-10-2022, 06:16 PM   #25
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I’m a sorry SOB. I don’t get wound up about dead family members. I loved them but they are dead and gone, just like I will be dead and gone one day. Putting flowers on my/their grave won’t bring them back. That’s just $30 that will die and get swept up by the caretaker of the cemetery.

The religious folks may have different opinions and that’s cool also.


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I’m sorry that this is the only response that you could come up with. You really didn’t need to respond at all.
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Old 08-10-2022, 06:29 PM   #26
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I probably should but I get depressed going to graveyards. I need to make it a point to see people that I love that are still living as much as I can. And I'm not the worlds best about that either. It's easy to get caught up in the things going on in your life. I don't ever want to regret not seeing people when they're here. That's a bad feeling walking up to a gravestone and talking to it instead of the person it's there for. I don't ever want to do that and feel like I'm looking at a strangers headstone. I need to be better about going to see people I care about because it's not going to be that way forever. I have a choice. One day I won't be able to see them or hear their voice and not by choice.

Last edited by okrattler; 08-10-2022 at 06:36 PM.
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Old 08-10-2022, 07:25 PM   #27
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I may be in the minority, but I do not like going to graveyards. I miss my father, mother, grand parents, uncles & aunts and great uncles and great aunts. To me they are not at that grave - they are with me. And I still talk with them. One of the things I love about hunting is sitting in the still dark of an hour before 1st light and just thinking and talking. When I kick the bucket, I'll be cremated and spread out somewhere. There is always the guilt of not visiting and I don't want to pass that on.
If you're religious then they are there to an extent, the way I read the book anyway.
When it says "the dead in Christ shall rise first" I'm not sure where else they would be rising from .
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Old 08-10-2022, 07:39 PM   #28
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Talk to my grandpa every time I smoke anything. He taught me how to do it. Lefty, Jones, haggard provide the lyrics. Vince and Randy make appearances too. My parents and me will be cremated. We all prefer memories over memorials. Definitely not judging.


I do go and sit with grandpa a few times a year. I doubt it upsets him, but I know he prefers cooking g with me.

Last edited by 3whunt; 08-10-2022 at 07:42 PM. Reason: Clarification
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Old 08-10-2022, 07:53 PM   #29
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May be identifying myself as an oddball but I like going to old cemeteries and reading the tombstones. There is a really old one on a hilltop at a friends ranch in Bosque County with graves going back to the mid 1800”s. He keeps it mowed and trimmed and maintains the original wrought iron fence around it. About 40 graves. A few that say “killed by Indians “. Several with a woman and a newborn buried together - died in childbirth. All my mother’s people are buried at Hollywood cemetery in Richmond Virginia. In addition to my grandparents and generations going back to the 1840’s there are the graves of 4 presidents and lots of people you would know from your history books including Jefferson Davis. Lots of beautiful and ornate graves. How we remember our dead says a lot about who we are
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Old 08-10-2022, 08:04 PM   #30
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May be identifying myself as an oddball but I like going to old cemeteries and reading the tombstones. There is a really old one on a hilltop at a friends ranch in Bosque County with graves going back to the mid 1800”s. He keeps it mowed and trimmed and maintains the original wrought iron fence around it. About 40 graves. A few that say “killed by Indians “. Several with a woman and a newborn buried together - died in childbirth. All my mother’s people are buried at Hollywood cemetery in Richmond Virginia. In addition to my grandparents and generations going back to the 1840’s there are the graves of 4 presidents and lots of people you would know from your history books including Jefferson Davis. Lots of beautiful and ornate graves. How we remember our dead says a lot about who we are
My wife and I do the same. We enjoy the history and family names that have been in one area for over 100 years. The old monuments are beautiful and you can usually tell who was wealthy for the period. And your last sentence speaks volumes Jerp.
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Old 08-10-2022, 08:09 PM   #31
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Funny you should post this, making that trip has been on my mind lately. My father is buried in Parker Cemetery outside Grapeland. It started as a family cemetery in the 1850's when my Parker ancestor buried a son who died in an accident. There are several hundred graves there now many of whom I am related to in one way or another. The majority of my family on that side never left Houston County or the surrounding area going back 170 years. When I go, I take picture of old headstones so I can do some research on who they were. The older I get the more compelled I am to explore my roots...
My wife's family goes back over 125 years in Grapeland and her great Grandpa was a preacher in the area. Some of her family is buried at Antrim Cemetary there where my wife and I also have a plot. Their old family farm where I hunt has been in my wife's family since around 1900.
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Old 08-10-2022, 08:09 PM   #32
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I may be in the minority, but I do not like going to graveyards. I miss my father, mother, grand parents, uncles & aunts and great uncles and great aunts. To me they are not at that grave - they are with me. And I still talk with them. One of the things I love about hunting is sitting in the still dark of an hour before 1st light and just thinking and talking. When I kick the bucket, I'll be cremated and spread out somewhere. There is always the guilt of not visiting and I don't want to pass that on.
This is me to the letter. I've told everyone I know, cremate me, spread my ashes in a few places that have meaning to me, and have a party to celebrate my life. I don't want anyone crying over me. Party on and laugh till it hurts.

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Old 08-10-2022, 08:33 PM   #33
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The only time I go is when another family member is laid to rest. I'm not opposed to folks going but it's something I do not want to do. there are several reasons behind my thoughts. Its a wound that's healing and I don't want rip the scab off. Also its a chapter in my life that I do not want to reread. I need to keep moving forward.
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Old 08-10-2022, 08:58 PM   #34
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Gumbo man not to side track but what did you use to clean that up. I buried my mom in 2010 and I have only been back a handful of times. I need to go and I am sure clean up hers and my grandmothers.
Because of this thread I will put this as priority. Thank you.


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Old 08-10-2022, 09:04 PM   #35
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I probably should but I get depressed going to graveyards. I need to make it a point to see people that I love that are still living as much as I can. And I'm not the worlds best about that either. It's easy to get caught up in the things going on in your life. I don't ever want to regret not seeing people when they're here. That's a bad feeling walking up to a gravestone and talking to it instead of the person it's there for. I don't ever want to do that and feel like I'm looking at a strangers headstone. I need to be better about going to see people I care about because it's not going to be that way forever. I have a choice. One day I won't be able to see them or hear their voice and not by choice.


Iím with ya on this. Well said.
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Old 08-10-2022, 09:27 PM   #36
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Iím sorry that this is the only response that you could come up with. You really didnít need to respond at all.
Agree totally.
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Old 08-10-2022, 09:40 PM   #37
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Going back thousands of years my people have always cremated except for great kings back in the old times. Its such a cultural paradigm within me that I was quite disturbed to attend my wifeís grandfatherís funeral. They had him laid out in a suit and make up. Real odd to me. I didnít show my bewilderment obviously. I also abhor the idea of a loved one rotting in a cask underground. Not trying to be rude just so foreign to me. To me the body is an empty vessel at that point. Zero value.

With that said I respect all cultures burial practices and I think it shows good reverence to care for graves and graveyards.


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Old 08-10-2022, 10:32 PM   #38
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May be identifying myself as an oddball but I like going to old cemeteries and reading the tombstones. There is a really old one on a hilltop at a friends ranch in Bosque County with graves going back to the mid 1800Ēs. He keeps it mowed and trimmed and maintains the original wrought iron fence around it. About 40 graves. A few that say ďkilled by Indians ď. Several with a woman and a newborn buried together - died in childbirth. All my motherís people are buried at Hollywood cemetery in Richmond Virginia. In addition to my grandparents and generations going back to the 1840ís there are the graves of 4 presidents and lots of people you would know from your history books including Jefferson Davis. Lots of beautiful and ornate graves. How we remember our dead says a lot about who we are
I enjoy looking through them, too. Lots of cool family history in them. I always enjoy decoration day at our old cemeteries up here, especially with elderly family members that can provide information and stories about the older graves. Some of them are even too old (or unmarked) for them to remember.

Iíve found several graves on a place of ours and got interested in their history. Just a cool hobby for me. One of them (allegedly) is a little girl that died while traveling through in the 1840s. Grave was lost and I found it bushogging up on a hill in a pretty pasture. Really considering doing something to spruce it up/better mark it. Couldnít imagine what those people were going through especially having young daughters of my own.

Great job cleaning up that head stone, OP.
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Old 08-10-2022, 11:18 PM   #39
Hogmauler
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I know my folks are in Heaven. They were born again believers. But their remains are here. It may sound morbid but when I go I feel close to em. I miss em everyday but I’m also glad there not here going through what we’re gonna go through.
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Old 08-11-2022, 02:53 AM   #40
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Going back thousands of years my people have always cremated except for great kings back in the old times. Its such a cultural paradigm within me that I was quite disturbed to attend my wife’s grandfather’s funeral. They had him laid out in a suit and make up. Real odd to me. I didn’t show my bewilderment obviously. I also abhor the idea of a loved one rotting in a cask underground. Not trying to be rude just so foreign to me. To me the body is an empty vessel at that point. Zero value.

With that said I respect all cultures burial practices and I think it shows good reverence to care for graves and graveyards.


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I think along the same lines except I think it's very strange that we preserve people and put them into the ground in boxes that will be there for hundreds of years. I think we should go back into nature in some form or another whether in ashes or returning to the earth in human form in a box that decays quickly or no box at all. It just doesn't seem natural the way in which it's done and was probably never intended to be that way. Even plots of ground designated for it don't make a whole lot of sense. We mark our dead with stones but in reality just how many years after a person's death are they completely forgotten? Eventually people are just names on a headstone......

I find it odd but it is what it is. Just something to ponder I suppose. But the last I knew they weren't making any more land. Seems like we could be more productive and use the resources we have to benefit the living. But what do I know? If I don't do anything useful on this earth other than grow flowers or plants for animals to eat that's better than nothing. But that's just how I see it.

I'll be cremated. I don't want nobody standing over me crying or cussin me or nothin and not being able to do anything about it. Don't seem right.

Last edited by okrattler; 08-11-2022 at 03:00 AM.
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Old 08-11-2022, 07:17 AM   #41
Gumbo Man
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Gumbo man not to side track but what did you use to clean that up. I buried my mom in 2010 and I have only been back a handful of times. I need to go and I am sure clean up hers and my grandmothers.
Because of this thread I will put this as priority. Thank you.


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I used straight liquid bleach and scrub brush and a lot of elbow grease. Plus 1 gallon of water for clean up.
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Old 08-11-2022, 07:21 AM   #42
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I used straight liquid bleach and scrub brush and a lot of elbow grease. Plus 1 gallon of water for clean up.
If you're ever in the area again and need anything just holler. I'm literally one minute away.
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Old 08-11-2022, 07:37 AM   #43
Gumbo Man
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If you're ever in the area again and need anything just holler. I'm literally one minute away.
I figured that you would know where the cemetery was. Her old old farm house is still standing but boarded up. It is directly behind the cemetery across the field about 1/4 mile or so. Thanks for the offer.
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Old 08-11-2022, 08:04 AM   #44
Gumbo Man
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If you're ever in the area again and need anything just holler. I'm literally one minute away.
My grandmothers house.
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Old 08-11-2022, 08:06 AM   #45
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I figured that you would know where the cemetery was. Her old old farm house is still standing but boarded up. It is directly behind the cemetery across the field about 1/4 mile or so. Thanks for the offer.
I drive by it all the time!
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Old 08-11-2022, 08:17 AM   #46
Gumbo Man
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I drive by it all the time!
Thatís cool. I remember as a child that house would accommodate 3 families on holidays with plenty of room. Now it seems so tiny.
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Old 08-11-2022, 11:09 AM   #47
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I don't visit my parents or grandparents graves. Just don't like the idea they are buried in the dirt i guess. I keep them in my heart and mind. Not a day goes by that i don't think about one or the other . Most days i talk to them , everyday i miss them.
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Old 08-11-2022, 11:27 AM   #48
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I don't visit my parents or grandparents graves. Just don't like the idea they are buried in the dirt i guess. I keep them in my heart and mind. Not a day goes by that i don't think about one or the other . Most days i talk to them , everyday i miss them.
I dont either because they ain't in dat grave and in dat dirt. Who they are and were is their soul. Their soul ain't in da graveyard

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Old 08-11-2022, 12:42 PM   #49
Gumbo Man
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I don't visit my parents or grandparents graves. Just don't like the idea they are buried in the dirt i guess. I keep them in my heart and mind. Not a day goes by that i don't think about one or the other . Most days i talk to them , everyday i miss them.
I do understand and respect your position rebelbow. Iíve been on the fence for a long time on these very issues. But the actual visit did me good. And as you claim they are with us any time we feel like chatting.
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Old 08-11-2022, 12:50 PM   #50
Gumbo Man
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I dont either because they ain't in dat grave and in dat dirt. Who they are and were is their soul. Their soul ain't in da graveyard

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I agree 100% Ducko. I visit theyíre spirit very regularly. But for me knowing that I can be right there next to the physical vessel that is left behind gives me comfort. But thatís just me. Itís not for everyone. I get that. But moving beyond the reason a person does or doesnít visit the grave site, someone needs to maintain the head stone and keep it clean and legible. I felt like I had disrespected them by not doing that annually. I hope that you can understand that.
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