Because my father has always had a degree of interest in discovering a little more about his ‘Irish’ roots, I bought him an ‘Ancestry.com’ kit for Father’s Day this year. I helped him through the process of slobbering on a swab and inputting necessary information to get the process started.
About six weeks after submitting his sample, he received an email with a link to his data and findings. So, he sat at the computer on a Friday afternoon for several hours answering questions to set up a more detailed profile, and looking over tons of ‘matches’ Ancestry found. BTW, my father is 83 years old.
He and I both looked quickly down the list of names for folks with our last name or the last name of his mother. Only a couple of those names were found (not folks we knew). We didn’t pay much attention to the other, abbreviated information that was shown.
The following Monday, I sat at his computer at work (he doesn’t work on Mondays) to drill down a little on the information presented. That’s when I discovered something very obvious that neither of us had paid attention to before.
The second name listed in the ‘DNA matches’ was shown to have 952 ‘centimorgans’ (whatever those are) across 47 DNA segments in common with my father. With those statistics, Ancestry.com predicts that with 99% certainty, that person has a relationship with my father that is (probably) a 1st cousin, great-grandparent, half-uncle, or three or four other possible relationships.
But that was the second name listed (in descending order of ‘match’). So I took note of the first name listed. The data showed the first name had 3,462 centimorgans across 63 DNA segments in common with my father. Ancestry.com didn’t give any other options, but showed that with those statistics, there was a 100% probability of a parent/child relationship with my father.
Whuuuuuuuuuttt!?!?!
After recovering from the initial shock, I called my brother to tell him what I found. As two loving sons who had received from this man a lifetime of unconditional love, devotion, generosity, etc., we immediately started speculating the worst: Dad had an affair(s) at some point. Did he have ‘love children’ all across the country from his early years of business travel? Did our mother know anything about this (prior to her death two years ago)? What strain did this philandering put on their marriage?
My brother was coming to Fort Worth the next Thursday, so we decided we’d wait to discuss this with (‘confront’) Dad then. I knew Dad hadn’t noticed this information on the ‘DNA matches’ and probably wouldn’t.
Thursday arrived and we gathered around Dad’s computer. Using all my lawyerly training, I started going over the matches and statistics (above) and we asked Dad what that meant. Did he know what that could possibly be about?
He was somewhat dumbstruck, but said he did have an idea and we should reconvene in his office to hear about it.
[This is where you insert the ominous music from a soap opera as it breaks to a commercial.]
In Dad’s office, he told us that this relates to the darkest time in their (his and Mom’s) lives. That it cast a sadness over them and that it was a decision they regretted ever since.
Then he told us that when he and Mom got married (August, 1954, just three months after High School graduation), Mom was pregnant. They were young, from ‘Smalltown’, TX, scared, and didn’t know what to do. Dad had taken a job in the ‘big city’ (Fort Worth), so they moved here (hiding the pregnancy from friends and family back home) and when delivery time arrived, they gave the baby girl up for adoption.
He reiterated how they had regretted that decision for all these years. But my brother and I tried to emphasize over and over how they did the right thing – adoption.
Win-win for everybody.
Through various messages back and forth on Ancestry.com, my Dad and my newly-discovered sister began the process of getting to know one another: She was adopted by loving parents (along with three other adopted siblings); she now lives in Grapevine; she’s been married for 42 years; she has two kids and four grandkids.
They talked on the phone a couple of times, then met for dinner. Then my brother and I (along with Dad) met with her for several hours last week. Next step: ‘big’ meet up with her kids and our kids this Friday evening.
So, over the past month, I have discovered that I have a sister – not a step-sister, but someone sharing the same biological parents as me – 100%. My dad has found his daughter, discovered two more grandkids and four great-grandkids!
So far, everything has gone amazingly better than we could have hoped.
We don’t know where this may lead. We don’t want to force ourselves into her life or make her become a part of ours. But, it is very exciting to find this connection and we are anxious to see what becomes of it.
(BTW, ethnicity-wise, we discovered Dad is 64% England/Wales/NW European; 33% Ireland/Scotland; 2% Norway; and 1% Cameroon/Congo/Southern Bantu - which is hilarious since my Dad is so pale he has to be in the sun for 2 weeks before he can even cast a shadow!)
About six weeks after submitting his sample, he received an email with a link to his data and findings. So, he sat at the computer on a Friday afternoon for several hours answering questions to set up a more detailed profile, and looking over tons of ‘matches’ Ancestry found. BTW, my father is 83 years old.
He and I both looked quickly down the list of names for folks with our last name or the last name of his mother. Only a couple of those names were found (not folks we knew). We didn’t pay much attention to the other, abbreviated information that was shown.
The following Monday, I sat at his computer at work (he doesn’t work on Mondays) to drill down a little on the information presented. That’s when I discovered something very obvious that neither of us had paid attention to before.
The second name listed in the ‘DNA matches’ was shown to have 952 ‘centimorgans’ (whatever those are) across 47 DNA segments in common with my father. With those statistics, Ancestry.com predicts that with 99% certainty, that person has a relationship with my father that is (probably) a 1st cousin, great-grandparent, half-uncle, or three or four other possible relationships.
But that was the second name listed (in descending order of ‘match’). So I took note of the first name listed. The data showed the first name had 3,462 centimorgans across 63 DNA segments in common with my father. Ancestry.com didn’t give any other options, but showed that with those statistics, there was a 100% probability of a parent/child relationship with my father.
Whuuuuuuuuuttt!?!?!
After recovering from the initial shock, I called my brother to tell him what I found. As two loving sons who had received from this man a lifetime of unconditional love, devotion, generosity, etc., we immediately started speculating the worst: Dad had an affair(s) at some point. Did he have ‘love children’ all across the country from his early years of business travel? Did our mother know anything about this (prior to her death two years ago)? What strain did this philandering put on their marriage?
My brother was coming to Fort Worth the next Thursday, so we decided we’d wait to discuss this with (‘confront’) Dad then. I knew Dad hadn’t noticed this information on the ‘DNA matches’ and probably wouldn’t.
Thursday arrived and we gathered around Dad’s computer. Using all my lawyerly training, I started going over the matches and statistics (above) and we asked Dad what that meant. Did he know what that could possibly be about?
He was somewhat dumbstruck, but said he did have an idea and we should reconvene in his office to hear about it.
[This is where you insert the ominous music from a soap opera as it breaks to a commercial.]
In Dad’s office, he told us that this relates to the darkest time in their (his and Mom’s) lives. That it cast a sadness over them and that it was a decision they regretted ever since.
Then he told us that when he and Mom got married (August, 1954, just three months after High School graduation), Mom was pregnant. They were young, from ‘Smalltown’, TX, scared, and didn’t know what to do. Dad had taken a job in the ‘big city’ (Fort Worth), so they moved here (hiding the pregnancy from friends and family back home) and when delivery time arrived, they gave the baby girl up for adoption.
He reiterated how they had regretted that decision for all these years. But my brother and I tried to emphasize over and over how they did the right thing – adoption.
Win-win for everybody.
Through various messages back and forth on Ancestry.com, my Dad and my newly-discovered sister began the process of getting to know one another: She was adopted by loving parents (along with three other adopted siblings); she now lives in Grapevine; she’s been married for 42 years; she has two kids and four grandkids.
They talked on the phone a couple of times, then met for dinner. Then my brother and I (along with Dad) met with her for several hours last week. Next step: ‘big’ meet up with her kids and our kids this Friday evening.
So, over the past month, I have discovered that I have a sister – not a step-sister, but someone sharing the same biological parents as me – 100%. My dad has found his daughter, discovered two more grandkids and four great-grandkids!
So far, everything has gone amazingly better than we could have hoped.
We don’t know where this may lead. We don’t want to force ourselves into her life or make her become a part of ours. But, it is very exciting to find this connection and we are anxious to see what becomes of it.
(BTW, ethnicity-wise, we discovered Dad is 64% England/Wales/NW European; 33% Ireland/Scotland; 2% Norway; and 1% Cameroon/Congo/Southern Bantu - which is hilarious since my Dad is so pale he has to be in the sun for 2 weeks before he can even cast a shadow!)
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