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Old 05-14-2022, 06:17 AM   #1
Hogmauler
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Unhappy Estranged relatives

Folks I hadn’t seen or spoken to my sister since 2013. We had parted ways before that for the way she had treated my mom and dad. I had forgiven her for that, and God had turned my anger at her and her children to pity. I reached out to her a couple of times but nothing changed.
Fast forward to this past Monday. I went by our CPA,s office to retrieve our sons taxes. The cpa asked me if I’d spoken to my sister lately. We both have used the same lady for decades. I told her no She informed me that my sister had died from cancer in March of this year. And her husband had died last year.
I was floored, shocked, and saddened to say the least. All I could think of was my niece and nephew losing both their parents in as many years. I had figured that my sister would live as long as our mom did, 89 years, be a grandmother etc,etc. but it didn’t happen.
Im still trying to sort all this out but wanted to encourage y’all to at least make an effort to reconnect with family, if possible. Had I not tried to reconcile this would have been a lot harder on me. We not guaranteed today folks, let alone tomorrow.
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Old 05-14-2022, 06:19 AM   #2
Mertzon Man
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Sorry for your loss.
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Old 05-14-2022, 06:22 AM   #3
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Sorry for your loss sir.
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Old 05-14-2022, 06:31 AM   #4
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Thank you for sharing this. You are so right. People are what matter, especially family. I'm sorry for your loss. God bless you... may He give you wisdom and the peace that passes understanding in the days to come.
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Old 05-14-2022, 06:41 AM   #5
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Thanks fellas. That’s what I need right now. Wisdom and peace and understanding.
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Old 05-14-2022, 06:54 AM   #6
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Hang in there. You did good by making that attempt to re-connect. I think every family has the same situation to some degree. I haven't seen either of my sisters in 3 years. The last time was at my wife's funeral.

Will say a prayer for family unity tonight at mass.
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Old 05-14-2022, 07:00 AM   #7
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Sure sorry for your loss, sir. Important message.
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Old 05-14-2022, 07:00 AM   #8
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Your heart changed when you went from anger to pity, I unfortunately know that feeling with family. Very frustrating but we cannot control others, even when we love them. Sorry for your loss but take comfort knowing that you tried and that she chose to stay away. In my prayers.
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Old 05-14-2022, 07:16 AM   #9
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I am in a similar situation. My sister and her family have cut ties. I’m not sad about it, just disappointed that she would willingly upset our 85 year old parents. It’s unfortunate but I can’t figure out a way to solve it. Anything I say gets twisted into them being victimized somehow. I am semi sure the next time I see her will be at my folks funeral.
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Old 05-14-2022, 07:21 AM   #10
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Gotta be tough for the children. Prayers up
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Old 05-14-2022, 08:22 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dosrobles View Post
I am in a similar situation. My sister and her family have cut ties. I’m not sad about it, just disappointed that she would willingly upset our 85 year old parents. It’s unfortunate but I can’t figure out a way to solve it. Anything I say gets twisted into them being victimized somehow. I am semi sure the next time I see her will be at my folks funeral.
Bingo! Mike drop. Prayers for all of y’all dealing with estrangements. And again, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Let me clear this up as well folks. I’m not an Angel. I don’t tolerate b s very well.
My mom was recovering from open heart surgery when my sister and her two kids went over to their home and verbally abused her to the point that she got her walker and went to her room. I asked my dear dad about it and he confirmed it happened. I asked him why he didn’t stop it(which I regretted right after I asked it) and he said “I just didn’t have it in me son to try and stop them”. Meaning my dad was 85 or 86 at the time and was my moms primary care giver the last eight years of his life. Had I been there I would have drug them out, one by one, by the scruff of the neck.
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Old 05-14-2022, 08:34 AM   #12
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I am in a similar situation as well. I have very limited contact with my sister. It’s mainly on me at this point as she did some very wrong things and while I have “forgiven” her I just don’t like being around her. I keep telling myself that I have forgiven her but have not forgotten.

I am probably wrong here and have started to try to change my feelings towards her. I am reading the Bible and trying to become a better Christian which is helping. It’s been a hard thing but I feel I will make progress by improving who I am.

May the Good Lord bless you and your family. Don’t give up on re-establishing communications with your nieces and nephews.
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Old 05-14-2022, 08:48 AM   #13
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Perd if she’s willing to have a relationship again go for it. Unfortunately my niece and nephew have drank the cool aid as well. No one notified me of either death. I can understand that. Had I passed my wife wouldn’t have notified them either.
I’m sad because I know they both suffered with cancer and I wasn’t there.
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Old 05-14-2022, 09:04 AM   #14
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Originally Posted by Pedernal View Post
I am in a similar situation as well. I have very limited contact with my sister. It’s mainly on me at this point as she did some very wrong things and while I have “forgiven” her I just don’t like being around her. I keep telling myself that I have forgiven her but have not forgotten.

I am probably wrong here and have started to try to change my feelings towards her. I am reading the Bible and trying to become a better Christian which is helping. It’s been a hard thing but I feel I will make progress by improving who I am.

May the Good Lord bless you and your family. Don’t give up on re-establishing communications with your nieces and nephews.

First off to the OP, I’m terribly sorry to hear about your sister and her husband. I feel for the kids dealing with the loss of their parents back to back like that.

Perdernal this may help your situation. We just did a series on forgiveness and reconciliation at our church. One thing our pastor said is there are two avenues. Forgiveness and reconciliation. Forgiveness takes one person. Reconciliation takes two. Christ calls us to forgive those that sin against us. Forgiveness is a decision of the will. You’ve made that step. However, He doesn’t call us to forget. “The prudent see danger and seek refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty” Proverbs 22:3. Reconciliation requires your forgiveness, but it also requires their repentance. If they are not truly repentant of the slights they’ve caused towards you and your family, there can be no reconciliation. You cannot bend their will so all you can do is your half of the reconciliation and maybe they’ll do theirs one day.


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Old 05-14-2022, 09:07 AM   #15
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I thank God that my family is close and always have been.
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Old 05-14-2022, 09:25 AM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CentralTXHunter View Post
First off to the OP, I’m terribly sorry to hear about your sister and her husband. I feel for the kids dealing with the loss of their parents back to back like that.

Perdernal this may help your situation. We just did a series on forgiveness and reconciliation at our church. One thing our pastor said is there are two avenues. Forgiveness and reconciliation. Forgiveness takes one person. Reconciliation takes two. Christ calls us to forgive those that sin against us. Forgiveness is a decision of the will. You’ve made that step. However, He doesn’t call us to forget. “The prudent see danger and seek refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty” Proverbs 22:3. Reconciliation requires your forgiveness, but it also requires their repentance. If they are not truly repentant of the slights they’ve caused towards you and your family, there can be no reconciliation. You cannot bend their will so all you can do is your half of the reconciliation and maybe they’ll do theirs one day.


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Wow! That was enlightening. Sums up our situation as well.
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Old 05-14-2022, 09:25 AM   #17
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My sister is much to hateful and evil to ever forgive.
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Old 05-14-2022, 09:26 AM   #18
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Yes, regretfullness can be a terrible thing. Especially when it comes to family. This is why reconciliation is important in relationships. Doesn't mean you have to agree. But at least take time to try to keep channels open. Or continually try to reopen them.The bible has great words of guidance on this topic.

I to, have a similar situation with a family member. But I keep trying to reach out.

The fish are biting, and there's hogs to be kill-t. Gotta go!

Last edited by Texas Grown; 05-14-2022 at 09:30 AM.
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Old 05-14-2022, 09:33 AM   #19
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I sort of have a different approach. I tend to want to be around people that have a similar lifestyle that I do. I am what I would call middle aged boring. I don’t drink, smoke, party, or try to be around those that do. I try to be a good Christian (I often fail) but try. I don’t like being around others who don’t even try. I don’t see why we should feel guilty about trying to be close to our siblings just because we have the same parents. I try to always be polite and respectful but we have sort of grown apart. We are just different people. I think that’s okay.
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Old 05-14-2022, 09:34 AM   #20
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OP sorry for your loss! Praying for your family/situation

I’m in the same situation with my brother, been trying for years to have a relationship. Our relationship fell apart when our father died in 2008 because of the way he treated our father. I call him every couple of months, it always goes something like “hey, how you doing?” Small talk for maybe 3 min then he says “gotta go, talk to ya later” or “can I call you back later? But he never does. It’s to the point when I tell our mother “I talked to your son the other day” she is shocked (he doesn’t call or talk to her either) or anyone in the family for that matter. I will continue to “try” however not confident we will ever have a real relationship. Saddens me to think about it.


Going to try and go see my brother and his family soon, maybe take them to dinner or something. Just to try spend some time together.
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Old 05-14-2022, 09:41 AM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hotrodd View Post
OP sorry for your loss! Praying for your family/situation

I’m in the same situation with my brother, been trying for years to have a relationship. Our relationship fell apart when our father died in 2008 because of the way he treated our father. I call him every couple of months, it always goes something like “hey, how you doing?” Small talk for maybe 3 min then he says “gotta go, talk to ya later” or “can I call you back later? But he never does. It’s to the point when I tell our mother “I talked to your son the other day” she is shocked (he doesn’t call or talk to her either) or anyone in the family for that matter. I will continue to “try” however not confident we will ever have a real relationship. Saddens me to think about it.


Going to try and go see my brother and his family soon, maybe take them to dinner or something. Just to try spend some time together.
He will show up when the money is divided brother. Wished I woulda had a brother like you. Took care of my mom and dad and our special needs son and was glad to do it. It wasn’t/isn’t always easy but momma and daddy are king gone now. That’s my dad in my avatar. Pearl Harbor veteran on the USS Oklahoma
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Old 05-14-2022, 10:08 AM   #22
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For those of you still struggling with family estrangement I highly recommend the book High Conflict by Amanda Ripley. It’s not specifically about family conflict but high conflict in general. You are also not alone, something like 63% of families report some level of estrangement and sadly I think our current polarized society has made that even higher
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Old 05-14-2022, 10:28 AM   #23
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Hog, sorry for your loss..
But remember, reaching out, is a two way street..
You did what you could..
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Old 05-14-2022, 10:38 AM   #24
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Preciate it Sailor. This to shall pass. Just hope all of y’all’s situations can work out better.
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Old 05-14-2022, 10:56 AM   #25
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Me and my two brothers work together we are very honest with one another, we will call one another every name in the book, but at the end of the day we are brothers.
If one of us was to pass the other two will be very hurt.
I love my two sisters, but I don’t like them.
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Old 05-14-2022, 11:41 AM   #26
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Sorry for your loss.
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Old 05-14-2022, 11:51 AM   #27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CentralTXHunter View Post
First off to the OP, I’m terribly sorry to hear about your sister and her husband. I feel for the kids dealing with the loss of their parents back to back like that.

Perdernal this may help your situation. We just did a series on forgiveness and reconciliation at our church. One thing our pastor said is there are two avenues. Forgiveness and reconciliation. Forgiveness takes one person. Reconciliation takes two. Christ calls us to forgive those that sin against us. Forgiveness is a decision of the will. You’ve made that step. However, He doesn’t call us to forget. “The prudent see danger and seek refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty” Proverbs 22:3. Reconciliation requires your forgiveness, but it also requires their repentance. If they are not truly repentant of the slights they’ve caused towards you and your family, there can be no reconciliation. You cannot bend their will so all you can do is your half of the reconciliation and maybe they’ll do theirs one day.


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That’s a great perspective. It seems like my “crazy family” is more normal than I thought. Not a good thing and I hope everyone struggling with it makes peace with themselves at least.
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Old 05-14-2022, 12:38 PM   #28
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CentralTXHunter View Post
First off to the OP, I’m terribly sorry to hear about your sister and her husband. I feel for the kids dealing with the loss of their parents back to back like that.

Perdernal this may help your situation. We just did a series on forgiveness and reconciliation at our church. One thing our pastor said is there are two avenues. Forgiveness and reconciliation. Forgiveness takes one person. Reconciliation takes two. Christ calls us to forgive those that sin against us. Forgiveness is a decision of the will. You’ve made that step. However, He doesn’t call us to forget. “The prudent see danger and seek refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty” Proverbs 22:3. Reconciliation requires your forgiveness, but it also requires their repentance. If they are not truly repentant of the slights they’ve caused towards you and your family, there can be no reconciliation. You cannot bend their will so all you can do is your half of the reconciliation and maybe they’ll do theirs one day.


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Thanks for sharing! Right click save


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Old 05-14-2022, 01:15 PM   #29
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OP, Sorry to hear for your loss. Sounds like a bad situation and I hope the kids will be ok without thier parents.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lslite View Post
My sister is much to hateful and evil to ever forgive.
I think that we should forgive, move on and not let issues like these be a source of anger in our life. With that said I think reconciliation is 100% situational based on the circumstances that caused the split to begin with. I can think of a few things that a family member could do that I could forgive yet still not want to be around them anymore.

I guess all I am saying is that the other side of the coin is that there are some really horrible reconciliation stories out there.

Hope it works out for everyone that tries but I would proceed with caution.
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Old 05-14-2022, 01:54 PM   #30
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I don’t expect my niece and nephew to contact me and I would imagine they think the same thing. But who knows? Nothing is impossible with God.
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Old 05-14-2022, 02:10 PM   #31
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I feel your pain. My family also had its problems. Mom didn’t get along with her brothers so we didn’t associate with them. Everyone lost. They didn’t get to see us grow up and we missed out on the them. Reach out to the kids. If it works out…great, if not, you tried. I’m old and most of the family is gone. How I wish things would have been different.
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Old 05-14-2022, 02:15 PM   #32
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[QUOTE=Hogmauler;16219351]I don’t expect my niece and nephew to contact me and I would imagine they think the same thing. But who knows?

“Nothing is impossible with God”


So sorry Brother! We don’t know when our # will come up ! If people think it’s impossible to forgive , it may be extremely hard but only impossible if you give up !
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Old 05-14-2022, 03:09 PM   #33
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Great advice from all to all!
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Old 05-14-2022, 03:32 PM   #34
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Similar situation with my family. No real contact with my sister, brother in law or niece. After they basically took over the family land when my dad was ill before he passed and were only around for the money they thought they’d get. Haven’t spoken much to either of them. Don’t really care to, they are just different people. I’ve forgiven them for how they treated my mother and father, but won’t ever forget it. I’m sure I’ll see em again when everything gets divided up eventually.
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Old 05-14-2022, 04:24 PM   #35
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After my dad died my mom wrote my sister out of their Will. She had tried off and on to get my mom and dad to “divest” themselves of their life savings and live off the government. I could/can’t understand what drove my sister to this insane mindset. She got nothing of what she wanted so badly. All I wanted was my mom and dad.
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Old 05-14-2022, 05:21 PM   #36
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My brother was mad for about 20 years. I would reach out thru his son. Amazing one day I got a facebook message from him. We had about 3 good years of being brothers. We talked most day about all kinds of stuff you can only talk to your brother about. He passed at the beginning of March. I miss my brother so so much but glad we had the last few good years. My avatar photo if the first time we met. Love you Scott!

Another part of that story if his daughter did not talk to him for years. He reached out all the time. She was at the funeral and she admitted it was all her and now she had to live with the guilt for missing all those years.
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Old 05-14-2022, 06:30 PM   #37
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I’m so glad y’all were able to reconcile before he passed Stan.
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Old 05-14-2022, 07:31 PM   #38
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It’s crazy how people want to stay mad. Ever heard a story about how relieved some one was because they were still piszed off? Lots of stories about forgiveness and reuniting that can choke you up.
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Old 05-14-2022, 07:37 PM   #39
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I only have one that hates me. He's a second cousin so not close at all. Lives hundreds of miles from me. I hate it but he did it, not me. Misspelled his mothers maiden name. Shame on me!
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Old 05-14-2022, 08:19 PM   #40
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Staying mad at someone is like drinking poison and expecting them to die. It’s a waste of one’s life
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Old 05-15-2022, 01:51 AM   #41
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Haven’t seen my brother for 5 years, always short talk or I’ll call you back. He moved out to Arizona with his wife and niece he will only call to tell me how much my parents frustrate him when they call him to see how they are doing but he doesn’t understand or refuses to accept as people get older it’s more difficult for them to do things and sometimes just want to be seen or heard. Just recently my parents wrote him out of their will as well as my niece since he basically doesn’t want nothing to do with us it’ll be hard when the day comes and he finds out there is nothing there for him.
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Old 05-15-2022, 02:30 AM   #42
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My situation is a bit different, I don’t talk to my little brother much. In the last 3 years maybe 1 phone call a few texts and 1-2 visits. It’s been like that for awhile, his wife’s family lives around 10 minutes from me. He lives in Houston but he comes down regularly to see them. It bothers me a bit, I’ve only seen my nephews 2 times in the last 3 years. They even had a birthday party for them a few months back down here that we weren’t invited too. I think it’s a number of reasons, both of them are highly educated and so is everyone in her family. Myself and other brother are college dropouts who make a god loving working hard. It could also be that my 3 year old whipped his twins that last time they came… Who knows but it bothers my mom but she won’t say anything.
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Old 05-15-2022, 05:30 AM   #43
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So true regarding the elderly. I know because I’m one now. But when you get into your 80,s and live in Houston like they did, it’s even tougher. My mom was in the beginning stages of dementia, dad was deaf and had an unknown heart condition (arteriosclerosis) that would later kill him. I guess if your health could remain intact that those days could be “the golden years”.
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Old 05-15-2022, 06:50 AM   #44
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Prayers for all of those that are dealing with family separation issues. Do what you can, but the rest is up to them.
Makes me grateful that I get along well with my 2 brothers and my sister, especially since our parents are gone now.
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Old 05-15-2022, 07:13 AM   #45
SaintBlaise
Eight Point
 
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: New Orleans
Hunt In: Rocksprings, TX
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Hog..thanks for sharing. You did all you can, it was the others that we too stuck in their ways to see your offering. Take pride with your actions. You shouldn’t feel bad for their lack of respect.
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Old 05-15-2022, 07:30 AM   #46
Hogmauler
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Location: Katy
Hunt In: Kerrville
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I layed in bed last night thinking about how much our division had to have affected our parents and how I wished things had worked out differently, how I wished I could have been there for em before they died. I sent one up last night and this morning for my niece and nephew having lost both parents in as many years. I struggle when I forget that God is in control of ALL things, not just some. If HE isn’t He can’t be God. Don’t forget that y’all. Don’t forget to send some up for Snakelover and Texastaxi’s wife and family as well.
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Old 05-15-2022, 05:15 PM   #47
Big pig
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Blanket, TX
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In my occupation of leasing family land for oil & gas for any many years ,I have seen all types of family problems. Money was usually the problem, but not always In my parents family there was a world of drama.

Besides your parents, I sincerely believe you should choose who to spend your life and feelings with. Like stated above,, people of like beliefs and lifestyles. People you love and love you.

OP I am sorry for your loss I am especially sorry you and your niece / nephew have missed the opportunity to know each other.

You tried. And shown your colors.

Best wishes.


BP
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Old 05-15-2022, 05:43 PM   #48
Hogmauler
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Many thanks Big un. Gonna take me a while to sort this out. And again y’all, as far as it concerns you, try to live at peace with people.
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