Prayers and advice needed....pending divorce

[chopsknives]

I only needed to read the first few and I knew from experience - she's not lazy she's battling depression JMHO. Get her working with a therapist Prayers Up

[DUKFVR]

Prayers for You!

[Hunter_Man]

i have two kids. Should be 25% but I pay almost 30% to keep her happy and allow me 50/50. I also pay medical and dental insurance.
I also save for their colleges (my choice) while she lives on my 1200$ a month.


What I’m saying is that I pay 30% and have the kids 50% of the time. So basically I have to pay for their needs at my house and hers. She gets 1200 a month from me

Now, I will say that the 30% was based on what I made in 2009 when I got divorced. She has never asked for a recalculation. I make much more now. 3 more years till the kids turn 18 and I can at least get that back.

[S-3 Ranch]

No advice on how to deal with the wife/ exwife

Only advice is if you’re happy with your deer lease keep it, a good lease is way harder to find
Then another companion

[BC288]

I'll be praying for you A1. The Lord works miracles, and I feel like the closer I grow to him the more I see the little ones, not just the big ones. Make sure your personal walk with him is in check, and the rest will take care of itself. Not judging or condemning. I myself am a child from divorced parents. They divorced much younger than your child would be if you went that route. Although I never thought it affected me too much, there are definitely times i look back and realized it did and it still does. Holidays are harder bcuz theres too many to go see and plz. Birthdays are ok bcuz both sides are amicable. There will be lasting effects for years to come, even if it seems "easier" right now. I've always promised to not do that to my kids. You chose to love her once and I feel like you could again. It takes work, hard work. Good luck.

[RWB]

If it goes the divorce route make sure to protect yourself on the debt of any asset you split. For instance if she keeps a car that is financed in your name that you clearly define that it must be refinanced in her name by x date and what happens if this is not done. If not and she gets behind on paying it's still your debt and your responsibility. Same thing happens all the time on houses. Momma wants to keep the house for the kids, dad feels bad and agrees, mom cant afford the old lifestyle and cant pay the note, dad has no clue until he finds out his credit is shot and still on the hook for a mortgage to a house that he doesn't own.

[GarGuy]

Since I dont know who you actually are it might help me be objective here.

First i have never seen a divorce where there wasn't some outside voice giving bad advice. Either the man has another woman encouraging him to make a move or the lady does.

Withdrawal from the relationship on her part may be depression but it could also be her time talking to another man on the internet. She is getting emotional support from someone else. Guarantee it.

[DFA]

While I know I’m not perfect and have a lot of things I need to change about myself she has gotten extremely lazy. She no longer works, on the weekends she stays in bed all day. I’m talking about only getting out long enough to go to the bathroom or a snack and then back to bed. During the week she gets up and takes son to school, in her jp's mind you, and as soon as she gets back home it’s back to bed to watch tv or play on her tablet. If I ask her to do anything she yells at me saying I’m controlling her. I honestly don’t know how she is going to support herself if the divorce happens. She won’t be able to live off my 20% alone.

Sounds like she has depression issue's. I've know someone with depression, and it sounds like what they did. He got some meds, and it really helped. Maybe that is something she needs to look at if she hasn't already.

The car thing, uhh that's on her once you guys get a divorce...reality is about to set in for her it sounds like. I wish you and your kid the best, divorce can be hard or easy. Sounds like you are on the right track at doing it right for your kid.

What GarGuy said is true

Protect yourself and your kid to the end...bottom line. By protecting yourself, you are protecting your kid I promise you. I know from experience on that.

[SmTx]

If you do go through with divorce I dont see how you could want your son to live with her.

Ignoring any possible depression and shes that lazy what effect do you think that's going to have on your kid. Hes going to have to pick up her slack. Be it cooking for himself and possibly her, cleaning, or just living in squalor etc etc. Sounds like a surefire way to make his quality of life outright suck with moving from place to place because mom cant hold a job or you're still paying all her bills.

If she ain't good enough to be your partner for the reasons you've listed she wouldn't be good enough to have custody of my kid!

Sent from my SM-G935V using Tapatalk

[PVDT]

Both Too hard headed to recall why you fell in love & asked her to marry / say yes?? I would be willing to wager your marriage is worth fighting for.

Prayers for you guys...

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I have to agree. OP, you mention God and prayers in your post. I assume that means you are both Christians? If you are both Christians, then you must believe, and trust, that God brought you together. That also means, as we believers know, He is the one that will separate you....at death. Do y’all go to church regularly? Do y’all have a close relationship with your pastor? A lot of pastors are really good with helping in troubled marriages. Also, many churches have marriage classes. They do help a lot of people. You must drop everything and work on your marriage. No hunting, no hobbies, nothing. It takes 100% of your devout effort. If you truly believe that you’d prefer a miracle over divorce, seek God’s help. If you would rather follow your vows of marriage...till death do us part...seek God. Seek Him wholeheartedly.

[doug]

If it comes to divorce I will absolutely protect myself. However I’m not going to try to “screw her over” just as I hope and pray she won’t screw me over either. I want us to do what is best and fair and equal for all of us. While protecting all of us too.

I absolutely agree with the words other have said here. I hope she can find help and your marriage can be saved.

With that said please protect yourself and be ready with a lawyer when needed. I tried to be the nice guy in a divorce (my decision) and paid the price! Discussed what each of would take and talked to a lawyer about getting the papers drawn up. Came home from a weekend hunt to a cleaned out house and served papers the next day. Spent the following year in a miserable divorce with next to nothing. Still the best thing I ever did but I definately learned a lot! Not saying that will happen to you but keep just be careful. All it takes is one friend or family member talking to change everything!

I'll be praying for yall and hoping for the best!

[txtrophy85]

I have to agree. OP, you mention God and prayers in your post. I assume that means you are both Christians? If you are both Christians, then you must believe, and trust, that God brought you together. That also means, as we believers know, He is the one that will separate you....at death. Do y’all go to church regularly? Do y’all have a close relationship with your pastor? A lot of pastors are really good with helping in troubled marriages. Also, many churches have marriage classes. They do help a lot of people. You must drop everything and work on your marriage. No hunting, no hobbies, nothing. It takes 100% of your devout effort. If you truly believe that you’d prefer a miracle over divorce, seek God’s help. If you would rather follow your vows of marriage...till death do us part...seek God. Seek Him wholeheartedly.

This is the correct response. Unless there has been some kind of infidelity or bad abuse, then I think you should try to reconcile your marriage.

Divorce is something that I really wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. It’s draining. I know people who “grew apart “ and divorced and they both seem happy on the outside but it’s not all it’s cracked up to be behind the scenes.

Like it or not, your vows are meant to bind you inseparably unless vows were broken due to infidelity, not because you didn’t like each other anymore.

I agree it sounds like she is in some kind of depression. I would seek counseling both as a couple and individually and re-evaluate in 6 months.

I’m not a trial separation type of person. Most people see them as a type of extended hall pass anyway and If y’all got back together more than likely you or her would have to explain some incidents that took place during the separation.

There was something that made you get married in the first place. Unless it was a shotgun type wedding scenario, try and go back to that place you were at.

Of course, you will need to get your wife on board for all this. It’s been my experience once women are checked out of a relationship little can be done to change their mind if they have already decided on divorce. In this case it sounds like your wife is in a cruise control mode currently and her motivation to work it out may be to not rock the boat/ change her current living situation

[Hogmauler]

Makes you wonder if she’s thought this through as well. Does she think she can make it on the 20% you’ll pay her for child support? Surely not. She’s gonna have to go to work on try to get on disability. And that’s not a slam dunk. Our son has an I q of 55 and can still sack groceries. It took us a long time to get him on adult child disability and just one of his meds is $1400.00 per month. That’s way more than he gets for disability. The girl needs some help big time man.

[Huntsman27]

While I am not a doctor, it does sound like something else is going on with your wife as others have said. I am not a counselor nor a spiritual giant but I am a child of God and believe the Bible is the infallible word of God which makes clear God hates Divorce (not divorced people). I believe God wants whats best for His children and wouldn't instruct us to not divorce if that was not what is best.

I am divorced, we did not have the same issues as you described but we did just allow ourselves to grow apart, there is not a day that goes by that I don't think I should have done more to try to salvage my marriage.

Also, I would encourage you to research some statistics about how divorce effects kids and think about the example you want to set for your child in this area. I know it can be very hard to remain married if you are currently not happy but I also believe that seeking God's will in this matter and committing to making things work you can find happiness again in your relationship and better off for it.

[fbchunter]

I responded earlier and will again. I am a child of divorce and it was fairly civil. But, my entire life, even now with a family of my own, it still affects me. Think about your son first, not yourself and what makes you happy. He’s the biggest loser in this deal. If you have to deal with it for another several years at least until he’s older and can understand better do it. Do anything and everything to make it work for his sake, at least as long as possible. Not always, but this decisiOn could affect him forever. You could be affecting his future relationships and children’s lives. I could never divorce my wife, just from knowing what I have been through and how it has affected my life. Keep God in the center of your life. Talk to her if possible about how her living style is unhealthy for her mentally and physically, and will affect your sons life as well.