Aging parents and guns

[Brinkley]

Talking through this as work the other day.
Scenario.
Father is aging and has dementia. Never really messed with his guns before. Probably like many of us, just put them up and take them out to use them. However, this gentleman takes his pistols out and “dinks” with them. The family is worried that he is aging and frail, not to mention the “frontal lobe dementia”and that he will hurt himself or others.

How do you handle this type of situation without taking to poor guys dignity?

[TransPecos]

We secretly had firing pins removed by the gunsmith while she was at the beauty shop. We were scared Mamaw was gonna shoot the mailman.

We kept all the parts and restored the guns to working condition later.

[Brinkley]

Originally Posted by TransPecos

We secretly removed firing pins. We were scared Mamaw was gonna shoot the mailman.

I thought about this as well. They said he uses snap caps to function the gun. Does it still “click” with the firing pin removed.

[critter69]

Yes it will still click, as far as trying to fire. I don’t think snap caps actually produce a noise, but not sure of that. Doubt he was know the difference. But I would do something ASAP, before he sticks a round in one and it’s to late.

[Highbridge hand]

My grandad ended up pulling a Saturday night special on a guy that owned the retirement community he & my Grandma lived at. Grandad had decided this fella was attempting to woo my grandmother, although 35 years her junior. All of it was delusional & we just flat out took his guns from him as he could no longer be trusted to make good decisions with them. He was going to hurt someone or get himself hurt. He ended up in Harris county jail over the deal for a day or 2.
My opinion is to take them before he gets to the point where he may hurt him self of someone else, hard as that may be.

[Walker]

Take the guns away. He may pull a gun on someone and get himself shot, firing pins or no.

[Geezy Rider]

That’s a tough one and I’m not sure how to handle it since I’ve never been in that situation. I think that I might try to reason with him but I’m afraid that ego, pride and fear would would get in the way of a rational conversation. But then again, I suppose it all depends on who you’re dealing with.
I’m getting older and my be on the receiving end of that conversation some day and knowing how I am now, it wouldn’t go well for the very reasons I mentioned.
I will be following this one for ideas.

[Tex_Cattleman]

My dad has Alzheimers. All guns were distributed to me and my brother in the beginning.

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[jerp]

Originally Posted by Tex_Cattleman

My dad has Alzheimers. All guns were distributed to me and my brother in the beginning.

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Same here - as my dad’s dementia progressed we got worried so I went over when he wasn’t there and loaded up his guns. He asked where they were a couple times but eventually forgot about it

[KRS]

Originally Posted by Brinkley

Talking through this as work the other day.
Scenario.
Father is aging and has dementia. Never really messed with his guns before. Probably like many of us, just put them up and take them out to use them. However, this gentleman takes his pistols out and “dinks” with them. The family is worried that he is aging and frail, not to mention the “frontal lobe dementia”and that he will hurt himself or others.

How do you handle this type of situation without taking to poor guys dignity?

Michael, Frontal lobe dementia is a very serious form of dementia. I pray you and you family as I know these are tough time. Having a father who suffered from mental issues, you need to remove the guns. I have a Uncle who has this form of dementia and I have seen first hand how fast this disease can progress. Prays for you father and family.

[Horn chaser]

First off sorry to hear your father has frontal lobe dementia. Lost my mom last year after a 7 year battle with it. One thing with frontal lobe dementia is a lot of them tend to get violent at some point. My mom went from the sweetest woman in the world who never cussed or being remotely violent to cussing worse than a sailor and hitting my dad and me. We got that correct with medication. Of course it wasn't her it was that **** disease. From my experience I would advise to take the guns to prevent any possible tragedies. This disease will make them do things they would have never done before. With dementia depending on what stage they are in you often can't reason with them as they are determined they can do anything as they have done before. Also make sure to take his car keys. Sorry he is and your family is having to go through this horrible disease.

[tx_basser]

Had same problem with my father a few years back. Asked him to turn them over so my brother, I, and son could use them and enjoy them. He refused so I put trigger locks on them and hid the keys. He got mad and went next door to neighbor to grind them off. I said screw it and said, I'm taking them get made if you want to. End of Story.

[HeyMikey]

Been there and done that, with my dad. Get the guns out of his possession. Way better that he gets mad (he'll get over it), than the possible alternatives.

[Czechfish]

Grandfather has dementia. I took them immediately when he diagnosed.

[jerp]

Another important safety measure was to have a mechanic install a kill switch on the car. It never sunk in that he could no longer drive and mom was terrified that he would find the keys and take off.

[tx_basser]

As for driving my dad refused to quit even though he was legally blind. I talked to local PD and they did not do anything so I pulled the ECU from both vehicles.

[SJP51]

When I get to the point I cant have firearms, someone please just kill me.

[dustoffer]

Never had to deal with the gun issue, but did have a similar issue with m-i-l and her car. Her dementia had gotten so bad the car stayed "in the shop".

I would remove the guns right now--

[Hoggslayer]

I locked all my FIL's guns in his safe and changed the combination.

[IowaHunter]

Originally Posted by jerp

Same here - as my dad’s dementia progressed we got worried so I went over when he wasn’t there and loaded up his guns. He asked where they were a couple times but eventually forgot about it

This and just say their at the gunsmith being cleaned up. You can kick the can a few times then they’ll be forgotten (unfortunately).

[Walker]

Lots of good advise here. Now you need to go see your father's doctor and also get ahold of the alsheimers assn and get a handle on what's to come. Your going to have to prepare yourself for some much more difficult decision in your father's future. My mother had it and is the most devastating disease you can imagine. Try to prepare yourself and your family.

[mikemorvan]

Guns and dementia are a bad match.

[doug]

My dad has dementia that is getting worse daily! I have his guns in my safe that he doesn't even remember owning at this point. He still has a car but we don't let him drive. Somebody mentioned a kill switch and I think that may be my next step. Such a sad disease I wouldn't wish on anyone!

OP I understand the dignity issue but the safety issue is much more important.

[S-3 Ranch]

Originally Posted by mikemorvan

Guns and dementia are a bad match.

Yep , I was confronted by a guy with dementia and a pistol while showing a ranch to clients, seems that he forgot his kids were selling it , and he flipped out when i told him why we where there!
Old POed dude with a pistol and dementia = a tragic ending

[El Paisano]

I need to remember all these tricks when they start trying to ground me.
Seriously, in recent years I have started using foul language more and more. In most cases it is the most correct way to describe something...or someone.
I'm into new definitions too. Nowadays, "getting lucky" means that I remembered what I went in the kitchen for, and a "nooner" is a bowl of soup and a 2 hour nap.

[Smeone]

Originally Posted by tx_basser

Had same problem with my father a few years back. Asked him to turn them over so my brother, I, and son could use them and enjoy them. He refused so I put trigger locks on them and hid the keys. He got mad and went next door to neighbor to grind them off. I said screw it and said, I'm taking them get made if you want to. End of Story.

IK I am an unknown around here, but you need to look at the above

my mom never had guns, but she is going through this now (dementia and sundowners) and because she still thinks I am 9yo she does not have to listen to a thing i say

long story short after going to the neighbors across the street and telling them one morning she could not revive my father (that had been dead and cremated and put away 4 years prior)....and other incidents that "were just one time" I came into town and told her that her not safe for an 81yo woman house was being sold and 2 days later when she got home from church and getting KFC and was "dizzy" the car went to Carvana less than 3 weeks later

it was done no more discussions and no more asking nicely like I had for the last 4 years

she gets mad at times and argues and we both argue (it sucks), but it is better than her laying in a ditch somewhere (like the neighbors that she went to had happen to her mom) or walking off in the woods near her home or the MAJOR river near her home

you just have to do it anger and resentment from them or not.....sadly they will forget sooner than later and if they are the arguing type well it will be (sadly) on to something else

[mikemorvan]

Originally Posted by Smeone

IK I am an unknown around here, but you need to look at the above

my mom never had guns, but she is going through this now (dementia and sundowners) and because she still thinks I am 9yo she does not have to listen to a thing i say

long story short after going to the neighbors across the street and telling them one morning she could not revive my father (that had been dead and cremated and put away 4 years prior)....and other incidents that "were just one time" I came into town and told her that her not safe for an 81yo woman house was being sold and 2 days later when she got home from church and getting KFC and was "dizzy" the car went to Carvana less than 3 weeks later

it was done no more discussions and no more asking nicely like I had for the last 4 years

she gets mad at times and argues and we both argue (it sucks), but it is better than her laying in a ditch somewhere (like the neighbors that she went to had happen to her mom) or walking off in the woods near her home or the MAJOR river near her home

you just have to do it anger and resentment from them or not.....sadly they will forget sooner than later and if they are the arguing type well it will be (sadly) on to something else

My dad gave up truck keys willingly. I had to take his shotgun ammo to keep him shooting the mistletoe out of his trees. He lived in a neighborhood in the county. He just couldn’t see the problem with shooting so close to neighbors. He was most upset w/ me. Sometimes you just gotta handle up…

[cva34]

Goin thu hell with wife,Started about 2y ago...went to many doc /nero etc .Diagnosed about Year ago with ALZ...Still knows people..and makes a little conversation..and has 2 to 4h a day not making any sense...wont listen and Argue and cus like sailor ...Pretty well wheelchalr bound .Can walk a little hunkered over bad balance...and falls 3 or 4 time a month..She always been a gun person ,but they seldome come up and I got them locked in safe and changed numbers...Its a terrible thing...to deal with. My heart goes out to all caretakers and LOVED Patients

[osochuck]

My dad has it too, we all hurt for you on this. What my dad remembers about the guns is we told him that “ he gave them to the grandsons as present s”. So we made it a passing down the family heirlooms type of thing.

He was happy with that.

Also gps his phone.


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[HeyMikey]

Originally Posted by SJP51

When I get to the point I cant have firearms, someone please just kill me.

You won't even realize it when it happens.....

[xman59]

Originally Posted by Brinkley

I thought about this as well. They said he uses snap caps to function the gun. Does it still “click” with the firing pin removed.

mike what guns are you talking about specifically, i might be able to help

already have been through the alzheimers with dad and dementia with mom,, both of them are gone now

[ladybluearm]

Originally Posted by Walker

Lots of good advise here. Now you need to go see your father's doctor and also get ahold of the alsheimers assn and get a handle on what's to come. Your going to have to prepare yourself for some much more difficult decision in your father's future. My mother had it and is the most devastating disease you can imagine. Try to prepare yourself and your family.

True in every way. My mom had it and it’s a horrible disease to watch it take over your loved one.

[Prairieboy]

I have to agree that alz & dementia are some of the worst diseases to watch as they progress. I pray for any family that gas to go thru the heartache that comes with dealing with either. Dad had it and luckily the driving part was easy as he figured out on his own that it wasn't safe for him to drive. Unfortunately the gun situation was not as easy and when he pulled his pistol on my wife after calling her over to his house to help him get cleaned up I had to put every gun in the safe and change the combo. It was the second hardest things I had to do next to putting him in a care home when he began refusing to let us care for him. He was still lucid part of the time and it was a hard fight keeping his guns away but for his safety and everyone else's I did what had to done.

[SmTx]

Vehicles, guns, stoves. Bless everyone that has to deal with aging family.

[SabineHunter]

I'm with the guy that said when I get to that point, just shoot me. Maybe I'll take a long hike in some National Forest.

[Old Bald Guy]

Originally Posted by HeyMikey

You won't even realize it when it happens.....

Fact

[3ChordTruth]

Originally Posted by dustoffer

Never had to deal with the gun issue, but did have a similar issue with m-i-l and her car. Her dementia had gotten so bad the car stayed "in the shop".

I would remove the guns right now--

X2, same issue with my MIL. Before taking her keys away, she would need to drive to Fort Worth and end up in Denton. Based on my family experience with dementia, take the guns away.

[AntlerCollector]

Originally Posted by TransPecos

We secretly had firing pins removed by the gunsmith while she was at the beauty shop. We were scared Mamaw was gonna shoot the mailman.

We kept all the parts and restored the guns to working condition later.

Originally Posted by Brinkley

I thought about this as well. They said he uses snap caps to function the gun. Does it still “click” with the firing pin removed.

Bad idea!!!!!


What if he points his gun at someone?


TransPecos, y’all are lucky she didn’t try to shoot the mailman. No telling how that would have ended.


Remove the guns immediately is the only real solution.

[Ksig512]

It's hard to do but i was in this situation. My dad let his diabetes get away and ended up with vascular dementia. I had to remove all of his guns. they are in my safe now.

[Tejas Wildlife]

Originally Posted by Walker

Take the guns away. He may pull a gun on someone and get himself shot, firing pins or no.

Had to take Dads guns AND keys over a year ago. He is in a Nursing Home now and every trip asks for a knife because “he needs to stick a couple of folks in here”. Dementia WILL cause them to do things you can’t imagine. Remember trying to reason with your drunk buddy in high school? Same problem. They don’t process reason correctly. Take/disarm his guns TODAY.

[Tejas Wildlife]

Originally Posted by Walker

Lots of good advise here. Now you need to go see your father's doctor and also get ahold of the alsheimers assn and get a handle on what's to come. Your going to have to prepare yourself for some much more difficult decision in your father's future. My mother had it and is the most devastating disease you can imagine. Try to prepare yourself and your family.

True wisdom spoken here!!

[texan16]

Does he have a will or other document stating what will happen with the guns when he dies? If so, just take the guns now and distribute them accordingly and get them out of his hands.

[TXMOPAR]

Hate to hear this and dread the day I have to be in this position.

[talltexasshoote]

I just had to deal with this very issue this weekend. My dad has frontal lobe dementia. He goes through varying levels of clarity. One of the things he does now is to give things he doesn’t feel he needs to other people. One of my cousins called me and told me that dad had given him his over under. He had told me that he had given it to my brother two years ago. I should have followed up, but my dad was pretty clear at that point. Luckily, my cousin knew this gun had some family meaning. He brought it to me so I could give it to my brother. My brother and I went to our parents and did a sweep to insure no other guns were there. We found a pistol no one knew he owned. My dad was always against pistols. This disease changes them. Do whatever you have to do to keep them and others safe. My dad is angry with me for taking tools, guns and his truck away but he and those around him are safe.

[swamprabbit59]

Dealt with it for years with my grandma after my grandpa passed away. She slowly developed dementia and Most all of my grandpas guns disappeared that I would have got had I known it was a thing. I’m pretty positive she just gave them away to other family members but still..


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