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Old 06-01-2022, 09:52 PM   #51
Lynn21
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It ain’t who you know, it’s who you snow.
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Old 06-01-2022, 09:52 PM   #52
ItsLeo
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Nothing is foolproof for a sufficiently talented fool.
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Old 06-01-2022, 09:53 PM   #53
Froggy
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She looks so hot even my wife would be proud if I brought her home.
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Old 06-02-2022, 08:16 AM   #54
Chance Love
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Texas Grown View Post
Don't confuse my personality with my attitude. My personality is who I am. My attitude depends on who you are.
One of my favorites!
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Old 06-02-2022, 08:19 AM   #55
SaltwaterSlick
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Dang Mr. Berry, dem's some good 'uns!! U been holdin' out on us way too long!
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Old 06-02-2022, 08:28 AM   #56
Goldeneagle
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lynn21 View Post
It ainít who you know, itís who you snow.
That ain't how it goes.
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Old 06-02-2022, 08:50 AM   #57
solocam_aggie
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That boy aint scared of work....he'll sit right beside it.
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Old 06-02-2022, 09:01 AM   #58
Blane
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My fathers line growing up:

A young man will fight you, an old man will hurt you.
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Old 06-02-2022, 09:35 AM   #59
Whistle brtches
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Police officer: sir have you been drinking tonight? Driver: why is there a fat chick in my back seat?
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Old 06-02-2022, 10:24 AM   #60
elgato
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Nursing home conversation:

What do you think about sex?

Infrequently.
Is that one word or two?
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Old 06-02-2022, 10:25 AM   #61
elgato
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Says easy
Does hard
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Old 06-02-2022, 10:54 AM   #62
Bucknaked
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What a Shape, What a Figure- with two more legs you’d look like Trigger!
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Old 06-02-2022, 10:55 AM   #63
freerhunter16
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You can marry more money in 5 minutes than you can make in a lifetime!
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Old 06-02-2022, 11:18 AM   #64
Charlie80
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Can't drink all day if you don't start early in the morning.
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Old 06-02-2022, 11:28 AM   #65
Tbuddyandroby
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Jose Wales' Fletcher to the Senator- "Don't p*ss down my back and tell me it's raining."
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Old 06-02-2022, 12:00 PM   #66
alec73065
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My dad's favorite

10,000 comedians out of work and you try to be funny !
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Old 06-02-2022, 12:56 PM   #67
SharpEnd
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That went over as well as a fart in a space suit.
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Old 06-02-2022, 01:03 PM   #68
SaltwaterSlick
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SharpEnd View Post
That went over as well as a fart in a space suit.

I thought it was a t u r d in a punch bowl??
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Old 06-02-2022, 01:10 PM   #69
chopsknives
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Your about as useful as a screen door on a submarine!
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Old 06-02-2022, 01:19 PM   #70
SharpEnd
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Man, they're working me like a set of twins.
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Old 06-02-2022, 03:03 PM   #71
tvc184
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Quote:
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That went over as well as a fart in a space suit.
George Carlin had one and one of his standup comic routine..

Two guys in an elevator and one guy farts, everybody knows who did it.
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Old 06-02-2022, 03:14 PM   #72
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The hippie dippy weatherman with the hippy dippy weather...man! Loved me some Carlin!!

We're all gonna DIE!!......Eventually!

Last edited by chopsknives; 06-02-2022 at 03:17 PM.
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Old 06-02-2022, 05:07 PM   #73
Gumbo Man
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I’ve cut down on drinking. I’m using larger ice cubes.
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Old 06-02-2022, 05:49 PM   #74
chopsknives
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I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy!
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Old 06-02-2022, 06:15 PM   #75
captainsling
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My penis was once in the Guinness Book of World Records……..then the librarian asked me to remove it!
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Old 06-02-2022, 06:17 PM   #76
captainsling
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Three blind mice…….where the &%5+ are they going?
- Andrew Dice Clay.
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Old 06-02-2022, 06:23 PM   #77
Kingfisher789
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Just as good as a good one….
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Old 06-02-2022, 06:45 PM   #78
SharpEnd
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He’ll eat anything that don’t eat him first.
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Old 06-02-2022, 06:47 PM   #79
SharpEnd
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He's so narrow-minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes at the same time.
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Old 06-02-2022, 06:56 PM   #80
Texas Grown
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SaltwaterSlick View Post
Dang Mr. Berry, dem's some good 'uns!! U been holdin' out on us way too long!

I try to be nice. ........
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Old 06-02-2022, 07:00 PM   #81
SharpEnd
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He's as welcome as a porcupine at a nudist colony.
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Old 06-02-2022, 07:21 PM   #82
brokeno
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Your so tight, you and your brother invented copper wire fighting over a penny.
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Old 06-02-2022, 07:33 PM   #83
Aggiehunter08
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This one is similar to "Does a bear chit in the woods?". So next time someone asks you a dumb question like "Are you ready for bow season?" Reply: Does the Tin Man have a sheet metal c*ck? One of my new favs Got it from the movie Out of Death staring Bruce Willis.
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Old 06-02-2022, 07:48 PM   #84
Redfeathers
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Grandfather, stand up straight boy, looks like you got a hitch in your get along.
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Old 06-02-2022, 08:00 PM   #85
Texas Grown
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One of us is right. The other is you!
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Old 06-02-2022, 08:02 PM   #86
Texas Grown
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If you find me annoying, I'd suggest you stop finding me.
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Old 06-02-2022, 08:04 PM   #87
Texas Grown
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Sarcasm is my defense for your stupid.
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Old 06-02-2022, 08:05 PM   #88
Texas Grown
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I hate it when I'm accused of lolly-gagging, when I'm quite clearly dilly-dallying.
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Old 06-02-2022, 08:07 PM   #89
Texas Grown
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No, you're right. Let's do it the dumbest way possible, so it's easier for you.
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Old 06-02-2022, 08:09 PM   #90
Texas Grown
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Sarcasm. It's better than being charged with aggravated assault.
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Old 06-02-2022, 08:11 PM   #91
Texas Grown
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I'm not saying, let's go kill all the stupid people. I'm saying, let's remove the warning labels. And let it work it's self out.
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Old 06-02-2022, 08:14 PM   #92
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Dadgum Texas Grown you're on a roll!!! LMAO!!! Keep it coming now don't hold out.....well on second thought maybe you outta! LOL!!! Priceless though!!
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Old 06-02-2022, 08:15 PM   #93
tvc184
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Learn from other peoplesí mistakes because you canít possibly live long enough to make them all yourself
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Old 06-02-2022, 08:16 PM   #94
Texas Grown
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My silence doesn't mean I agree with you. It's just that your level of ignorance has rendered me speechless.
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Old 06-02-2022, 08:21 PM   #95
tvc184
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Not exactly a one ladder butÖÖ

Peter Principle: A person within an organization will rise to his own level of incompetence.
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Old 06-02-2022, 08:43 PM   #96
Gumbo Man
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Never borrow from Peter to pay Paul. Eventually Peter will get sore and you just can’t do business with a sore Peter.
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Old 06-03-2022, 06:50 AM   #97
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My old boss used to tell me…….”having you off, is like having two good people at work”. He was being sarcastic, I think……
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Old 06-03-2022, 07:06 AM   #98
Matt_C
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Quote:
Originally Posted by antlercollector View Post
my wife donates money to the homeless but gets mad when i donate to the topless.
lol:d:d
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Old 06-03-2022, 07:29 AM   #99
jdg13
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I failed math so many times, I can't even count.

I used to be a lifeguard until some blue kid got me fired...

If attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler.
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Old 06-03-2022, 07:48 AM   #100
hot_rod_eddie
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Needed these this morning. Thanks
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