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Old 03-06-2019, 06:06 PM   #1
Dr. Evil
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Default Would you?

I have some life-long friends who live in another state. About 5 years ago my wife and I visited and stayed with them at their mountain vacation home. As we were leaving they said, if you ever want to come back here, you are welcome to stay at our place, even if were not here. Heres the question;

Would it be rude if I asked to stay at their place with my wife, brother-in-law, sister-in-law, 12 y/o nephew and 7 y/o niece for a 4-5 days next year? My wife says she wont do it because its rude to ask them, even if they offered. Lodging in that area is very expensive and Im trying to keep costs down for my in-laws.

What do you think?

Thanks
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Old 03-06-2019, 06:08 PM   #2
AntlerCollector
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I would ask them to rent it. Other than that, no
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Old 03-06-2019, 06:08 PM   #3
Snowflake Killa
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Very rude.

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Old 03-06-2019, 06:11 PM   #4
Hoss163
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Not for free offer money at least
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Old 03-06-2019, 06:11 PM   #5
RJH1
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I have a guy like that that i wouldn't hesitate to ask for me, my wife, and son, but i wouldn't ask for any extended family. He would probably let me, I just wouldn't be comfortable asking. So i would tell the brother in law, etc. to find their own place
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Old 03-06-2019, 06:11 PM   #6
LivinADream
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I don't think its rude, would let them know that im willing to rent. if they didn't want you there, they wouldn't have offered. at least that's how my mind works. if I don't want someone using my stuff, I don't offer my stuff to be used.
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Old 03-06-2019, 06:12 PM   #7
Meatcutter
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NO Way!!
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Old 03-06-2019, 06:12 PM   #8
LivinADream
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LivinADream View Post
I don't think its rude, would let them know that im willing to rent. if they didn't want you there, they wouldn't have offered. at least that's how my mind works. if I don't want someone using my stuff, I don't offer my stuff to be used.
^^^ this is referring to me and my immediate family, not sure on bringing everyone I know on an invite.
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Old 03-06-2019, 06:13 PM   #9
twosixteens
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I would ask to rent it
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Old 03-06-2019, 06:13 PM   #10
billythefish
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Life long friends? If it was just me I'd show up no problem lol...my friends wouldn't care...BUT I definitely wouldn't take extended family. Big no no.

Id offer to rent it off him and ask about your family then.
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Old 03-06-2019, 06:15 PM   #11
Drycreek3189
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I don't think so, but then I've always been better at giving than recieving. I always pay my way.
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Old 03-06-2019, 06:16 PM   #12
Dr. Evil
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I was planning on offering to rent, although I know they wouldn’t accept money from me.
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Old 03-06-2019, 06:29 PM   #13
ElCid07
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Im sure the invitation was for you and your wife. Having you, your in laws and their kids over was probably not what the friends had in mind when they extended the invitation.


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Old 03-06-2019, 06:37 PM   #14
Kmart49
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First off, the worst they can say is no! That being said, if I was going to ask I would at least start off by offering some form of fair compensation for the stay and then go from there especially if they typically rent it out.

Last edited by Kmart49; 03-06-2019 at 07:26 PM.
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Old 03-06-2019, 06:40 PM   #15
Mudslinger
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No, but leave some money or something for the house that can be used for payment.
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Old 03-06-2019, 06:41 PM   #16
stickerpatch59
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I wouldn't do it.
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Old 03-06-2019, 06:45 PM   #17
SNIPER3388
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It sounds like an offer to you and tour wife only. Life long friends... I wouldnt heasitate to ask, or show up and ask qheres the dang key?!
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Old 03-06-2019, 06:49 PM   #18
lmartin5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AntlerCollector View Post
I would ask them to rent it. Other than that, no


This


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Old 03-06-2019, 06:53 PM   #19
Dr. Evil
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Thanks for the input!
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Old 03-06-2019, 06:59 PM   #20
Razorback01
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Not here, close blood-kin, probably, friends-nope. Best way to become non-friends. Friends are hard to come by, don't screw it up.
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Old 03-06-2019, 07:09 PM   #21
BrandonA
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No I wouldn't ask.
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Old 03-06-2019, 07:13 PM   #22
Rush2Judge
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Put me in the "don't ask" group. For your wife and kids? Yes. Extended family? No way, no how.

And I wouldn't even put him on the spot of asking to rent. That puts the onus on him and that's not right.
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Old 03-06-2019, 07:13 PM   #23
randal
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I would be ok with asking for my wife and kids but not if it included any extended family or friends, I wouldn’t ask to rent either..
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Old 03-06-2019, 07:17 PM   #24
Quackerbox
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Quote:
Originally Posted by randal View Post
I would be ok with asking for my wife and kids but not if it included any extended family or friends, I wouldnt ask to rent either..
Same

I have stayed in "life long" friends bay houses without them. But, i essentially had my own key. Even when they where there they all but begged me to run their boat.

We never left without leaving a bottle of something

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Old 03-06-2019, 07:20 PM   #25
wow
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Wouldnt ask. Same situation we have a friend that has a beach house. They try to get us to come stay there all the time. Just not me.
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Old 03-06-2019, 10:48 PM   #26
RifleBowPistol
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I would not ask, if they don't know the other people very well, that you are talking about taking. Then I would not ask, just because I would be worried something would get damaged or come up missing, anything along those lines happens it's your responsibility. I could see the whole deal messing up a friendship, when something of theirs winds up missing or damaged, that you don't know about.
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Old 03-06-2019, 11:14 PM   #27
NickR
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If I had a place that any of my really good friends and family wanted to visit I’d say have a good time. I would feel the same way asking to stay at their places. It’s a given if anything gets damaged that everything would be replaced or compensated for. I would, however, probably start the conversation by asking to rent the place while I’m there.
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Old 03-07-2019, 02:49 AM   #28
125Dad
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I would not ask not even for me and the wife.

We have a friend that has yacht on Grand lake he tells us all the time just stay on the boat and we still just get a hotel room.
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Old 03-07-2019, 04:44 AM   #29
Atfulldraw
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People are funny about stuff....but in the end, it's just stuff.

There are plenty of our good friends that probably wouldn't ask for the reasons posted above, but we would gladly let them stay at one of our places and wouldn't expect them to pay a dime.

We don't need anything, and if it helps a family to enjoy some time on the river, or in the mountains, or at the ranch....we are all in.


If I were in your shoes, I would call my friend and start the conversation by acknowledging that it feels awkward to ask and that if it isn't a good idea for whatever reason, there will be no hard feelings.

Last edited by Atfulldraw; 03-07-2019 at 04:47 AM.
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Old 03-07-2019, 06:11 AM   #30
mudbone
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Evil View Post
I have some life-long friends who live in another state. About 5 years ago my wife and I visited and stayed with them at their mountain vacation home. As we were leaving they said, if you ever want to come back here, you are welcome to stay at our place, even if were not here. Heres the question;

Would it be rude if I asked to stay at their place with my wife, brother-in-law, sister-in-law, 12 y/o nephew and 7 y/o niece for a 4-5 days next year? My wife says she wont do it because its rude to ask them, even if they offered. Lodging in that area is very expensive and Im trying to keep costs down for my in-laws.

What do you think?

Thanks
Easy solution!!! Turn the tables around and see if you would like to be taken advantage of like that...... I bet you come up with the correct answer.
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Old 03-07-2019, 06:18 AM   #31
Backwoods101
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NickR View Post
If I had a place that any of my really good friends and family wanted to visit Id say have a good time. I would feel the same way asking to stay at their places. Its a given if anything gets damaged that everything would be replaced or compensated for. I would, however, probably start the conversation by asking to rent the place while Im there.
Exactly!
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Old 03-07-2019, 06:21 AM   #32
Graysonhogs
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Everybodys personal relationships are different. Just do what you think deep down is right regarding this one. I have some friends I would have zero problem asking and vice versa. Depends on the level of said friendship.
If it were my lifelong friend, Id have zero issue with him asking me, if the situation were reversed. It affects me negatively in no way to help my friend. As Rod said, its just stuff. Id feel good knowing I could help a brother out. Jmo.
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Old 03-07-2019, 06:21 AM   #33
Backwoods101
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mudbone View Post
Easy solution!!! Turn the tables around and see if you would like to be taken advantage of like that...... I bet you come up with the correct answer.
How would he be taking advantage of them? Its not like the place is going to go down in value due to them staying... And yes, turn the tables and I'm sure he wouldn't mind at all if they stayed at his vacation home.
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Old 03-07-2019, 06:36 AM   #34
deerwatcher51
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I would not ask.
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Old 03-07-2019, 06:38 AM   #35
Radar
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Reckon I could never ask, it would make me too uncomfortable.

Not to be kicking you in the shin but they invited you back, not in laws, nephews and nieces. If they tore something up, them people would not be friendly any more.
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Old 03-07-2019, 06:41 AM   #36
Pedernal
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For the scenario posted put me in the "don't ask" column. Obviously we all have differing opinions and only the OP knows the mindset of the property owner.

IMHO it's one thing to bring guests to a random friends' GTG but a total different thing to invite guests to stay at someone's house even if it is a vacation home. Too many variables that only the OP has insight to.

if it feels awkward don't do it!!
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Old 03-07-2019, 06:59 AM   #37
Texas8point
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LivinADream View Post
I don't think its rude, would let them know that im willing to rent. if they didn't want you there, they wouldn't have offered. at least that's how my mind works. if I don't want someone using my stuff, I don't offer my stuff to be used.
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Old 03-07-2019, 07:05 AM   #38
CrookedArrow
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I would, but than again I'm Mexican so yeah I bring every family member and neighbor for FREE
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Old 03-07-2019, 07:16 AM   #39
Rick
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If they are lifelong friends, you should be able to have that conversation with them. If they plan to be there, I would not ask to bring extra people. But if you are using it when they are not there, I don't see it as a big deal.

But only you know if you can have an open conversation with them like that. If you do make it happen, I would get them a nice gift that they would enjoy for allowing you to use it.
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Old 03-07-2019, 07:36 AM   #40
muzzlebrake
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Hail no!
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Old 03-07-2019, 07:37 AM   #41
TexasBob
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Friends have a condo in Galveston. I haven't overstayed my welcome yet, but I've sure tried lol. We also take my Sis in law every time we go. Text her the other day my daughter was saying she wanted to go since we haven't been and her response was it's open, take her already. Only you know your friends, but I wouldn't hesitate with mine. If I couldn't trust my guests, they aren't going with me. If I can't ask my friends something that simple, I'm changing friends. I will say, my guests don't use it without me present just for good measure though.
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Old 03-07-2019, 07:39 AM   #42
cj7zrcool
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Immediate family yes, extended family no.
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Old 03-07-2019, 07:41 AM   #43
xman59
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Evil View Post
I have some life-long friends who live in another state. About 5 years ago my wife and I visited and stayed with them at their mountain vacation home. As we were leaving they said, if you ever want to come back here, you are welcome to stay at our place, even if were not here. Heres the question;

Would it be rude if I asked to stay at their place with my wife, brother-in-law, sister-in-law, 12 y/o nephew and 7 y/o niece for a 4-5 days next year? My wife says she wont do it because its rude to ask them, even if they offered. Lodging in that area is very expensive and Im trying to keep costs down for my in-laws.

What do you think?

Thanks
offer was made to you not extended family,,, I would not ask,

however you could ask them for a recommended place to stay because you are coming back that way with other family members,,, if they offer then great if not stay somewhere else... you nor they are on the spot
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Old 03-07-2019, 08:06 AM   #44
TreyRo
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Interesting question..

So from my point of view: I've offered several times over the years for Long Time friends to stay at our lakehouse when we aren't there. Nobody has ever taken me up on it.

I generally extend the offer as "if you and your wife need a weekend away I'll tell you where the spare key is". I only say it to a few people and those are people I'd trust with my kids let alone my house and I've been close with them forever.

However, If they brought more than themselves (that includes their Crumb Snatchers) I wouldn't be thrilled.
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Old 03-07-2019, 08:10 AM   #45
Rubi513
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Best to not to put your friends in a uncomfortable position of having to say yes or no.
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Old 03-07-2019, 08:15 AM   #46
centex_aggie
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I would call him and just ask if they Air BNB the place ever or rent it out. Tell him you were looking for somewhere to accommodate X number of people but you need to insist on paying him if he offers up the place. Don't be a mooch. There's already too many.

He may offer a trade. I've done that before. Landscaping or home repairs in exchange for cash to stay somewhere. That might be a good compromise. Insist that you compensate him somehow.
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Old 03-07-2019, 08:48 AM   #47
splitfinger
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AntlerCollector View Post
I would ask them to rent it. Other than that, no
This. If he offers it for free, no problem. If he says he will rent it at a reduced rate, that's ok too. Either way, you are not asking for it even though he offered.
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Old 03-07-2019, 09:05 AM   #48
dmk
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Think of it this way, you give a friend permission to fish at your place w/ his kids. How would you feel if he showed up w/ a big group of people? I've seen it happen several times, doesn't usually go over well.
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Old 03-07-2019, 09:08 AM   #49
Fmjag64
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Nope
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Old 03-07-2019, 09:09 AM   #50
LMiz
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I would not do it. If it was just you and your wife maybe but adding other people especially kids increases the risk of something bad happening to the house.
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