major marriage problems, advice please?

[Brown]

I don't "feel" anything. If you want biblical answers pm me, not here at this guys expense.

haha, great response. Why do you have to "feel" when you have the directional manual to life.

[PoohDaddy]

Good little books! Worth a look at


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[be12hunt]

I’m struggling with wording a proper response so hopefully none of this sounds offensive. Obviously you know the situation and dynamics of the relationship better than anyone. The few things I would consider are
1. Don’t temporarily change just to save the marriage. I’ve seen people try to pour on the love and affection out of reaction. I think most women will see right through that. Whatever you do to try to improve the relationship should be something you’re willing to do for the rest of the marriage.
2. Fix the finances. If it’s constantly being brought up then y’all are only reacting to the symptoms. Keep her involved/informed in that as well. She should know exactly how much is coming in versus going out. This way she will have some understanding when it comes to spending..
3. This isn’t all on you. It’s going to take both of you recommitting to the relationship. She needs to quit the BS social media conversations and fix the relationship she made a commitment to.

[Brown]

Looking is cheating??? NO sir, if you don't look, you may want to get checked to make sure your a man. Anyone who says they don't look needs to get off the high horse. I don't care who you are..... YOU LOOK!!

I don't want to turn man's thread into a debate but, Matthew 5:28 is clear.

You are right, all men look, what are the intentions of the "look"? Looking is not cheating, lust is cheating. Lets define it as the 2nd look........ The 1st look is innocent, what do you then do, bounce your eyes to something else and not allow the return glance, or give in and make that 2nd lustful look. Matthew 5:28 is definitively clear.

You are right, all men look, but what are the intentions of the glance? Are you noticing something God made perfectly in His image or are you admiring the flesh as defined by the world?

[bakin7005]

I didn't read thru all this as but I'll let you know a little of my story. My wife and I split for other reasons but it was still a split up. She filed for divorce and we both had lawyers. She moved out and I paid her a large sum of money but the divorce was taking a long time. In the mean time I was going to church in Baytown Faith family, sy the 8:30 am service and unknowingly to me my wife was going to the 11:30 service. To make a long story short I finally decided to just turn all over to God and I immediately found piece and 3 days later my wife sent me a text wanting to try and work it out. That was a little over a year ago and we are better than ever. If you would like to talk about anything send me a pm.

God is in the restoration business. It's what He does. Great testimony.

[JB_Archery]

im not one to ever air out my personal stuff on here. I comment on hunting stuff but nothing else normally. ive seen several posts in the past of fellow tbhers reaching out to the GS for advice. most of us are cut from the same cloth. I never dreamed I would be "airing out" my personal problems on here but this site has always been a wealth of knowledge and support... so here goes.

I have been happily married for 24 1/2 years. I have a wife and 2 kids, one in college and one a sophomore in HS. we built our first house in 2008. ever since then, the pressure of life and finances has slowly consumed me. the one thing my wife and I ever argue about is money. im a tightwad its sad to say. there have been arguments over the years over just a few hundred dollars at times, high cc bills, me questioning purchases, etc. we get past it, make up and move on. over and over and over. i've always been "that guy" that didn't need counseling, because I was always right and had all the answers. ive been very controlling at times. 2018 and so far this year have been really rough on us financially. major medical bills, house flooding, etc. its taken its toll on me and thus our marriage. a little over 2 weeks ago it came to a head. my wife told me there were other options for happiness. she was considering divorce. and to make matters worse, at that precise time, she met a mystery person, through social media. this person lives no where around here, but has managed to tap into her weakened heart and say the some things that has field voids, voids that I have created due to neglect and lack of affection in recent months and maybe even the last year or so. they have never even actually met or even talked on the phone, but for some crazy reason he has become a bit of a threat to me now. we have discussed it all openly and she admitted it to me this week when I asked. he literally popped up, the week before I was told there are other options. ever since that night, I have been in full reaction mode. it has been uncontrollable for me. literally a 180 degree swing in 2 weeks. affection, trying to be more loving, kissing her when she walks by, reading her every move, gesture, eye contact etc. its embarrassing at how I have been. now any "I love you" or any kiss I get is strictly reactionary from her from me initiating it. im trying to back off and give her space but its difficult. we were actually slowly climbing that hill upwards until the setback about this mystery guy surfaced this week. today, together we took a step forward and cut the ties with this mystery social media guy and even deleted the app. there is a bit of trust issue I now have with her, which will only complicate matters. we have our first appointment with a Christian based marriage counselor this coming week. I am terrified to say the least. ive always thought my marriage was bulletproof, having taken my wife for granted and allowing financial stuff to interfere with what is really important. she is severely scarred inside im afraid. im scared to death that I am too late now. my goal is to save our marriage and instill the love and dedication I used to. her goal in all of this is making the right decision for happiness, being with me or without. we agree its going to take more love and dedication for us to survive this, but I really have my doubts if im going to get full dedication from her now due to my tract record. shes afraid im going to to go back to that person I was and I don't blame her one bit for being that way. we agree its going to be a slow process, that will require lots of patience and positive thinking and actions. I know she is leaning the other way right now for a fact. shes not sure she wants to get back on the "bus" so to speak. I never in all these years would dream I would be in this position, but I am. I've got faith the lord will help get us through this and salvage our marriage but I also know that there is no guarantee. we both pray for us every day. I really don't know what to do. im going this week to get some anxiety medication to help me control my emotions. im so afraid its too late and don't know what to do. im really leaning on this counseling we are about to embark on, to help us find some answers but I know with it, comes some potential dark days for us. it feels like we have a 50%chance at best right now. any advice fellas?

Don’t be afraid to court your wife again... start over with roses and picking her up, opening doors for her, the whole 9... start seeking Jesus with your whole heart and become the leader of your household like God has called you to do. I used to be the same way with money then I realized it’s just money! I asked her how much cash needed a month and we found a middle ground. Christian marriage counseling is a step in the right direction... it’s your marriage to protect, fight for it brother! Prayers up!