any good disfunctional family christmas stories

[junkmanhunter]

I was working patrol one christmas. The grandmother at this house had died in her sleep. They covered her with a sheet because they didn't want to call anybody and interrupt the party.

A grandson and grandaughter began arguing over who was getting grandma's refrigerator. Now remember....grandmother is in rigor mortis in the next room. Granddaughter stabs grandson as he is cleaning out the fridge to load it in his truck. She lunged him and he almost died.

I arrested granddaughter after threatening to shoot her and then had to call for a body car and ME investigator for grandma.

Merry Crimmus mofos!

I bet after working the streets of H-town, there's not much that will surprise you.

[Chew]

I bet after working the streets of H-town, there's not much that will surprise you.

Yessir. It would take a three legged midget pimping out a posses of Clydesdales to surprise me.

[Russ81]

Yessir. It would take a three legged midget pimping out a posses of Clydesdales to surprise me.

Lmao!

[texasdeerhunter]

Just got back from a weekend with my family, who all get along and have a great time, except for some stupid stuff my sister in law says. She is a hippy type, and also a staunch gender equality advocate, but yet a republican. Some of the things she said:

There sbould be no difference between "actors" and "actresses", they should all be simply actors. Yet when I asked her if she didn't like the gender references in the adjectives, and she said yes, I told her that I would start calling her Mister instead of Mrs.

She swears that Blue Bell had multiple violations for listeria in their plants and that they were fined millions of dollars several times for the violations, but they refused to correct the problem because doing a recall and refunding everyone's money was more expensive than paying the fines. She now boycotts Blue Bell because of that.

She also swears that any male she works with can't take FMLA leave for more than 2 weeks because their employer won't let let take more than two weeks. Her dumb@ss doesn't know the difference between "paid leave" and "non paid" leave lol

It was to the point that I quit aurguing with her cause I can't explain things to her on her lower level of intellegence.

[Masmak]

Go see my MIL this week for Xmas. Everyone is sitting around catching up, and my SIL tells us her FIL accidentally shot himself earlier that day. Apparently was showing off his gun cleaning skills to the family. Multiple people and newborn in the room. He got lucky, only 13 stitches needed in his hand. Glad we didn't go there!!

[DuckDogTrainer]

Drama free this year except for my teenage daughter who thinks we spent more money on her brothers than on her and her sister. Acted all sad and upset my wife. I had a long talk with her and I doubt she listened but hey in the end it was pretty good compared to some of our previous episodes.

[topshot]

Many yeas ago
My parents house. My brother and I have the exact same guns Sig P220. I had done some trigger work and my brother wanted me to work on his. So we cover the pool table with a sheet and take his gun apart and work on it for about an hour. Mom calls for us to come eat. We all go eat and my brother goes and puts his gun back together except for the washer in the grip. He has a habit of dropping on in the pipe closing the action and then seating the magazine. Well he does this except the magazine does not go in because the washer is not in the gun. We look for the washer for about an hour and then give up. He then asks me if I felt his trigger. I pick it up-aim at a dot on the side of the pool table and sqeeze of the round in the chamber. round goes through the pool table down into the carpet goes under a wall and comes up out of the carpet in another room and striking my Mom in the collar bone and then bounced up and landed on my wife's head burning the hair and her scalp.
Well the bullet was a hydro-shock and my Mom's collar bone is bleeding from the exposed point and we are thinking it may have fractured her collarbone. We load up and goto the hospital to have X-rays and my brother being an EMT calls ahead and explains what happened. Return from hospital only to have HPD crime scene all over the house. My Mom starts making plates for the Detectives that are talking to my bother and I. Get done talking to us and then state they are headed to the hospital to interview the gunshot victim. My Mom pipes up and says that she is right here. Detectives leave and a Parol Officer stays around while Crime Scene gets everything. Patrol Officer stays around for a few hours and sits and eats evening meal with family and we even had him say the prayer for the meal. My Mom fixes him a plate of cookies and pie and fixes him a large glass of milk to take with him. Patrol Officer takes plate but refuses milk saying he didn't want to take her container. About 15 minutes later our doorbell rings and it is the Patrol Officer saying everything is closed and he will be happy with a glass of milk. We all laughed and he came in and played cards and spent another hour or two at the house. He stopped by my parents house every Christmas after that until he retired

So I guess we qualify- I shot my Mom and wife on Christmas.

stupid gun handling, funny story. glad it ended well for you all

[Joshua Flournoy]

Many yeas ago
My parents house. My brother and I have the exact same guns Sig P220. I had done some trigger work and my brother wanted me to work on his. So we cover the pool table with a sheet and take his gun apart and work on it for about an hour. Mom calls for us to come eat. We all go eat and my brother goes and puts his gun back together except for the washer in the grip. He has a habit of dropping on in the pipe closing the action and then seating the magazine. Well he does this except the magazine does not go in because the washer is not in the gun. We look for the washer for about an hour and then give up. He then asks me if I felt his trigger. I pick it up-aim at a dot on the side of the pool table and sqeeze of the round in the chamber. round goes through the pool table down into the carpet goes under a wall and comes up out of the carpet in another room and striking my Mom in the collar bone and then bounced up and landed on my wife's head burning the hair and her scalp.
Well the bullet was a hydro-shock and my Mom's collar bone is bleeding from the exposed point and we are thinking it may have fractured her collarbone. We load up and goto the hospital to have X-rays and my brother being an EMT calls ahead and explains what happened. Return from hospital only to have HPD crime scene all over the house. My Mom starts making plates for the Detectives that are talking to my bother and I. Get done talking to us and then state they are headed to the hospital to interview the gunshot victim. My Mom pipes up and says that she is right here. Detectives leave and a Parol Officer stays around while Crime Scene gets everything. Patrol Officer stays around for a few hours and sits and eats evening meal with family and we even had him say the prayer for the meal. My Mom fixes him a plate of cookies and pie and fixes him a large glass of milk to take with him. Patrol Officer takes plate but refuses milk saying he didn't want to take her container. About 15 minutes later our doorbell rings and it is the Patrol Officer saying everything is closed and he will be happy with a glass of milk. We all laughed and he came in and played cards and spent another hour or two at the house. He stopped by my parents house every Christmas after that until he retired

So I guess we qualify- I shot my Mom and wife on Christmas.

That's hilarious.

Did you ever find the washer?

[Mertzon Man]

A Thanksgiving Miracle - SNL - YouTube

Lol,lol,lol!!!!!!

[jmeghunts]

First Christmas after I married my wife. All of my in-laws are pretty great, other than my wife's brother. A real "piece of work", he would spend all his money on his vehicles, then refuse to get anything for his parents or sister. The only reason he got something for his mother, was (and I quote) "Shut [her] the f*** up" (spoken to her face).

Wife and I had just found out that parenthood for us would be a certified miracle, so all the family talk at dinner Christmas Eve, about "when's the kids coming?" was really wearing thin on my wife. Her brother, posts a message on Facebook(while we're at the dinner table, knowing the entire situation) about how happy he is for his sister and her new family, and that he was looking forward to our having kids. And he tags her on facebook, so everyone we know on both sides of the family is getting this notification about it. Both of our phones start blowing up with people saying "OMG CONGRATULATIONS!", to which we have to explain the situation.

My wife at this point is crying, really upset, which leads him to make more offhand comments about how stupid she is. I'm a pretty level headed guy, but admittedly I get a little hot tempered when someone hurts my wife. I start closing distance, when their grandmother(who's 75+ y/o, about 4'10", and maybe a 100 lbs soaking wet) steps in front of me, and quite loudly says(prompting me by my full name), "It's Christmas Eve, so you'll have to just turn the other cheek... (and turns over her shoulder) even if he is being complete ***hole..." This from one of the sweetest little old ladies I'd ever met.

Fast forward nine months, we hadn't spoken to him since that 'event'(a big deal since he and my wife up till we got married, would talk multiple times a day...). We run into him at their parent's place. Apparently he had unplugged a freezer that I'd been keeping in their garage, full of groceries and venison(which all spoiled). She confronts him, and that is responded to with him punching her. I'm not sure how it got to that point. I just hear her from inside the house, scream out "stop, get off of me". I look out to see him man-handling her, throw her face first into the side of his truck(hard enough to for me to hear the "thunk" from inside the house), and punch her in the head. While yelling obscenities about her. I step outside already mad, and yell at him 3 times to get off her, his response was laugh, and hit her again. The 4th time i ordered him to let go, it was backed up with my pistol being drawn. Now that I had his attention, and he was threatening me, the pistol went back in the holster, and placed on the hood of the car.

Yet, I'm the one everyone resents, and no one will bother to talk to me about it.

*shrugs*

You let a man hit your wife in front of you and all you did was point a gun at him? I agree with one of the other guys that you should've beat him down with a 2x4 or something. You should never let something like that go unpunished.

[junkmanhunter]

Yessir. It would take a three legged midget pimping out a posses of Clydesdales to surprise me.

Haha. You better give me a call when you see that happening

[Boyd1212]

My family is completely screwed up. My wife's family is pretty messed up but it all stems around my Bil. He's always looking to start a fight with someone and then papa gets mad at him and takes it out on the grandkids. Now my family! I'm the only child to move out from my moms place. Have two sisters that are in there 40's still living with mommy. My brother who is in his late 40's lives there. Nobody helps my mom and she always calls me for loans to help her out.
Well rewind to October and my mom was mad at me and the wife because we didn't want anyone in the room with us while we had our second child. She's selfish. Now fast forward to two weeks before Christmas. My wife works for the same company that my mother works for. Mom is still mad at my wife and takes it to her boss. Long story short they let my wife go because my mother can't work with her. Then my mother wants me to take her side. Lol To cap it all off now my mother doesn't have to see my wife anymore along with me and her grandkids. I've spent too much time and money on helping her when she wont help herself. There is a whole bunch more to my family but I would use a whole page to tell it all.

[4R Daddy]

Nothing good happened with ours this year. I didn't even exchange gifts with Rusty so that potential was wasted. I did have a small little moment. I'm getting married this week and my soon to be MIL was asking how the move was going. The subject turned to where I plan to hang my trophies. When we told her "the living room" she was disgusted and said they belong in the garage. When I told her that I've spent too much money to let something I'm proud of sit in the garage, she stated that she thought I had more class than that...
I told her it was time to stop and talk about something else.

[Backwoods101]

My family is completely screwed up. My wife's family is pretty messed up but it all stems around my Bil. He's always looking to start a fight with someone and then papa gets mad at him and takes it out on the grandkids. Now my family! I'm the only child to move out from my moms place. Have two sisters that are in there 40's still living with mommy. My brother who is in his late 40's lives there. Nobody helps my mom and she always calls me for loans to help her out.
Well rewind to October and my mom was mad at me and the wife because we didn't want anyone in the room with us while we had our second child. She's selfish. Now fast forward to two weeks before Christmas. My wife works for the same company that my mother works for. Mom is still mad at my wife and takes it to her boss. Long story short they let my wife go because my mother can't work with her. Then my mother wants me to take her side. Lol To cap it all off now my mother doesn't have to see my wife anymore along with me and her grandkids. I've spent too much time and money on helping her when she wont help herself. There is a whole bunch more to my family but I would use a whole page to tell it all.

Are we related? My wife's MIL is a piece of work as well. I left that drama behind me years ago. Life is too short to put up with folks who do everything they can to make you miserable.

[Backwoods101]

Nothing good happened with ours this year. I didn't even exchange gifts with Rusty so that potential was wasted. I did have a small little moment. I'm getting married this week and my soon to be MIL was asking how the move was going. The subject turned to where I plan to hang my trophies. When we told her "the living room" she was disgusted and said they belong in the garage. When I told her that I've spent too much money to let something I'm proud of sit in the garage, she stated that she thought I had more class than that...
I told her it was time to stop and talk about something else.

Anybody get a ladder for Christmas? Lol