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any good disfunctional family christmas stories

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    any good disfunctional family christmas stories

    Anyone got any good ones? I have a few that the pre story leading into Christmas seemed like it could get interesting but fizzled out on Christmas day. Anyone want to share theirs?

    #2
    I avoided all the drama this year. My side of the family has SIL that drinks too much every time and then talks out her azz and pizzes off someone, usually me.

    Wifes family equally dysfunctional. SIL again, divorced husband and took then 14yo daughter to Cali seeking fortune and fame, (think honey boo boo). Their son dropped A&M and does dive master stuff in Nicaragua in season, and commands the couch in the offseason.

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      #3
      This thread reminds me of a good ole Christmas song.

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        #4
        Went to Christmas with my then girlfriend and her family. Witnessed a fist fight between a brother and sister, both in their 40's, after one was offended at the outcome of Chinese Christmas gift exchange. The worst part is no alcohol was involved.

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          #5
          Originally posted by kingchip View Post
          I avoided all the drama this year. My side of the family has SIL that drinks too much every time and then talks out her azz and pizzes off someone, usually me.

          Wifes family equally dysfunctional. SIL again, divorced husband and took then 14yo daughter to Cali seeking fortune and fame, (think honey boo boo). Their son dropped A&M and does dive master stuff in Nicaragua in season, and commands the couch in the offseason.
          Got any pics of the SIL that likes to drink too much?

          Hahaha, just kidding.

          No, but seriously.

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            #6
            In laws.... That is all...

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              #7
              I rightfully help defend my wife against my FIL's drunk girlfriend. Hair was pulled...punches thrown...first time I laid my hands on a women. Cops were called and my wife and I went to my folks house. I was scared I/we were going to jail. No charges filled because the officers knew her as a drunk and had made several arrests for PI's.

              Long story short... She's gone... Thank god! A Christmas I'll never forget.

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                #8
                This is about 10yrs ago, and not my family, its the couple across the street...but very disfunctional
                Our 4 year old daughter slept on the couch to try and catch Santa. About 3am we have a girl beating on the door screaming that "he's trying to stab me!!!" I grab my pistol and head to the door. I recognize the voice as the girl from across the street. She is my age, and about 115lbs. Her fiance is about 10yrs older, and no hair on his tail to back up his mouth. She is covered in blood and a rip or 2 in her clothes. I pull her in the house, and her fiancé is calling me to say she is drugged up and drunk and going crazy. Still this whole time, our daughter is 10ft away asleep on the couch. We had the cops come out, and at that point, the fiancé barracaded himself in his house. Extra police came out and were just about to break down his door when the guys dad showed up. He was able to talk him into surrendering after about an hr. After the fiancé is hauled away, the dad comes to our house and begins to holler at us for not calling him instead of calling the cops. I told him to see his way out before I remove him from my house, and to finish raising his own son before he tries to tell me right from wrong. This whole time our daughter slept on the couch through the whole thing. We were afraid to move her and her awake for the sitiation.
                Throughout the situation, we find out a friend of the fiancé got in a fight at the bar the 3 of them were at. The blood on the girl was from the guys fighting/stabbing each other with broken bottles. When the couple got home, the fiancé was trying to cook and yelling that they need to bail the friend out of jail. The girl was trying to tell him that friend went to the hospital before jail. They argued back n forth when the fiancé grabbed her and shoved her away, which is how her clothes got a rip or 2. He ended up getting barred from his own house for 30days.
                As you could only hope, that family didn't make it past this event.
                Last edited by red; 12-24-2015, 09:34 PM.

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                  #9
                  Long time ago I politely aske my now ex uncle to step out side after he contentiously insulted my mother. I whooped him and locked him outside. He left and they divorced a year later. I was 22yo. It was festive and jolly when I came back inside.

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                    #10
                    The Christmas Steak

                    A man was jogging in the park when he came upon an elf surrounded by people. The elf was reaching into a big red velvet bag and passing out presents. The man, being the polite person he was, waited for the crowd to dissipate. As he approached to pass, the elf said, "Did you get a present?" The man said said "No."
                    The elf asked, "What would you like?"
                    The man had been on a diet and spoke without thinking, "I'd like a steak," and chuckled.
                    "Any thing in particular?" the elf asked.
                    Again, being polite, as he always was, the man said, "No. As long as it's about an inch thick."
                    The elf reached deep into the bottom of his bag and handed the man a wrapped gift, smiled and said, Merry Christmas," and poof disappeared. The man stood there a moment staring at the gift in his hand. He went home, put a potato in the oven, lit some charcoal in his grill, and went to take a shower. He came back, opened the fridge and opened the box the elf gave him. For a long moment he just stared down at it. Inside was a one inch square piece of wood, twelve inches long with a sharp point.

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                      #11
                      An otherwise sane man finds himself surrounded by crazy annoying in laws every year at this time. He spends time in the garage avoiding them the n has a couple of drinks then goes to bed. The cycle repeats until they leave. Not a funny story but pretty typical scenario for my Christmases. God why didn't I go to the lease?!?!

                      Ah whatever I'll go have another drink then go to bed.
                      Last edited by saintsfan; 12-24-2015, 10:30 PM.

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                        #12
                        I have no stories to tell, but am sure my family does.
                        I did take a guinea hen to a Christmas party once.

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                          #13
                          First Christmas after I married my wife. All of my in-laws are pretty great, other than my wife's brother. A real "piece of work", he would spend all his money on his vehicles, then refuse to get anything for his parents or sister. The only reason he got something for his mother, was (and I quote) "Shut [her] the f*** up" (spoken to her face).

                          Wife and I had just found out that parenthood for us would be a certified miracle, so all the family talk at dinner Christmas Eve, about "when's the kids coming?" was really wearing thin on my wife. Her brother, posts a message on Facebook(while we're at the dinner table, knowing the entire situation) about how happy he is for his sister and her new family, and that he was looking forward to our having kids. And he tags her on facebook, so everyone we know on both sides of the family is getting this notification about it. Both of our phones start blowing up with people saying "OMG CONGRATULATIONS!", to which we have to explain the situation.

                          My wife at this point is crying, really upset, which leads him to make more offhand comments about how stupid she is. I'm a pretty level headed guy, but admittedly I get a little hot tempered when someone hurts my wife. I start closing distance, when their grandmother(who's 75+ y/o, about 4'10", and maybe a 100 lbs soaking wet) steps in front of me, and quite loudly says(prompting me by my full name), "It's Christmas Eve, so you'll have to just turn the other cheek... (and turns over her shoulder) even if he is being complete ***hole..." This from one of the sweetest little old ladies I'd ever met.

                          Fast forward nine months, we hadn't spoken to him since that 'event'(a big deal since he and my wife up till we got married, would talk multiple times a day...). We run into him at their parent's place. Apparently he had unplugged a freezer that I'd been keeping in their garage, full of groceries and venison(which all spoiled). She confronts him, and that is responded to with him punching her. I'm not sure how it got to that point. I just hear her from inside the house, scream out "stop, get off of me". I look out to see him man-handling her, throw her face first into the side of his truck(hard enough to for me to hear the "thunk" from inside the house), and punch her in the head. While yelling obscenities about her. I step outside already mad, and yell at him 3 times to get off her, his response was laugh, and hit her again. The 4th time i ordered him to let go, it was backed up with my pistol being drawn. Now that I had his attention, and he was threatening me, the pistol went back in the holster, and placed on the hood of the car.

                          Yet, I'm the one everyone resents, and no one will bother to talk to me about it.

                          *shrugs*

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                            #14
                            Originally posted by rjet View Post
                            I have no stories to tell, but am sure my family does.
                            I did take a guinea hen to a Christmas party once.
                            That guinea hen at the Christmas party is one of the funniest stories I've ever heard

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                              #15
                              Originally posted by Davoh View Post
                              First Christmas after I married my wife. All of my in-laws are pretty great, other than my wife's brother. A real "piece of work", he would spend all his money on his vehicles, then refuse to get anything for his parents or sister. The only reason he got something for his mother, was (and I quote) "Shut [her] the f*** up" (spoken to her face).

                              Wife and I had just found out that parenthood for us would be a certified miracle, so all the family talk at dinner Christmas Eve, about "when's the kids coming?" was really wearing thin on my wife. Her brother, posts a message on Facebook(while we're at the dinner table, knowing the entire situation) about how happy he is for his sister and her new family, and that he was looking forward to our having kids. And he tags her on facebook, so everyone we know on both sides of the family is getting this notification about it. Both of our phones start blowing up with people saying "OMG CONGRATULATIONS!", to which we have to explain the situation.

                              My wife at this point is crying, really upset, which leads him to make more offhand comments about how stupid she is. I'm a pretty level headed guy, but admittedly I get a little hot tempered when someone hurts my wife. I start closing distance, when their grandmother(who's 75+ y/o, about 4'10", and maybe a 100 lbs soaking wet) steps in front of me, and quite loudly says(prompting me by my full name), "It's Christmas Eve, so you'll have to just turn the other cheek... (and turns over her shoulder) even if he is being complete ***hole..." This from one of the sweetest little old ladies I'd ever met.

                              Fast forward nine months, we hadn't spoken to him since that 'event'(a big deal since he and my wife up till we got married, would talk multiple times a day...). We run into him at their parent's place. Apparently he had unplugged a freezer that I'd been keeping in their garage, full of groceries and venison(which all spoiled). She confronts him, and that is responded to with him punching her. I'm not sure how it got to that point. I just hear her from inside the house, scream out "stop, get off of me". I look out to see him man-handling her, throw her face first into the side of his truck(hard enough to for me to hear the "thunk" from inside the house), and punch her in the head. While yelling obscenities about her. I step outside already mad, and yell at him 3 times to get off her, his response was laugh, and hit her again. The 4th time i ordered him to let go, it was backed up with my pistol being drawn. Now that I had his attention, and he was threatening me, the pistol went back in the holster, and placed on the hood of the car.

                              Yet, I'm the one everyone resents, and no one will bother to talk to me about it.

                              *shrugs*
                              Wow. Well I thought I had it bad. Good luck man.
                              Last edited by saintsfan; 12-24-2015, 10:58 PM. Reason: Sp

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