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Has your wife fallen back in love with you?

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    Has your wife fallen back in love with you?

    Mine told me a few days ago that she feels nothing when I kiss her. We've been together 11 years and married for 6. Those words sucked the wind right out of my lungs faster than anything in my life.

    I've been a horrible husband, and she has been an angel. I've never touched her but the mental abuse from arguments and mistakes made has taken a toll almost to the point of no repair. I have never been unfaithful and neither has she to my knowledge, she wouldn't be able to hide it, just as I wouldn't.

    She told me for the last few years she has been wanting to leave, but didn't know how, or just kept waiting to see if I would change. I'm not sure why she stayed to be honest. The things that came out of my mouth makes me just want to beat myself and cut out my tongue. Being selfish on top of that did not help either. I never put her first but maybe a few times in 11 years. Her heart has hardened as it should....and I don't know if I can repair it.

    I suffer from depression which escalated with the passing of my mother in 2016 then my father in 2018. Bed ridden in 2017 for 8 months with a back injury surely didn't help things move along either. I have never been diagnosed nor sought care, but something inside me is off and I know it is.

    I inherited a large sum of money when my mom passed. I quit my job to focus on our house remodel ( I am a Commercial GC). The intention was to finish the remodel and get back to work but the back injury mentioned above comes into play a few months into the remodel. Being bed ridden, the house sat in an unfinished state and still does to this day. I lost all motivation to continue with it to be honest. I became a hermit and cut off all communication with colleagues and friends as well as my wife. Not working and living off the inheritance I starting waking up later and later and going to bed later and later. I stopped showering, brushing my teeth for days on end. I knew it was wrong, but I just could not motivate myself to make it happen. No matter how hard I would try my brain would talk me out of it somehow. Days went by that turned into months and finally years of this self destruction to myself. I had no want to live anymore. Everyday was excruciating to be here. I am smart enough to know what to do to be a successful human, as I was one before this onset, I just could not find the motivation until she told me that she wants to talk about separating.

    That was 96 hours ago. Since then we have talked more than we have in 10 years. It has been a mix of emotions for both but she said she is willing to give it a day at a time to see if I can change and become the husband she married and deserves. I can't argue with that.

    So with the biggest challenge of my life ahead of me I put on my big boy pants and got after it. I have begun the rebuilding of not only my life but ours as well. Hearing those words is what it took to snap me out of the darkest hole I have ever been in. I have never felt more alive than I have in the last few days, although there is still an uncertainty of how it will play out, I am going to become a better person than I once was. Doing things around the house, being able to have a civilized conversation without the blowups, but most of all proving to her that she will be number 1 for the rest of our time together. Nothing else matters at this point to me. I am both feet in and full speed ahead.

    I see a therapist for the first time on Wednesday. My wife has expressed her desire for me to go over the last few years, but with my stubborn self and the stigma of going to a therapist I was not interested. I found a former veteran who I thought I can click with being a vet myself. We spoke briefly on Saturday and I am excited to meet him and begin healing. Doing this also proved to my wife how serious I am. I have given nothing but lip service for 11 years, it's time for actions now.

    I will take it one day at a time, as that's all any of us can do anyways. I will keep my head high and remember the bigger picture at hand when faced with adversities. I have a long road ahead of me and am willing to fight for it to the end. For those of you that read this, this has been very hard for me to write. I am exposing my demons for the world to see and criticize. But.....that is what I need right now, people who have been in similar situations that can offer hope and or advice. I come to TBH because I now what a wonderful group this is. I don't fit in with them skinny jeans types.

    So my question is, has your wife ever fallen back in love with you?

    #2
    Love is an action. Act.

    Trey & Lea Hello and welcome, we’re Trey & Lea. This is a landing page to take you where you want to go. Where do you want to go? UPCOMING Workshop Dates & the Registration Page &…


    I would suggest listening to their podcast, reading their book.

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      #3
      All I can say is kudos to you for admitting you have a problem and for wanting to fix it! Im sure others that have been through something similar will be along to offer more than I have but I will definitely be praying for you and her. She obviously loves you or she would have left long ago from what I read

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        #4
        Everything you're doing now,is good for you.If it happens,it happens.Stay the course,and good luck!

        Sent from my SM-G970U1 using Tapatalk

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          #5
          Kudos to you brother. My wife and I were separated for about 8 months after 4 years of marriage. She stuck it out....I stuck it out and made some changes. We have endured a wide range of ups and downs but have managed to stay married now for 32 years.

          Regardless of how it ends up for y’all it sounds like you are in desperate need of some changes sir. It will have its challenges but it appears you at least know what is at stake. Work on YOURSELF first and become the best you can be. The rest will follow and work itself out IMO.
          Good luck and may God bless your marriage.

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            #6
            Marriage is a give and take from both sides. You now see where you failed as a husband and hopefully things will get better one day at a time. I know I said and did some things to my wife of 47 years and we still argue, but she has stuck with me through thick amd thin. Not sure why but she has.

            I hope your enlightenment will show your wife you are trying and hope she gives you that chance. Good luck.

            Do some small things, like flowers, a small gift here and there and keep telling her you love her, want to be with her forever and ask her what you need to do to be a better husband and provider.

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              #7
              Prayers for you marriage can be hard work but a good one is worth the effort

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                #8
                I would suggest both of you reading The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. This book changed my wife and I life.

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                  #9
                  I am a multiple marriage failure so have no advice for you, but it sure sounds like you know what you need to do and are doing it. Best of luck to yall

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                    #10
                    My buddy and wife both had lawyers and were done. Someone gave him The Love Dare book. He figured he had nothing to lose. Still together 10 years later The book and some counseling worked wonders


                    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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                      #11
                      Yes, the first eight years of our marriage stunk. And we're on sixteen years now. We have had to learn how to communicate, love each other 200% ' because some days one of us might be 100%' . We will be praying for you and your wife.

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                        #12
                        Good on your for realizing that you were headed down a path you don't want to be on and being willing to do the hard work of righting the ship.
                        Good on her for being open to that.
                        Now get after it! Next best thing is all you have to worry about. This moment. Right now.

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                          #13
                          Originally posted by Turtlewax View Post
                          My wife has expressed her desire for me to go over the last few years, but with my stubborn self and the stigma of going to a therapist I was not interested.
                          I think this is likely a pivotal issue for her that will need to be addressed for her heeling...I would encourage you to address what she feels is important. It will likely be rewarding.

                          Good on you for taking the steps to make it right...anything is possible with Love!!

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                            #14
                            Those words had to hurt. Glad you are not giving up. Hope the two of you work it out.

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                              #15
                              Incredible strength you are showing. It takes a lot for a man to admit he is wrong. Even to himself. Much more to air it out here. I don’t have the lengthy marriage that many have on TBH (just celebrated 9 years), but I look forward to being one of those 40+ year marriages. I too was selfish and argumentative. We went to counseling, read books together, but the greatest thing we ever did was find a church home and get rooted in the Lord.

                              As mentioned earlier, love is an action. Flowers and things are nice, but you were given two ears and one mouth for a reason. Listen to her. She’ll communicate her needs and desires. It may be that you need to make time for her and take her out. It may also be that you need to get the kids dressed and ready in the morning or do a load of dishes.

                              5 love languages is a fantastic book. Lots of great relationship info there that will help with not just your marriage, but friendships and business relationships well.

                              Remember how you felt when she said she was leaving. Remember the fire you’ve got right now. Much like going to the gym or dieting. Until you create new, better habits, you have to persevere until they are second nature. Remember and don’t allow yourself to fall back into those old routines. Goodluck!


                              Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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