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    Parents and Assisted Living

    This past week I moved my Dad, 94 and my Mom ,88 with Alzheimer's into an assisted living facility and I was not as mentally prepared as I thought I was.

    We have lived in the same neighborhood for the past 20 years and I would see them frequently, especially when my kids were young plus we attended the same church. 13 months ago my Mom's Alzheimer's was more manageable and Dad was still able to care for her. Last June Dad developed some sort of hip & leg problem and it was painful for him to stand and walk so we hired a home health service to sit with them & do housekeeping during the day and I would go over every night after getting off work to help them get to bed, sleep on the couch to help them during the night, take care of their yard and general upkeep on the house and do it all over the next day. Mom's condition has worsened somewhat and she has recently had bladder/colon cancer which seems to have really rocked her world. Dad seems to be having some memory issues as well as he is now having trouble keeping his check book balanced and gets confused about where his money is coming from plus he is not as strong and steady on his feet as he was just one year ago.

    Dad finally, agreed it was time but was reluctant. I knew it would be difficult for him as he has always been his own man and very self reliant. On moving day I made arrangements for them to be out of the house so the movers could pack up the furniture while I stayed at the house to tell them what to take.

    As I watched my parents house being dismantled it hit me that this is really happening and I would no longer be just popping in the house for a cup of coffee or I wouldn't be building deer stands at Dad's - he enjoyed woodworking and working on a project. As I sat in their half empty living room I became very emotional and while I knew it would be hard for them I don't think I fully appreciated how hard it really would be for them until that moment.

    I will still see them several times per week and continue to take them to doctors appointments and such it just wont be the same. I have prayed about this decision and sought counsel from others I trust who have been through the same thing and know it was the right thing to do but it was a lot harder than I thought. They say Alzheimer's is the long good bye and I can't help but feel this is the beginning of the end.

    My sister has been in town for a couple of weeks and my brother is flying in from Montana later this week and we will going through their things and preparing to put their house on the market.

    I am happy to have had the opportunity to honor my mother & father in this way. I am truly blessed to to be the child of strong, Loving Christian parents who will celebrate their 70th wedding anniversary in March.

    #2
    Been there done that sir. God bless you and your parents, it was very tough watching my mom as her dementia progressed.

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      #3
      It's probably the most difficult task, reversing the roles. Praying for your family.

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        #4
        My mother-in-law had Alzheimers. It sucks. My mother probably had it too, but nobody knew what it was in the sixties. I feel for anyone who has it or has to deal with it. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Good luck to you and yours.

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          #5
          Nothing easy about it. I was just a teenager when my parents made the same decision to put my Dad's Mom in a home. She had Alzheimer's too and was difficult to visit with someone who had no idea who you were, or thought you were someone else in the family or from her past.
          We are currently discussing if it's time to put my Mother in Law in a home.

          You want to do everything you can for them and feel terrible if you can't be there all day every day, but that's when you need to hire professional care. At some point it's the best decision.

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            #6
            Your story is something I see coming down the tracks for our family. My dad has dementia and is quickly slipping away. My mom is healthy as a horse but I can see it wearing on her. You are a good man and know that you are doing the right thing. Sure wish we could stop the clock or at least rewind it a bit.

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              #7
              Prayers sent for you and your family.

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                #8
                I literally just hung up with Visiting Angels two minutes ago. My MIL isn’t to the point where she needs a facility, but she can no longer live alone and doesn’t want to leave her house, so were contemplating hiring a service to help my wife and her sister with their Mom at night. I wouldn’t wish dementia or Alzheimer’s on my worst enemy. It’s slowing killing my mother-in-law, but it’s breaking my wife down before my eyes. Prayers up for all who have to deal with this. It’s horrible.


                Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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                  #9
                  It is a very difficult situation your family is going through and many of us have been through similar situations. It is very difficult emotionally in which affects you physically also. It sounds like y’all have done all you can given the situation and their comes a time where they will need 24/7 care as you know. You and your parents will be in my prayers. Reach out to others that have been in similar situations and learn from these discussions. I understand privacy of the Family but it helps to talk about it sometimes. Don’t beat yourself up just in case your parents get to talking ugly to you and want to go home. Been there done that. If needed for legal matters I can’t express enough to reach out to a board certified lawyer that specializes in Elder Care Law. In my Family case this was the best money I have ever spent especially since my mother didn’t take care of her estate as needed.

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                    #10
                    I can see myself in the same boat in the next few years and I'm not looking forward to it all.

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                      #11
                      OP you're a good man, and a credit to your parents. It's evident they did a great job raising you. I see this on the near horizon with my 87 year old father, and I dread what I know is coming. Alzheimer's/Dementia runs heavily on his side of the family. God bless, we'll keep ya'll in our prayers.

                      Stu

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                        #12
                        I cant imagine, but I'm sure that i will be there at some point as well. Prayers for your family

                        Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk

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                          #13
                          Originally posted by curtintex View Post
                          I literally just hung up with Visiting Angels two minutes ago. My MIL isn’t to the point where she needs a facility, but she can no longer live alone and doesn’t want to leave her house, so were contemplating hiring a service to help my wife and her sister with their Mom at night. I wouldn’t wish dementia or Alzheimer’s on my worst enemy. It’s slowing killing my mother-in-law, but it’s breaking my wife down before my eyes. Prayers up for all who have to deal with this. It’s horrible.


                          Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
                          I just moved mom out of her house this past weekend & moved her in with me and my family. She has fallen twice in the past 4 days & can’t remember when to take her meds. It was a difficult weekend.

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                            #14
                            Sorry brother. It’s a tough thing to go through. Feel blessed with the fact that you’re able to get them into the kind of place that they need. And know that they’re grateful for everything you’re doing for them.

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                              #15
                              Being a responsible caregiver can suck, but you're doing the right thing for their well-being. Better to do it now than have something happen to them at home. We just sold my mom's house due to Alzheimer's. She's living with my brother and his wife to keep her out of a home, but that can only work for so long. Terrible disease.

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