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major marriage problems, advice please?

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    #31
    Sounds like you want your marriage to continue. Understandable. Me, I wouldnt be able to EVER get it out of my head that when times got hard she looked elsewhere. Trust was broken and its nearly impossible to put a stick back together. Forgiveness isn't the same as forgetting. I wouldn't want to live my life always wondering.

    Best of luck in whatever you decide. No matter the results, you will get through it!

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      #32
      Originally posted by bowhuntingw View Post
      im just worried that if the commitment level is not the same for both of us with this, its going to fail. just a few weeks ago, literally, it was so much better than it is now. it has literally been the flip of a switch. the outside influence I feel had a huge affect on her. I don't understand how a person can develop feelings for someone they've never met, thru messaging, and on a limited basis at that. i feel its superficial feelings at best but with a wife that is very unstable mentally right now, she actually believes it. if I get full commitment out of her i know we have a chance. I just don't want her to quit on us and years down the road we're both saying "what if". I have been a changed father and husband the last few weeks and my family has acknowledged it. but it takes time, lots of time i know, to prove it to them that im going to change. im scared shes going to quit before i have time to prove it.
      It's never a flip of the switch. The "mystery" person is merely a manifestation of many small things. It's a symptom of the problem, not the core problem.
      Prayers sent.

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        #33
        Wife and I went thru similar over a decade ago, but it was a struggle. It took work on both of our parts, and it was extremely painful.

        Be prepared to hear some very hard things in counseling from your wife about you.. and some of it literally fake news because of the spin. Dont just sit there and take it, but speak openly about the pain that your wife causes. Part of healing in counseling is to air our things that have never been said... so each party knows the part in how this occurred.

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          #34
          Originally posted by DuckDogTrainer View Post
          Don’t beat yourself up over the past. Fix your eyes on Jesus and start being the husband that God called you to be today. You can’t change the past. Feel free to reach out to me if you need someone to talk to.
          I had to read only one response to see the right answer. Refreshing! Get into the Word and focus on the husband God is calling you to be. Whom he calls all of us to be.

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            #35
            I would also like to add:
            Life IS NOT about being happy. Neither is marriage. I CANNOT STAND! that this is the meaaage the world pushes. Marriage is about honoring God. It’s about a covenant between man and wife, before God. If you dedicate yourself to being the man and husband the Lord has called you to be, happiness has no choice but to follow.

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              #36
              Originally posted by Graysonhogs View Post
              It's never a flip of the switch. The "mystery" person is merely a manifestation of many small things. It's a symptom of the problem, not the core problem.
              Prayers sent.
              This 10000000000x

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                #37
                She has broken ties with the "mystery man"? That's a step in the right direction.

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                  #38
                  Originally posted by JLivi1224 View Post
                  I would also like to add:
                  Life IS NOT about being happy. Neither is marriage. I CANNOT STAND! that this is the meaaage the world pushes. Marriage is about honoring God. It’s about a covenant between man and wife, before God. If you dedicate yourself to being the man and husband the Lord has called you to be, happiness has no choice but to follow.
                  Theres some wisdom and truth in this statement.

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                    #39
                    My only advice is skip the medication unless it is a must, stuff can wreak havoc on your life, try exercising. Tough times ahead, I have a ton of respect for you for trying to save it.

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                      #40
                      Originally posted by bowhuntingw View Post
                      im just worried that if the commitment level is not the same for both of us with this, its going to fail. just a few weeks ago, literally, it was so much better than it is now. it has literally been the flip of a switch. the outside influence I feel had a huge affect on her. I don't understand how a person can develop feelings for someone they've never met, thru messaging, and on a limited basis at that. i feel its superficial feelings at best but with a wife that is very unstable mentally right now, she actually believes it. if I get full commitment out of her i know we have a chance. I just don't want her to quit on us and years down the road we're both saying "what if". I have been a changed father and husband the last few weeks and my family has acknowledged it. but it takes time, lots of time i know, to prove it to them that im going to change. im scared shes going to quit before i have time to prove it.
                      Those outside messages was something she may wanted to hear (in order for her to even consider him). I was a feel good moment, that you may not have spoken for so long. Be that man she married so long ago, say those things you said them [they are buried with you]. Pray and GOD will put voice to your thoughts. Yes hardships come within marriages, but to abandon marriage due to that is sometimes selfish. Sit down with them out on how to contemplate controlling them. Colleges, and senior in HS(soon to be college) will add on. Prayers and consulting with marriage counsel will help to point out things they we fail to see within ourselves. Take her out on date night or Airbnb..... throw another log on fire of desire that you both shared before.....

                      Sent from my SM-G935V using Tapatalk

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                        #41
                        Praying for your family.

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                          #42
                          1. brother if your finically stressed i can send you a book by dave ramsey ( total money make over ) for absolutely free, give me your address.
                          2. I also have another book ( the one that comes out in the movie fire proof) and he also had some of the same problems you are going through( MARRIAGE WISE) . You can try reading this book and repairing your marriage.

                          Let me know anyway i can help, either way it goes thank god for another day. One of my good friends/ coworker got diagnosed with brain cancer... he told me something very true just last week.. some things suck, but your alive... your healthy.. that alone is a HUGE blessing in itself!
                          That hit me hard, in all this SEEK GOD.

                          I WILL END WITH THIS:


                          NO GOD NO PEACE
                          KNOW GOD KNOW PEACE
                          Last edited by Bowhunter1994; 08-17-2019, 01:58 PM.

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                            #43
                            Never stop dating. Wife and I have been married 22 years and we go on a date at least once a week.

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                              #44
                              Originally posted by DuckDogTrainer View Post
                              Don’t beat yourself up over the past. Fix your eyes on Jesus and start being the husband that God called you to be today. You can’t change the past. Feel free to reach out to me if you need someone to talk to.
                              Agreed

                              Comment


                                #45
                                Originally posted by buzzbait View Post
                                Never stop dating. Wife and I have been married 22 years and we go on a date at least once a week.
                                Absolutely essential. Best reply so far!

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