lets hear some stories. keep it clean folks.
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Me and my wife went shopping at Wal Mart.
I was looking @ Shaving stuff she went to look @ something else. I thought I saw walk up next to me out of the corner of my eye. I ran my hand down her forearm. I hear EXCUSE ME! I turn and look and it's not my wife. I was mortified and stammered out I thought you were my wife. She says OBVIOUSLY NOT, turns and walks away. About that time my wife came back and saw my face, and asks what I did. I told her. She chuckled smiled and said glad it was her arm.
2 things that'll help this make sense.
1) October 1999 ish I suffered a Brain Injury @ work. I have a hard time controlling my facial expressions.
2) I usually put my hand on the small of her back. -
In. So many to choose from I’ll have to narrow it down before I post.Comment
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Can't think of anything too crazy. On the Sam Houston campus I had a flip flop get out from under me, I fell, and slid about 10 feet down one of the steep declines. This was near the beginning of the semester so there were still a bunch of folks on campus.
My 6.0 Powerstroke wouldn't start after I turned it off to order in the Raisin Canes drive thru. Had to get a couple of employees to help me push it through the line. They did give me my food for free.
I had a similar event to Pushbutton2 where I thought another woman was my wife at Kohls.Comment
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Making a traffic stop on a small car. Stomach gurgled as I began my approach. Trying to hold it in.....I did an about face and turned to walk away and heard it squeak out. The small car put her right about even with my belt line.
Walked back to my patrol car like nothing happened. Looked back once I got to my car and she was hanging out of the window fanning the smell away. I was so embarrassed. Legitimate accident .... I felt horrible. Gave her a warning and left.Comment
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I worked at Sears in Lawn & Garden and Sporting Goods for a year while in school. When we closed down at night we had to clean all displays. When cleaning the treadmills we would turn them on full speed, spray the mat down, then hold a brush on the mat as it spun. It would clean itself.
One night I was closing up, and a buddy was helping me clean the treadmills. By helping I mean he was spraying the mat down, and I was holding the brush while we both BSed. Well I’m scrubbing one while he sprays the next, then he turns to me and starts spraying me. Without even thinking I turn to him and start reaching for the spray bottle. I step right onto the mat running full speed. I instantly ate it, then instead of rolling right off I kept trying to save myself...... which kept me flopping around the mat and not falling off. It was a loud commotion, and extremely hilarious footage. There were still a couple customers in the store, and it caught everyone’s attention. When I finally fell off the treadmill I had holes in my pant knees and elbows. My wrists and face were scraped to crap. I was dying laughing, as was my buddy. When the customers realized I was ok they began laughing too. LP made sure we all saw the footage
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This one isn’t as bad. A few years back I was staying at my sisters house about once a week while working in Midland. It was Jan-feb, and we had a big cold front come through. Temp overnight was 12-14*, and my brother in law forgot to turn off the sprinklers that ran at 4:30am. We’ll I go to the gym 3-4 days a week at 4:30ish.
I wake up and get ready, then walk outside to my truck. I notice the sprinklers running on both sides of the sidewalk to my truck, and didn’t even think about the ice they’d cause on the sidewalk. I made it two steps before busting my butt, and sliding 20+ feet down the sidewalk to my truck. That’s not the worst part either. When I slipped I dropped my truck keys..... right next to a sprinkler head. I had to walk back up the sidewalk, then face down directly into a sprinkler to grab my keys. It was COLD!!!!
The not so smart part was I asked my BIL if he had checked the cameras that morning. Had I not asked they’d have never found the video of it hahaLast edited by TX03RUBI; 06-26-2019, 08:44 AM.Comment
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When I realized it was NOT an automatic paper towel dispenser...Comment
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There's just so, so many. I'll have to think a little while on it. I'm sure one or two involves passing grass at inopportune times.
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Went to a bar after the rodeo cookoff probably ten years ago. Quite a ways into the night my gut started tightening and I couldn't hold it any longer so I headed for the bathroom. I hit the stall and get to doing my business. Bathroom was empty when I entered but soon after a big group of girls comes in and I realized my mistake. My initial plan was to wait them out and make an escape when no one was looking. Like it seems women do, they would not leave. I knew the longer I sit there the more of a creep I'll look like once I do show myself plus my legs are going numb. I open the stall and head straight to the door with my head down, apologizing profusely. The reaction from the group was everything from laughter to disgust. I kept waiting on someone to confront me for being a perv but we stayed until closing time and nothing happened.Comment
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I've got one similar. Driving through Austin one day and got bubble guts, stopped at a gas station and mens room was occupied I waited until I couldn't any longer. I said screw it and went into the women's bathroom and locked the door as I'm about done theres a knock on the door. I didn't say anything the plan was to wait it out. A few moments later another knock and a girl says hello is anyone in there. In my best girl voice I let out a yea just a minute. I waited another 5 minutes or so and the knocking wouldn't stop so i put my head down and walked out. I was beyond embarrassed, I'm not even kidding when I say this there were at least 15 high school girls in line waiting. I think they were on a field trip cause there was a bus in the parking lot. As soon as I walked out there was a whole lot of laughing, pointing etc. The girls were like OMG there was a guy in there HAHA what a perv. I walked out as quick as I could and left, my buddy in the truck was dying laughing when I explained it to him and did my girl voice.Originally posted by CEO View PostComment
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We went down to Katy right after Harvey to help my BIL/SIL clean up their mess. Hotels were full so we all stayed at a friend of their's house who were out of town. I was by myself drinking beer on the back porch and really needed to take a leak but all the bathrooms were occupied. Like most men my age "just hold it" is not an option so I made my way around to the side of the house for some privacy and let fly. As I was zipping up I glanced upward to see that I was standing directly under a security camera! I never heard anything about it but always wondered if the homeowners saw a stranger watering their hydrangeas in the middle of the nightComment
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I posted just one of many on here about six months ago.
Women are cruel and mean. Dang dog.
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sw9zJDe_CXE&t=23s"]Me and Meathead - YouTube[/ame]Comment
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Son was one year old at the time, and at Childrens Hospital in Dallas due to a prolonged ear infection and needed a central line for antibiotics. My wife was staying at the hospital with him during the day, and I was relieving her at night so she could go home get some rest and take care of daughter.
I was headed to downtown on I-30 after having some Taco Bell about an hour prior, and my gut started talking to me... and it got worse at the I-30/I-35 split to where... there was going to be an explosion.. it was just a matter of could I to the hospital in time. I flew into the parking lot and all of the handicapped spots were taken, so I just parked at the entrance and ran inside.
Found the nearest bathroom and a kid was in the stall and it was a one-holer. I could not hold it any longer and ripped my pants down to explode into the urinal. Problem was it was just a tad too late, as I exploded and completely crapped inside my pants. I tried to clean up some, but it was just too much so I tucked my pants legs into my socks and just walked up to my sons room.
Gravity has pretty much taken over at this point and I had about 3 lbs of mud/sewer water in my pant legs and socks, and trail of brown liquid every 5-6 ft down the corridors. I made it to my sons room and told wife what happened, so she got me a pair of those paper pants/shirts from a nurse while I showered in my sons room. She took all of my clothes and put them in a garbage bag and found a coin operated washer/dryer and got them clean.
We still laugh about it, and wife/I told our 20 year old son about it a few months back after he was complaining about having a rough day.Comment
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