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Old 05-21-2019, 07:55 PM   #151
Muskles
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Location: Jacksonville
Hunt In: Cherokee Co
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Get your head out of your arse before you sit down and break your neck.
When someone was having trouble getting something to work/fit: Gotta be smarter than what your working with.

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Old 05-21-2019, 08:19 PM   #152
Whampuscat2
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Location: Huntsville, Texas
Hunt In: Mexico, Concho County, Walker County, Colorado County
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If she had as many pricks sticking out of her as in her she would be a porcupine.
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Old 05-21-2019, 08:26 PM   #153
cbarnes
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Location: Baird, Texas
Hunt In: Callahan County
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Wake up and pee, the worlds on fire.
Dumber than a box of rocks.
She has a million dollar body and a face to guard it.
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Old 05-21-2019, 08:38 PM   #154
bowtecmike
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Shallowater,tx
Hunt In: Kent County, SA St Park
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My granddads favorite seemed to be " Do you want me to whup your *** now? Or wait till later?
I never found a good answer

pray for rain
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Old 05-21-2019, 08:40 PM   #155
Bish
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My Dad would always say, look at that girl, she's as pretty as a speckled pup under a covered wagon. Miss you Dad.

God Bless
Bish
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Old 05-21-2019, 08:41 PM   #156
TP3
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Location: Dripping Springs, TX
Hunt In: Hays, Val Verde co
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"Grinning like a possum eating **** out of a hair brush."

"Can't never could."

When he caught a throwback: "His head's too close to his tail."
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Old 05-21-2019, 08:42 PM   #157
CabezaBlanca
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Location: Rock Island, TX
Hunt In: Colorado County
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Fu€ it!
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Old 05-21-2019, 08:45 PM   #158
coy-ote
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: la vernia tx
Hunt In: Dimmit county
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Jackhammer mouth and tack hammer arse.
Son your built like a catfish all mouth and no arse
Can’t cut the mustard
She’s as ugly as homemade soap
She didn’t get hit with an ugly stick she fell outta the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down
She’s so ugly she’d make a train take a dirt road




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Old 05-21-2019, 08:45 PM   #159
eliteweldingco
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Location: pottsboro
Hunt In: grayson, atoka
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I wish I had that and he had a feather up his butt and we both would be tickled
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Old 05-21-2019, 08:59 PM   #160
Acameron52
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Lewisville
Hunt In: Coleman & Loving
Default Old guy sayings

My pops is full of them. He comes up with new ones from time to time I’ve never heard of...





Crooked as a dogs hind leg...



That’s craps better than sex...

Bout as useless as tits on a boar hog...

Built like a brick **** house...

Gonna be on him like **** on stink...

I’ve had cuts bigger than that on my ****** boy...


And my personal favorite that I’m sure to share with all the young guys at work when they’re talking about their girls friends...

“Boy, women are like carpet. Lay it right the first time and you can walk on it for years”

Last edited by Acameron52; 05-21-2019 at 09:05 PM.
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Old 05-21-2019, 09:10 PM   #161
SaltwaterSlick
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When my dad would encourage me, one of his favorites was, "we gonna kill ol' can't and whup ol' couldn't 'til he could."
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Old 05-21-2019, 09:11 PM   #162
6.5CM
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Some of my dads
I can’t hold your hand forever.
He don’t know his as* from his elbow.
Stop pus** footn around.
I’ll show you once correct you the 2nd time the 3rd time you’re on your own.
I need it done PDQ.
You know what the Russians? Tough ****skies.
Just don’t stand around, do something.
That’s a bozo no no.
Tough tity said the kitty.
I need you to be better than me when you’re grown up.
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Old 05-21-2019, 09:17 PM   #163
BrokenJ
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Longer than a hundred dollar bus ride

Knockin like a jahovas witness (any type of machine knocking)
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Old 05-21-2019, 09:18 PM   #164
Martin
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Location: Collin County
Hunt In: Grayson County and Oklahoma.
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Uncle Earl when the kids were messing with him: When I catch you...... I'm gonna split your sack and run your leg through it!
My grandpa: The harder you work, the luckier you get.
My dad: Being rich doesn't make you an askhole, being an askhole makes you an askhole.
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Old 05-21-2019, 09:25 PM   #165
justindiehl7
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Location: Conroe. TX
Hunt In: Woodville, TX
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If it wasn't for us d-heads you c-suckers would have nothing to eat!!!!!
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Old 05-21-2019, 09:26 PM   #166
LlanoHunter10
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Location: League City
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"It ain't smart to be dumb"
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Old 05-21-2019, 09:30 PM   #167
Mertzon Man
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Location: Lake Travis, Austin
Hunt In: Irion, Webb, counties
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My BL would say Rome wasn’t built in a day, but I wasn’t the Superintendent.
Let’s get this done, we’re not pin striping a Mercedes.
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Old 05-21-2019, 09:38 PM   #168
JayB
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Location: Rowlett
Hunt In: Cass County
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One of mine:

You can pick your friends. You can pick your nose, but, you can't wipe your friends on the couch.

Another of mine:

I'm so glad you got to see me.

.....and God Bless America.
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Old 05-21-2019, 09:46 PM   #169
Dandy123
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Location: Kirksville , mo
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That makes me happier than a fag in a Peter patch
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Old 05-21-2019, 09:46 PM   #170
Acameron52
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Can’t never could do $&@@
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Old 05-21-2019, 09:47 PM   #171
dagdog
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Location: Keller
Hunt In: Haskell county
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My Grandfather:

"That's what happens when you stay out with the dry cows"

And another:

"That ol' boy is richer than 9 foot up a bulls a**"
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Old 05-21-2019, 09:48 PM   #172
Sharecropper
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Location: Wood County
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Life looks a whole lot better ever since I gave up hope . .
I've had a whole lot more success since I lowered my expectations . .
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Old 05-21-2019, 09:52 PM   #173
Killer
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I remembered one more.
When things seemed impossible or to big= “You eat an elephant one bite at a time”
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Old 05-21-2019, 09:53 PM   #174
Sharecropper
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Location: Wood County
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Can't catch fish with your bait outta the lake . .
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Old 05-21-2019, 09:56 PM   #175
Shakedown
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Location: Fort Worth
Hunt In: Eastland Co.
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When trying to drive a t-post into dry ground “harder than a preachers d***”
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Old 05-21-2019, 10:08 PM   #176
AirDavis
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WTucker View Post
My grandpa is full of great sayings: “It’s colder than a witches tit in a brass bra.”

A co-worker: “Working here is like goin’ to the moon in a covered wagon.”
My Dad would say "It's colder than a witches t1tty in a brass bra laying face down in the snow".
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Old 05-21-2019, 10:14 PM   #177
curtintex
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Porter, TX
Hunt In: Trinity County
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Holding his finger and thumb about an inch apart....."Son you liked about this much being born a terd".- Dad

"Don't get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life"- Dad

"The best part of that boy ran down his momma's leg" - Dad

"He'd rather climb a tree and tell a lie than stand flatfooted and tell the truth" -Pop

"When you realize you gotta fight, hit first and hit hard" -Dad

"Colder than a whore's heart"- Pop

"Darker than 6 feet up a bulls ***"- Pop
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Old 05-21-2019, 10:15 PM   #178
red-fin
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Location: Temple, Texas
Hunt In: Duval, Concho Counties
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“He don’t know come here from sic’em”

Her ***** looks like “two shoats in a tosack”

“Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey”

“Rave on cat sh*t, you got the smell”

Last edited by red-fin; 05-21-2019 at 10:17 PM.
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Old 05-21-2019, 10:29 PM   #179
Pilgrim
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Location: NE Tx
Hunt In: Texas
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If wishes were horses, beggars would ride
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Old 05-21-2019, 10:29 PM   #180
ostey22
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: The coast.
Hunt In: 4 counties in Texas
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When telling a long story my uncle always says “I don’t care about the labor pains, let me know when the baby is born” aka hurry up with this boring story! Lol
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Old 05-21-2019, 10:59 PM   #181
bboswell
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Location: Montgomery County
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tmurray View Post
If a frog had wings he'd get Mockin bird pu$$y


That’s a new one that I like!
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Old 05-21-2019, 11:01 PM   #182
Pstraw
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Henderson
Hunt In: Front yard or back yard
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Don't let yore Jay bird mouth overload yore mockingbird be hind.
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Old 05-21-2019, 11:06 PM   #183
TxAg
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Location: DFW
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BrokenJ View Post
Longer than a hundred dollar bus ride

Knockin like a jahovas witness (any type of machine knocking)
That knockin'' saying his hilarious. Gona have to use it.
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Old 05-21-2019, 11:06 PM   #184
bboswell
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Location: Montgomery County
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sotx View Post
Yall have pretty much covered it. The only one I didn't see was

"Don't be a stander" That's what you tell the dumb muther fu$%er who is just standing there and not helping like he should.


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Old 05-21-2019, 11:10 PM   #185
bboswell
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Location: Montgomery County
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Toddcaster View Post
from my father in law, god rest his soul

when company overstayed their welcome " hun we better go to bed these people probably need to get home"
"


I have been guilty of similar
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Old 05-21-2019, 11:27 PM   #186
boomerball
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" I've forgot more than you ever knew "

" well don't that just frost your balls "

Last edited by boomerball; 05-21-2019 at 11:30 PM.
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Old 05-21-2019, 11:41 PM   #187
Black Ice
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Baton Rouge
Hunt In: Jefferson & Brooks County
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Texas Grown View Post
For those that haven't seen this film, that's it's real title! It's a riot!





That dude is 75 and still ugly as ever.

Can’t believe he is still kicking butt at 5’6 and 75 years old.

He has nothing on.......



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Old 05-21-2019, 11:51 PM   #188
Dale Moser
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Location: Wise Cty
Hunt In: Young Cty
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When I was leaving a family party of huntin/fishing trip to go party “Don’t forget who ya are and where ya came from”~Uncle Bud

The first time he sent me on a delivery without a drivers license “Take yet time goin, hurry back...don’t tell your mother”~Uncle Bud

Dad has always been more direct “don’t make me come find you, it’ll worry your mother, and I’ll have to whip your ass”.

“If you answer the bell to go fishin, you better answer the bell to go to work”~Big Dee, my grandad.

“The good lord gave every man two heads, but only enough blood to run one at a time”~Gordo, a guy I used to work, Hunt, and fish with.




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Old 05-22-2019, 12:07 AM   #189
HogCommander
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My friend's dad about 35 years ago..."Boy, if you ain't gonna use your head, you might as well have two @ssholes!"
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Old 05-22-2019, 12:14 AM   #190
NickR
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Location: Pflugerville
Hunt In: Lampasas County
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My dad says
As you get older the first thing to go is your eyesight.
Then your hearing.
And then, I forget what goes next.

I’ll drop you faster than a dress on prom night.

That’s tighter than a nuns c u nt.

Me,
I’d rather be ****** off than be ****** on.
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Old 05-22-2019, 12:19 AM   #191
HogCommander
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On tightness..."Tighter than a crab's @ss...that's water-tight!"
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Old 05-22-2019, 01:21 AM   #192
grizzman
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Location: Frisco
Hunt In: Texas and Arkansas
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Another one my mom used to say "I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it".
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Old 05-22-2019, 01:28 AM   #193
XBOW STALKER
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Location: FORT WORTH
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That woman is banging like a screen door in a hurricane.
Granddad was a nutt.
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Old 05-22-2019, 04:39 AM   #194
Mayhem
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Location: porter, tx
Hunt In: crockett, county
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When dealing with women, the thing my dad says to this day.


Remember son, they all got one.
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Old 05-22-2019, 07:44 AM   #195
Goldeneagle
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Location: Allen, TX
Hunt In: Where ever I get a chance.
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When working with heat treated steel - That's harder than a preachers ****!


It's all pink on the inside.
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Old 05-22-2019, 07:56 AM   #196
tward1604
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Location: Fort Worth, TX
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old man once asked me how i was doing so i told him "i'm not dead so it can't be that bad" re replied "grass looks better from the top than the bottom"

Most of the old man saying i know and pass on came from my grandfather and would end with me being banned. Best part is he was an alcoholic Methodist minister for a long time till he kicked the bucket. I guess you get tough being a WW2 veteran and preaching all around Texas from way up in the panhandle down to Aspermont for ever.

i appreciate the laughs yall.
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Old 05-22-2019, 08:07 AM   #197
gvick
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Location: Victoria
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The only reason he is breathing today is, his momma was to lazy to ******.
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Old 05-22-2019, 09:03 AM   #198
cactusassjohn
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Location: nebraska
Hunt In: nebraska/texas/south dakota
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sh** fire and save the matches/6 of one 1/2 dozen of the other/u can pick your nose and u can pick your *** but you cant pick your neighbors or relatives/boy, i've forgotten more then you have learned /if frogs had wings they won't bump their *** on lilly pads /wish in one hand and sh** in the other and see which one fills first/do you think i tell u things just to hear my own voice
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Old 05-22-2019, 09:23 AM   #199
hog_down
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Location: Houston, TX
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when my brother and I would rapid-fire questions to my dad "shut your mouth and open your eyes, and maybe you'll learn something"
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Old 05-22-2019, 09:31 AM   #200
txdrhntr
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Location: Waxahachie
Hunt In: Young County
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Nuttier than squirrel s@@t

See a cute girl my granddad would say someones is tired of sleeping with her or someone is tired of her crap
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