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Old 05-21-2019, 11:48 AM   #1
grizzman
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Default Old guy sayings

I'll start.

Everyday I wake up on this side of the grass is a good day.

No one gets out alive.
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Old 05-21-2019, 11:51 AM   #2
Mudslinger
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Agreed!
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Old 05-21-2019, 11:53 AM   #3
Phillip Fields
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Getting old is better than the alternative.
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Old 05-21-2019, 11:53 AM   #4
BigRed323
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Heard a good one this during a break at our meeting

"I think my brain has taken just about as much as the a s s can handle"
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Old 05-21-2019, 11:54 AM   #5
SaltwaterSlick
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The older I get, the smarter my dad was!
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Old 05-21-2019, 11:54 AM   #6
Dirtymike
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It is like a sore ******, you cant beat it
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Old 05-21-2019, 12:00 PM   #7
Gclyde28
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A couple ill always remember from my grandpa.

"I trust him about as far as I can throw him"

"He's as crooked as a barrel of snakes"
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Old 05-21-2019, 12:01 PM   #8
ktjones
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When working on small things, like rebuilding a carb, my Dad would say:"It's like milking a mouse!"
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Old 05-21-2019, 12:05 PM   #9
Fordnandez
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ktjones View Post
When working on small things, like rebuilding a carb, my Dad would say:"It's like milking a mouse!"
The version I heard was that it was like jerking off butterflies........... I guess that is the dirty version.
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Old 05-21-2019, 12:05 PM   #10
Dakota7493
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wish in one hand and s h i t in the other and see which fills up first
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Old 05-21-2019, 12:06 PM   #11
elgato
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Says easy does hard...one of my favorites
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Old 05-21-2019, 12:08 PM   #12
UncleBubba
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Is a blue bird blue?
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Old 05-21-2019, 12:08 PM   #13
hog_down
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- Knock your **** in the dirt
- So good it will make you want to slap your granny
- Knock your hat in the creek
- Hotter than a fur coat in Marfa in the summertime
- Look like 2 monkeys trying to bleep a football
- "I'm on it like white on rice"
- "son, you are writing checks your butt can't cash"
- "don't let your alligator mouth overload your tweety bird a**"
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Old 05-21-2019, 12:08 PM   #14
BertramBass
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You can't drink all day unless you start in the morning...
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Old 05-21-2019, 12:09 PM   #15
grizzman
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One my mom used to say, even though she wasn't a guy has always stuck with me.

"If (name) told me the sun was shining, I would have to go out and look".

She used this with her brother, who was a con and habitual liar.
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Old 05-21-2019, 12:09 PM   #16
35remington
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Any time you happen to pass my house, I'd sure appreciate it.

Last edited by 35remington; 05-21-2019 at 12:22 PM.
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Old 05-21-2019, 12:09 PM   #17
JayB
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Get off my lawn....

Anonymous
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Old 05-21-2019, 12:10 PM   #18
35remington
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Quote:
Originally Posted by grizzman View Post
One my mom used to say, even though she was a guy has always stuck with me.
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Old 05-21-2019, 12:11 PM   #19
grizzman
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 35remington View Post
Fixed it. I'm getting old(er).
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Old 05-21-2019, 12:14 PM   #20
grizzman
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"I feel like I have been shot at and missed, and **** at and hit".
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Old 05-21-2019, 12:14 PM   #21
Bowtech38
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Tighter then dicks hat band. Hotter then two rats in a wool sock on a hot tin roof. Hotter then a fresh f’d fox in a forest fire.
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Old 05-21-2019, 12:15 PM   #22
ktjones
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Is a pig's butt pork?
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Old 05-21-2019, 12:16 PM   #23
txwhitetail
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Get off my lawn


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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Old 05-21-2019, 12:18 PM   #24
Sharecropper
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Old age ain't for sissies . .
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Old 05-21-2019, 12:20 PM   #25
Dusty8186
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Both my grandpas were full of good ones

If a frog had wings, he wouldn't bump his azz
I've had cuts worse than that on the head of my ******
It's hotter than 2 rats screwin in a wool sock
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Old 05-21-2019, 12:20 PM   #26
AntlerCollector
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We are burnin daylight
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Old 05-21-2019, 12:21 PM   #27
Quackerbox
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We aint building watches

my dad uses that all the time while he works on deer stands or tractors

A co-worker would say

Well if my aunt had a **** she'd be my uncle

the master electrician I worked under...

Me:Rome wasnt built in a day.

Him: I dont know, i didnt make that job

Last edited by Quackerbox; 05-21-2019 at 12:24 PM.
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Old 05-21-2019, 12:21 PM   #28
AntlerCollector
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What?
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Old 05-21-2019, 12:21 PM   #29
hog_down
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"don't whizz on my leg and tell me it's raining"
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Old 05-21-2019, 12:22 PM   #30
Goldeneagle
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If a frog had wings, it wouldn't bump its *** when it jumps.
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Old 05-21-2019, 12:28 PM   #31
Sharecropper
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Everything's chicken but a chicken bill, it ain't meat but it's chicken still . .
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Old 05-21-2019, 12:29 PM   #32
BigThicketBoy
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Getting old ain't for sissies.
Rainin like a cow pissin on a flat rock.
I got a photografic memory.
But I've run outta film.
What I could do all night
Now takes me all night to do.

Sent from my XT1650 using Tapatalk
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Old 05-21-2019, 12:29 PM   #33
grizzman
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"nothing broken or bleeding, so you are OK"
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Old 05-21-2019, 12:32 PM   #34
Sharecropper
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Been so dry the catfish got ticks . .

Been so wet the white perch ate the garden . .
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Old 05-21-2019, 12:33 PM   #35
Sharecropper
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Quote:
Originally Posted by grizzman View Post
"nothing broken or bleeding, so you are OK"
I've had worse hurts on my eyeball . .
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Old 05-21-2019, 12:34 PM   #36
tbgascorer
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My beer contains Vitamin P
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Old 05-21-2019, 12:36 PM   #37
Calrob
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Red on the head like a **** on a dog.
She looks like a burlap bag full of bobcats.

Those are from a rock mason I worked for in high school.
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Old 05-21-2019, 12:37 PM   #38
CEO
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My grandpa would always tell me, "if it cost a nickel to go around the world I couldn't get outta sight"

Useless as socks on a rooster

His highest praise for a woman was when she was "built like a shetland pony."

Any time my dad and I start a project, "this is where friendship ends and work begins"
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Old 05-21-2019, 12:37 PM   #39
SaltwaterSlick
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lotta good ones here, most of 'em familiar too!

some of 'em are slicker 'n snot on a brass door knob too! (nuther one of my dad's).
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Old 05-21-2019, 12:39 PM   #40
Sharecropper
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SaltwaterSlick View Post
lotta good ones here, most of 'em familiar too!

some of 'em are slicker 'n snot on a brass door knob too! (nuther one of my dad's).
Slick as owl s**t on a sycamore limb . .
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Old 05-21-2019, 12:39 PM   #41
SaltwaterSlick
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n when talkin' bout my momma's cookin' dad would tell everbody to be careful not to get that sauce (or gravy) on yore forehead when you're eatin' it... It tastes so good, yore tongue'll beat yore brains out tryin' to get to it!
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Old 05-21-2019, 12:40 PM   #42
SaltwaterSlick
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Boy, you liable to saw a log you can't roll...
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Old 05-21-2019, 12:41 PM   #43
SaltwaterSlick
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Son, if all them pocket knives ever come up you lost in the woods, there'll be a thicket so bad you can't walk thru it!
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Old 05-21-2019, 12:42 PM   #44
SaltwaterSlick
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If I tole you a pizzant could pull a freight train, you could go hook 'im up and holler giddy-up!
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Old 05-21-2019, 12:42 PM   #45
hogslayer78
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Me: We gonna go fishing grandpa?

Grandpa: Does a hobby horse have a wooden d***
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Old 05-21-2019, 12:43 PM   #46
SaltwaterSlick
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y, if you turned that into gasoline, wouldn't be enuf to crank a pizzant's motorcycle...
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Old 05-21-2019, 12:44 PM   #47
Goldeneagle
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Boy! I'll put a knot on your head Bon Ami won't take off!
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Old 05-21-2019, 12:44 PM   #48
SaltwaterSlick
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When lookin' at a skinny girl, he'd say, "Boy I bet she can sang... got legs like a Mockin' Bird..." or "Dang, she looks like she swapped legs with a J-bird and got gypped out the feathers!"
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Old 05-21-2019, 12:45 PM   #49
the marshall
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He would climb a pine tree to tell a lie, when he could stand on the ground and tell the truth
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Old 05-21-2019, 12:45 PM   #50
sqiggy
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I'd bet she'd bust out of those britches like a can of biscuits!!!
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