Ron White quotes

[220swift]

Ron puts the first meal his wife ever made for him on the floor for his dog.
After taking a bite, the dog immediately starts licking his butt.
Wife: What is he doing?
Ron: I think he is trying to get the taste out of his mouth....

[CWendling]

Im a pretty good dog, but if you dont rub my belly every now and then gonna have a hard time keeping me on the porch

[brutus]

Taught my limo driver that when I say gotta YAK that doesn't mean I have a hairy buffalo in my back yard.

[jmac24]

Cause it ain't gonna s**k itself!

[rjtkdplus]

I didn't know how many of them it would take to whip my arse but I saw how many they were gonna use.

[Gclyde28]

"Tiger don't get any credit for all that p**** he turned down and that's the number you're looking for.....Tiger was 18 for 82,000, that takes a little *** **** discipline right there. If 82,000 women want to have sex you with you and you only f*** 18 of them thats.....love"

[ThisLadyHunts]

“You can only do two things with your life: Give it away or throw it away.”

Smart man, I’d say, for someone who claims not to have finished high school.

[Pony1971]

Since this is a hunting forum!

He makes fun of his brother-in-law for getting all camo'ed up and getting out in the woods 2 hours before day break and sitting still and quiet for hours because he is deer hunting -- and his brother-in-law tells him deer are very elusive animals to kill.

Ron responded -- I killed one with a van, going 70mph, with lights a flashing and horn a blowing and passengers screaming --- he said yeah - real elusive.

[Fishndude]

“What’s that in your pants, Mr. White?”

[Big Lee]

Great thread!

[Fordnandez]

They were pulling over everyone driving down that sidewalk that day, and thats profiling.

This is my favorite one hands down. That show was one of the best ever.

[DedDuk]

The cop told me to lift one foot off the ground and count to 20. I made it to wo........

[FLASH_OUTDOORS]

What do you want me to do officer?

I want you to lift one foot off the gound and touch your nose

NOPE! Not doing it! That a gosh dang agility test and I ain’t very gosh dang agile! You want a real drunk driving test?? Hop in and let’s go around the block or two let me show you what I got! I’m a 65yr old raging alcoholic, not some 21yr old punk puking cheap tequila thru my nose!


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[Guerrero88]

:d

apparently he missed lug nut day...

[LMiz]

“You can’t go 3 months without having sex with me. I’ll go have sex with someone else. I know. I’ve seen me do it.”