Estranged relatives

[Hogmauler]

First off to the OP, I’m terribly sorry to hear about your sister and her husband. I feel for the kids dealing with the loss of their parents back to back like that.

Perdernal this may help your situation. We just did a series on forgiveness and reconciliation at our church. One thing our pastor said is there are two avenues. Forgiveness and reconciliation. Forgiveness takes one person. Reconciliation takes two. Christ calls us to forgive those that sin against us. Forgiveness is a decision of the will. You’ve made that step. However, He doesn’t call us to forget. “The prudent see danger and seek refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty” Proverbs 22:3. Reconciliation requires your forgiveness, but it also requires their repentance. If they are not truly repentant of the slights they’ve caused towards you and your family, there can be no reconciliation. You cannot bend their will so all you can do is your half of the reconciliation and maybe they’ll do theirs one day.


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Wow! That was enlightening. Sums up our situation as well.

[Lslite]

My sister is much to hateful and evil to ever forgive.

[Texas Grown]

Yes, regretfullness can be a terrible thing. Especially when it comes to family. This is why reconciliation is important in relationships. Doesn't mean you have to agree. But at least take time to try to keep channels open. Or continually try to reopen them.The bible has great words of guidance on this topic.

I to, have a similar situation with a family member. But I keep trying to reach out.

The fish are biting, and there's hogs to be kill-t. Gotta go!

[Bud]

I sort of have a different approach. I tend to want to be around people that have a similar lifestyle that I do. I am what I would call middle aged boring. I don’t drink, smoke, party, or try to be around those that do. I try to be a good Christian (I often fail) but try. I don’t like being around others who don’t even try. I don’t see why we should feel guilty about trying to be close to our siblings just because we have the same parents. I try to always be polite and respectful but we have sort of grown apart. We are just different people. I think that’s okay.

[Hotrodd]

OP sorry for your loss! Praying for your family/situation

I’m in the same situation with my brother, been trying for years to have a relationship. Our relationship fell apart when our father died in 2008 because of the way he treated our father. I call him every couple of months, it always goes something like “hey, how you doing?” Small talk for maybe 3 min then he says “gotta go, talk to ya later” or “can I call you back later? But he never does. It’s to the point when I tell our mother “I talked to your son the other day” she is shocked (he doesn’t call or talk to her either) or anyone in the family for that matter. I will continue to “try” however not confident we will ever have a real relationship. Saddens me to think about it.


Going to try and go see my brother and his family soon, maybe take them to dinner or something. Just to try spend some time together.

[Hogmauler]

OP sorry for your loss! Praying for your family/situation

I’m in the same situation with my brother, been trying for years to have a relationship. Our relationship fell apart when our father died in 2008 because of the way he treated our father. I call him every couple of months, it always goes something like “hey, how you doing?” Small talk for maybe 3 min then he says “gotta go, talk to ya later” or “can I call you back later? But he never does. It’s to the point when I tell our mother “I talked to your son the other day” she is shocked (he doesn’t call or talk to her either) or anyone in the family for that matter. I will continue to “try” however not confident we will ever have a real relationship. Saddens me to think about it.


Going to try and go see my brother and his family soon, maybe take them to dinner or something. Just to try spend some time together.

He will show up when the money is divided brother. Wished I woulda had a brother like you. Took care of my mom and dad and our special needs son and was glad to do it. It wasn’t/isn’t always easy but momma and daddy are king gone now. That’s my dad in my avatar. Pearl Harbor veteran on the USS Oklahoma

[Playa]

For those of you still struggling with family estrangement I highly recommend the book High Conflict by Amanda Ripley. It’s not specifically about family conflict but high conflict in general. You are also not alone, something like 63% of families report some level of estrangement and sadly I think our current polarized society has made that even higher

[sailor]

Hog, sorry for your loss..
But remember, reaching out, is a two way street..
You did what you could..

[Hogmauler]

Preciate it Sailor. This to shall pass. Just hope all of y’all’s situations can work out better.

[Texas452]

Me and my two brothers work together we are very honest with one another, we will call one another every name in the book, but at the end of the day we are brothers.
If one of us was to pass the other two will be very hurt.
I love my two sisters, but I don’t like them.

[Oldblue]

Sorry for your loss.

[dosrobles]

First off to the OP, I’m terribly sorry to hear about your sister and her husband. I feel for the kids dealing with the loss of their parents back to back like that.

Perdernal this may help your situation. We just did a series on forgiveness and reconciliation at our church. One thing our pastor said is there are two avenues. Forgiveness and reconciliation. Forgiveness takes one person. Reconciliation takes two. Christ calls us to forgive those that sin against us. Forgiveness is a decision of the will. You’ve made that step. However, He doesn’t call us to forget. “The prudent see danger and seek refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty” Proverbs 22:3. Reconciliation requires your forgiveness, but it also requires their repentance. If they are not truly repentant of the slights they’ve caused towards you and your family, there can be no reconciliation. You cannot bend their will so all you can do is your half of the reconciliation and maybe they’ll do theirs one day.


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That’s a great perspective. It seems like my “crazy family” is more normal than I thought. Not a good thing and I hope everyone struggling with it makes peace with themselves at least.

[Backwoods101]

First off to the OP, I’m terribly sorry to hear about your sister and her husband. I feel for the kids dealing with the loss of their parents back to back like that.

Perdernal this may help your situation. We just did a series on forgiveness and reconciliation at our church. One thing our pastor said is there are two avenues. Forgiveness and reconciliation. Forgiveness takes one person. Reconciliation takes two. Christ calls us to forgive those that sin against us. Forgiveness is a decision of the will. You’ve made that step. However, He doesn’t call us to forget. “The prudent see danger and seek refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty” Proverbs 22:3. Reconciliation requires your forgiveness, but it also requires their repentance. If they are not truly repentant of the slights they’ve caused towards you and your family, there can be no reconciliation. You cannot bend their will so all you can do is your half of the reconciliation and maybe they’ll do theirs one day.


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Thanks for sharing! Right click save


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[Fordnandez]

OP, Sorry to hear for your loss. Sounds like a bad situation and I hope the kids will be ok without thier parents.

My sister is much to hateful and evil to ever forgive.

I think that we should forgive, move on and not let issues like these be a source of anger in our life. With that said I think reconciliation is 100% situational based on the circumstances that caused the split to begin with. I can think of a few things that a family member could do that I could forgive yet still not want to be around them anymore.

I guess all I am saying is that the other side of the coin is that there are some really horrible reconciliation stories out there.

Hope it works out for everyone that tries but I would proceed with caution.

[Hogmauler]

I don’t expect my niece and nephew to contact me and I would imagine they think the same thing. But who knows? Nothing is impossible with God.