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Need a Ear/Shoulder to lean on-Divorce

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    Need a Ear/Shoulder to lean on-Divorce

    I dont normally do this but I have no one to talk to about this right now. It was 6 years ago my wife and I started a business. I kept my time card job and she ran/built our business. I am the GM for a business and make a good income, so it made sense to keep it. She was there for the daily grind and I helped after I was off work and my days off. So here we are and it has grown with 5 employees working for us. So now for the other side of the back story. About a year into the business I found where my wife was using my fathers bank account to pay some of the bills. She had taken payday loans in my name. I was very close to divorce but worked it out. I payed my father back and I told her never to do this again. Fast forward to the present. We both got Covid and been locked in this house for over a week. This much down time let me do things I normally do not have time for. I have found where she has been using my fathers bank account to steal money. So far I have found 39,600.00 and I finally got access to records beyond the last date and there is more. She has taken several pay day loans and high interest loans all in my name. I have over 40k out in my name right now, just in loans and CC debt-cards I did not know we had.. I need 20k to pay the immediate commitments and I think I can have that put together Monday evening. The business is profitable and I just do not know where the money going at this time. The only reason I found all this is because I got a call from Adult Protective Services, I had the lady on speaker and she was asking me about my fathers money. I told her I had no idea what she was talking about. My wife jumped in nervously and started deflecting the questions. I knew right then this is bad. Her only excuse for doing this was things got out of hand.
    My son works there and the plan was for him to take the business over and buy us out when we retired. He did not do anything with financial side and never knew any of this. Yesterday he found more loans but we have not found where the money is going. The business is in my name only. I have her locked out of the bank accounts. Monday I am going to an attorney to start on the divorce, get guidance on the business and about Adult Protective Services. I want to file charges and I want to her in jail and then there is a part of me that is on the fence. Normally I am not like this but we have been married 29 years and I do love her. I sit here going over options in my head and as stupid as this sounds I question if I am doing the right thing. I know what I need to do, I just never thought I would ever be trying to put her in jail. I guess this just hurts to be betrayed like this. It really hurts that she did this to my father and I am not sure why he did not say anything. He likes to help and does go overboard for my brother and myself. He is in ICU now battling Covid that turned into pneumonia. He told me and my brother good bye while he could still talk. He is still nICU and it just does not look good for him, he just turned 80 on 9/1. Anyways I go from being mad as heck to am I doing the right thing. I know what I need to do. If I had divorced her 4 years ago then this would not have happened to my father.
    I know I need to get mad and stay mad. I need be aggressive in cutting her out. As I read what I am writing it makes no sense why I am saying I am on the fence, being weak I guess.
    I know I have to save the business, without it I would not be able to pay my father or in worst case scenario the estate back. Its just my brother and myself and he has been a huge help over the last 2 days. I cant really talk to friends about this. I dont want to air out my problems to them. I just need to stay focused on saving the business and get her out of my life. I have been on TBH a good 10 years under another handle. This is not my normal one to use here. Ladies and gents thank you for your time and letting me air this out some. I am open to advice if anyone wants to throw knowledge my way.

    #2
    I don't have any advice, but i just said a prayer for you.

    Comment


      #3
      I’m sure you are going through many emotions even as you put this all down for us to see. I would encourage you to always be honest with yourself about how this feels & affects you. Don’t try to block it out and definitely don’t hide your anguish. Things you went through in your life helped build you for today when you face the storms. You got this my friend.


      Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

      Comment


        #4
        Prayers for you on where this is going. It sounds like your wife needs lots of help and doesn’t need to be managing money/business. Married for 29 years.
        You definitely need to talk to an attorney
        From what you describe it sounds like she’s living a double life?
        God’s Speed on this situation.

        Comment


          #5
          Praying for guidance and peace on the direction you choose.

          Comment


            #6
            First off pray and ask God for direction. And keep praying. Personally, I think she should be incarcerated for embezzlement from the elderly. Stay focused, stay strong, and do what you know is the right thing to do. And get the elderly protective services to file on her as well.

            Comment


              #7
              Many years ago I was in a similar situation with my wife, I was making extremely good money at the time and my wife had always been in charge of paying the bills. I was back in country for a few weeks and needed some dental work and discovered my accounts were empty. I made a trip to the bank and found out that I was over 40k in credit card debt, vehicles were about to be repossessed, home was in default. I made arrangements to stay home a little longer and started investigating every facet of her life. While I was out of the country it would seem she met a young man and fell in love, and got him a apartment and all my money was going towards them.

              I waited for her to go to work and sent our kids to a friends and tossed all of her personal things into the bed of the truck and drove to her work and found the fella, walked up all calm and shook his hand and wished him good luck with her, she witnessed this. In the end I shifted assets around and paid everything off, 3 months later my phone rang and it was her, she wanted to come home and make amends.

              That was over 20 years ago and she does not have any access to my accounts or credit cards, I pay all the bills and have complete control of all financial assets.

              Comment


                #8
                DO NOT PAY ANYTHING UNTIL YOU GET A LAWYER! Get a lawyer asap. I'll pray for you

                Comment


                  #9
                  Prayers up for you and your family. Keep her out of your accounts and know that she has major issues no matter where the money has been going.

                  Circle the wagons, surround yourself with your brother and son as well as friends. Most of all, pray to the Lord for strength, understanding and most of all guidance.

                  Prayers up for your dad and his care takers.
                  Last edited by Pedernal; 09-12-2021, 07:13 AM.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Lawyer now! Now now!!

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Originally posted by Tuffbroadhead View Post
                      Many years ago I was in a similar situation with my wife, I was making extremely good money at the time and my wife had always been in charge of paying the bills. I was back in country for a few weeks and needed some dental work and discovered my accounts were empty. I made a trip to the bank and found out that I was over 40k in credit card debt, vehicles were about to be repossessed, home was in default. I made arrangements to stay home a little longer and started investigating every facet of her life. While I was out of the country it would seem she met a young man and fell in love, and got him a apartment and all my money was going towards them.

                      I waited for her to go to work and sent our kids to a friends and tossed all of her personal things into the bed of the truck and drove to her work and found the fella, walked up all calm and shook his hand and wished him good luck with her, she witnessed this. In the end I shifted assets around and paid everything off, 3 months later my phone rang and it was her, she wanted to come home and make amends.

                      That was over 20 years ago and she does not have any access to my accounts or credit cards, I pay all the bills and have complete control of all financial assets.
                      Dang Tuff! I’m surprised you took her back.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Change the locks when shes gone, or else she will change them on you.
                        Never allow her to be on your property without you having leo there.
                        Get to the courthouse and file a PFA
                        Change the locks on your dads house, also help him file a PFA.
                        Get with your bank... get copies of all past statements.
                        Dont talk to her..on the phone, text only, so you have records, never threaten her.
                        Get paper copies of all her cell number calls if you can.
                        Might be best to only have her talk to your attorney.

                        This is not advice, just my opinion.
                        Be safe.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Pray if your a believer. Get a good attorney and let him handle the mess while you focus on your father. Be open with your son and have him run the business while your focusing on your dad. I'm praying for you.

                          Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk

                          Comment


                            #14
                            I think above all, I would want to know where all the money went.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Originally posted by Pedernal View Post
                              Prayers up for you and your family. Keep her out of your accounts and know that she has major issues no matter where the money has been going.

                              Circle the wagons, surround yourself with your brother and son as well as friends. Most of all, pray to the Lord for strength, understanding and most of all guidance.

                              Prayers up for your dad and his care takers.
                              I can’t add much more than this.
                              I am sorry you’re having to carry such a load all at once.
                              I will pray for you and your Dad.

                              Comment

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