Reply
Go Back   TexasBowhunter.com Community Discussion Forums > Topics > Around the Campfire
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 01-07-2022, 06:57 AM   #1
TxHamJello
Four Point
 
TxHamJello's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2020
Location: Frisco, TX
Hunt In: Hill Country and East Texas
Default Funniest joke you've heard recently

I need a laugh . . . tell me the funniest joke you've heard recently.

Last edited by TxHamJello; 01-07-2022 at 07:01 AM.
TxHamJello is offline   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-07-2022, 06:58 AM   #2
Ishi&Elvis
Eight Point
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Default

The only difference between marriage and prison is they give you conjugal visits in prison.
Ishi&Elvis is offline   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-07-2022, 07:02 AM   #3
TxHamJello
Four Point
 
TxHamJello's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2020
Location: Frisco, TX
Hunt In: Hill Country and East Texas
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ishi&Elvis View Post
The only difference between marriage and prison is they give you conjugal visits in prison.
Not bad!
TxHamJello is offline   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-07-2022, 07:32 AM   #4
220swift
Ten Point
 
220swift's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: New Braunfels
Hunt In: South, East, and Central Texas
Default

A guy was in the hospital and they thought he might have Covid. He is lying there with an oxygen mask on and a pretty nurse comes in to give him a sponge bath.

He looks up at her a says, “Are my testicles black?”
The nurse says “I don’t know and I’m not here for that. I’m only here to give you an upper body sponge bath. “
The patient says “please, I need to know if my testicles are black.”

The nurse thinks to herself I’m a nurse, I shouldn’t be embarrassed, so she pulls the sheets back and softly and carefully inspects his manhood. After her inspection, she turns to the patient and says,” sir, you have nothing to worry about, your testicles are not black. “

The man removes his oxygen mask and says to the nurse “thank you, thank you so very much, but listen to me very carefully…..Are my test results back????
220swift is offline   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-07-2022, 07:39 AM   #5
rjtkdplus
Pope & Young
 
rjtkdplus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Lockhart
Hunt In: Everywhere I can
Default

A doctor walks in to the exam room with test results in hand. He says “sir, your test results are in”. The patient indignantly replies, I am not a sir and you will not refer to me as sir. My name is Monica!” The doc replies, “ Ok Monica, you have a prostate infection”.
rjtkdplus is offline   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-07-2022, 07:42 AM   #6
Gumbo Man
Ten Point
 
Gumbo Man's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2021
Location: Livingston Texas
Hunt In: Onalaska Texas
Default

Biden and Harris have it under control.
Gumbo Man is offline   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-07-2022, 07:47 AM   #7
skulleton
Four Point
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Fort worth
Hunt In: North Texas
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by 220swift View Post
A guy was in the hospital and they thought he might have Covid. He is lying there with an oxygen mask on and a pretty nurse comes in to give him a sponge bath.

He looks up at her a says, “Are my testicles black?”
The nurse says “I don’t know and I’m not here for that. I’m only here to give you an upper body sponge bath. “
The patient says “please, I need to know if my testicles are black.”

The nurse thinks to herself I’m a nurse, I shouldn’t be embarrassed, so she pulls the sheets back and softly and carefully inspects his manhood. After her inspection, she turns to the patient and says,” sir, you have nothing to worry about, your testicles are not black. “

The man removes his oxygen mask and says to the nurse “thank you, thank you so very much, but listen to me very carefully…..Are my test results back????


^^^^^^^^^
Haha. Funny
skulleton is offline   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-07-2022, 07:53 AM   #8
TxHamJello
Four Point
 
TxHamJello's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2020
Location: Frisco, TX
Hunt In: Hill Country and East Texas
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by skulleton View Post
^^^^^^^^^
Haha. Funny
And socially relevant . . . well played!
TxHamJello is offline   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-07-2022, 07:56 AM   #9
JMKro
Eight Point
 
JMKro's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Cypress, TX
Hunt In: Shelby, TX
Default

One that sticks in my mind came from a former coworker. Old school, hard *** type guy with 40+ years in commercial roofing. With that being said, myself & a couple other guys got along with him really well.

"You know what burns my ***? A grass fire about this high." (Puts his hand at his waist)
JMKro is offline   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-07-2022, 08:07 AM   #10
CEO
Pope & Young
 
CEO's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: The Woodlands, TX
Hunt In: TX, MO, CO
Default

Saw this one on another forum.

An old blind cowboy wanders into a female biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter,
"Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a, very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
"Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat

The bouncer is a blonde girl

I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate

The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter

The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler
"Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No... Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
CEO is offline   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-07-2022, 08:15 AM   #11
txbowman12
Four Point
 
Join Date: Aug 2019
Hunt In: Fayette County
Default

An Engineer dies and goes to hell. He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly.

The moving walkway motor jammed, so he unjams it. People can get from place to place more easily.

The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to the Satellite dish and now they get hundreds of high def channels.

One day, God decides to look down on Hell to see how his grand design is working out and notices that everyone is happy and enjoying umbrella drinks. He asks the Devil what's going on?

The Devil replies, "Things are great down here since you sent us that engineer."

"What?? An engineer? I didn't send you one of those, that must have been a mistake. Send him back up right this minute."

The Devil responds, "No way! We are going to keep our engineer. We like this guy."

God demands, "If you don't send him to me immediately, I'll sue!"

The Devil laughs. "Where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
txbowman12 is offline   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-07-2022, 08:17 AM   #12
Gumbo Man
Ten Point
 
Gumbo Man's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2021
Location: Livingston Texas
Hunt In: Onalaska Texas
Default

Ok so a man takes his teenage son to a bar for the first time. Within minutes his son has his eyes on two women sitting at the bar and says “ I think I’m gonna go chat em up and get their phone numbers”. His dad informs the teen that those women were lesbians and the boy had no idea what a lesbian was. So his dad leaned over to his son and whispered in his ear what lesbians did to each other. Immediately the young boy busted out in tears and his dad asked why he was so upset. His son replied “ Dad I think I’m a lesbian”.
Gumbo Man is offline   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-07-2022, 08:18 AM   #13
scott1022
Eight Point
 
scott1022's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Lafayette, LA
Hunt In: Louisiana
Default

I thought that my dryer was shrinking my clothes, it turns out it was actually the refrigerator.
scott1022 is offline   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-07-2022, 08:22 AM   #14
GarGuy
Pope & Young
 
GarGuy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Default

A nurse walks up to a patient and pulls out two identical thermometers. She seems unsure which to use. She says one is an oral thermometers and one a rectal thermometers. Patient seems aggravated and asks,"what's the difference?" As she slides one under his tongue she answers..,"only the taste".
GarGuy is online now   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-07-2022, 08:37 AM   #15
sqiggy
Pope & Young
 
sqiggy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Franklin, Tx
Hunt In: Panola Co and Robertson Co
Default

One day in class, the teacher was asking questions about what they had discussed the day before. Little Johnny raised his hand and said……………….umm, can’t tell that one.
During the last recess at school, Little Johnny went up to the little red hair girl and …………………..naw, can’t tell that one either.
One day Little Johnny was playing with the little girl next door. She was always bragging on what she had. He’d get mad every time and finally he thought of one thing she didn’t have, so he……………….shoot, can’t tell that one either.
Hell, all I know is Little Johnny jokes!!!
sqiggy is offline   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-07-2022, 08:46 AM   #16
Lynn21
Pope & Young
 
Lynn21's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Mesquite,texas
Hunt In: Childress, Tx
Default

little Johnny caught his dad in the restroom putting on a condom . so Johnny said what are you doing dad ? His dad replied I’m just trying to catch this little mouse . then Little Johnny said really, what are you going to do when you catch him, f him?
Lynn21 is offline   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-07-2022, 08:47 AM   #17
jer_james
Pope & Young
 
jer_james's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: North Dallas
Default

How can you be shocked that a tennis player named NOVAK (NO-VAC) isnt vaccinated?

That's no DJOK!

jer_james is offline   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-07-2022, 08:54 AM   #18
dhall1414
Six Point
 
dhall1414's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2020
Location: Sanger
Hunt In: Palo Pinto County
Default

I once heard a democrat say he loved the USA. Laughed my @$$ off
dhall1414 is online now   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-07-2022, 09:04 AM   #19
muzzlebrake
Pope & Young
 
muzzlebrake's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Euless, Texas
Hunt In: Sterling County
Default

TF actually served in the military
muzzlebrake is offline   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-07-2022, 09:16 AM   #20
hopedale
Pope & Young
 
hopedale's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Williamson county
Hunt In: WMAs
Default

The old man walks into a bar and sits down and orders a beer.

The bartender serves his beer then asks him,

“So, what do you do?”

The old man answers, “Well sir I’m a cowboy.”

“Wow”, said the bartender,

“What exactly does a cowboy do?”

“Well sir I work on a ranch all day, I ride horses, and heard cattle, I take care of the land and all the animals on the ranch.”

“That’s very interesting said the bartender.”

Some time went by and a beautiful woman walks into the bar, sits down next to the cowboy and orders a drink.

“So”, said the bartender “What do you do?”

With the old man listening in the woman says,

“Well sir I’m a lesbian”

“Interesting” said the bartender

“What exactly is a lesbian?

“Well, I wake up in the morning thinking about women. I eat breakfast thinking about women. I go through my day thinking about women. I go to bed thinking about women. I’m constantly thinking about women.”

“Interesting” says the bartender.

Some time passes and the old man leaves that bar and goes to another bar.

He sits down and orders a beer, and the bartender there says to him,

“So, sir what do you do?”

The old man looks at him and says,

“Well, this morning I was a cowboy, but to tell you the truth now I think I’m a lesbian!”
hopedale is offline   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-07-2022, 09:20 AM   #21
SwampBuck
Ten Point
 
SwampBuck's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Edna
Hunt In: Gillespie County
Default

Coworker: man, I had the weirdest dream last night.
Me: oh yeah? What about ?
CW: I dreamt I was a muffler…
Me: ummm ok?
CW: yeah, I woke up totally exhausted…

That was the Dad joke of the year for me.
SwampBuck is offline   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-07-2022, 09:24 AM   #22
Hoggslayer
Pope & Young
 
Hoggslayer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Manvel, TX mostly in the Doghouse
Hunt In: My Truck at night.
Default

3 little boys are on the school playground bragging about their Dads.

The first boy said, "my Dad is so strong he can tear a phone book in half".

The second boy says" my Dad is so fast, he can throw a football and run and catch it 50 yards down field".

The third boy, Little Johnny said, my Dad is so tuff, he can eat light bulbs".

The teacher overhear this debate and questioned Johnny's statement.
" Little Johnny, You've seen your Daddy eat a light bulb"?

"No ma'am, the other night while they were in bed, I was hiding in the closet. I heard him tell my mama, "if you turn that light out, I'll eat it"
Hoggslayer is offline   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-07-2022, 09:33 AM   #23
MacDaddy67
Pope & Young
 
MacDaddy67's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Default

Biden got 81M votes

Hilarious
MacDaddy67 is offline   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-07-2022, 09:35 AM   #24
Goldeneagle
Pope & Young
 
Goldeneagle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Allen, TX
Hunt In: Where ever I get a chance.
Default

The other night I had a nightmare. I dreamt Dolly Parton was my mother.












And I was a bottle baby.
Goldeneagle is offline   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-07-2022, 09:36 AM   #25
Rubi513
Pope & Young
 
Rubi513's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Centerville
Hunt In: Walker County
Default

Two deaf people have just gotten married. They really love each other, but sex at night has been a bit of a struggle, as they are unable to communicate through signing, and it is too dark to read each other's lips.

After several nights of fumbling around and many misunderstandings, the wife figures out a solution. She writes a note to her husband: 'Honey, Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast two times.

The husband loves this idea. He writes back to his wife that if she wants to have sex with him, she should reach over and pull on his penis one time. If she doesn't want to have sex, she should pull on his penis 100 times.
Rubi513 is offline   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-07-2022, 09:52 AM   #26
CEO
Pope & Young
 
CEO's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: The Woodlands, TX
Hunt In: TX, MO, CO
Default

My gender studies teacher asked how I view lesbian relationships.

Apparently 1080p wasn't the right answer.
CEO is offline   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-07-2022, 10:29 AM   #27
sweldo73
Ten Point
 
sweldo73's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Kingwood, TX
Default

Guy goes in for a prostate exam and asks the doc, “Where should I put my pants?”

Doc says, “Right over there by mine.”
sweldo73 is offline   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-07-2022, 10:47 AM   #28
FVR JR
Ten Point
 
FVR JR's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Houston
Hunt In: Someplace, TX
Default

A farmer gets a new rooster. As soon as he brings him home, the young rooster rushes and screws all 150 of the farmer’s hens. He is impressed. Next morning, not only is the rooster screwing the hens, but he is screwing the turkeys, ducks, and even the cow. This begins to anger the farmer. Later, the farmer looks out into the barnyard and finds the rooster stretched out, his eyes closed, dead, and vultures circling overhead. The farmer runs out, looks down at the young rooster’s limp body and says: "You got what you deserved" Suddenly, the young rooster opens one eye, points up at the vultures, and says, “Shhhh!, they're about to land.
FVR JR is offline   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-07-2022, 12:48 PM   #29
Geezy Rider
Pope & Young
 
Geezy Rider's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Weatherford, Tx.
Hunt In: Wise Co.
Default

A couple of cows were smoking a joint and playing cards…that’s right, the steaks were pretty high.
Geezy Rider is offline   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-07-2022, 12:59 PM   #30
krtnorris
Pope & Young
 
krtnorris's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Katy
Hunt In: Texas & Ohio
Default

My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.
krtnorris is offline   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-07-2022, 01:06 PM   #31
SmTx
Pope & Young
 
SmTx's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: San Marcos/Hempstead
Hunt In: Jim Wells
Default

What does a near sighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose

Did you hear about the chameleon that couldn't change colors? He had ereptile disfunction
SmTx is online now   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-07-2022, 01:27 PM   #32
BBRU
Pope & Young
 
BBRU's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Fannett,Tx
Hunt In: Anywhere....
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gumbo Man View Post
Biden and Harris have it under control.
Beat me to it….
BBRU is offline   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-07-2022, 01:35 PM   #33
TXJIM
Ten Point
 
TXJIM's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Austin
Hunt In: Gillespie County
Default

We found out that grandpa is addicted to Viagra. The whole family is pretty upset but no one is taking it harder than grandma.
TXJIM is offline   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-07-2022, 01:39 PM   #34
Calitexembalmer
Eight Point
 
Calitexembalmer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Default

What happens if you get scared half to death twice.
Calitexembalmer is offline   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-07-2022, 01:40 PM   #35
Calitexembalmer
Eight Point
 
Calitexembalmer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Default

Support bacteria, it's the only culture some people have.
Calitexembalmer is offline   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-07-2022, 01:44 PM   #36
tvc184
Pope & Young
 
tvc184's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Golden Triangle
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by CEO View Post
Saw this one on another forum.

An old blind cowboy wanders into a female biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter,
"Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a, very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
"Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat

The bouncer is a blonde girl

I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate

The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter

The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler
"Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No... Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
A blonde woman cop stopped a blonde woman driver for speeding.

The cop ask the driver for her drivers license. The blonde driver asked what does it look like?

The blonde cop said it’s something in your purse with your face on it.

The blonde driver looked around her purse and came out with a small mirror and said this must be it since it has my face on it.

When she handed it to the blonde cop, the cop looked at the mirror and said, “why didn’t you tell me that you were a police officer?”.
tvc184 is online now   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-07-2022, 01:47 PM   #37
Froggy
Pope & Young
 
Froggy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Benbrook, Texas
Hunt In: Wise/Montague/Public land
Default

Two little boys are playing in the hallway when they hear strange noises coming from their parents bedroom.

The oldest gets on his tiptoes and peeks through the keyhole. The little one is saying, "what are they doing, what are they doing?

The oldest says, "I don't know, but I have a hard time believing that's the same woman who fussed at me for sucking on my thumb this morning."
Froggy is offline   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-07-2022, 01:50 PM   #38
tvc184
Pope & Young
 
tvc184's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Golden Triangle
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by sweldo73 View Post
Guy goes in for a prostate exam and asks the doc, “Where should I put my pants?”

Doc says, “Right over there by mine.”
A guy goes in for a prostate exam. A few minutes later the doctor comes in and ask the patient to turn around and drop his pants.

The doctor then says, “Bob, try not to get an erection”.

The patient says, “My name is Mike” and the doctor replies “My name is Bob”.
tvc184 is online now   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-07-2022, 10:01 PM   #39
Sabine
Six Point
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Orange, Texas
Default

Dr: Sir, I have good news and bad news.
Patient: Uh, okay, give me the bad news first.
Dr: I am sorry, but you have a rare incurable disease...you have 6 months max.
Patient: What? I'm going to die? What the hell is the good news????
Dr: Well, did you notice the new receptionist up front? The green eyed, redhead? Dude! I've been banging her for a month and half!!!!
Sabine is offline   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-07-2022, 10:42 PM   #40
Preacher Man
Ten Point
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Pearland
Hunt In: Jasper Co.
Default

How does NASA organize a party? They planet.
Preacher Man is offline   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-07-2022, 11:23 PM   #41
Witchgrass
Ten Point
 
Witchgrass's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Bandera Texas
Hunt In: Bandera County
Default

Keep em coming! Anything to cheer the OP up!
Witchgrass is offline   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-08-2022, 06:55 AM   #42
Bdub25
Eight Point
 
Bdub25's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Mathis TX
Hunt In: Webb County
Default

Here’s some you can tell your kids:

2 peanuts were walking down the street, one was assaulted.

Horse walks into a bar, bartender says “hey Buddy, why the long face?”

A set of jumper cables walks into a bar, bartender says, “hey Buddy, don’t start anything!!”

What’s the difference between a jailer and a jeweler? One watches cells, the other sells watches

What did 1 frog say to the other frog? “Times fun when you’re having flies”


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Bdub25 is offline   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-08-2022, 07:08 AM   #43
Big Lee
Ten Point
 
Big Lee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: TX
Hunt In: Central Texas
Default

Why do they put fences around a cemetery?

People are dying to get in....
Big Lee is offline   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-08-2022, 07:18 AM   #44
Lynn21
Pope & Young
 
Lynn21's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Mesquite,texas
Hunt In: Childress, Tx
Default

Very long joke, but a great one!!— a guy walked into a lumber yard and said I need a job, and I’m an expert on lumber. So the boss man said ok if you can pass some tests, the job is yours. So the boss blind folded him and handed a piece of lumber off the shelf, and said, what is this? The guy smells it, strokes it with his hand , and as he’s still blindfolded, says, that’s easy, it’s cedar. He takes off the blindfold and the boss man says that’s correct. The boss man then blindfolds him again, hands him another piece of wood, same thing, the guy is still blindfolded , he smells it, strokes it, and says , another easy one , that’s pine. He removes the blind fold, and that’s exactly what it was. Do I get the job now? Boss man says, one more test, if you pass it, the job is yours. He puts the blind fold back on him and leads him into the secretary’s office. She takes all her clothes off, gets up on her desk, and spreads her legs. The boss man leads the guy over to her, who is still blindfolded, pushes his face between her legs, and says, now, what’s this? The blindfolded guy smells it, strokes it, smells it twice more and strokes it again, then says, well you thought you had me fooled didn’t you? That’s the bathroom door off a shrimp boat….
Lynn21 is offline   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-08-2022, 07:33 AM   #45
Goldeneagle
Pope & Young
 
Goldeneagle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Allen, TX
Hunt In: Where ever I get a chance.
Default

A bear was walking through the woods and came across a rabbit.
Goldeneagle is offline   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-08-2022, 08:22 AM   #46
GarGuy
Pope & Young
 
GarGuy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lynn21 View Post
Very long joke, but a great one!!— a guy walked into a lumber yard and said I need a job, and I’m an expert on lumber. So the boss man said ok if you can pass some tests, the job is yours. So the boss blind folded him and handed a piece of lumber off the shelf, and said, what is this? The guy smells it, strokes it with his hand , and as he’s still blindfolded, says, that’s easy, it’s cedar. He takes off the blindfold and the boss man says that’s correct. The boss man then blindfolds him again, hands him another piece of wood, same thing, the guy is still blindfolded , he smells it, strokes it, and says , another easy one , that’s pine. He removes the blind fold, and that’s exactly what it was. Do I get the job now? Boss man says, one more test, if you pass it, the job is yours. He puts the blind fold back on him and leads him into the secretary’s office. She takes all her clothes off, gets up on her desk, and spreads her legs. The boss man leads the guy over to her, who is still blindfolded, pushes his face between her legs, and says, now, what’s this? The blindfolded guy smells it, strokes it, smells it twice more and strokes it again, then says, well you thought you had me fooled didn’t you? That’s the bathroom door off a shrimp boat….
I thought he was gonna say "willow"
GarGuy is online now   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-08-2022, 09:44 AM   #47
TXDraht
Four Point
 
TXDraht's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Naruna, TX
Hunt In: Burnet County
Default

Old farmer was sitting on his porch when a young man stopped in front of his house. Out stepped a young man with a long ponytail.

Farmer “Are you lost?”

Young man “No sir, I noticed some milkweed in your pasture and I was wondering if you would mind if I went down there and collected some milk?”

Farmer “You can’t drink that and besides that it will take forever to collect”

Young man “That may be but I’d still like to try if you don’t mind”

Farmer “Well, I guess it’d be alright, just mind the livestock”

A hour or so later the young man returns to the house with a gallon of milk and offers a mason jar full to the farmer. The farmer declines thinking the young man is crazy and the young man thanks him again and leaves.

A week passes and the farmer is sitting on his porch when the same young man stops in front of his house.

Young man “remember me?”

Farmer “I sure do, how was that milk?”

Young man “great! While I was collecting the milk I noticed some honeysuckle growing on your fence row and I was wondering if I could go down there and collect some honey?”

Farmer “ Son, I don’t think you understand where honey comes from. You need to find a bee hive.”

Young man “Yes sir, that may be but if you don’t mind I’d still like to try”

So the farmer agrees and heads into the house shaking his head. The young man heads to the fence row and an hour later the farmer hears his car start and drive away. When he goes out on the porch he finds a mason jar full of honey.

A couple weeks pass this time and once again the farmer is sitting on his porch when the same young man stops in front of his house.

Young man “Hello sir, how was the honey?”

Farmer “Great, thanks for leaving me a jar”

Young man “My pleasure sir and I was wondering, I saw some ***** willow when I was collecting the honey and….”

Before he could finish his sentence, the farmer jumped out of his chair and exclaimed “wait right there and I’ll get my boots on and go with you!”
TXDraht is offline   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-08-2022, 09:54 AM   #48
SaltwaterSlick
Pope & Young
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Default

The teacher asked the class to draw a picture of poverty.
Little Sally drew a square and put four circles in it one in each corner. The teacher asked Sally what that was. Sally replied it’s a stove and there is no food on it to cook. The teacher said Sally that is bad but they could sell the stove and buy food with the money.
Young Mikey drew a rectangle and drew parallel lines dividing it into four equal sections. The teacher asked Mikey what that was. He replied that it was a refrigerator and there is no food in it. The teacher said that was bad but they could sell the refrigerator and buy food with the money.
Now little Johnny was smarter than the average student. He drew a circle with random lines all throughout the inside. The teacher asked Johnny what in the world is that? Johnny replied it’s a but hole with spiderwebs in it!
SaltwaterSlick is offline   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-08-2022, 10:06 AM   #49
MadHatter
Pope & Young
 
MadHatter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Default

An Army Ranger, a Recon Marine, a Navy SEAL, and a member of Delta Force are sitting around a camp fire. The Army Ranger, bragging about his exploits says "You guys aren't so tough, I once parachuted down, marched fifty miles, and killed everyone in sight." The Recon Marine is unimpressed, and says, "That's nothing, I once made a beach landing, marched 60 miles, and killed everyone in sight." The SEAL is unimpressed, he says "That's nothing, I once swam 10 miles to shore, marched 70 miles, and killed everyone in sight with my bare hands." Thoroughly impressed, they all look over at the Delta Force member, and he's dead silent, just stirring the coals of the fire with his d**k.
MadHatter is offline   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Old 01-08-2022, 10:12 AM   #50
glen
Pope & Young
 
glen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Temporary transient
Hunt In: anywhere
Default

If you want laugh. I don’t care what your political views are. Look up “How to Speak Bidenese”. It will have you rolling
glen is offline   Reply With Quote Back To The Top
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:04 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2022, vBulletin Solutions Inc.
Copyright 1999-2012, TexasBowhunter.com