Funniest joke you've heard recently

[SmTx]

What does a near sighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose

Did you hear about the chameleon that couldn't change colors? He had ereptile disfunction

[BBRU]

Biden and Harris have it under control.

Beat me to it….

[TXJIM]

We found out that grandpa is addicted to Viagra. The whole family is pretty upset but no one is taking it harder than grandma.

[Calitexembalmer]

What happens if you get scared half to death twice.

[Calitexembalmer]

Support bacteria, it's the only culture some people have.

[tvc184]

Saw this one on another forum.

An old blind cowboy wanders into a female biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter,
"Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a, very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
"Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat

The bouncer is a blonde girl

I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate

The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter

The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler
"Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No... Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

A blonde woman cop stopped a blonde woman driver for speeding.

The cop ask the driver for her drivers license. The blonde driver asked what does it look like?

The blonde cop said it’s something in your purse with your face on it.

The blonde driver looked around her purse and came out with a small mirror and said this must be it since it has my face on it.

When she handed it to the blonde cop, the cop looked at the mirror and said, “why didn’t you tell me that you were a police officer?”.

[Froggy]

Two little boys are playing in the hallway when they hear strange noises coming from their parents bedroom.

The oldest gets on his tiptoes and peeks through the keyhole. The little one is saying, "what are they doing, what are they doing?

The oldest says, "I don't know, but I have a hard time believing that's the same woman who fussed at me for sucking on my thumb this morning."

[tvc184]

Guy goes in for a prostate exam and asks the doc, “Where should I put my pants?”

Doc says, “Right over there by mine.”

A guy goes in for a prostate exam. A few minutes later the doctor comes in and ask the patient to turn around and drop his pants.

The doctor then says, “Bob, try not to get an erection”.

The patient says, “My name is Mike” and the doctor replies “My name is Bob”.

[Sabine]

Dr: Sir, I have good news and bad news.
Patient: Uh, okay, give me the bad news first.
Dr: I am sorry, but you have a rare incurable disease...you have 6 months max.
Patient: What? I'm going to die? What the hell is the good news????
Dr: Well, did you notice the new receptionist up front? The green eyed, redhead? Dude! I've been banging her for a month and half!!!!

[Preacher Man]

How does NASA organize a party? They planet.

[Witchgrass]

Keep em coming! Anything to cheer the OP up!

[Bdub25]

Here’s some you can tell your kids:

2 peanuts were walking down the street, one was assaulted.

Horse walks into a bar, bartender says “hey Buddy, why the long face?”

A set of jumper cables walks into a bar, bartender says, “hey Buddy, don’t start anything!!”

What’s the difference between a jailer and a jeweler? One watches cells, the other sells watches

What did 1 frog say to the other frog? “Times fun when you’re having flies”


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Big Lee]

Why do they put fences around a cemetery?

People are dying to get in....

[Lynn21]

Very long joke, but a great one!!— a guy walked into a lumber yard and said I need a job, and I’m an expert on lumber. So the boss man said ok if you can pass some tests, the job is yours. So the boss blind folded him and handed a piece of lumber off the shelf, and said, what is this? The guy smells it, strokes it with his hand , and as he’s still blindfolded, says, that’s easy, it’s cedar. He takes off the blindfold and the boss man says that’s correct. The boss man then blindfolds him again, hands him another piece of wood, same thing, the guy is still blindfolded , he smells it, strokes it, and says , another easy one , that’s pine. He removes the blind fold, and that’s exactly what it was. Do I get the job now? Boss man says, one more test, if you pass it, the job is yours. He puts the blind fold back on him and leads him into the secretary’s office. She takes all her clothes off, gets up on her desk, and spreads her legs. The boss man leads the guy over to her, who is still blindfolded, pushes his face between her legs, and says, now, what’s this? The blindfolded guy smells it, strokes it, smells it twice more and strokes it again, then says, well you thought you had me fooled didn’t you? That’s the bathroom door off a shrimp boat….

[Goldeneagle]

A bear was walking through the woods and came across a rabbit.