Bully

[rjet]

Human nature is crazy. How in the world can you instill the confidence in a kid to stand up to a bully? I have a kid I care deeply about who has been physically abused by a kid (both 14 year old girls) on more than one occasion. I just found out last week so I taught her some moves and what to do. Also told her it would not stop until she stood up and fought back. No doubt in my mind my girl (girl friends daughter) can beat her arse. It happened again last night. Makes me sick to my stomach. If this kid would just beat her arse or at least fought back it would probably never happen again. I dont understand how anyone can sit back and take a beating and not at least try, outcome cant be worse.

[Low Fence]

If there’s away to avoid conflict I do that. It don’t make we weak I just find another way. If it comes to a fight, I’m not fighting to “beat their @$$”… I’m trying to take there life

There’s always a better way… unless there ain’t… then there’s the only way

[rjet]

If there’s away to avoid conflict I do that. It don’t make we weak I just find another way. If it comes to a fight, I’m not fighting to “beat their @$$”… I’m trying to take there life

There’s always a better way… unless there ain’t… then there’s the only way

Agree, this is not about avoiding conflict. About being assulted and not fighting back. I know it takes courage, but is courage something that can be learned? I think it can by standing up to the bully. Now, how to get a kid to get to that point is what I am struggling with.

[Pedernal]

Hopefully this isn’t something that’s been going on a long time. Seems to me that if bullying has been going on for a long time it will be hard to get the young lady to defend herself.

Give the young lady sometime to contemplate what is going on and keep teaching her how to defend herself. She will defend her self when she feels more confident IMHO.

[okrattler]

I'd try talking to the kids parents first and inform them if it happens again there will be consequences to her actions. Aggression isn't something that can be taught. But eventually she'll have enough if it comes to that. Everyone has their breaking point. Some people have enough right off the bat. Most people would rather avoid conflict. I'd say more people than not. Even bullies.

I've noticed when people meet resistance it's a game changer. Nobody wants to get punched in the mouth or choked out. Getting choked out is a bad experience. It doesn't even sound fun so when a person is confronted and they realize that could very well be the outcome they'll simmer down.

If you want to avoid it and she won't fight I'd just let her parents know if she comes home with any signs of physical abuse the police will be involved. I'd bet her parents shut it down immediately.

[DFA]

Tell her you'll give her $100 if she does what needs to be done. You are right, it won't stop until they are stood up to. I hate hearing about things like this, it is terrible.

[Hogmauler]

If the girl bullies here verbally she can shake that off. But physically is a different story. Back in the 60,s there was a guy that started that with me. I’d walk home from school and if he was outside he jump across the bar ditch and knock my books out my hand.
Fast forward to my dad finding a pearing knife in my notebook. I came clean with what had been happening and was told “the next time he does that you knock the hail outta him and this will stop “.
I did and it did. We were good friends all the way through high school. That’s not the answer for everybody though.

[miket]

With girls, I dont know. Its hard to get them to see logic. I know as a kid I avoided conflict at all costs. I still avoid it as much as I can. But somewhere around 14yo something changed. I still hate conflict, but a switch flipped and once I was in it ( against my will ) I started becoming very angry I was being put in the situation and the anger drives me to fight back, and my normal desire for peace and mercy goes away and I just want blood. At any cost.

Its probably not healthy, and dont recommend it.

On the other hand, my oldest daughter repeatedly had boys try to touch her in Jr High and Highschool. I told her she can do whatever she had to do to protect herself and I would support her to the end. One boy kept trying to basically sexually assault her at school and, of course, the school did nothing about it. So she stabbed him in the leg with a pencil. Hard. He bled, but he never told on her ( probably because of his actions ) and he never touched her again.

I think there is a certain amount of anger and indignation that has to build before an otherwise peaceful person can fight back. Unfortunately

[db@100]

I think most of these mass school shootings started the same way. Someone was bullied and finally had enough.

[bigjohntex]

The sad part is that when the bully finally gets the beat down they have earned they will suddenly become the victim. Their parents will be all over the place crying how their child was such a good kid.... seen it happen before...

Sent from my SM-G973U1 using Tapatalk

[Uncle_Milty]

When I was 13 I was bullied by a kid for awhile. It started out verbal then pushes and shoves in the hallways, I did not want to fight this kid, everyone talked about how "bad" he was and he was a state ranked marshal arts competitor. My dad talked me through how to handle the situation which began with telling him to stop and walking away. Unfortunately, this did nothing to stop him. Dad then instructed me to go to our coaches and let them know what was going on and inform them of what I had done so far. I finished the conversation with the coach by telling him I wanted him to bring the kid into the gym just the two of us and let me call him out to a fight. No lie, I was scared to death but enough was enough. Coach brought him in pointed at me and told me to tell him what was on my mind. I called him out, told I had enough and that it was going to stop that day. Told him this was his opportunity to kick my butt, he stood there as white as a ghost and did nothing but apologize and back down from the fight. Never had a problem again. I don't know that a kid could get away with that method these days but the moment that bully felt true resistance he stopped.

I dealt with this last year with my 13yo son when he was the new good looking kid at school who all the girls talked about. One of the boys couldn't handle it and started messing with my son. Had the same conversations with him that my dad did with me. Unfortunately, when my son told him to knock it off in the hallway the kid pushed my son and took a swing at him. I had told my son this may happen and to be ready, taught him how to duck a punch and what to do. It ended up with them in a fight right there in the hallway and me receiving a phone call from the principal. They let me know that he didn't start it but he did finish it. He got 1 day of in school suspension but nothing from me. That kid never caused another problem after that day.

Girls, can be tricky as many don't have that fight in them. I am always an advocate of doing everything you can to avoid a fight but sometimes that is the only thing that will stop a bully.

[rjet]

Tell her you'll give her $100 if she does what needs to be done. You are right, it won't stop until they are stood up to. I hate hearing about things like this, it is terrible.

Now that might just work with this child
Bully videod herself the other night hiiting her and then posted online. GF sent the video to her parents and they are furiois. So rhere is hope after all, it seems she has good parents.

[okrattler]

The sad part is that when the bully finally gets the beat down they have earned they will suddenly become the victim. Their parents will be all over the place crying how their child was such a good kid.... seen it happen before...

Sent from my SM-G973U1 using Tapatalk

That's why I'd tell mom and dad straight up their daughter is a piece of crap and the sequence of which things will take place. They're not gonna like it but.....Who cares? What are they gonna do about it?

Basically I'd make it perfectly clear that there's only three options. They can correct her behavior or the cops or the girl that's being bullied will.

[coy-ote]

Agree, this is not about avoiding conflict. About being assulted and not fighting back. I know it takes courage, but is courage something that can be learned? I think it can by standing up to the bully. Now, how to get a kid to get to that point is what I am struggling with.

It’s not courage that needs to be learned but confidence instilled into the person in question, both my boys are passive but had them in karate and jiu jitsu since they were in elementary school .one is now in high school and one in junior high. I tell them trust what you’ve learned, it’s the same as sparring in the dojo/gym except this time if you go hands on it’s because it was unavoidable.my oldest was tested a few years ago at school even after a teacher had warned the middle school kid I’d leave him alone I’ve seen him fight at tournaments before! But the kid smacked my son and he took a kick to the ribs and his mom picked him up crying. My son was upset but like I’ve told them both walk away when you can but if someone lays their hands on you give them all they want

[Ouch]

My daughter is 13. She's a good kid. Straight A's, athlete, student council, yada yada.

She has a "friend" whose parents pay her little attention, so she seeks attention and authority throughout the friend group, at the expense of all the other girls (7 or so) and their feelings. Nothing physical, but the emotional and verbal bullying was pretty intense for a bit. My daughter was really struggling with it. My wife tried to talk her through it for a few months, but nothing was changing. (Quick side note to say that I know this girl's dad, and had this been physical I would have just driven to his country club and beat the **** out of him in the parking lot, but I digress...)

I finally told my daughter that she would have to be the bigger bully rather than the bigger person, if only for one conversation. She did it and hated doing it, but it has dramatically changed the dynamics of that girl's attitude toward the entire group and their relationships. Sometimes people just need a taint kick, figuratively or otherwise.