Sexual abuse question
Last year a friend of mine had called me. I could tell he had been drinking because I’ve known him for 32 years. So it didn’t surprise me What surprised me was that he came out and told me that his grandfather had sexually abused him. Out of the clear blue he came out with this. I told him how sorry I was and that this monster would someday account for what he had done. That was it. We never spoke about it again.
A little more of the back story. There were four kids in his family. Three out of the four turned out to be profound, high functioning alcoholics. One did not
Fast forward to September of this year. My friend had developed esophageal cancer last year. He was treated for laryngitis for seven weeks until they figured out what was going on. It was stage three. He received one treatment for chemo and eventually had to be trached. He died a week later.
I had spoken to his x wife and his children. When I spoke with his son his son told me “Bruce, my dad was emotionally retarded. He didn’t know how to maintain a relationship. We could never figure it out, but we just accepted it”.
My friend had had three failed marriages and was kinda estranged from his kids but was trying to make up for his transgressions. He was trying to redeem the time with them even before he got the diagnosis. I asked if if he was scared of dying and he said “ no Bruce Im not. I just don’t wanna leave my kids”.
He was divorced from his first wife, and mother of his kids, since 1996. He had tried to get back together with her a couple of times but his wife couldn’t deal with the alcohol and never remarried him or anyone else for that matter.
So my friend has been gone now going on two months. The initial shock is wearing off, the service went well, and life continues without my friend.
Here’s my question y’all: does my buddy’s secret die with me or could it possibly help his first wife and kids figure out why he was so detached? Or possibly the reason he drank all his life? Personally I think his grandfather (in name only) abused his siblings as well.
What would y’all do?
A little more of the back story. There were four kids in his family. Three out of the four turned out to be profound, high functioning alcoholics. One did not
Fast forward to September of this year. My friend had developed esophageal cancer last year. He was treated for laryngitis for seven weeks until they figured out what was going on. It was stage three. He received one treatment for chemo and eventually had to be trached. He died a week later.
I had spoken to his x wife and his children. When I spoke with his son his son told me “Bruce, my dad was emotionally retarded. He didn’t know how to maintain a relationship. We could never figure it out, but we just accepted it”.
My friend had had three failed marriages and was kinda estranged from his kids but was trying to make up for his transgressions. He was trying to redeem the time with them even before he got the diagnosis. I asked if if he was scared of dying and he said “ no Bruce Im not. I just don’t wanna leave my kids”.
He was divorced from his first wife, and mother of his kids, since 1996. He had tried to get back together with her a couple of times but his wife couldn’t deal with the alcohol and never remarried him or anyone else for that matter.
So my friend has been gone now going on two months. The initial shock is wearing off, the service went well, and life continues without my friend.
Here’s my question y’all: does my buddy’s secret die with me or could it possibly help his first wife and kids figure out why he was so detached? Or possibly the reason he drank all his life? Personally I think his grandfather (in name only) abused his siblings as well.
What would y’all do?
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