Lets talk corporal punishment for kids...

[brushtrooper]

If this is taboo for this website then please delete. I understand.

I was raised this way, I have raised my kids this way, I stopped with them at about 7-8 yrs old, went to grounding etc method. Thought we had instilled good values, but over the last few yrs they have been caught lying about grades/homework etc.- We grounded them, took away stuff etc.
Tonight for example my oldest(12) wanted to "talk"to me(not mom), informs me about his grades, he is going from 5 "A"s and "B" to a failing grade in 1 class.
Now mind you, I told him NOT to lie to me, told him to tell me the truth and things would be easier for him as to why he was failing. Well, I got a story, then I brought my wife into the conversation( he did not want her to know). Turns out story was a Lie, he admitted it.
This is coming off a major grounding period for bad grades the 6 weeks in the beginning of the yr.
Told my wife tonight the belt is back on! She agrees. Maybe they need a reminder of what good butt busting is like?
I dont see the grounding thing working, as that I told him to give Mom his phone, no big deal for him to do so, he was defiant. No appreciation shown.
In my mind set they are going to have whole new set of rules laid down tomorrow.
Your thoughts, especially those more experienced than I.

[recar]

I ahve found with my kids... boy 14, girl 11 that "spankings" no longer work. now a days I hit them where it hurts more.. electronics, time out with friends, etc.

[Shane]

That's a tough one. Kids that age care more about freedom and independence than a busting, I think. I'm not saying a trip to the woodshed would be out of line - especially for lying. But you need a way to show that freedom and independence can ONLY be enjoyed by a kid that earns and keeps parents' trust and shows enough maturity to handle freedom. If you want freedom, you gotta do what you say you'll do, be honest, be responsible for yourself without me having to monitor your every move, etc.....

The last thing I want to have to do as a parent of kids this age is be the guy that's in charge of my kids' checklists, homework assignments, household chores, etc. Naturally, Mom and I are still in charge of the big stuff like where are you going (if anywhere), who with?, financial decisions, healthcare, and such. But we tell our kids they are responsible for homework and making sure it's done on time. They are responsible for the household chores that are theirs this week. They are responsible for making sure we are aware of anything from school parents need to be aware of. They are responsible to make sure that the money they earn doing extra work beyond their regular chores lasts until they have a chance to earn some more (after they give at least 10% and save at least 10%).

If they are responsible with their stuff, then they hear a lot more yes's when they ask if they can go and do this or that with their friends. (but not until I ask them if they're caught up on homework and chores first) If they drop the ball with their responsibilities, then they hear a lot of no's when they want to do things. If they REALLY drop the ball, then they start losing things that are important to them. If they lie about anything, then the punishment is going to be exponetially greater than it would have been without the lie.

My daughter who rarely makes less than a 95 in any of her classes all of a sudden got a couple of zeros a few months ago, because she "forgot" to do some assignments. She acted like it was no big deal and she'd try to remember next time. We reminded her that when we agreed to pay several hundred dollars extra for cheerleading stuff, we did that with the understanding that she would work hard on her school work and not let cheerleading or anything else cause her grades to suffer. We "helped her understand" that her grades were more imporant than cheerleading to us, and if she got another zero, then she'd be done cheering for the year. She's had straight A's again ever since.

She got plenty of spankings when she was little, but I don't think a spanking would have made much positive difference in her case at this stage. It may be just what another kid needs, but freedom and priviledges seem to be more important to most teens/pre-teens.

Maybe the "going easy on you for telling the truth" deal could be a loss of priviledges ONLY, without an added trip to the woodshed?? I don't know. I think just whatever it takes to help them learn to be honest and responsible for themselves as much as possible is the goal at this stage.

[Grillen Joe]

That's a tough one. Kids that age care more about freedom and independence than a busting, I think. I'm not saying a trip to the woodshed would be out of line - especially for lying. But you need a way to show that freedom and independence can ONLY be enjoyed by a kid that earns and keeps parents' trust and shows enough maturity to handle freedom. If you want freedom, you gotta do what you say you'll do, be honest, be responsible for yourself without me having to monitor your every move, etc.....

The last thing I want to have to do as a parent of kids this age is be the guy that's in charge of my kids' checklists, homework assignments, household chores, etc. Naturally, Mom and I are still in charge of the big stuff like where are you going (if anywhere), who with?, financial decisions, healthcare, and such. But we tell our kids they are responsible for homework and making sure it's done on time. They are responsible for the household chores that are theirs this week. They are responsible for making sure we are aware of anything from school parents need to be aware of. They are responsible to make sure that the money they earn doing extra work beyond their regular chores lasts until they have a chance to earn some more (after they give at least 10% and save at least 10%).

If they are responsible with their stuff, then they hear a lot more yes's when they ask if they can go and do this or that with their friends. (but not until I ask them if they're caught up on homework and chores first) If they drop the ball with their responsibilities, then they hear a lot of no's when they want to do things. If they REALLY drop the ball, then they start losing things that are important to them. If they lie about anything, then the punishment is going to be exponetially greater than it would have been without the lie.

My daughter who rarely makes less than a 95 in any of her classes all of a sudden got a couple of zeros a few months ago, because she "forgot" to do some assignments. She acted like it was no big deal and she'd try to remember next time. We reminded her that when we agreed to pay several hundred dollars extra for cheerleading stuff, we did that with the understanding that she would work hard on her school work and not let cheerleading or anything else cause her grades to suffer. We "helped her understand" that her grades were more imporant than cheerleading to us, and if she got another zero, then she'd be done cheering for the year. She's had straight A's again ever since.

She got plenty of spankings when she was little, but I don't think a spanking would have made much positive difference in her case at this stage. It may be just what another kid needs, but freedom and priviledges seem to be more important to most teens/pre-teens.

Maybe the "going easy on you for telling the truth" deal could be a loss of priviledges ONLY, without an added trip to the woodshed?? I don't know. I think just whatever it takes to help them learn to be honest and responsible for themselves as much as possible is the goal at this stage.

Great post ! Its not easy raising kids today..

[Bill]

When my son was in 6th or 7th grade he made a comment to a friend that if so-and-such happened, "My Dad will whoop my ***". Later that day the teacher took him aside and had a serious, and low voice discussion that went something like "Did your Dad hit you? If he ever does again, please come and tell me and it won't happen again". That ***** was trying to get him so say something so she could go to the police. Watch the repercussions of what you're saying.

[bowenarra]

I got my rear whooped big time when I was young. I think I'm a better man for it, too.

brushtrooper, it just depends on the kid. I needed to get spanked growing up to get my attention and set me straight. I never did anything truly awful, but I got the belt when I did something on purpose I knew I shouldn't have done...and I think that's fair.

On the other hand, my wife is a good example of the opposite personality--even as a child. When she was a kid, her parents just had to look at her the wrong way and it worked. Just thinking she was disappointing her parents was enough to make her shape up. That wouldn't have worked with me. Regular spankings for her, though, would've broken her spirit.

A HEALTHY respect and even a little fear of repercussions from your parents is a good thing. I don't know if youf 12 y/o is more like me or my wife when it comes to those things...some forms of punishment work better on some kids than others.

12 is not a child these days. I believe I got whooped a few times around that age, but age is something to consider also.

If you think he's young enough and that it would be effective, I see nothing wrong with a more physical punishment. The older the child gets, though, the more creative parents must be.

Soon enough you can take the car/truck away. That'll get his attention...

[Texasredneck]

Gotta agree...a trip to the wood shed every now and then reminds them that
"you are the parent and they are still the child" but in the same sense if that doesn't work I take away their toys...{i-pods, phone and gameboys and yes even somtimes prevent them from doing any extra things with friends}. I had a meeting with one of my sons teachers a few years back and she told me that he had been lying to her about his work and to us about turning it in. Well I made the simple comment of telling her I would bust his butt if he did it again...{no-bs} about two days later a lady from the cps services came to my house and wanted to talk to my son to see if I was abuseing him.
I told that women that if she wanted to talk with my son she was gonna do it in front of me. She had the nerve to tell me that she would call the police if she had too, so I said fine but, you aren't gonna talk to my kid without me or my wife being present. Anyway come to find out after they found out that I wasn't abuing my kids, it was the teacher at school who had called. My wife had to calm me down cause I was ready too do some head hunting. Anyway like "bowenarra" said as they get older we as parents need to come up with other ways to punish them. I do know that to keep them in line now days if they play some kind of sports for school or anything like that, if they misbehave they don't play. Sorry for the long rant but, as fathers we need to stick together. Good Luck.

[Bonbonjovi]

Let me give another personal take on this subject, I was raised in a very strict family where my older brothers were mom's enforcers, there was always the threat of the butt kicking, but all it did for me was give me some pent up hostility and I learned kung fu san soo,,,,fast forward to senior yr in high school and the older brother threatens to straighten me out, so I egged him to bring it, I almost broke my brother in half and had my foot on his throat in a matter of seconds and crying like a girl...moral to the story corporal punishment can lead to other problems between you and your child

I am now a dad of a seven yr old and some days he deserves a tap to his rear end, but I do not want him afraid of me, I want him to respect me and his mother and I choose to discipline him by taking away priveleges like video games and extra playtime but reward him with praise, love, and spoil him as often as I can.

spankings now can lead to other things later as you both grow older, how do you spank a teenager...answer you dont..it starts as a slap and before you know it youre throwing down with a young man who may someday kick your butt to the curb...hit em where it hurts, which is not always a spank on his hiney...

[Rchr]

Like Shane said, it depends on the kid, and a spanking will only work for so long. After that you have to hit them where it hurts, with their electronics and friends.

For me when I was growing up my dad would threaten to pull me out of football and that would be enough for me to straighten out. But even then he would tell me that he was going to go to my school and visit w/ my teachers and lo and behold the next day he was there and everybody knew it. It made me feel even more embarresed. Then my dad volunteered me to take extra math after school so that I made sure I did well. He would even go and check up with that teacher about every other month. Man that made me want to straighten up to keep my dad out of school. It was too embarassing.
My son knows that he will get a spanking if he lies but he also knows that I will listen to him.

But we got to keep after them. If we don't, who will?

[flyby]

Kind of like above. My kids were raised with the knowledge that they had as much freedom as we had trust in them. Trust, but verify. One lie, one wrong turn, could put them back to ZERO on the trust list. It would take a LONG time to earn the trust back, a little at a time. Corporal punishment was always an option, but after 10 or 11 it's nothing but a temporary or immediate correction. The freedom and priviledges are what hurts most.

[Tejas Wildlife]

Consistency is the key. Kids are MASTERS at the "Divide and Conquer" tactic. You and your Wife HAVE to stay unified in your discipline of your kids or it will never work.

What you DON'T want to happen is for CPS (Child Protective Services) to be called by some "do gooder". I can guarantee you the CPS turds think they are bulletproof and that every parent is an "Offender"! Was in their crosshairs many years ago & don't wish it on anyone else. Sorry for the rant. Life is different now and corporal punishment can get you arrested.

Kids are wonderful gifts from GOD but respect has to be given to parents. Being a parent is 24/7 involvment.........being a Father or Mother just took a little "physical interaction" one time. GOOD LUCK to all PARENTS here.

[lbbf]

Great advice from everyone here! First, thank you for being a parent. Ask any teacher and they will tell you that it is YOU who makes the difference. As far as punishment it really is dependent on the kid. My son (10) would rather get his butt popped than be grounded. When we ground him we go all the way. No electronics, no tv, no friends, no phone, nothing but books and school work. We have only had to ground him once this school year and I thought we would all go insane from it. Not only are you grounding them but yourself as well. Finding what works and sticking with it is key. If you or your wife gives in than it will be even harded to control them next time.

[Jim Bob]

Raising them is tough. I had a similar issue when my oldest hit 12. He is now 16. Spankings quit working around that time although he was very afraid of them. After yet another disrespectful moment with him and an issue with grades, we took all freedoms and comforts. While he was at a friends house we:

1) removed everything from his room - EVERYTHING
2) Taped to the wall was instructions how to get back any item
3) Except for school he had to stay in his room
4) Additional Consequences if he did not follow the rules

The day he earned his bed back was like christmas morning to him.

[Live2Hunt]

When my son was in 6th or 7th grade he made a comment to a friend that if so-and-such happened, "My Dad will whoop my ***". Later that day the teacher took him aside and had a serious, and low voice discussion that went something like "Did your Dad hit you? If he ever does again, please come and tell me and it won't happen again". That ***** was trying to get him so say something so she could go to the police. Watch the repercussions of what you're saying.

Yes sir, I believe this is the tip of the iceberg. Most of the teachers out here are reasonable people, but you get a few that dig for this type of stuff and love to stir the pot.

[sailor]

Lying, cheating,stealing, bad grades,fighting at school etc.are usually symptoms of something else. None of these things are the problem, in of itself. Nor, is any of these things normal behavior.The wood shed may work, but may only serve to make it worse. I don't know. Maybe you should ask yourself a few questions before any action is taken. Good luck.

As John Wayne once said, "If you won't respect your elders, then maybe you'll learn to respect your betters", Said as he pulled his son off his horse, and threw him in a mud hole.