Letting your kids drink & curfew - survey and opinions please

[Mike]

Just looking for input as we seem to be the worst parents on the planet. We have 2 sons, an 18 and 20 year old at home. The 20 year old has never been an issue on this but he was always under the wife's thumb. He graduated HS, went to college for a year an back at home due to bad decisions, ie, not waking up for class. He is more of a hermit, he works and stays to himself, living upstairs at home and seeing him in passing or meals.

Fast forward to our recent HS graduate, 4 years of Varsity baseball, very outgoing and hanging out with teammates and friends every night. He also has played on travel teams, and is doing so now before college.

Our dilemma is this, we mandate he be home by midnight each night. As usual, his buddies can stay out until 1-2am and they do a lot of drinking at parties and get togethers at various places. Ours has only had access to alcohol on 2 occassions, both were after parties after prom the last two years. Also, due to school being out, this activity started in April, there is always something going on every night.

I am just amazed at how many parents purchase alcohol for their kids, some travel to bars together and others purchase it for them while on travel trips for baseball. I would say half his teammates are furnished a 12 pack for the Friday-Sunday trips. We have 2 players from Louisiana, both are 17, that the parents order beer for them at dinner. I just don't get it?

The wife and I are both 52 years old, are we just too old fashion? Have times changed that much? What are your thoughts on this? Thanks in Advance.

[Tyrex750]

When i was in high school, i didnt have a curfew. I could stay out all night if i wanted too. I didnt really drink unless i was a passenger. If u dont let them live a lil now, it might get out of hand later. I just knew that if i got into something, i wasnt gonna get bailed out. Lol

[Calrob]

I've seen it both ways. At least I know where my kid is drinking or the kid not allowed to do things, just hides it from the parent. No clue what the answer is. I have 3 sons under 13, so not quite to that point.

[sambo73]

i don't have a problem with drinking. but i know what you mean about parents buying their underage kids alcohol. i don't get it either. more like trying to be their kids best friend. i have let my oldest have a sip of beer or margaritas because she asked what it tasted like...she said they were nasty i told her to keep thinking that. in our town there's a ton of parents letting their kids drink. they say if they are gonna drink, they had rather them be at home with them....seems crazy to me...

[Pineywoods]

You're not old fashioned. I'm 41 with a 20 year old married kid and a 13 and 14 year old. Midnight curfew is being a good parent. Not much good happens in the early morning hours around 2am. It's just being a responsible parent and looking out for your kids. Providing alcohol or allowing drinking while living under my roof isn't going to happen.There is no way I would condone that. I'm glad to see there's still parents that think like that.

[Kingfisher789]

It depends

[jdavidson]

I think do it the way you believe is proper, and don’t worry or ask about what any one else believes

[sambo73]

You're not old fashioned. I'm 41 with a 20 year old married kid and a 13 and 14 year old. Midnight curfew is being a good parent. Not much good happens in the early morning hours around 2am. It's just being a responsible parent and looking out for your kids. Providing alcohol or allowing drinking while living under my roof isn't going to happen.There is no way I would condone that. I'm glad to see there's still parents that think like that.

well said...i totally agree

[WItoTX]

To answer your question, no I don't think you are old fashion. I will say, my parents allowed us to have a drink with them at dinner, or if we went out to eat. This was 2005-2010.

We also had parents that would buy us beer. I found those parents generally ended up being losers, who just wanted someone to drink with them. There is one exception to that rule, that being one very good parent to my friend and all his friends, who let us drink at their house. We also knew we had a good thing going, didn't have to drive somewhere to drink.

Bottom line, if you teach your kids to respect alcohol, they are going to do that. If you give them a 12 pack and say go have fun, they are gonna do some serious brain damage.

[scott.str]

Didnt start drinking much until college but got it out of my system then. College football also helped as i had to be places and do things that alcohol kinda hurt having to wake up at 5am to work out.
I did learn though how to pace myself and plan for whats more important the fun or how bad id feel.
Seems ive seen both sides. People that didnt party and only studied and now at 45-50 are acting like idiots drunk and people that def had a good time that can handle themselves later in life.

Think its a hard decision but if they are getting what they need to get done and understand the consequences in their decisions (DWI, Minor in possession) not much you can do accept let them live life and become their own person.

[CabezaBlanca]

Nothing good happens after midnight!

[JayB]

Underage drinking is against the law...no matter who approves or provides the alcohol. That is an automatic no. Now as a parent, if your kid is with you, you can choose if you want him to participate (we have actually had wine with dinner AT HOME) with our younger kids, before.

Curfew, that is for your benefit. You need to work, get up the next day, whatever. If your staying over at a friends, let us know so we can sleep without expectation of your return. If the midnight hour is just too hard for you to respect, there is always your own place option.

We have not had the argument too much. Those still at home 20/21, do a good job of letting us know. My biggest struggle and BIGGEST RULE was NEVVER drink and drive... plus the underage part. I will get over underage drinking but I will sell your car tomorrow if you drink and drive.

EDIT: I'm 58. I am too old to be told by a 19 year old that he aint follerin my rules.

[eradicator]

Your house, your rules. Regardless of what you think, there is liability regarding the alcohol rules and minors.......clear enough?

[SmTx]

We were drinking with adults around 15.

Guess their approach was like kids and gun safety. Take the mystique away.

Learned guns as a kid and still love them. Started drinking in my teens and still love beer

Honestly, I don't think any of my buddies that grew up like this have gotten into trouble with alcohol, but we all know of 1 or 2 that had to learn about it on their own at 21 and it wasn't as graceful

[Mike]

It depends

I guess I have to ask, what does it depend on?

I think do it the way you believe is proper, and don’t worry or ask about what any one else believes

I just see so much of the underage drinking, we are having to question ourselves. My wife has been a HS teacher for over 20 years and she is seeing a shift in attitude. We had to skirt away from 3 graduation crawfish boils of her students as there was underage drinking.

Nothing good happens after midnight!

I agree 100% but it seems like we are the only ones that follow that adage. He has two friends that their dads are LEO and they have a 2am curfew.