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Old 09-29-2022, 10:04 AM   #1
Goldeneagle
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Question How do you deal with your loss?

With the sudden loss of my wife, Alecia, I have been busy taking care of her affairs. Calling daily to take care of something or another. I know it's been a couple of months now, but now that everything has settled down, it's really sinking in hard. I wake up and she's not there. I don't get my daily call at lunch time. I get home and she's not there. I go to bed and she's not there. I'm really starting to have issue's. For those that have lost a spouse, how do you deal with it? I'm missing her something bad.
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Old 09-29-2022, 10:09 AM   #2
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I can't speak from experience on a spouse, but you have to keep busy and do what you enjoy. Down time is more time to think.

Time heals all wounds.
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Old 09-29-2022, 10:38 AM   #3
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No personal experience and I can't imagine the pain you feel, but I'll be praying for you. The green screen is always here in those times when you're feeling alone. Please reach out at any time. Shoot me a text or call any time 409-626-0494.
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Old 09-29-2022, 10:47 AM   #4
ColinR
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I don't have first-hand experience but I will be praying for you. I would say do the best you can at staying busy. Get involved with some groups maybe at church, or a gun range, or whatever interests you. I would also look into a grieving support group. They will understand what you are going through and should be a big help.
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Old 09-29-2022, 10:49 AM   #5
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Time has been my only friend & medicine when dealing with loss...hang in there brother.
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Old 09-29-2022, 10:54 AM   #6
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Lost our son almost a year ago, loss flat out sux.

Feel free to grieve and cry alot…..that keeps her memory going and helps your process.

We made a space for our son in the house, with keepsakes and pictures.

We also talk all the time about him, and keep him in our conversations.

Try to find people to keep you company and just be near you.

So sorry


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Old 09-29-2022, 10:55 AM   #7
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Praying for you, brother. I've not had to find out how I'd deal with it, thank God. But I am certain it wouldn't be easy.
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Old 09-29-2022, 11:01 AM   #8
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Have a relationship with Jesus. Your prayers will be heard in your times of loneliness and sadness he is listening. You’re never alone if you have a relationship with Jesus. He is the comforter that ultimately can heal.
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Old 09-29-2022, 11:02 AM   #9
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It's true that grief comes in waves and the first waves may be a huge and constant and knock you down and make you feel like you will never get back up. Over time the waves get less and less intense and less frequent. Every time I start to feel consumed by negative emotions I just try to replace those with thoughts of happy memories. About all you can do. There is no right or wrong way to grieve.
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Old 09-29-2022, 11:07 AM   #10
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See if your church offers grief counseling. My sister did that when her husband passed and it really helped. She also got a puppy to help keep her company at night. Meds might be another option if nothing else helps.
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Old 09-29-2022, 11:09 AM   #11
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I can’t help except to offer prayers. Hang in there bud.
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Old 09-29-2022, 11:18 AM   #12
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My son and his family live with me, so I'm not alone. I don't know what I would do if so. I know it will get better.
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Old 09-29-2022, 11:19 AM   #13
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A friend on mine lost his wife last year and he was a total wreck. Me and our coffee shop buddies from the table of knowledge suggested he get himself a dog so he did. He got an Australian Shepard pup and it has kept him occupied 24/7 and got his mind off his loss. Without that puppy I don't think he would still be with us today.
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Old 09-29-2022, 11:23 AM   #14
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Prayer up for you Randy and your family. Hang in there Bud !
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Old 09-29-2022, 11:43 AM   #15
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My Wife died on May 31, 2017. We had been married nearly 42 years.
There isn't a magic "fix". All I can do is rely on my drive to be around other people.
Some Churches have a program called "Grief Share". I highly recommend it as you'll meet other people experiencing the same issues, and you'll learn first hand that you are not alone.
Best wishes to you as the journey continues.
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Old 09-29-2022, 11:49 AM   #16
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When my father-in-law passed away from cancer, my mother-in-law stayed in their house for about a year, but then she decided to move to a neighboring town that has an apartment complex of mainly retired people. They lived in that house for over 40 years together and it was just too many memories coming back all the time for her, so she opted to move to try and start over so to speak. It was a good decision for her, but she didn't have anyone there with her. She actually moved about 30 minutes closer to us so that has helped too...Many prayers for you sir! I don't know what I'd do without mine
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Old 09-29-2022, 11:50 AM   #17
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To fully understand that there is purpose behind everything, even death. Without death there can be no life.

The Master knows to be grateful for death so that there can be life.


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Old 09-29-2022, 12:20 PM   #18
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I have nothing but prayers for you Randy. But I have plenty of them. I pray that the grieving process gets easier as time goes on. Just remember that a place has been prepared for her and now she prepares a place for you so y’all can spend eternity together.
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Old 09-29-2022, 12:51 PM   #19
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Immerse yourself into your passion(s). Find new things to occupy your mind, body, and spirit. The void will never be gone, just know that the reunion will be glorious. May God bless you my friend.
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Old 09-29-2022, 01:07 PM   #20
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Yes, Randy, I'm sure it is going to be tough. We aren't meant to be alone. Prayers and hugs for comfort for you.

Look into grief counseling, preferably a group. My mom took 2 years to do that and she wishes she had done it earlier.
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Old 09-29-2022, 01:13 PM   #21
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Thanks everyone. I know it's going to take time. It just hurts so much. The one thing I have going for me is GOOD FRIENDS. Between everyone on TBH and the guy's here in the shop, I'll get through this.
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Old 09-29-2022, 01:18 PM   #22
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Try to stay busy to keep your mind off of it as much as possible. It's gonna be hard for a while. By a while I mean forever. But over time things will get easier. Sometimes I remember someone I cared about and is no longer here and start crying. It kind of freaked me out the first few times it happened but it's normal. At least I think so. You don't ever want to forget about her. That's how people truly die.

I haven't lost a spouse, but several people I cared about dearly. I don't know that you ever get over it. But that's not necessarily a bad thing. You're feeling how you're supposed to be feeling. Over time you'll feel less that way. But you'll always have that empty feeling in your heart where that void isn't filled.
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Old 09-29-2022, 01:37 PM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mitchell8 View Post
Have a relationship with Jesus. Your prayers will be heard in your times of loneliness and sadness he is listening. You’re never alone if you have a relationship with Jesus. He is the comforter that ultimately can heal.
I have a great relation with Jesus but I cant snuggle up with Him. Unless you have been there there is no way to understand. It is a whole different level loneliness. As the song says you never know lonely till it's written in stone. You don't realize how many couples there are until you are without a partner. God realized how important it is. He saw it was not good for man to be alone so he created woman. I tried the counseling and it helped some. After about 10 months of trying to deal with it , God had mercy on me and sent a special lady for me to share my life with. Without her I honestly don't think I would have made it. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. 21 years later i still miss her but it's not a constant thought any longer. I will be praying for you because I know how much you need them.
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Old 09-29-2022, 01:42 PM   #24
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There is a lot of wisdom on this board when it matters the most. Prayers to all of you who posted with losses. It is good to see the encouragement all of you are giving.
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Old 09-29-2022, 01:42 PM   #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Goldeneagle View Post
With the sudden loss of my wife, Alecia, I have been busy taking care of her affairs. Calling daily to take care of something or another. I know it's been a couple of months now, but now that everything has settled down, it's really sinking in hard. I wake up and she's not there. I don't get my daily call at lunch time. I get home and she's not there. I go to bed and she's not there. I'm really starting to have issue's. For those that have lost a spouse, how do you deal with it? I'm missing her something bad.
Lost my beautiful wife of almost 48 years just over 3 years ago. I am not going to tell you a story to make you feel better, it hurts and it is going to hurt for some time. Although time itself has helped I still cry and don't give a rip who sees me. Not as often but it still happens. Heck I shed a tear reading and then re-reading your post knowing how your heart hurts. I thought, this man is hurting like I hurt . But it will be OK for you after some time. I go to the cemetery with a chair, sit and talk to my Chris often and sometimes take a lunch and eat with her. I have nightmares though as I watched her die at Mayo Clinic. I wished I could get past those.

I live alone and it has been tough. Been looking for a Jadgterrier as a pet to keep me going. The walls at night around bedtime close in and the silence in the morning bother me the most. I walk by her chair in the living room when I get up hoping she was sitting there praying her rosary like she did everyday and that this is just a nightmare but she is never there.

You hang in there and I will include you in my Sunday prayers for the grieving while at at mass. God Bless.

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Old 09-29-2022, 02:02 PM   #26
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Someone told me after Chris died when I kept asking WHY at age 67, WHY. They said, "God picks the prettiest flowers first".
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Old 09-29-2022, 02:12 PM   #27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jon Stewart View Post
Lost my beautiful wife of almost 48 years just over 3 years ago. I am not going to tell you a story to make you feel better, it hurts and it is going to hurt for some time. Although time itself has helped I still cry and don't give a rip who sees me. Not as often but it still happens. Heck I shed a tear reading and then re-reading your post knowing how your heart hurts. I thought, this man is hurting like I hurt . But it will be OK for you after some time. I go to the cemetery with a chair, sit and talk to my Chris often and sometimes take a lunch and eat with her. I have nightmares though as I watched her die at Mayo Clinic. I wished I could get past those.

I live alone and it has been tough. Been looking for a Jadgterrier as a pet to keep me going. The walls at night around bedtime close in and the silence in the morning bother me the most. I walk by her chair in the living room when I get up hoping she was sitting there praying her rosary like she did everyday and that this is just a nightmare but she is never there.

You hang in there and I will include you in my Sunday prayers for the grieving while at at mass. God Bless.
I'm having nightmares reliving the moment I had to tell the docs to turn off the life support. Hardest decision anyone can ever make.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jon Stewart View Post
Someone told me after Chris died when I kept asking WHY at age 67, WHY. They said, "God picks the prettiest flowers first".
Alecia was 70 and I believe the quote is very fitting. God bless you too sir.
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Old 09-29-2022, 02:37 PM   #28
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I’ve often thought about the what ifs and it’s not a good thought. My wife and I have been married for forty years and I would be lost without her. I feel sorry for the survivors but all I can do is pray for comfort. I lost my Dad when I was twenty and that was plenty tough for me. After 55 years it has faded but not gone. Remember the good times you had.
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Old 09-29-2022, 02:41 PM   #29
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Drycreek3189 View Post
I’ve often thought about the what ifs and it’s not a good thought. My wife and I have been married for forty years and I would be lost without her. I feel sorry for the survivors but all I can do is pray for comfort. I lost my Dad when I was twenty and that was plenty tough for me. After 55 years it has faded but not gone. Remember the good times you had.
Our 35th anniversary was on July 23rd. We shared it in ICU.
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Old 09-29-2022, 02:46 PM   #30
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Tomorrow will mark the one year anniversary of the death of my dad. Next Tuesday will mark the one year anniversary of the passing of my youngest brother. Early on I cried like a baby. Time seems to be softening the hurt. But I’d be lying if i didn’t admit that some days are much tougher than others. I guess we just have to march on through the fog. Trust in God and His plan.

I know this isn’t the same as losing a spouse. I have no idea how to deal with that. My mom passed 13 years before my dad. He was never the same. I hope you find your way.

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Old 09-29-2022, 03:12 PM   #31
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Grief is a lonely place to hang out trust me. As others have already stated please find a local grief counselor or grief support group. It WILL NOT CURE you but it helps to talk to those in the same boat. The only real cure is time.

Continued prayers and God bless you Randy.
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Old 09-29-2022, 03:37 PM   #32
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Brother !
I can’t even imagine how you feel, I don’t know how I’d cope if I was in your situation.
I do know that when things have been the worst in my life and had me down so far, the only hope and comfort I found was prayer and connection to our Father.
God seems to be the only true cure for depression, sadness. Prayers for you sir, and hopes of finding brighter days.
Jesus loves you, this I know !!!!
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Old 09-29-2022, 04:32 PM   #33
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My father died suddenly in 2010 at age 88. He was my moms primary care giver for the last eight years of his life. She was in the beginning stages of dementia and came to live with us. They had been married 60 years at the time of his death, and together a few years before that.
We moved her in with us. She would wake up in the middle of the night calling his name or during the day she would call for him. This went on for a few months. I was doing all I could for her and trying to make her happy.
A friend of mine told me “ Bruce you can’t replace your dad. You won’t ever be him”. How true he was. I stopped trying. You’ll be alone even though your with loved ones. They can’t replace your wife.
Time heals nothing. God heals in His time and His way. I’ve said this before. God will give you beauty for ashes. Focus on what you have and live the way your precious wife would want you to. You will get through this but you’ll never stop missing her unless you can delete her memory.
I miss my mom and dad every day. But I know where they are at. Their not lost. And I know they’d say “ Bruce Gods timing is perfect. He doesn’t make mistakes. Live your life and we’ll meet again”.
Allow yourself to grieve brother in your way and your time.
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Old 09-29-2022, 04:40 PM   #34
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Man I got that big lump in my throat reading through this thread and especially while reading yours and Jon Stewart's posts... pure gut-wrenching... Closest I've come is the loss of our only son at age 27 when the Lord took him home... Not the same, I know, but a part of me died that day. I am a different person after that. My wife and I celebrated 47 years this past Sunday the 25th... I just do not know how I'd be able to handle it if she were suddenly taken from me... A man's only got so many chances at life and happiness, but I can relate to you that because of my relationship with God, He absolutely saved me when our son died... I will never be the same and I know if I lost my beautiful wife, I for sure would not be the same. However, I do know that the void of losing someone close to you in your life, a part of you... will be filled in some manner. The thing we can do is choose how that void gets filled. I battled very hard at first after our son's passing with the whole "what could have I done" and the old could'a, would'a, should'a syndrome began to set in... My anger burned so bad inside me! I cried out to God and Randy, He spoke to me as clearly as I am typing this to you right now, "If you seek Me you will find Me." I right then and there decided that the void in my life would be filled by doing just that... Seeking God's will for my life... My son died on August 5, 2013... It's been a rough 9 years, but the last 5 or 6 really have been not so bad... He has returned my joy. I had to choose to go get it, but He gave it back to me. Our daughter has given us two grandsons and I am getting a chance at a "do-over" with them... Takin' them out for opening weekend this coming weekend! They're excited, but words cannot explain the excitement and joy I feel being able to do that! Randy, everyone is different, but yet we are very similar... we can only effect what we control. I encourage you to seek God, make a conscious decision not to let anger, hatred, madness, loneliness or other evil too of the Devil fill that void. Randy, it is up to you to not to let that void be filled with loneliness. You are blessed with having that sweet granddaughter and your son/daughter-in-law and work friends to help you. Latch onto that and make the most of it... I promise, it gets better.
I will pray for your peace and comfort sir. Jon posted the comment about God picking the prettiest flowers first... That thought brought to mind an old gospel song my mom sang when I was a kid... always was one of my favorites... It's worth a listen. This is the original version:



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Old 09-29-2022, 04:46 PM   #35
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When my dad passed my mom ended up going to a grief share class that our church offers. No she is one of the teachers of the class. The class really helps for a lot of people. It is a First Baptist Church in Rockwall.
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Old 09-29-2022, 04:59 PM   #36
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Dang Slick. Even with all the pain and sorrow of ours sons brain injury at age two would never compare to him dying. I couldn’t imagine life without him. But we, he, you, none of us will leave here until our time is up. We all have an appointment with Him. And we won’t be late or early. We’ll be right on time. Until that time we’re all invincible.
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Old 09-29-2022, 05:01 PM   #37
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My only child passed away a year and a half ago and I think of her constantly. For a year I honestly didn’t think I could go on and seriously didn’t want to. It seems as if overnight I went from overwhelming sadness and depression to feeling Blessed beyond measure. I am Blessed to know firsthand what true unconditional love is that can only come from your own child. So many have no idea what I’m talking about.

Allow yourself to grieve without limitation and never apologize for crying or being lost in thought about her! But, when the time is right, turn that overwhelming grief to a sense of Blessing. You are Blessed that God brought your paths together and though your physical time was limited, true love endures ALL things.



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Old 09-29-2022, 05:15 PM   #38
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Keep your faith.
so sorry for your loss.

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed" psalms 34:18
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Old 09-29-2022, 06:46 PM   #39
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I lost my oldest daughter in 2009, after a short two week illness. The pain never fully goes away but time heals the wound, as time passes only the happy memories remain. Praying for you brother.
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Old 09-29-2022, 07:01 PM   #40
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I don't have anything to offer other than prayers, but you definitely have those!!
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Old 09-29-2022, 07:19 PM   #41
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My grandmother passed and it hasn’t been easy on my grandfather. They were married 64 years. She was the center of our family, and it’s been very tough. I’ve tried my best to keep my grandpa busy. He goes to church, stays on his lawn mower and work around the yard. Try and keep him as involved as I can by taking him to the deer lease, invite him over for supper etc. He has def changed and it’s hard to watch, but I get it. Prayers for your loss sir. You gotta stay positive for yourself and family. Try and find joy again.
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Old 09-29-2022, 07:33 PM   #42
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I lost my oldest daughter in 2009, after a short two week illness. The pain never fully goes away but time heals the wound, as time passes only the happy memories remain. Praying for you brother.

You will always remember them perfect in every way.


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Old 09-29-2022, 08:10 PM   #43
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Time brother just time and a long time.
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Old 09-29-2022, 09:18 PM   #44
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Prayers up and pm sent.
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Old 09-29-2022, 09:24 PM   #45
Boss Buck
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Nevada Tx.
Hunt In: Stephen Co.
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Send some prayers for Gods Grace and healing
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Old 09-29-2022, 09:51 PM   #46
BlessedVeteran0305
Ten Point
 
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Join Date: Sep 2020
Location: NDFW
Hunt In: Hunting for a place to hunt
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Randy I know we have only met once, but if you ever need anything don't hesitate to call or text any time day or night. I don't sleep much any way. For some reason I gotta go take some allergy medicine my eyes just started watering while reading through this thread. If the nightmares don't stop, they do make medication that helps with that. I have to take it to help when I do sleep.
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Old 09-29-2022, 10:15 PM   #47
kevin nicholls
Ten Point
 
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: pasadena tx
Hunt In: Who knows
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5 years ago my wife got liver cancer. She had a 3% chance of survival. God gave us a miracle and she survived. I'm not sure what I would've done without her, the fear of losing her was horrible. I wish I could do or say something that would help you get through this, I truly do, but I can't. I will keep you in my prayers, I have since I read your other thread. I pray that you find joy in your life, God wants us to be happy. Stay strong my friend, if I can help just let me know.
Cast your cares upon the Lord and He will sustain you.
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Old 09-30-2022, 12:17 AM   #48
CassCounty
Eight Point
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: CassCounty
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It is the worst pain I have ever felt. I take comfort in knowing Beth is with God and I will see Her again...That's the only way I get through it. I still miss Her terribly (and will until I'm with Her again), I cry and I've never been a crier, I talk to Her a lot. So many things happened around Her passing that showed that She was ok...just on the other side of the veil. I hesitated to tell anyone the things that happened, thinking everyone would think I was losing my mind but many that I told had similar experiences. I put my total faith in Jesus and turn to him multiple times daily. If You or anyone else ever needs to talk...day or night...just reach out to me.
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Old 09-30-2022, 12:58 AM   #49
Benno
Eight Point
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
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Prayers sent for you Goldeneagle. No experience to give advice. I’ve enjoyed your posts over the years, you’re a good egg. Sunny days are ahead for you, I’m sure Alecia would not want you to be sad but enjoy your family and friends until y’all reunite.
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Old 09-30-2022, 01:59 AM   #50
DaveC
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Crosby,Tx
Hunt In: Kinney County
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So sorry to read these post.
I know this doesn't help y'all any, but reading these post gives me a greater appreciation for those I still have in my life.

Prayers up for healing the pain y'all are feeling.

My father seems to be on a slow downward spiral, doctors can't figure out what's wrong with him- he's been promoted to going to "downtown" heart dr's next week.
When he does pass my poor mother is gonna be in the same shoes y'all are in and that breaks my heart to think of. They've been together since teenagers and the writings on the wall that chapter is coming to a close.

I went to a 25yo's funeral 2 days ago, he was electrocuted at work last Thursday.
Watching his parents (our friends) say their last words as the casket was being closed.. ....man that was tough, heart wrenching tough......some thing's I just don't understand.

Prayers sent ^ again.
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