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Old 10-17-2020, 07:55 AM   #1
Double C
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Default Heroin Addict Advice

Morning all- this is kinda hard to write into public forum, but I know several of you have real experiences with this and hoping for some advice. I won’t sugar coat it so you don’t either. I’ve spoken with my church friends but none of us understands like an ex-addict. PM me if needed.

My youngest brother, 30, Ex excellent baseball player, is a heroin addict amongst other opioids. I think he even snags meth sometimes. Whatever. Lives in panhandle area. Been in and out of jail and state run rehabs for 12 years. He got out from another 18 month stint in March and stayed with mom. Held a job for a couple months then fell off rails again, sleep all day, use, steal, lie, repeat. PO busted him and he went to another supposedly 90 day in corpus. Finagled his way out After 30. He’s a crafty emotional manipulator.

Mom has finally stopped enabling him by not allowing him in house or paying for phone and stuff. I’ve convinced her of the danger, plus she’s just tired of being used. Stopped taking his calls but he’s still at it trying to pull her heart strings for gain. But is breaking her heart- it’s her son after all. For last month we haven’t heard from him and we think he’s been mooching his way thru his remaining friends. (But still has cell smh)

That drug crowd is so bad.... all using each other and paranoid. I know the odds. I have prepared myself for the call. More worried about mom at this point.

We’ve continued to say we love and Emotional support , but that’s it.

So, here’s the reality; he’s used up most of people and now is about homeless. He hasnt replied to our text or calls in about 6 weeks. Last night I again encouraged him to rehab. He replied he’s ready to go anywhere and detox , but says the TDC rehabs are terrible with more drugs than the streets. I’m skeptical he just wants a place to stay and is lying for something short term (like a meal or hotel room).

my question; Are there any rehabs that work (if he truly wants it)? Recommendations? I want him as far away from his old crowd as possible, forever.

Last edited by Double C; 10-17-2020 at 08:24 AM.
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Old 10-17-2020, 08:00 AM   #2
twistedmidnite
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That's the key brother, he has to want it. I'm in pretty much the same situation as you only my parents haven't quit enabling my brother. It's to the point where I don't see my family over it because of how my brother acts when we're around. Good luck!
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Old 10-17-2020, 08:05 AM   #3
LivinADream
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I'm no help, but will pray for him and your family. My advice would be to get him to a place he knows no one, and get rid of his cell where he can't call old "friends"

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Old 10-17-2020, 08:08 AM   #4
N.DaWoods
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Prayers up for you, your brother, mom, and family.
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Old 10-17-2020, 08:10 AM   #5
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All you can do is Pray, accept it (mourn) now, know they lie, know they aren’t the former person.
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Old 10-17-2020, 08:15 AM   #6
krl014
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Unfortunately, as said before the key is he has to want it. That being said, I have heard going to a facility that is either far away from where he’s from in Texas, or another state, has really helped people.
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Old 10-17-2020, 08:19 AM   #7
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It All Starts with him, there's truly nothing anyone else can do..
Sad truth
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Old 10-17-2020, 08:20 AM   #8
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Nope nope nope. Give zero assistance. You’re just another enabler at that point. He has to run out of options. He either figures it out on his own or you get that call.
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Old 10-17-2020, 08:24 AM   #9
bigmike
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I have a lot of experience in this area do absolutely nothing to help him he hast to want to quit and when he finally decides to put it down then he will put it down it is totally his decision it is not a disease it is not a condition you will never make me believe that
He is making his choices of his own free will and he has to make the choice to quit there are only 2 paths We can only hope and pray that he chooses the right one
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Old 10-17-2020, 08:24 AM   #10
Bradical BH
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Your not alone. Feel like I coulda wrote that story myself. It’s the worst feeling having to accept you cannot do anything to help. You obviously have been through the ringer and your family is in my prayers.
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Old 10-17-2020, 08:32 AM   #11
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I don't have any advice... But I have prayers... For you and your whole family. I truly don't know what I would do...
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Old 10-17-2020, 08:33 AM   #12
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Sorry man, seen a fair amount of this at work.
Unfortunately nobody can help them but them...

Always hurts to see the families suffer.
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Old 10-17-2020, 08:34 AM   #13
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My wife lost two brothers to drug addiction. The family tried everything to help them. They went right back to drugs after rehab. They would say they wanted help but all they really wanted was money. Both had college degrees and were very successful before the drugs took over. Itís a very sad deal. I canít imagine how i would feel if it were my brother. One of her brothers went from living in a big house on a golf course to living on the streets of LA. He overdosed in an ally 6 months ago. Your brother needs to get clean and have a mentor to keep him that way. Wish i had the answer for you. Will keep him in our prayers.
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Old 10-17-2020, 08:38 AM   #14
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Prayers up for your family.
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Old 10-17-2020, 08:45 AM   #15
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I had a coworker or ex coworker now, he was a heroin addict for around 10 years, went to rehab multiple stints. He recieved his 6 month chip a few weeks ago, let me reach out to him to find out where he went this most recent time. So far it seems to have turned his life around. I have known the guy for about 7 years and know for a fact he went to rehab atleast 10 times and never was able to get that 6 month chip up until now.
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Old 10-17-2020, 08:47 AM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fishndude View Post
Nope nope nope. Give zero assistance. Youíre just another enabler at that point. He has to run out of options. He either figures it out on his own or you get that call.
Whatever you do don't take this advise. He is right, the court mandated rehabs are a joke. He said he will do whatever it takes, so help him get straight. Get him in a Christian based rehab that lasts for at least 6-9 months. This is your best bet. We did this with our oldest daughter and she has been drug free and gainfully employed for the last 10 years. Expensive, but well worth it IMO. I now get to visit and enjoy her instead of visiting a grave.
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Old 10-17-2020, 08:52 AM   #17
Double C
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Thanks all, appreciate the kind words and prayers. Crazy the stories I’m hearing now that moms finally not hiding them
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Old 10-17-2020, 08:55 AM   #18
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Most addicts end up in jail or a grave. Last week it was the grave for my sister.
She ran out of rehabs that would take her again. Ran out of people to manipulate. Ran out of hope in Jesus which she also had for a time.
Last week she did not wake up and there has been few tears shed for her sad to say.
We pray for those we know about and hope that they respond to God's calling although it doesn't always work out that way.
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Old 10-17-2020, 09:04 AM   #19
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One of my best friend's older brother, was a heroin addict for years, back in the 80s and 90s. I think up until about 8 years ago. I really don't know how he lived so long, I know back in the 80s, his problem was pretty bad, got his younger brother into some crazy situations. He would not tell his brother why they were doing something or why they were going somewhere, until after things went bad.

I never did hear the story, how he finally got off of the stuff. In the past 30 or so years, I have known many people who turned out to be coke addicts. I found I am not good noticing the signs right off, eventually, if I pay attention, or stop and thing about things they do, or the way they look. I can pick it out, but the are not as obvious as heroin addicts, or meth addicts. Heroin has to be one of the worst drugs, if not the worst.

I would ask my buddy about his brother, how he got off of the stuff, but I know it's not a subject he wants to talk about.
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Old 10-17-2020, 09:04 AM   #20
Double C
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Sad to hear many of you guys experiences and encouraging to hear Some of them too.
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Old 10-17-2020, 09:13 AM   #21
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My cousin who I looked up to growing up and had a lot of memories with as a teen got hooked later on in life. He went through all of the families belongings ,stole , cheated, lied Over and over . Finally he hit rock bottom and there was no where else to go for him , the police found him curled up in a corner of a crack house beaten up, living in his own fealty rags and skin and bones and that’s what it took for him . It seemed he was on deaths door before he made the change . So in my opinion like said on another post HE HAS TO WANT IT , unfortunately it will be after he has absolutely no where else to go and no else to turn to.
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Old 10-17-2020, 09:13 AM   #22
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The difference between helping and enabling is pretty simple. Anything you do that “protects” an addict from the consequences of their actions is enabling.

Having lived through this with an addict son I can attest to what many have already stated. Nothing will EVER change with an addict until they make the choice on their own to get help. All you can do is tell them you love them and pray that God leads them to make that decision.
Prayers for everyone having to deal with the effects of this disease.
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Old 10-17-2020, 09:30 AM   #23
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Prayers for you and your whole family. I went thru this with my little sister, as well as my wife's older sis and younger brother. Everyone is right about the individual having to decide that they want to stop using and get their life back instead of letting the substances control them. By the grace of God all those mentioned are clean and have been for years now but I'll be the first to tell you it was an extremely hard thing to deal with watching them losing the battle time and again until they finally got their heads right and made the conscious choice to get clean and stay clean. My sister lost her kids (cps placed them with me & my family) and that was what really woke her up. My bil was in&outta jail multiple times, rehab,etc. It was tough on.my wife because we practically raised him and found out that he had hidden some dope and used needles where our kids could've gotten them and we gave him the boot. He went to jail again shortly after that and when he came out he moved away from the area, made some new friends and has been able to stay clean. He still says to this day when he sees or talked to friends from the past that the urge is still there but he remembers where it got him and he'll never go down that path again. Keep praying for your brother while loving him from a distance and be there to support your mom as she needs it more than she'll admit. Your brothers here on the green screen will be lifting you up in prayer.
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Old 10-17-2020, 09:52 AM   #24
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If you're struggling with this and YOU need some support you should find a local Al-Anon meeting to attend.
I went through this with my ex-wife (alcoholic) and these meetings helped me a TON!
One of the best things I've ever done and I never wanted to go!
Very applicable to all relationships in life as well.
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Old 10-17-2020, 09:56 AM   #25
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State run rehabs are a joke . I have personal experience with a family member . They had been in and out of a dozen different ones . Finally found a great place in Florida .White sands treatment in Ft Meyers . Herion is a bad and powerful drug . It normally ends two ways dead or in prison . The recovery rate is extremely low . Make it worse if the person donít stick to the program after they are home . Going to meetings getting a sponsor is very important. Staying away from any addict , moving away from the area of possible. One more thing if he is on probation or parole talk to his P.O. and look in to the safe p that the prison runs . He can go to that instead of the pen . Itís a 9 month to a year intense inpatient recovery program. When there they are a tdcj inmate.
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Old 10-17-2020, 09:57 AM   #26
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Prayers up.
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Old 10-17-2020, 10:01 AM   #27
okrattler
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People don't change unless they want to. It may take something horrible happening to change his life. He may never change. That's the only thing I know to say about it.
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Old 10-17-2020, 10:08 AM   #28
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Look up La Hacienda in the Kerrville area. Heard good things about it.


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Old 10-17-2020, 10:15 AM   #29
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Quote:
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Look up La Hacienda in the Kerrville area. Heard good things about it.


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This place is pretty good . Had a nephew go there for a cocaine addiction. He has been clean 5 years. I think this is one of the places Dr. Phil uses .
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Old 10-17-2020, 12:04 PM   #30
Double C
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Bit of an update..... sent him the numbers to these recommendations . Since he’s on parole he claims he can’t leave town and says nothing PO can offer will be helpful to him bc they will put him in a place full of drugs.

I thought a PO would agree to distant rehabs if they register and approve it.

Either he is truly locked down to the town, or he is lying and playing victim again.
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Old 10-17-2020, 12:07 PM   #31
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Yeah, sometimes incarceration is the only real option left...he'll make that choice himself at some point if not genuine.
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Old 10-17-2020, 12:08 PM   #32
Double C
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Bit of an update..... sent him the numbers to these recommendations . Since heís on parole he claims he canít leave town and says nothing PO can offer will be helpful to him bc they will put him in a place full of drugs.

I thought a PO would agree to distant rehabs if they register and approve it.

Either he is truly locked down to the town, or he is lying and playing victim again.
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Old 10-17-2020, 12:10 PM   #33
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Double C View Post
Bit of an update..... sent him the numbers to these recommendations . Since heís on parole he claims he canít leave town and says nothing PO can offer will be helpful to him bc they will put him in a place full of drugs.

I thought a PO would agree to distant rehabs if they register and approve it.

Either he is truly locked down to the town, or he is lying and playing victim again.

He has access to drugs wherever he may go. Jails and rehabilitation facilities are full of drugs.


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Old 10-17-2020, 12:24 PM   #34
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Drug dealing should be a capital crime.

prayers for your family.
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Old 10-17-2020, 12:24 PM   #35
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Hard to get your 100/day fix in jail if no family / friends are sending you $$$$ for commissary...I've spent a lot of time watching the various locked up / hard time shows & all the dopers complained about when being booked was not being able to avoid the dope sickness from withdrawal. Most are equipped to help addicts get through it w/ meds.
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Old 10-17-2020, 12:26 PM   #36
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Cajun Blake helps with such things for a living, as I recall. Do not hesitate to send him a message.

Iíll be keepin a good thought for your family.


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Old 10-17-2020, 12:48 PM   #37
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My wifes been to la hacienda twice now. And very recently. Not drugs, but alcohol. She did great while in there, but has come out both times and not changed a bit. Its completely up to the person to want it. Going to file for divorce on mon. She has torn our family to shreds.
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Old 10-17-2020, 12:49 PM   #38
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Prayers
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Old 10-17-2020, 01:04 PM   #39
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Prayers for your brother and everyone involved! Keep the Faith in the LORD!
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Old 10-17-2020, 01:05 PM   #40
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Iím having this issue with my brother as well. Older brother. Not sure what advice to give being that mine wonít admit that he has a problem. All I can say is keep your head up. Like you, the worst part is seeing my parents go through this. Wish I could just smack him in the head and make him act right.


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Old 10-17-2020, 01:38 PM   #41
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My honest opinion based on what Double C has shared .... sadly your brother doesnít want to quit doing heroin and get sober Your family has spent thousands of dollars trying to help him, while offering support, tough love, and talking til your blue in the face. Heís been to treatment numerous times and knows how the system works. He knows the treatment terminology and what to tell the counselors. The end result is always the same; short term sobriety then he relapses and ends up back in jail. Itís a vicious cycle that takes a heavy toll on the family and loved ones, especially mothers.

IMO, continue to pray and offer support, but do not spend any more money trying to fix the problem. When your brother is ďsick and tiredĒ of being sick and tired perhaps then he will get serious about recovery. The addict has to admit that he/she is powerless and they have to commit 100% to getting help. Your brotherís previous actions of leaving treatment early confirm he ainít ready.

I wish I could be more optimistic; however, Iím calling it like I see it after dealing with my own addiction for 35+ years. Your brother doesnít have to go to the best treatment center in the country to beat addiction. He needs to do some serious soul searching and decide if he wants to live or die with a needle in his arm. This may sound harsh but itís the reality of a drug addict. FYI Iím praying for him and your family. Feel free to PM if you want to talk
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Old 10-17-2020, 02:15 PM   #42
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If your gonna help, for instance .. “I’m hungry “ then meet him at chipotle. If he needs money for a shirt for a job interview. Take him to the store and buy it. Keep the receipt. Everything is a way to get money. If he doesn’t want the meal it was a scam. Don’t get a gift card. They will trade it. Do not hand over money for anything.

McDonald’s and Starbucks have free WiFi. Guess what if your waiting for a call for a job wait all day.

It’s a tough spot to be in. But everyone needs to live their own life.

I’ve worked the dope game a while. Seen people neglect kids, job, family, work, everything to justify what they are doing along the way. It’s up to them.

He will wake up eventually. Don’t let it put you sleep while you wait.
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Old 10-17-2020, 02:52 PM   #43
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I’m sorry to hear your family is dealing wit this awful stuff.When dealing with an addict your darned if yo do and darned if you don’t.As brought out just about every move they Mae is an angle for money so all you can do is give the basics if any thing food water clothing and some times it’s best to let them fall on there face.Ive tried to help several folks with addiction it’s a painful undertaking and sadly a lot of times there’s nothing you can do.ONE thing I saw that WORKED is Methadone or shall I say I’m seeing it in the process of working.I knew something was wrong with my girlfriend about a year ago she had an addiction in the past her mother had died and I saw some tell tell signs.She came to me one day in tears and confessed and begged me to at least help her get clean,she figured I was going to leave her.She had stolen from me and had wasted all her money,she was broke and highly in debt from the habit plus some other bad things.But she fessed up I had to at least try to help. Her doc suggested methadone apparently withdraws can be hard even fatal sometimes.She started Methadone 8 months ago and hasn’t done a drug since.It is a process that takes a while to complete and it’s good to have a doctor to help with psychiatric meds and physical issues too.Ive seen several people who wanted to quit start Methadone and it was like a switch to a new life.I can’t vouch for every one all the time but I’ve seen it turn people’s lives around and give them a leg up on this challenge.I feel your pain and will keep y’all in my prayers.
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Old 10-17-2020, 03:04 PM   #44
Mike D
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RedBear78 View Post
Iím sorry to hear your family is dealing wit this awful stuff.When dealing with an addict your darned if yo do and darned if you donít.As brought out just about every move they Mae is an angle for money so all you can do is give the basics if any thing food water clothing and some times itís best to let them fall on there face.Ive tried to help several folks with addiction itís a painful undertaking and sadly a lot of times thereís nothing you can do.ONE thing I saw that WORKED is Methadone or shall I say Iím seeing it in the process of working.I knew something was wrong with my girlfriend about a year ago she had an addiction in the past her mother had died and I saw some tell tell signs.She came to me one day in tears and confessed and begged me to at least help her get clean,she figured I was going to leave her.She had stolen from me and had wasted all her money,she was broke and highly in debt from the habit plus some other bad things.But she fessed up I had to at least try to help. Her doc suggested methadone apparently withdraws can be hard even fatal sometimes.She started Methadone 8 months ago and hasnít done a drug since.It is a process that takes a while to complete and itís good to have a doctor to help with psychiatric meds and physical issues too.Ive seen several people who wanted to quit start Methadone and it was like a switch to a new life.I canít vouch for every one all the time but Iíve seen it turn peopleís lives around and give them a leg up on this challenge.I feel your pain and will keep yíall in my prayers.


From my experience methadone is just one drug replacing another although with arguably less bad consequences.


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Old 10-17-2020, 03:06 PM   #45
pilar
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Till he hits rock bottom, his chances are zero, heroine/ opioids are tough to kick
Donít help him one bit, he has two choices 1. Die 2. Admit powerlessness and seek a higher power
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Old 10-17-2020, 04:09 PM   #46
bdog14
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Iím sorry youíre going through this...it sounds all too familiar. My family is in the same boat as my sister has been an addict for 22 years. We have tried 5 or 6 rehabs, interventions, multiple iterations of ďtough loveĒ...which will never work as a mother will never let their child suffer. My sister is 40 next month and has not been working, claiming disability, and sucking my parents dry ($3k/mo or so) for this entire period. There have been periods of apparent sobriety but it doesnít last long. Iíve worried less about her and more about my parents the last 10 years or so. Opioids are the devil. Sorry youíre going through this, but youíre not alone...wish I had better(or any) advice for you. Prayers up.


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Old 10-17-2020, 04:30 PM   #47
jerp
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I have nothing to add other than it’s heartbreaking to hear all these stories of loved ones lost to addiction. This thread is proof how widespread it is. It seems everybody knows somebody affected by this plague - if not family members, friends or kids of friends.
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Old 10-17-2020, 04:32 PM   #48
Gunome
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I would drag him out to the hills for as long as it took to over come the withdrawals them keep em close and active and positive as best I could. Anything for family no matter how bad.
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Old 10-17-2020, 04:41 PM   #49
armadillophil
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Prayers for you and your family. I lost a BIL to drug addiction. Very hard on the family
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Old 10-17-2020, 04:47 PM   #50
Acameron52
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Sorry y’all are going though that. I’ve seen my mom go through it with my uncle (her brother) and it drags the whole family down. Unfortunately you can’t help somebody that doesn’t want to be helped. My uncle is 66 now and still living that life. I myself am waiting for the phone call that he was found dead on a street somewhere.
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