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Old 06-13-2012, 11:42 AM   #1
Blood Trail
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Talking This place needs a little humor around here!!!!

With the recent passing of CM and other TBH members that have recently lost loved ones, it's a kinda gloomy place to be. First of all, I wanna give prayers and send God's blessing to anyone who is going thru a "season" right now.

Ok, so I vowed never to tell this story (TXBLKCLOUD already knows. Hi Travis), but I'm willing to take one for the team if it can put a smile on yer face. I'll deal with the humility at the next Bownaza. I'm good wit it...

This story takes place the day after we fasted for Macie. I had was hungry the next morning and had a huge, greasy, fatty breakfast like us Southerns do. I had to make a quick run up to Lowes to price out some sod for my yard. I got what I needed and headed back to my truck....

Fast foward a little: I sometimes get this bowel problem. I heard it called Irritable bowel syndrome. I call it a gut curse. You can be just fine, then all of a sudden, your lower GI tract feels like fat chicks playing rugby. Cramps, sweating, the whole 9. And you have to go right NOW!!!!

So back to the story. I'm walking back to my truck, when all of a sudden, BAM! Bro, I gotta go right now! Ain't no waiting, ain't no calm stroll to restroom. All I could think is that I want a portajohn to materialized out of thin air. But here's the deal: You can't run, cuz you'll crap urself and you can't walk cuz, well, you'll crap urself so at this point, I'm prettry much screwed....

I hastily walk with my butt cheeks clinched like these white dudes here at work walk and we all know that Lowes restroom are centrally located in the MIDDLE of the store. Man, I couldn't get there fast enuff. But, by the time I hit got to the bathroom door....

.....I already had about a fist-sized puddle of poo in my drawers. I've always had a fear about pooing in public restrooms cuz theys just so dang nasty. I had no choice in the case. But to my horror, the very first stall was backed up. It was the nastiest thing I've seen in my life! It looked far worse than any truck stop restroom I'd ever seen. This thing would give even the most hardcore plumbers nightmares! "It" was almost even with the toilet lid. But it was now or never....
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Old 06-13-2012, 11:45 AM   #2
sunsethunter
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Oh, good god!!!! Laughing my butt off and I can see you speed walking through the store!!! Hahahahaha-but I take offense to the "white dude" comment!!!!
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Old 06-13-2012, 11:45 AM   #3
SuperExotics
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Let me get this right...

You crapped yourself, and posted it here for us to enjoy.


You are brave!


Question being did you were these drawers or go commando?

Last edited by SuperExotics; 06-13-2012 at 11:49 AM.
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Old 06-13-2012, 11:48 AM   #4
temple droptine
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Not the first, not the last

CB
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Old 06-13-2012, 11:48 AM   #5
Camo1gurl
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Wow that is to funny
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Old 06-13-2012, 11:48 AM   #6
J. Colwell
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Very entertaining read! Thanks for sharing and hope this does put a smile on some people's face during these tragic times.
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Old 06-13-2012, 11:50 AM   #7
Blood Trail
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Default continued...

So I hurried in and by the time I bend over to get my shorts down, I had a complete and total blow out. I flopped down on the toilet to kinda contained this eruption, but it was waaaaay to late. So I sat, slipping and sliding on the seat thinking, "Man, dis some BS..." What in the world am I to do? Call my wife and have her to bring me some clothes? Hellnaw, I can't go out like that! I remember that I was wearing a wife-beater under my TBH shirt. I carefully stood up, got buck naked in that nasty-a stall and got to scrubing . Its funny, cuz when someone would walk in, i would sqaut and freeze until they left.

I cleaned up the best I could and when I turned around, I was shocked by the damage! Poo spray was on the back wall and on both sides of the stall (Pm me if you wanna see the video) I had to turn my shorts inside out cuz there was a spat of poo on the inside leg. I trashed my wife beater and drawers and hauled it out of there. I felt really bad and wanted to give the store manager a $20 bill to give to the poor soul who had to combat that first stall, but I didn't have the "guts" to do it (I left those in the stall, too).


That was by far the most horrifying experience of my life....
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Old 06-13-2012, 11:50 AM   #8
tgil
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He's baaaack! We've been wondering where you'd been hiding!
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Old 06-13-2012, 11:50 AM   #9
clayg08
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i'll never be able to look at you again in the same light.....
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Old 06-13-2012, 11:50 AM   #10
BowtechKiller
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Hahaha I'm sittin at the lunch table with the coworkers laughing and they r all lookin at me thanks for the laugh
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Old 06-13-2012, 11:52 AM   #11
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EEWWWW thats nasty.
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Old 06-13-2012, 11:52 AM   #12
DeadeyeDeb
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Oh dear Lord!!!!!! You are a brave soul Leon. Been there done that myself. Because of diverticulitis. I am now 12 inches short in the bowel area as a result.
But, I will leave it to ya'lls imagination where my horror story took place!!!!!!
Unless of course, you really want to know. But, with it will come some information to teach ya'll about IBS and Diverticulitis. Cuz, I am a nurse!!!! And I am programmed to teach. (JCHAO requires it!!)
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Old 06-13-2012, 11:53 AM   #13
Dejashoot
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LMBO - I have a bad "stomach" problem and the same fear of public RR's.
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Old 06-13-2012, 11:54 AM   #14
El Coyote
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Nice you just added another log to the fire..... And yeah public bathrooms are usually nasty, but what you think your butt smells like roses??. I travel alot so it pays to know where all the clean rooms are...
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Old 06-13-2012, 11:55 AM   #15
Bonesplitter
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Thank's Leon! I WILL NOT be pm'ing for the video!
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Old 06-13-2012, 11:56 AM   #16
Trykon514
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Man i am in tears. That sounds like the scene out of the movie Hall Pass when she blows it on the shower tile.
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Old 06-13-2012, 11:56 AM   #17
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Been there done that
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Old 06-13-2012, 12:00 PM   #18
HEADHUNTER71
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AWWWWW MAN !!!! I WAS EATING SKETTI !!!! THEN BLEW SOME THROUGH MY NOSE READING THIS AND MY COWORKERS ARE LOOKNIG AT ME SAYING EEWWWWW NASTY MOFO AMD IM READING THIS SAYNIG THE SAME AND LMFAO ,BUT THANKS FER THE LAUGH Mr.Leon! HAVE A GREAT DAY BRO!!!!
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Old 06-13-2012, 12:01 PM   #19
kurt68
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Reminds of this :

http://youtu.be/b7l6jg4Hlog
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Old 06-13-2012, 12:01 PM   #20
Bigboss
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Wow that's funny. Thanks for not posting pics....
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Old 06-13-2012, 12:02 PM   #21
NannySlayer
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HAHAHAHA!!!!!! Oh can't breathe I'm crying too hard! Subscribing to this so I can share it with my husband!!! Haha
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Old 06-13-2012, 12:02 PM   #22
ShockValue
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Awesome!

Maybe I'll tell my jogging story one day..... ummmmm, ok, maybe not.
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Old 06-13-2012, 12:02 PM   #23
El Coyote
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I swear the phone smells funny now
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Old 06-13-2012, 12:02 PM   #24
Texastaxi
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At least when us "white dudes" walk like that we don't crap our pants!


Love you, Leon! You da shiznit ... literally!
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Old 06-13-2012, 12:03 PM   #25
Charlie6Delta
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Leon that was funny!
Damaging but funny!
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Old 06-13-2012, 12:07 PM   #26
bho0351
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I haven't laughed that hard in a long time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 06-13-2012, 12:08 PM   #27
Blood Trail
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Texastaxi View Post
At least when us "white dudes" walk like that we don't crap our pants!


Love you, Leon! You da shiznit ... literally!
Quit fooling' urself. I'm more white than u, midget Mexican...
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Old 06-13-2012, 12:11 PM   #28
Texastaxi
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Old 06-13-2012, 12:11 PM   #29
FULL DRAW
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Okay, I was hunting a tower blind in Harper Tx which was roughly 16ft off the ground. I had seen several good bucks on my trail cam pics and was really excited to be hunting this weekend. That morning I had seen seven great bucks but not any of the three that were on my hit list. So I was eager to get it done on my evening hunt.
Well rewind to the day before at work when I stumble on some camo netting that was used to make baskets of goodies to send the troops. The ladies at work say I can have it and because they are hunter haters they cursed it by saying "hope it brings you bad luck". Nice of them huh?
I stapled it up to my windows in my blind and when I opened my windows the sind was blowing it up pretty good and making it come unraveled. My uncle smokes and had left a lighter up in the blind from the previous weekend. I tie off the botoms but they are still coming untied. I decide to use "lucky" lighter I had just found to melt the ends together. Well this stuff went up in flames in front of my face in no time. I heard four "WOOSH" sounds. It was all four sides of this stuff igniting at the same time. Before I could react the stuff had melted off and had fallen on the latch to open the door. So I had to kick through the door and as I did I fell out he opening. I cought myself and jumped down. As I hit the ground I rememberd my riffle was up there. It belonged to my father who had passed away two years before. It is a Remington 700 from like 1965. Not a colectors item but it means the world to me. I ran back up and grabbed it. Came back down to hear the shells in my backpack going off. It was a scene let me tell you. Noboy got hurt and none of the propterty got hurt either so it was all okay. But I burned up my camera, two ipods, two way radios, binos, rattle bag, range finder, ect. All the stuff you have in your packs. I took this video with my cell phone so it did happen just couldn't take pics because my camera burned up. I had just found out I was having a boy that week before so I wasn't going to go that day. I was scared out of my mind but it was funny as hell to me the next day.
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File Type: mpeg Fire Stand.mpeg (86.0 KB, 633 views)
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Old 06-13-2012, 12:12 PM   #30
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Ok bro, Im not going to let you take all the heat at the next one. I to have felt your pain. I just got back from Iraq and heading to Kentucky to see my mom and dad for RnR. I can not eat McD's and my son loves the place. About 30 miles down the road it it. I was looking for the next exit that would lead to a place to go. Well I was in down town Nashville. By the time I pulled off and in to a Cracker Barrel, I was doing the penguin walk right to the bathroom. The first two was locked and I hit the third on full speed. By the time I got my pants down and turning it was to late. I splatter painted the walls and the toilet. I took of my white shirt and brand new boxer to clean up. I even took of my socks. So Bro, I know your pain and will to stand with you, when everyone points and laughs.
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Old 06-13-2012, 12:13 PM   #31
sambo73
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Glad no sdpp's( sittn down poopin pix)
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Old 06-13-2012, 12:13 PM   #32
holdem
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I'm calling "Overshare" on this entire episode.
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Old 06-13-2012, 12:14 PM   #33
PSD Ryan
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That was laugh out loud funny. Thanks!
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Old 06-13-2012, 12:14 PM   #34
systemnt
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Hey! You know the rules.. pics or it didn't.. um..nevermind .. I believe you.
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Old 06-13-2012, 12:17 PM   #35
SKLOSS
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nice!!!! always wondered how that spray got on the wall.
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Old 06-13-2012, 12:19 PM   #36
super_dave
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It's only funny to me because it has happened to me.
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Old 06-13-2012, 12:19 PM   #37
westguy76
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hey sometimes uncontrollable ...stuff happens. I mean not to me but to you. thats gross man. poor janitors probably quit that night
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Old 06-13-2012, 12:24 PM   #38
BoBo425
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Maybe your name should be Poo Trail... Lol
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Old 06-13-2012, 12:24 PM   #39
FULL DRAW
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Sorry, I didn't know how to post the video on here to where it would just play. It wasn't all bad though. I build a box blind and brushed it really well and got this big boy the next weekend. It is my biggest buck to day. He was 137" and had just 11 5/8 and 11 4/8 G2's. He just doesn't look that big with my behind him since I'm a big boy. I'm 6'2" 265.
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Old 06-13-2012, 12:25 PM   #40
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Man these are great.
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Old 06-13-2012, 12:32 PM   #41
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ok so I am sure everyone has experience with the poo story, there is no way I am admitting mine. lol

There no way I can openly admit to bloooooowing up someones stall and bathroom. Yes PUN intended.

I feel your pain brother. I have came out of the stall before without socks, without sleeves and magically now had cuttoff shorts on. DId I mention I was wearing a suit before I went in
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Old 06-13-2012, 12:33 PM   #42
feralswine
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That is freakin hilarious!! I just shot my snuff all over the keyboard! I've been there!
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Old 06-13-2012, 12:37 PM   #43
T-Bone
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Thanks for the laughs on this one
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Old 06-13-2012, 12:38 PM   #44
GrapeApe
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Ever notice this phenomena when you gotta go?

The closer you get to the throne, the less control you have over the sphincter?

Its like there is a sensor that knows when you are near a toilet and it says open wide.
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Old 06-13-2012, 12:53 PM   #45
Scout Man
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Been there..... Red Lobster. Had to cut off underwear with a pocket knife and left bathroom with no socks or under shirt. Thanks to the plumber who invented the POWER FLUSH! I was in there so long my son came in to check on me. Check please and Exit building..
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Old 06-13-2012, 01:01 PM   #46
LastHurrah
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Awesomeness. I have the same problem you do....

It's like....I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, OH NOoooo!!!! My stomach just pushed the eject button and there is no wait till I get home.

You immediately go into what I call survival mode because you know this is about to happen:


Last edited by LastHurrah; 06-13-2012 at 01:29 PM.
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Old 06-13-2012, 01:01 PM   #47
Neck
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LOL, I'm still crying man! Never trust a fart!
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Old 06-13-2012, 01:06 PM   #48
Arrow Slinger88
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Haha that's some funny stories I was pretty close to a catastrophic blow out the other day at work thanks goodness for the porta potty that I believe hasn't been cleaned in like ten years. It pretty hard climbing down 6 decks from a unit when your clinching of dear life lol.
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Old 06-13-2012, 01:11 PM   #49
FULL DRAW
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Oops. I didn't mean to hijack a post. I thought we were sharing stories.
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Old 06-13-2012, 01:16 PM   #50
txhoghead
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Leon, that is hilarious!! Can you change your handle to "Poo Trail"? LMAO!!!
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