Weddings? Who pays????

[150class]

Typically, the invitation is worded that the brides family is the one inviting the guests. If you do decide to pitch in, make sure that the invitation says something along the lines of "Mr and Mrs (FIL Name) and Mr and Mrs (Your Name) request the pleasure of your company at the Marriage of (Bride and Groom), that way the guests are aware that both families are hosting the wedding.

It may sound tacky, but don't let the brides family take credit for hosting the whole thing if they didn't.

^^^^ Very true.


Also Gclyde brought up a good point that if the groom's side wants a much fancier wedding than initially advertised they will step in. That has happened a couple times in weddings we have shot.

[MarkS]

Not a chance in hell anybody is insisting I pay for anything that’s not mine. I might do it out of the kindness of my heart, but not because someone’s little princess tells me to.

My wife’s parents gave us a budget, and anything over that I scratched the check for myself. We ended up splitting it about 50/50. I didn’t once think of asking my parents for a dime. This was last year by the way.

Same here...

[boomerball]

offer to pay for a wedding planner, then let the planner wrangle in everyone else. my wife was recently in a wedding (I bet bride/groom paid a lot themselves) ... I recall hearing the wedding planner was best $ they spent as it put an experienced 3rd party in there to handle the families.

[Trophydoehunter]

I’ve been married just over a year and me and my wife paid for most of our wedding we both have good jobs and saved money for the wedding ( mainly her because I was paying for the house we had just bought ) our parents did help out but both sides of our families work hard for their money and I rather them spend money on themselves. ( heck they paid for us to get to where we’re at) Im not saying they didn’t help us out because both sides of the family did, her parents sent us on a great honeymoon and that was more than I could of asked for. I think it made us appreciate the day even more to know that we didn’t put anyone out anymore than they wanted to be.


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[yaqui]

The kids should pay for it themselves

Why is it the parents' responsibility

Agree with this.

I understand that sometimes it's a dog and pony show, and that some families don't get together very often, so hey, lets go all out. And some families have more money than others. I say, give what you can afford to.

Some folks say save the wedding money and help with a car or a house. I'd agree with this, it is looking to the future. My sons have friends that have purchased homes for their kids. Yes, they can afford to do that. Good for them. But can you imagine having enough money to do that, and what a head start that is for those people? I can't imaging how reassuring that is for those young couples.

Good luck.

[TxBowHntr]

We (and by we I mean SHE) are in the middle of planning our wedding. We started out intending to pay for it ourselves. However, our families have offered to help with different things. Overall, we will still be paying for approx. 75%. I can say that all of our family's generosity is greatly appreciated, but was also not expected. To us, we did not want to put the burden of OUR wedding on someone else. They happily offered what they wanted at their own behest, and so far this has been a drama and somewhat stress free experience. For your situation, I would figure out a sum, and offer that to the couple to use as they want.

[Acameron52]

Man I couldn’t imagine spending this much on a wedding!!

[curtintex]

I have four girls, so this splitting it up **** sounds GREAT!!! The first one, we paid for the wedding and his folks paid for a very nice reception. They also asked if they could pay for the flowers and did so.

I gave Katelyn a $20k budget, but offered to just write them a check if they’d get married in our home by the JP. She took the wedding. Josh, my SIL, was less than thrilled about that decision. Kate came in $2k UNDER budget but within a month was wishing she’d have taken the cash. She’s told her sisters to take the money and forget the wedding. We’ll see. I will say that when I told my wife the budget for our first daughter’s wedding, she replied “well, we’ll see”.[emoji849]

FTR, I have a business associate who, it’s rumored, spent about $500k on his only daughter’s wedding. He could afford it, but why?


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[cehorn]

I dont know. Traditionally the grooms parents dont care anything about an elaborate wedding so they are not going to want to pay for much. Also, The groom usually doesnt have much say in what happens and what is spent. So that is why the bride and her family paid for most of the wedding since they are the ones that care about the details and venue. Most guys would marry their woman anywhere with anyone watching. Backyard BBQ in jeans and button up. Basically the bride has all the say because its her "dream" wedding and the grooms parents dont feel they should pay an excess of hard earned money for one event that most people wont remember much about. The grooms parents should say we are going to contribute "X" amount and thats all we can do.

This sums it up pretty well. There are a lot of variables. Another variable is the guest list. How many people are invited total and "from your side" and how is that split up. If your invite list is more, you should pay more, etc. I would offer to pay half IF you get a say in over half with full veto power. Your money, your rules sounds fair. You and I both know that won't happen. I would say determine in your mind how much the wedding should cost (you set the level of extravagance, etc. not what the bride or her family says it will cost) and the rehearsal dinner (basically add up EVERY expense) and pay proportionally based on number of people "from your side" invited and write a check for that "X" amount. Anything over that is on the kids or her parents as you don't see it as necessary.

My brother had a crazy wedding, they regret it till this day. When you have a big wedding you can’t enjoy it. They had them running around taking pictures doing this doing that. A big wedding I think is for everyone else to enjoy. I would use the money for a down payment on a house or a nice savings. That being sad back to your question I would make a budget you feel comfortable with and stick to it. If they don’t like it tough crap.

I agree with this as well. My first wedding was huge and extravagant. All my friends always say how fun it was, etc. But personally I didn't have that much fun due to being pulled this way and that for all of the "necessary" things. My next wedding will be much more laid back.

[Shane]

Here's what both sets of parents should do:

Figure out what your budget is for the wedding and offer that. Let everyone know that's what you can afford and are willing to contribute, and let the bride and groom decide how to allocate the funds. Let them make the tough decisions about what to say no to if there's not enough money available to pay for all the "dream" stuff.

Then support them and help them plan for a great day with whatever decisions they make about what they want the ceremony and everything to include. The important thing is that, at the end of all the hoopla, they'll be married.

I have a daughter and a son. They're both engaged and planning weddings right now. In both, we're all handling it in the traditional manner - bride/bride's family covering most of the wedding expenses, groom/groom's family covering rehearsal dinner, groom's cake at the reception, some of the flowers, groomsmen's gifts, honeymoon....

We gave each of our kids a set amount, and then they get to decide how to allocate it. It's ridiculous how much people charge for wedding stuff. And the social media "competition" pressure aspect just makes it worse. Lots of people get way too caught up in trying to keep up with and/or one up everybody else they see on social media. Fortunately, neither of our kids and neither of their fiancés care much about all of that. Neither of our upcoming weddings are going to be super small, but neither are going to be anywhere close to being over-the-top. Nobody is spending more than they can easily afford. We're not creating financial stress that could/would ruin what is supposed to be a happy celebration. We're looking forward to just that - a couple of happy celebrations.

And then I'm REALLY looking forward to both my kids being gainfully employed and off my payroll once the weddings are over.

[antonlsu]

How old are they?

They can always pay for it if they want a big wedding. The JP is cheap and this ain't no fairytale.

Me and my wife paid for our own and our folks chipped in a little. I want to say we spent 12k or so for a very nice wedding. That was about the max I wanted to spend. This is for two grown ups with great jobs and finances.

We got married at my uncle's very nice house waterfront house overlooking the bay. I built the wedding arch. Friends did the barbecue we bought the meat and drinks. Hired a DJ. Rented several large tents and tables chairs etc. My ex that is a professional photographer cut me a deal on the photography end. Got married by the chaplain that works with my wife. It was a whole lot of work but my wife was happy and it was extremely nice for the price.

Kids have really gotten out of hand these days with all this 40 to 50 thousand dollar fairytale wedding nonsense.

No joke, a lot of my buddies have spent an easy $50k for a wedding. Probably has to do with everyone wanting to look "cool" on social media. Stupid amount of money for a single day.

Take that amount, put it in a fund & your kids colleges will be paid for once they turn 18. Or a nice down payment on a house.

[RWB]

No matter what he pays on the wedding day......he will pay in the end ;-)

[Rush2Judge]

We (and by we I mean SHE) are in the middle of planning our wedding. We started out intending to pay for it ourselves. However, our families have offered to help with different things. Overall, we will still be paying for approx. 75%. I can say that all of our family's generosity is greatly appreciated, but was also not expected. To us, we did not want to put the burden of OUR wedding on someone else. They happily offered what they wanted at their own behest, and so far this has been a drama and somewhat stress free experience. For your situation, I would figure out a sum, and offer that to the couple to use as they want.

You and your soon-to-be bride sound like you have your heads on straight. Best of luck to you!

Can't really help the original poster. I paid for our wedding (everything) because that meant that we were in control over what was spent. My wife had already purchased a house so I figured she had done her part. Both sets of parents did pitch in some cash. My wife, her mother and my mother all worked together to make the wedding dress. It turned out great and was meaningful for all three.

I will say that I am not comfortable with the comments of "pitch in what you can afford". Just because you can afford it doesn't mean you should spend that much. Good luck to the OP. I would start by having a conversation with my son to get a sense of scale of the wedding desires before putting my foot down one way or the other.

[Bama]

I wouldnt have a problem paying for half of my sons wedding but I would want to be in on budgeting i'm not paying half for a 20k wedding . We did go to a wedding last fall that cost over 100k my wifes cousin his parents didnt have to pay but for the rehersal dinner but they were kind of ****** you could put a nice down payment on a house for that lol.

[Rick]

I saw the other thread on wedding venues and clicked on some links...I would not pay just the cost of the venue for the whole wedding!! I am able, but it seems like a really stupid financial decision