When spanking doesn’t work...

[Dale Moser]

I make great money and have a great life and I got my azz whipped. So there’s that.


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I run across legit *******s every week with all sorts of jobs, who have parents who think they’re great. So their’s that.[emoji23]


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[ctom87]

OP, I am sincerely trying to help, although I must admit I have 1 kid. His 1st birthday is 11/25/20, next Wednesday, so I'm not quite to the same level of discipline as you are.

I have not read the entire thread, but I did skim it. My style of parenting started early. I believe he was 8 months old. We have a 6-piece mat with edges that fit like a puzzle for him to play on in the living room. He looked to rip it up. There was nothing wrong with him doing this: it was soft, not a choking hazard, not heavy... I did see it as an opportunity, though. I told him "no". He didn't listen...and why would he, it was literally the first time I've ever told him no. I knew that from a young age, I wanted to teach him what "no" meant.

Fast forward to today. He is crawling around getting into everything. But at 11 months, he knows my voice, he knows my tone, and he knows what "no" means. Maybe this is good, maybe this is bad, but there are different levels of, "no." There is "NO!" aka you're about to hurt yourself, and there is "no..." you shouldn't be doing that. He knows what it means though, I can see it in him. I can also see when he wants to challenge it. And he is going to be strong willed like his mother, so he will not listen to me when he wants.

I dare not lay hands on him, yet as he is entirely too young to know what he is doing wrong. The day will come when ignoring me will get physical, but as a parent, it must be consistent and it must come with reason. If hitting your kid is a way of letting frustration out because they've kicked the teacher for the third time today, that's not the right reason. I'm not suggesting that's why your doing it, but something to think about.

Personally, Dale's explanation of "the look" and "the tone" fall exactly where I am hoping to be in the future. I'm starting that now. If possible, that is what my recommendation would be.

For you though, I believe that ship has sailed. You've tried spanking over and over and over and over. It's not working. You've got to figure out the reason for the misbehavior. Maybe it's attention... In my opinion, you've got to stop hitting her because you now know that it is not working. It's not the answer. It's time to try something else.

Every kid is different. Their personality is a DNA lottery... There millions upon billions of ways she could have turned out... You gotta try to find something else that works. Best of luck, I will be praying for you. This parenting thing is much harder than anticipated.

[Marco]

First time I whipped my daughter with belt she was 3. I let her have it pretty good too. She's 20 right now. I ve only whooped her 3 times in her life and she still knows not to **** me off. She's turned into a great young lady. Same with son, whooped him more than her and he's 27 now and he turned into a **** good young man. If they ain't listening you ain't whooping them good enough.

[Turbo6]

edit

[lovemylegacy]

Take away all privileges. Give her something to do with her hands and mind, coloring books, water paints, get her involved in day to day chores. Digital devices are the worse thing in the world for young children.

The whipping should never be far away, but sometimes bright kids need something to do or they get in trouble. To many whippings aint good.

[Encinal]

3 is a little young to understand consequences.

You're just confusing her.

[rvd]

I run across legit *******s every week with all sorts of jobs, who have parents who think they’re great. So their’s that.[emoji23]


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Lol! I think I’m one of them, my parents think I’m great

[ethic1]

This may seem crazy, but does she have allergies? Is she taking Zyrtek?

DO NOT GIVE SMALL CHILDREN ZYRTEK!!!!!

Huh?


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[Hooverfb]

My 4 yr old son has been a tough nut to crack at times. Hes great at school, just doesnt listen to us (primarily mom) sometimes. He got just enough testosterone sometimes youd think he has a 16yr old boys soul in there. I've found a combination of consistency, spanking when proper, and taking privileges away helps best. I'll definitely spank him, but if it's becoming a common theme, gotta find what gets to them. For him, it is tv, tablet (hate that **** thing, grandparents are the devils minions sometimes lol) , football is now a thing he's scared to loose out on participating.. I have the added benefit of being his teams coach so one practice I got frustrated with not listening and made him sit on the sideline for 3 minutes. He immediately started listening. Sometimes it takes just talking to them. I always have my son explain to me why hes being disciplined. I tell him I love him but have to raise him to be a good boy and one day man. Talk it through, explain it to them, etc. Tske away friends or an outing they usually get to go to if that doesnt help. Turkey hunting this year when it was really bad, my dad had to warn my son that the worst spanking he ever got was a grandpa spanking.

I will say, I would not escalate to paddle/belt this young. My dad didn't get to the belt until I was in middle school. I absolutely deserved it, it worked on me to this day, but if he had done it sooner itd be one more physical thing I'm used to.

[gvick]

Timing is everything at that age. If you wait to long they don't even remember why you are spanking them.
As they get older punishment has to change as well. I never believed in that time out crap or grounding them as both of those punished the wife and I more than the kids.

My Son was about 13 or so he got to thinking he was bigger than he was (bunch of lil things) one wednesday I got home from being out of town working while they were at church, when they got home from church his room had been emptied of everything except his bed, 2 shirts, 2 pants, 2 underwear, 2 pair of socks and 2 pair of shoes.
He asked were all of his stuff was from his room (he knew he was in trouble but was expecting a butt whooping) I told him first of all he didn't have a room and that his mom and had a room in our house that we allowed him to stay in. He didn't have anything because his mom and I bought everything he needed. if want any of that stuff back he would have to buy it back.
This worked real good for about a week, then he remembered that his grandma had given him an old stereo and an old tv so those were his and i should let him have them back, so we went out side to were I had all the stuff and got out the stereo and tv, I put them on the ground in the yard and backed up about 5 step then proceeded to empty one mag of 45 into the stereo and 1 into the tv. I then explained to him that he could either take them to the room he stays in or put them in the trash. I then told him as long as he was in my house it was my rules. And that before his mom was his mom she was and still is my Wife and that nobody is allowed to talk to my wife they way he talked to her a couple times. That pretty much ended our problems with my son.
Both of my kids got their butts busted when they needed it, they also got stuff taken away from them. Son is now 21 has his own business, Daughter is 16 has her own business. they are doing very well.

[Herbie]

My grand mother made me get my own switch from the yard. That hurt much more than the switching I was about to receive. Just a thought.

[SabineHunter]

Pick her up and hug her.

She must not want to be at school.

Maybe she wants mommy and daddy time.

too young to understand the cruel world.

X1000. OMG, whooping a 3 yr old. What is wrong with Y'all? There is no way she understands the correlation between her behavior and the punishment by you whacking the kid. And, this garbage about electronic devices? All the ED is about is babysitting your kid. No way a 3 yr old should be addicted to an ED.
Don't get me wrong, because I spanked both of my daughters, but not till they were old enough to understand the error of their ways, and, it was used rarely.
How much is that second job worth? A new car, an expensive vacation, extra toys? You have an adorable child that needs her parents. A big part of the problem with kids is that parents have others bring up their own children. One of you should give up your job, just so you can raise your kids right.

[gingib]

Does she have digital devices? If so....take them away when misbehaving. Kids, these days, are addicted to them.

You have to find what will impact her the most. One of my boys was a tad bit head strong. Living in Wimberley, we had rocks for a lawn....not much grass at all. I knew I had finally found the right punishment when I had him pick up rocks and move them.....afterwards he told me he would prefer a spanking.

She's too young for that kind of labor....but the key is finding what hurts her the most. Clearly, spanking is not it.....and usually isn't for head strong kiddos.

[lanceodom]

Consistent and fair reward/punishments for behavior is what works. Also, look at her diet. Sugar, processed foods, dyes in food, sodas, etc all add to it. Had a kid on our flag football team one time that was a disaster. He would act up, misbehave and just generally non agreeable. His folk figured out his diet was a contributor. They reduced the sugar etc and along with discipline, he was a new kid over night. Good luck.

[1riot1ranger]

Looking for some parental advice here. There are often times comments about unruly children about how that parent needs to take that child for a good whoopin’ and i firmly believe in that strategy too, but i am at my end with my 3yr old daughter. Her behavior at school is awful. She is regularly the worst behaved kid in her daycare class. Over the past 2 weeks my wife and i have both taken time out of our work schedule to go to her daycare and administer spankings at school. One day last week i went 3 times in one day, giving a total of 9 swats. Does not seem to make a difference. We have tried incentives such as treats at the end of the day. The one day she had stellar behavior my wife gave her immense praise as did I and the school staff and my wife took her for ice cream. The next day she had her worst day ever, running from teachers and even kicking one.
I know if channeled her strong will can lead to superb success later in life. But if we continue to leave this un-checked I’m afraid for her future.

Any other advice or tips? My other 2 went through similar periods but they shaped up quick like and in a hurry when dad showed up to make their behind’s sting. This one seems to have a double dose of her Mama and Daddy’s hardheadedness.

I raised 5, all in 20's now. Went through this with youngest son. Spankings had no effect and irrational anger outburst kept everyone on edge. Several doctors and misdiagnosis later a combination of B vitamins and L-Methylfolate has him fixed up. Successful career, college grad, married and kid. There was a time I would never have thought that possible. This website may provide some interesting reading https://methyl-life.com/