any good disfunctional family christmas stories

[prkchp]

<br />
Prkchop on TBH has met them. Maybe he will read this. I took their crew up to our family ranch a few times during deer season over the years. We still talk about it today. When I say talk I mean crying our eyes out laughing. <br />
<br />
If I wrote a book about them no one would believe it was true.


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I shed a tear every time I pull into the ranch, just because I know there will be no more trips with your ex in laws around. Lmao

If you guys think these stories are great...the ones that he can't tell would absolutely blow your socks off!!!!

Let JHT get a few bud lights down and maybe he will take you along on some of the weekends at the ranch when these guys were around!

[Johnny Dangerr]

Fun read....

[150class]

I was telling an old bud about this thread.

He said even though it wasn't a Christmas story you have to tell them the wedding story. This one validated the stories I had told friends & family about this crew. No doubters now.

One thing you have to know about this crew is they are the biggest tightwads you have ever met. That is an entire different thread.

We got married in Del Lago in Conroe. Go up Friday afternoon. Event planner had everything already setup. Ex is ecstatic. Planner says lets go have a drink. i say I have to run up the room real quick, I will meet y'all there.

I find out what room her parent's are staying in. I have a talk with them. I told them how much we spent. (not a dime from them) I told them how much time their daughter has spent working on this. I told them she had tears of joy running down her face when she saw the reception setup.

I said the only thing that could ruin this would be any un-needed stress. The Mother got offended. The Dad understood where I was coming from. He's a good guy and we always got along.

You have to understand they don't see any dysfunction in their family. They think its normal. My ex is the only one who saw things differently.

She finally got the point. I asked them to have this exact same discussion with their family. They agreed and I left.

I didn't tell ex because she would have thought it would have an adverse effect and made things worse.

The rehearsal dinner was pretty much over. I was coming back into the room and I could see my gang/family pointing and laughing. I turn the corner and started laughing too. A group of them had gone down to the restaurant and got about 20 to go boxes and were boxing up everything leftover from the Mexican buffet we had for dinner. Everything. Ex was already gone. No way they could cram it into the mini fridges in the room.

Not one issue/scene/fight at the wedding and the reception. I can only assume all the free food and booze had them in some state of euphoria that disabled their dysfunction gene.

We eat breakfast and head to the airport for Playa Del Carmen for the week.

Ex is sitting there staring out the window chilling. I asked her whats up.

She said that was the first time in her life her family got along for 48 hours without a bomb going off. I don't see how it happened. I honestly couldn't believe it either.

When I get home and check my email I knew something happened. One did go off. I call a buddy and he started cracking up when he saw it was me. He fills me in. He is the biggest fan of these stories.

The resort breakfast buffet was a good one. Not a big place. Maybe 30 or so tables. $25 adults, $20 kids. Huge sign at the front door. It had everything. Mostly filled with my family and friends. Everybody is having a good time and then they start pushing tables for a big group. Yep her crew and some kickers. Everyone says hi blah blah.

Before they sit down the Dad says dig in. I am buying today. They hammer the buffet. Everybody's ordering espressos/fancy coffee drinks. Kids are all having milkshakes. He said it was completely obvious they all were sticking it to the old man since he said he was buying. Everyone knows that stuffs not included.

None of my friends & family left. They wanted to see the check hit the table.

He said the place was packed at this point.

Check hits. Mom takes a look at it. She lets out a scream so loud everybody in the place froze. Followed by a just as loud "680.00 dollars? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?"

First to get assaulted was the Manager by the group. They ganged up on him complaining about the $10 coffee drinks saying if its a buffet they should be included. Complained about the gratuity being included. Basically all the cheapskate scams trying to get the bill lowered. Manager didn't budge and walked off.

Then they turned on each other. No one was willing to chip in. They all said they were broke cause the rooms were so expensive. None of them would even consider splitting the bill. This goes on and on. They are slinging the check folder back and forth the table screaming "You Pay"

He said they basically shut the buffet line down cause people were too scared to go by the table they are screaming so loud.

Finally the Dad grabs the check and tells them all to leave. They bolt for the door. He pays and leaves. Once the door closes those in the know are on the floor crying their eyes out. The other guests are still sitting there in disbelief not understanding what they just saw.

I was just happy some others got to see it live to see I can't make this stuff up.

Bud was saying ex is going to lose it when she finds out.

Its hard to fathom that its just another family gathering. It never came up again.

How much would we here at TBH have to pay you to go to the Ex inlaws Christmas today/tomorrow and you report back your findings afterwards?

[TnTexas]

A positive note I would like to share.
My son and I have been estranged for the better part of his adult life. Off and on smooth times but not much.
For the last year he has been making contact and I have returned these gestures.
Today him and his family (2 grandkids) are coming for a Christmas dinner. I am very thankful for the turnaround as is my wife. I hate the lost time in the past but plan to take advantage of what God has put in our hearts.

[150class]

Well yesterday was thanksgiving so I’m sure some of you can add some stories!!

[Efren]

My wife and I got one of the nephews a really nice po-go stick, like professional grade rig. Well his mom, my big fat SIL decides she gonna demo the stic, in living room, starts on one side of living room and 2 po-go's later it launches her into the huge Christmas tree!! I swear she hits her head on ceiling before she comes down on top of BIG tree. Wipes out tree, ornaments broken everywhere, tv gets broke, a few gifts laying around get wiped out. If I only would have video, did I mention she is BIG girl!! Kids crying, adults laughing, kids laughing, unbelievable!! My stomach still hurts!! Good **** right there!!

That's funny right there!!!

[bullets13]

The first time we went to spend the holidays with my in-laws was a few months after my wife (then girlfriend) and I started dating. On New Year's Eve my future MIL starts good naturedly bugging me to eat some black eyed peas for good luck. I explain to the family that under no circumstances will I be eating black eyes peas, even if it means bad luck. My future wife tries to convince me to try them by explaining that her dad makes some special sauce that he puts on them. It's so good that you can't taste the "pea-ness". The whole family stops talking and looks at her, and then bursts out laughing. My future FIL had just taken a big bite of steak and started choking on it because he was laughing and trying not to spit it out. I had to pound on his back to get it unlodged. We still tell that story every time we get together for the holidays.

[CrookedArrow]

I rightfully help defend my wife against my FIL's drunk girlfriend. Hair was pulled...punches thrown...first time I laid my hands on a women. Cops were called and my wife and I went to my folks house. I was scared I/we were going to jail. No charges filled because the officers knew her as a drunk and had made several arrests for PI's.

Long story short... She's gone... Thank god! A Christmas I'll never forget.

Gone??? As in someone "snuffed her out"?

[CrookedArrow]

Man this is the best thread ever!! We don't have problems as it is just 5 of us, no in laws, neighbors, cousins, etc

If any of you still have these type of Christmas/Holiday GTGs can I just come take a seat on the couch?? I love Christmas Vacation and it sounds like yall have em beat.

[stickbowcoop]

My granny used to host our family Christmas Eve party. She had 4 kids, and they all had families so it was a decent get together. My dad and uncle Keith got into a fist fight in 1988 and knocked her tree over (I remember the year because my mom passed of cancer that year). They are all gone (granny, uncle, dad) and we laugh about it now. At the time it was pretty stressful and my granny was PO'd! That is the first and only time I ever heard that woman swear.

[DCT]

Your mom was married to your uncle?

Haha. I read that about five times and was thinking the same thing.

[freezerfiller]

Bump

[LukeDuke]

This Thread reminds me of Robert Earl Keen's Christmas song:

Mom got drunk and Dad got drunk
At our Christmas party
We were drinkin' champagne punch and homemade eggnog
Little sister brought her new boyfriend
He was a Mexican
We didn't know what to think of him
Until he sang Feliz Navidad

Brother Ken brought his kids with him
The three from his first wife Lynn
And the two identical twins
From his second wife Mary Nell
Of course he brought his new wife, Kay
Who talks all about AA
Chain smokin' while the stereo plays
Noel, Noel, the First Noel

Carve the turkey, turn the ballgame on
Mix margaritas when the eggnog's gone
Send somebody to the Quik Pak store
We need some icing and extension cords
A can of bean dip and some Diet right
A box of tampons and some Marlboro lights
Hallelujah, everybody say cheese
Merry Christmas from the family

Fran and Rita drove from Harlingen
I can't remember how I'm kin to them
But when they tried to plug their motor home in
They blew our Christmas lights
Cousin David knew just what went wrong
So we all waited out on our front lawn
He threw the breaker and the lights came on
And we sang Silent Night, oh Silent Night

Carve the turkey, turn the ballgame on
Make Bloody Marys 'cause we all want one
Send somebody to the Stop 'N Go
We need some celery and a can of fake snow
A bag of lemons and some Diet Sprite
A box of tampons and some Salem Lights
Hallelujah, everybody say cheese
Merry Christmas from the family
Feliz Navidad

[Acameron52]

This is good!

[KNEE DEEP]

I love it when I look at the work schedule for next year and see I'm working Thanksgiving and Christmas,just like I'm doing now. Don't have to put up with any of crazy stuff from my kinfolks. Dysfunctionality runs deep in my family.