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Has your wife fallen back in love with you?

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    #31
    Originally posted by Preacher Man View Post
    Yes, my wife absolutely fell back in love with me. We’ve got 17 years of marriage behind us now. It was her depression, of the post partum nature, that pushed me away. When we finally got to the point of talking about it, our marriage began to turn back into what it once was. That was the first big domino to fall. Then the rest started coming together again after that.

    Depression ain’t no joke. Her depression infuriated me and broke my heart at the same time. Cause I knew she was hurting. And I couldn’t fix it.

    It can be done.
    As did the same with mine. She is upset with herself for not being able to fix me and watch me fall apart. She tried and tried and I just wouldn't have it. I am happy to hear that you were able to get back on track as well. Talking and being honest with each other has opened both our eyes. We both tend to hold it in and deal with it. It feels good to talk to her and have a connection again.

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      #32
      Originally posted by jerp View Post
      Big compliments to both of you - lots of character being shown. For her, hanging in there hoping that change would eventually come and not giving up. For you, even though it took years, you’ve had one of those “moments of clarity” where you look at everything in a new light and become dedicated to make it right. That kind of introspection is not easy and a lesser man is not capable of doing it. Don’t beat yourself up about the past - do what you can day by day to grow and make amends.
      Thank you. It was a moment of clarity for me. I hadn't thought of it that way but that is exactly what it was. I feel alive again and can see past the front door. I tend to think of the past quite a bit and at first I was bitter about it. Now i look at it as learning curves and try to get the positive out of it if any at all.

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        #33
        Originally posted by Turtlewax View Post
        First of all, I did not expect this much support this fast. You guys are something else. Thank you to all for the words of encouragement, they definitely mean a lot. I knew I couldn't have been the only one to ever be in this situation. It took a lot to reach out and open up.

        I have talked with her and spent time with her since I posted this. She called me on her way home from work and i could hear a little more spark in her voice. It felt good to hear that. When she came home she initiated a hug and then a kiss which made me want to cry like a 5 year old. These are small positive steps that will build on each other day by day. I will take everyone I can get.
        I sense there’s a huge weight off your shoulders. The fact that she’s willing to stay and continue to try to work it out is absolutely fantastic. Remember this feeling.......count your blessings.....but above all....make it count.

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          #34
          Good on you for taking action. Good luck and hope it works out for the best!
          Now go brush your teeth and shower! That's gross!!

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            #35
            Good luck to ya...………
            Did my wife, fall back in love with me ????
            No...…..but then, she never loved me to begin with...……..

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              #36
              Best of luck sir. My Best is advice is to constantly be aware of complacency. You can and will get it together right now. You are scared to death and that motivates change. But I’m cautioning you about a month from now or six months or a year when complacency sneaks up on ya and you don’t realize your falling back to your old ways. Have to fix the problems that caused you to spiral out of control. Not just the symptoms it caused such as being lazy and depressed all the time. You got this. Keep moving forward brother ... GB

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                #37
                Good luck op. What we achieve too easily, we esteem too lightly. Itll be hard work but worth it.

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                  #38
                  Prayers sent for continued strength & healing

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                    #39
                    Originally posted by borocat View Post
                    I would suggest both of you reading The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. This book changed my wife and I life.
                    ^^^^^^^^^^
                    This right here 1000%. 6 years into my marriage I had tried my best to destroy our marriage. Reading your post made me cringe as though I was reading about myself except I did cheat. This book and a lot of hard work by both of us helped to get us to 20 Oct 2020 which was our 25th anniversary. It can be salvaged if you are willing to change. And yes she can fall in love with you again.

                    READ THIS BOOK!

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                      #40
                      Recognizing that you needed to change is a huge step in the right direction. We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us! When both of you put God first your marriage will flourish as neither one of you will be trying to put yourself first. Blending two people into one is a hard thing to do. Keep the spark alive and she will feed off of it as well. Before you know it the two of you will be best friends again!

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                        #41
                        Originally posted by Turtlewax View Post
                        First of all, I did not expect this much support this fast. You guys are something else. Thank you to all for the words of encouragement, they definitely mean a lot. I knew I couldn't have been the only one to ever be in this situation. It took a lot to reach out and open up.

                        I have talked with her and spent time with her since I posted this. She called me on her way home from work and i could hear a little more spark in her voice. It felt good to hear that. When she came home she initiated a hug and then a kiss which made me want to cry like a 5 year old. These are small positive steps that will build on each other day by day. I will take everyone I can get.

                        [emoji106][emoji106][emoji106]


                        Sure miss those days of being able to hunt a lease for a nominal cost that didn’t create greed and a feeling of despair if you didn’t kill something!

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                          #42
                          Love Language 2000 percent. We are going on 15 years and have often gotten to a place that we have to remind each other we are not the same but we got married because we have common goals, and if you work knowing each other’s love language things get way better way quicker. That and remembering there are 3 in this marriage, her, me and Jesus in the middle. Also get a chance to watch Fireproof. Really good show about marriage, I won’t say good luck because marriage takes work. So put your boots on and get to work, you both deserve it. Will be praying for y’all.

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                            #43
                            I don’t have any advice. But I will pray for the both of you and may God guise both of your steps on the path he intends you to be on.

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                              #44
                              A good Therapist will help a ton if you are ready to change. No shame in counseling, I saw someone for almost a year in 2009 after having some anxiety issues. It opened so many doors and really helped me get in touch with myself. I am a MUCH better person as a result! Another piece of advice is exercise some, not necessarily pumping iron but go for a walk. 30 minutes a day will change your life. Kudos to you for admitting something is off and working to save your marriage. I’ve been married 10 years and can’t imagine a day without her by my side!

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                                #45
                                There isn't a wife or husband on the planet that, at one point or another, didn't feel "in love" with their spouse. If you are focused on fixing yourself, rather than on your wife's flaws, then you are on the right path. Marriages that fail are the ones where at least one person is only focused on the other's flaw and how the other person needs fixing. Marriages that succeed are the ones where BOTH people do their best to be better spouses for the benefit of their spouse. Selflessness > selfishness.

                                Prayers sent for you and your wife, brother. It's definitely doable.

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