We spend Christmas at my mother-in-laws. Always have, always will.We do a big Christmas eve dinner every year to celebrate. And this is where my brother-in-law, who also married into the family comes in. He has got to be the loudest human in the world.
It starts the second he comes in the door, Christ is risen, joyous day, it goes on and on. No problem with that, except he hasn't set foot in a church of 10 plus years. Some Christmas past he was helping with their contemporary service by playing electric guitar. Now this Bama boy is pretty good on the six string. This Christmas round about 2010 he gets filled up the the spirit, or maybe spirits, turns his amp up to 11 and goes full Jimi Hendrix for 20 minutes. We were sitting up front, and did not notice that the whole church had almost completely cleared out. And this was in the middle of service. He was asked not to be in the contemporary band, and quit church soon after. If'n them folks can't handle the true spirit working thru me, eff em!
So yesterday we have the family gift exchange. Us older dad's are always the last to exchange gifts. It is really more behind the scenes. I gave Bama a dozen or so cigars and he gives me, no lie, a bottle of Maker's Mark. I'm pretty impressed. Set it on the table, and one of my college boys, says dad, check it out, this bottle has been opened. It was short about three fingers from full. I just shook my head. Eh, no big deal.
The first thing he does after gift exchange is FaceTime each of his six kids from his first and second wives. He starts youngest to oldest, and goes around the room and re-introduces each of his "good hard working kids," to everyone at the house. (It is hard work filing unemployment and or government assistance, and it is all Trumps fault.) This means I get to say hi to "the kids" on six different phone calls. I don't know them, maybe met them once. About the last call I get the nod from my wife...It's time...
One of my Christmas (traditions,) aka, duties is to take uncle Bama out on the back porch and smoke a cigar and have a drink with him. Now over the years, these stogies get longer, sometimes two. This is all just keep him away from the rest of the family and off the roads. Two or three hours is appreciated by all. Especially by my MIL who can't stand the sight of him, much less listen him.
Each and every year I get to hear about one variation or another about all the jobs he has ever had, Lumberjacking, Sports Editor, off shore Tuna captain, ASE certified mechanic for Lexus, you name it, he done done it. He lost his millions in the stock market while out of the country and was unable to place sell orders until it was too late.
Yesterday he told me he was recruited to be a helicopter pilot in Afghanistan because some four star General saw how good he was on the drums while he was on tour with Stevie Ray. You see it takes a certain amount of skill to do four things at once, he would have been maybe 20 at the time, and try as you might, you can never seem to see any photos of him on stage.
Next, I got to hear about all things NASCAR. He knows Joe Gibbs, and Danika Patrick, personally, I tell ya! Look here are the pitchers... Okay, here you are with a pit pass posing with different racers as they do their walk thru, all on the same day.
Worst part of Christmas day yesterday, my whole bottle of Maker's was gone, and I had only two shots out of it. And his wife is mad at my wife for me gettin him drunk. I get to do it all again next year, and love every minute of it.
It starts the second he comes in the door, Christ is risen, joyous day, it goes on and on. No problem with that, except he hasn't set foot in a church of 10 plus years. Some Christmas past he was helping with their contemporary service by playing electric guitar. Now this Bama boy is pretty good on the six string. This Christmas round about 2010 he gets filled up the the spirit, or maybe spirits, turns his amp up to 11 and goes full Jimi Hendrix for 20 minutes. We were sitting up front, and did not notice that the whole church had almost completely cleared out. And this was in the middle of service. He was asked not to be in the contemporary band, and quit church soon after. If'n them folks can't handle the true spirit working thru me, eff em!
So yesterday we have the family gift exchange. Us older dad's are always the last to exchange gifts. It is really more behind the scenes. I gave Bama a dozen or so cigars and he gives me, no lie, a bottle of Maker's Mark. I'm pretty impressed. Set it on the table, and one of my college boys, says dad, check it out, this bottle has been opened. It was short about three fingers from full. I just shook my head. Eh, no big deal.
The first thing he does after gift exchange is FaceTime each of his six kids from his first and second wives. He starts youngest to oldest, and goes around the room and re-introduces each of his "good hard working kids," to everyone at the house. (It is hard work filing unemployment and or government assistance, and it is all Trumps fault.) This means I get to say hi to "the kids" on six different phone calls. I don't know them, maybe met them once. About the last call I get the nod from my wife...It's time...
One of my Christmas (traditions,) aka, duties is to take uncle Bama out on the back porch and smoke a cigar and have a drink with him. Now over the years, these stogies get longer, sometimes two. This is all just keep him away from the rest of the family and off the roads. Two or three hours is appreciated by all. Especially by my MIL who can't stand the sight of him, much less listen him.
Each and every year I get to hear about one variation or another about all the jobs he has ever had, Lumberjacking, Sports Editor, off shore Tuna captain, ASE certified mechanic for Lexus, you name it, he done done it. He lost his millions in the stock market while out of the country and was unable to place sell orders until it was too late.
Yesterday he told me he was recruited to be a helicopter pilot in Afghanistan because some four star General saw how good he was on the drums while he was on tour with Stevie Ray. You see it takes a certain amount of skill to do four things at once, he would have been maybe 20 at the time, and try as you might, you can never seem to see any photos of him on stage.
Next, I got to hear about all things NASCAR. He knows Joe Gibbs, and Danika Patrick, personally, I tell ya! Look here are the pitchers... Okay, here you are with a pit pass posing with different racers as they do their walk thru, all on the same day.
Worst part of Christmas day yesterday, my whole bottle of Maker's was gone, and I had only two shots out of it. And his wife is mad at my wife for me gettin him drunk. I get to do it all again next year, and love every minute of it.
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