Epic Cooking Fails Anyone?

[BigRed323]

At a very large charro bean cook off competition, my dad had to grab some more beer and left me in charge of the beans while he stepped away. I was maybe 10-11 at the time. He comes back, asks me how the beans were doing and I said “exactly how you let them”, very proud of myself.

And I meant exactly that, hadn’t stirred them or anything. He immediately runs Over to check on them and the bottom layer is burned burned burned. It was too late do anything to recover from it as the cup of beans was due for judging so he angrily submitted his cup of beans that I had burned. Judges start up on the mic starting from 8th place and my dad starts grumbling even more because I had messed them up.

Judge gets to first place spot and who does he call out?? Our beans and we take 1st place out of probably 50-60 teams at the time!!

[bugleboy]

College seems to be an ongoing theme on this thread. Let me add one from my college days. We grew up on chicken fried steak, mashed taters, and gravy. Had watched mom make gravy many a time, but never done it myself. So I fire up a pan, get my grease going, sprinkle in some flour, mix it just right and then start adding some canned milk. Things are looking good!!! Poured that gravy over our steaks and took a big ol’ bite. $&@! That tastes like $&@! Come to find out, you don’t use Eagle Brand milk in gravy. Haha.

[ElPescador24]

Early in our marriage my wife made some garlic mashed potatoes. It was more like mashed potatoes garlic. I choked it down until she finally said, "these are terrible." [emoji1787]

And in love garlic, but not that much.

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[westTXgirl]

I got married at 20 and didn’t know a lot about cooking that wasn’t self taught. One day I wanted to make homemade chicken pot pie with homemade crust and all. I was so proud of myself. Then I went to check on my pie and the top crust was on fire! Like rolling flames. Apparently I had put too much crisco in the crust and it ignited. Everyone was such a good sport and just scraped off the charcoal on top and salvaged what they could. I haven’t made a pie crust since and it’s been almost 17 years.

[hoythunter02]

Me and my buddy ruined a brisket down on the Guadalupe river one weekend trying to impress the girls we brought with us. We were so drunk we started throwing it at each other like a football laughing our asses off.


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[Chew]

At a very large charro bean cook off competition, my dad had to grab some more beer and left me in charge of the beans while he stepped away. I was maybe 10-11 at the time. He comes back, asks me how the beans were doing and I said “exactly how you let them”, very proud of myself.

And I meant exactly that, hadn’t stirred them or anything. He immediately runs Over to check on them and the bottom layer is burned burned burned. It was too late do anything to recover from it as the cup of beans was due for judging so he angrily submitted his cup of beans that I had burned. Judges start up on the mic starting from 8th place and my dad starts grumbling even more because I had messed them up.

Judge gets to first place spot and who does he call out?? Our beans and we take 1st place out of probably 50-60 teams at the time!!

Awesome. Did he change his attitude? My dad still would have acted mad for a couple years or so

[TexasBob]

When my daughter was first born my MIL stayed with us a bit. Now she’s super critical of smells that aren’t kfc etc and also pretty judgy of us dads that married in at times. I found a recipe for torchy’s Diablo sauce that started with boiling habaneros. Didn’t even turn on the vent fan. It was hard to breathe in the living room connected to the kitchen. They went outside, I opened the windows and finished my sauce. Hell the weather was nice at least.


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[sotol]

About a year after we were married I decided to get the pressure cooker and cook a few potatoes. ( before microwaves ). Water, potatoes, lid on.
Everything is fine. I knew enough to let them cool down before opening. After a sufficien amount of time I went yo open the lid. NOTHING. I could not get it to open. Pulled and pulled. Not a tiny bit of movement. The wife thinks this is funny how I could screw this up. I take the pot outside so I can get serious with it. Pulled on those handles til I was blue in the face. Nothing moves. Wife is now laughing out loud. One more try and BAM. I breal one handle off. She is really laughing now. I am a carpenter do I know how to fix this. I get my framing hammer and go to waylaying on the stub of metal the handle was attached to. No movey. I beat on that thing till the metal stub was gone.

Finally I just gave up and chunked the whole darn pot(with my potatoes still in it) in the trash.

I was told later that it is a good idea to put a little oil on that gasket before you shut the lid. To this day I have never touched another pressure cooker.

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[sotol]

I just asked my wife if she remembered that pressure cooker
Oh yea!!!

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[Rubi513]

One time in college with ctom87 as my roommate we accidentally bought a big bag of raw peanuts instead of the roasted. So we decided to make roast peanuts. Except we didn't have access to an oven, so we did the only logical thing. We poured hand sanitizer over the peanuts and set them on fire haha. Afterwards the shells were burned to a crisp, the peanuts were still raw, and get tasted like hand sanitizer smelled.

Please tell me y’all were drinking?

[Smart]

This one time I was making chili......and I forgot the pinto beans. Totally screwed them up.. Went and got hot dogs and buns, fritos and deep fried burritos to use it up...

[ctom87]

**** I got another one...westTXgirl's story reminded me. dhall1414 as my witness.

Turns out, this story is about a blessing is disguise and how when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade.

I still have the Traeger as mentioned in post #21. It's 8 years old now. It's great, I really like it, but it can't go past 325. At 350, really awful smoke starts burning and it ain't good. Throw that sucker on "high" and forget about it. I know that lesson well, because...

February of 2020, I am a new dad of a 4 month old, and I have my family over for the Super Bowl. I am grilling RIBEYES! Exciting times. Now, truth be told, at this point I still haven't mastered the steak. I kept watching YouTube videos and they were all the same: SEAR IT! Get that good delicious crust.

At this point, I didn't know that my Traeger was handicapped to 325. So, I let'er rip and put it on High to sear after cooking to a medium rare. So far, so good. I throw those ribeye's down to sear, close the lid and walk off planning on coming back after about 5 minutes, figuring that would be great at about 425, which is traeger's highest temp.

After 5 minutes, I go out to check on them, lift the lid, and what's trailing that lid? Nothing but absolute chaos and flames - that's right - my grill dun caught on fire!

A quick freak out - as the grill is located on my back patio and the back door is open so all my guests are watching. I believe dhall1414 is laughing, my mom grabbed the baby and took off out the front door, wife is looking for a fire extinguisher and dad's geriatric *** has given up on life and is looking forward to be cremated for free.

I followed up with that by closing the lid and seeing that I could control the amount of flames. So, I decided hell if the **** grill is on fire this is the best possible sear I can get!!! They ended up being the best Ribeye's I had ever cooked.

Pics are the steaks that I made, but not my Traeger...but that's exactly what it looked like.

[Dale Moser]

Where to begin…


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[SneakyPhil]

One of my family members made a pot roast in the crockpot with this bone broth!

[FLASH_OUTDOORS]

My wife and I moved in together after marriage. Her parents bought me a lyfetyme grill. First thing I cooked on it was ribs. Turns out the wood in my wood pile was pine. Not a very good wood to cook with lol.


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