Old guy sayings

[tward1604]

old man once asked me how i was doing so i told him "i'm not dead so it can't be that bad" re replied "grass looks better from the top than the bottom"

Most of the old man saying i know and pass on came from my grandfather and would end with me being banned. Best part is he was an alcoholic Methodist minister for a long time till he kicked the bucket. I guess you get tough being a WW2 veteran and preaching all around Texas from way up in the panhandle down to Aspermont for ever.

i appreciate the laughs yall.

[gvick]

The only reason he is breathing today is, his momma was to lazy to ******.

[cactusassjohn]

sh** fire and save the matches/6 of one 1/2 dozen of the other/u can pick your nose and u can pick your *** but you cant pick your neighbors or relatives/boy, i've forgotten more then you have learned /if frogs had wings they won't bump their *** on lilly pads /wish in one hand and sh** in the other and see which one fills first/do you think i tell u things just to hear my own voice

[hog_down]

when my brother and I would rapid-fire questions to my dad "shut your mouth and open your eyes, and maybe you'll learn something"

[txdrhntr]

Nuttier than squirrel s@@t

See a cute girl my granddad would say someones is tired of sleeping with her or someone is tired of her crap

[boomerball]

they've got one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel

[trjones87]

its a mighty thin pancake not to have 2 sides

[BillDecker]

Useless as tits on a boar hog

She gonna hurt some boy when she grows up

[14JKURX]

My Grandfather
If he saw something he really liked would say. That’s finer than a cast hair split three ways!

[grizzman]

Crazier than a ****house rat

[Acameron52]

Whenever me or my brother would be going out with a girl we’d always get “don’t let the wrong head do the thinking”.

[LWC]

My grandpa would say "He ain't no count" and "I'll knock you into the middle of next week"

Those are just a couple that came to mind right away. He had many more that you don't hear a lot anymore.

[curtintex]

When dealing with women, the thing my dad says to this day.


Remember son, they all got one.

Yep. My dad always says, "Son they all got one and they all run the same way." and "Hell, the worst one I ever had was still wonderful"

[JTRichardson]

My dad always said “ that’s as useless as hen $h!t on a ho handle”

My dad is also frugal and I say about him - “couldn’t get a greased up bb in his azz with a jackhammer”

[okrattler]

"Longer than a well rope."

"Take those gloves off. You look like a bear cub playin with his ******." I was trying to put a nut on a bolt while wearin gloves.

"She's so tight she could lean against a brick wall and pull a brick out with her ***."

And a favorite of mine...."It'll feel better when it quits hurtin."

My grandpa is hilarious. Those are ones I could come up with off the top of my head. One of my buddies that is my grandpa's age has an endless amount of sayings.

"She was on me like a step child."

When I helped him build a picket fence. "We can't use these boards. We're gonna have to take 'em back." I said "Why's that?" He said...."Because they're knotty."

I was riding to town with him one day and a car in the other lane passed a vehicle and got close to hitting us head on. He never batted an eye. He just said "We'll get ya next time."