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Old 07-01-2008, 11:00 AM   #10
Mary
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Kingwood
Default The House Is On Fire

John Shelley

When it comes to wives, I have a real gem. If she doesnít run me off first, my sweet little bride and I will soon be married 33 years. She has put up with a lot from me and looking back, I wonder how our marriage even survived the first week!

When I asked this sweet little girl to marry me, I didnít even have a job. But I had just graduated from Hill Jr. College and was pretty sure I could get one. I mean, come on - I got a diploma here, how hard could it be?
We planned the wedding for mid August and set about getting ready to establish this new household. Without a job, it was necessary that we be very frugal and so we cut corners wherever we could. My uncle started us out by giving us this lovely 8 X 40 trailer house. This thing was built before they called them mobile homes.

We spent most of the summer getting it ready to move in to. New paint inside and out. New ceilings. New carpet (okay - new/used carpet). A used swamp cooler and some of the finest dishes and cookware that a body could expect to find at a garage sale.

Before the summer was out, I had secured a position in my new career as a service station attendant for my uncle in Hillsboro, TX and was able to buy a brand spanking new set of blow up furniture from Montgomery Ward! Anyone remember Montgomery Ward? We moved the trailer into a park behind a U-Haul trailer rental and were ready to set up housekeeping.

So, the wedding day came and we said our vows. After a 2-day honeymoon trip to romantic Denton, TX we moved into our new home in Hillsboro and I started my new job pumping gas. It was a good job. They furnished me with those nice uniforms and I even had my own pocket protector and red grease rag. I felt so official!

Then the trials and tribulations started. The first night in our new home, the swamp cooler died! But hey, itís August - 3 more months and we wonít even need a swamp cooler! Then my aunt came over to visit and plopped down on the new blow up chair. The chair had a blow out and dumped her out in the floor! We couldnít get her up, so we just sorta had to roll her out the door and send her home!

Then the biggie! I had just gotten to work one morning and rolled all the stuff out onto the driveway and was ready to open up when the phone rang. It was my wife. She was frantic! Bawling her eyes out and screaming - ďThe house is on fire - The house is on fireĒ! I still donít know why she called me instead of the fire department, but I threw everything back in the station and locked the door and made a mad dash back to the house.

We didnít have a phone, so my wife had to run over to the U-Haul place to use the phone and call me. When I wheeled into the trailer park, there stood my little bride - half naked and dripping wet! And there was water running out of the front door of the house! And Iím thinking ďhow the hell is the house on fire when thereís water running out the door?Ē

Well, sometime in this trailerís past life, it had a water line freeze and burst. It was where the line passed under the bed in the middle room on itís way back to the bathroom. Now, in my younger days, I was not the man of intelligence that I am today, so in my haste to get my new home ready, I just cut out the bad spot in the line and patched it with a piece of garden hose and a couple of hose clamps. Looked good to me!

Anyway, wifey is in the tub taking her morning bath after I left and the hot water began to swell the ďpatchĒ. Until it busted! Now, steam starts shooting out from under the bed and she thought it was smoke and was just sure the house is on fire! So she grabs part of a dress or something and throws it on and heads out the door to safety. She went to the U-Haul place and called me to come to her rescue.

Except for the fire shooting out her nostrils, she looked kinda sexy standing there half neckid and wet!

Donít know what it is about women though. She just didnít see the humor in it that I did! Whatís up with that?
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