Has your wife fallen back in love with you?

[bakin7005]

I didn't read all the posts but I read yours. Very tough. Sounds to me like you better fix you first.
If you do not fix you then nothing is salvageable.Christ is always the answer.

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[twright]

I am not a therapist or an expert on the subject. Been married 30 years. Had some tough times. Sometimes the hardest part is simply realizing the great women in our lives deserve our unselfish commitment to put them first and above us. We tend to get caught up in our needs and not theirs.

Leaning on Christ is a great resource. Christ was the faithful bridegroom of the Church (us) and gave up his life for what he loved. Likewise (in my opinion) we should love our wives as Christ loves the church. That is a whole lot of give and sacrifice. Many will say that is not being a man. In my experience, even through some really tough times, it has resulted in a love and connection that surpasses all marital tribulations.

It appears you are turning toward being bridegroom you need to be for your wife. Perhaps you already have, but if you have not added Christ to the mix, then I would highly recommend you seek him through prayer. Since you all are talking a lot, it may be a good idea for both of you to lean on Christ and seek his comfort and direction. If you do that, my money on this situation turning out better that what you hoped.

Best of luck to you. I will send a prayer up for the both of you.

[WRasco]

Yes she did. Mine was a long story but that was 28 years of marriage and 2 kids ago and we have both grown through the journey. Love is work, not an emotion.

The 5 Love Languages, Sheet Music & the Bible are all good books to read multiple times to help remember it is not about you.

Good luck to you in yours, and thanks for sharing.

[Turtlewax]

Today when she got home I asked her if she ever heard of the book 5 Languages of love. She walked over to the bookcase and pulled it out and handed it to me. Life does work in some mysterious ways sometimes. Guess I have to delete it out of my amazon cart now.

Thanks again for the all the positive posts and help. I don't have time to respond to each and every one of you but please know I have ready every post. We are continuing to talk and be open with each other. She's still here and talking......I'll take it!

[Whistle brtches]

Hywfbilwy

I can safely answer No to this one. But we have an “understanding”. Haha.

[BlessedVeteran0305]

I've heard some good things about the information in that book.

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That book was life changing for the both of us. While I was a Drill Sergeant in S.C. she and i had the opportunity to go on a marriage retreat in N.C. Guess speaker .... none other than Gary Chapman himself. Topic for the weekend... The 5 Love Languages. That man and his book changed the way I react to anything and everything in our relationship. For you parents on the green screen with TEENAGERS as we have two of them, he wrote a book very similar to the 5 love languages but its about raising, dealing with, and understanding your teen's. Highly recommend this one also.

[RattlesnakeDan]

Jesus is and always will be the answer.
The parable of the seeds should be read and be sure you have prepared your heart on good soil or nothing will change long term.
My wife and I pray together every morning and every night so we know we are on the same path together.

[Tony Pic]

To answer your question...NO.
We have been together 36 years. Married in a few days for 30 of them. 3 sons all grown up and out of the house. She likes to yell and scream. But she is going nowhere, neither am I. I hate the yelling and screaming wish it would stop but it is part of her DNA. No changing it. I call her bi polar and escalate it a bit. 10 mins later its over and we get into that make up stuff . She needs a purpose and grandchildren will deliver that purpose. She has no problem with me going out of state for weeks on end and never bothers me at all about my doings. She has it made, and it appears that I do also. She can cook and look. I'm happy and she is for about 23 hours and 50 mins of each day I can give her 10 mins.

I hope you can find that Nirvana make it work for y'all.
Marriage is a wonderful institution. Everyone who gets married should be committed...to a institution

[Briar Friar]

Be acutely aware of preprogrammed responses...from both parties coming and going. It can be difficult to not follow preprogrammed responses and not be an emotional robot.

Sounds like you have a keeper who wants to keep you TW.

Keep on keepin on.

[Turtlewax]

Almost 30 day update:

It can happen, she can fall back in love with you. I have become the husband she deserves and I show her everyday. I have not lost my motivation, focus or temper in the last 30 days. This has been life changing for me and I cannot thank you all enough. In the beginning I read this thread to her post by post, showing her that couples have gotten through it and did indeed make it. For all that posted......thank you from the bottom of my heart.

She told me the other day that our relationship is stronger now than it ever has been. We needed this reset to save our marriage. For a little bit I had no idea how it would turn out. The most frightened I have ever been in my life was the thought of losing my wife. I fought like hell and here we are......moving in the right direction. I'll keep fighting everyday because there isnt anyone else on this earth I rather be with.

I did try therapy and lasted 3 sessions. It's not for me and she understands. Making the effort to try was all she needed to see. I've been told that you have to try a few out before you find the right one but to be honest my best friend gives better solid advice then I got from that guy, and he's free.

We talk everyday about everything. We talk more now than we have in 11 years. It feels great to be able to connect with her like that. I am learning so much about her. One of you mentioned that God gave us 2 ears and a mouth.....use them. These words repeat in my head daily.

It's only been a month but it honestly feels like years since I posted this. So much has happened and changed in that time. And it's all been for the better for the both of us.

I do need advice on this topic however. My mother in law is still telling her to leave. It is to the point that my wife limits their conversations due to not wanting to hear it and argue with her. The only thing I can think to do is keeping on doing what I am doing now. Proving through actions I am not a POS and have her daughters best intentions as a first priority. My wife is a bit irritated with her due to the fact she has never really been there her whole life and now all of a sudden she wants to be a mom. So I am dealing with this but my wife doesn't really share a lot of what they say, so it's hard to gauge the conversations. How would some of you approach this? I don't feel calling her (she's out of state) will help things at this time. Her stepfather is a bit more level headed and I thought about starting with him first. Still unsure if I should reach out at this point or wait some and let the positive days multiply so I can have some proof of change under my belt. Thoughts?

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Each and every one of you is amazing!

[Shane]

Glad to hear it's going well for y'all! That is awesome!

On the MIL deal, the best thing would be for your wife to have a come to Jesus meeting with her mother. She doesn't have to be mean to her mother, but she needs to tell her mom to mind her own business, butt out of your marriage, and keep her mouth shut until/unless someone asks for her opinion and advice on the subject so that your wife and her mom can have a healthy relationship with each other. If MIL refuses to butt out, then your wife would be forced to step back from her relationship with her mom in order to maintain the health of her most important human relationship as a married adult woman - her relationship with her husband.

It's your wife's place and responsibility to take care of that with her mom. You should only step in if/when your wife has done everything possible to handle it with her mom and MIL refuses to butt out and continues to cause trouble with your wife/her daughter.

Other than that, the best thing you can do is continue to love your wife and be the husband God wants you to be. If your MIL is reasonable at all, with time, she will see and appreciate that. It's not unreasonable to assume that it will take her even longer than it will take your wife to get to the point to appreciate your efforts. Parents love their kids and will always be ready to attack anyone who they think is hurting their child.

[rtp]

Im glad things are trending right for you but you are far from proving you can maintain this over the long haul. I say that not to be mean but to point out you have a long way to go to prove you are indeed a different man than you have been in the past. Keep going one day at a time and at some point people will make that determination on their own. Regarding your MIL, you need to stay out of that all together and let your wife continue to handle it. As long as she is positive on yall's relationship, her mother isnt a roadblock to your continued success. Keep at it and I wish you the best of luck.

[Preacher Man]

That’s great news. Happy for you.

There’s no way I’d get into it with my MIL unless my wife asked me to. Right now, I don’t think it matters what the source is of any of your wife’s worries or fears. I think the best you can do is to listen to your wife and be supportive.

If it was me, I’d treat the MIL, or any other stressor, as an opportunity for me to support my wife.

Keep plugging away. Stay positive. Reach out to me if you’d like to chat. God bless.

[Muskles]

30 days is a great start. Congrats to you and your bride! Like mentioned above, you can't change your MIL's mind. You just have to have faith that your wife believes in y'all enough to convince her mom. It will take time.

[AIRBORNE]

I can’t speak to the marriage problems. I’m very blessed and my wife could’ve understandably left me a hundred times but didn’t. I can relate to your struggles with depression though. I still fight that battle a lot, but I used to be a thousand times worse. I listened to Jonathan Haidt talk about a book about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, it gives you a bunch of different strategies to deal with your demons in a constructive way. It’s helped me a whole lot and I make a very conscious effort to work on my issues every day. I also read a book by Viktor Frankl called “A Man’s Search For Meaning” that helped, and I revisit probably once a year and have for many years. He was a prisoner in a concentration camp, and he talks about how he would kind of find something to live for, or a purpose, and completely immerse himself in what that may be like. It helps me to put things into perspective, kind of a gut check. The last book I’d recommend is “Wild At Heart” by John Eldredge. I read that one about once or twice a year as well. I wish I had real advice for you, but it seems like you’ve positively identified your problems and you’re on the path to fixing them, which is great and takes a strong person in itself. I’m not very smart personally so I read things from better men and try to learn that way. You and your family will be in my prayers.

https://www.amazon.com/Cognitive-Behavioral-Therapy-Made-Simple/dp/1939754852/ref=nodl_