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any good disfunctional family christmas stories

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    Man I cant believe I have never seen this thread. Some of you guys had me laughing so hard my side hurt. I cant wait for more.

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      getting close, ttt

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        Blue Spike

        My 2 oldest nieces gave my sister and my parents fits growing up. We figured it was something in the genes since their dad was a major league D-Bag (who currently residing in the state pen where I hope he remains until his last breath is drawn). But, both girls turned out incredibly good.

        Anyway one Christmas about 20 years ago, the older one shows up at grandma and grandpa's house with her new boyfriend in tow. He is sporting an insane blue mohawk that sticks 2 feet straight up from his otherwise bald scalp. And a variety of piercings, tats and other body mods. Kind of like the guy below.

        After everyone is done gawking, I take him aside to have a polite conversation and he seems like a decent enough kid.

        When it comes time to open presents (we all go around the room opening one at a time per Grandpa's rule), I feel bad that this kid has no present to open. So I get my brother to dig up an old mesh ball cap and I cut out a strip about 3" wide from the front to the back, put it in a gift bag and slip it into the pile of presents with the name "Spike" on it.

        It took him a second to realize what it was but then he jammed that mohawk through the hat and absolutely owned it. We had people almost passing out from laughing so hard.

        My niece mentioned this a few years ago and said he kept the hat and that he turned out OK too.
        Attached Files

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          Ttt


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            Originally posted by glen View Post
            Many yeas ago
            My parents house. My brother and I have the exact same guns Sig P220. I had done some trigger work and my brother wanted me to work on his. So we cover the pool table with a sheet and take his gun apart and work on it for about an hour. Mom calls for us to come eat. We all go eat and my brother goes and puts his gun back together except for the washer in the grip. He has a habit of dropping on in the pipe closing the action and then seating the magazine. Well he does this except the magazine does not go in because the washer is not in the gun. We look for the washer for about an hour and then give up. He then asks me if I felt his trigger. I pick it up-aim at a dot on the side of the pool table and sqeeze of the round in the chamber. round goes through the pool table down into the carpet goes under a wall and comes up out of the carpet in another room and striking my Mom in the collar bone and then bounced up and landed on my wife's head burning the hair and her scalp.
            Well the bullet was a hydro-shock and my Mom's collar bone is bleeding from the exposed point and we are thinking it may have fractured her collarbone. We load up and goto the hospital to have X-rays and my brother being an EMT calls ahead and explains what happened. Return from hospital only to have HPD crime scene all over the house. My Mom starts making plates for the Detectives that are talking to my bother and I. Get done talking to us and then state they are headed to the hospital to interview the gunshot victim. My Mom pipes up and says that she is right here. Detectives leave and a Parol Officer stays around while Crime Scene gets everything. Patrol Officer stays around for a few hours and sits and eats evening meal with family and we even had him say the prayer for the meal. My Mom fixes him a plate of cookies and pie and fixes him a large glass of milk to take with him. Patrol Officer takes plate but refuses milk saying he didn't want to take her container. About 15 minutes later our doorbell rings and it is the Patrol Officer saying everything is closed and he will be happy with a glass of milk. We all laughed and he came in and played cards and spent another hour or two at the house. He stopped by my parents house every Christmas after that until he retired

            So I guess we qualify- I shot my Mom and wife on Christmas.
            Close the thread

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              Just this Thanksgiving night having it at my girlfriends sons' house. One of her daughters brings a new boyfriend. As the weather is pretty decent all the guys are outside have some beers while the women are prepping dinner. Im talking to the new boyfriend, seems like a good kid. We are pounding some beers and swapping hunting stories. We end of at the table after dinner, women are looking for black friday deals and he and i are just drinking. This is his first time at the house. He disappears for about 45 mins. My girlfriends sons starts yelling. Evidently he didn't make it to the bathroom all the way and started throwing up in the hallway(white carpeting). All over shower curtain, sink, bathroom floor. Girlfriends son had him in a headlock taking him outside, i run outside to prevent any fisticuffs, trying to be the peacemaker. New guy was wrong for not fessing up but girlfriends son went over the top. We are having a birthday party in a couple hrs at the same house. Should be interesting.

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                Originally posted by Hagen View Post
                Just this Thanksgiving night having it at my girlfriends sons' house. One of her daughters brings a new boyfriend. As the weather is pretty decent all the guys are outside have some beers while the women are prepping dinner. Im talking to the new boyfriend, seems like a good kid. We are pounding some beers and swapping hunting stories. We end of at the table after dinner, women are looking for black friday deals and he and i are just drinking. This is his first time at the house. He disappears for about 45 mins. My girlfriends sons starts yelling. Evidently he didn't make it to the bathroom all the way and started throwing up in the hallway(white carpeting). All over shower curtain, sink, bathroom floor. Girlfriends son had him in a headlock taking him outside, i run outside to prevent any fisticuffs, trying to be the peacemaker. New guy was wrong for not fessing up but girlfriends son went over the top. We are having a birthday party in a couple hrs at the same house. Should be interesting.

                Good luck!!!


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                  This was a few years ago but man did it have me sitting on the couch 100% entertained with the situation that was playing out right in front of me.

                  We were all at my MIL's house for Christmas one year and my wife has a pretty wild relative, we will call this person X. Person X is a female.

                  Person X is married to Person Y and they have a precious little daughter.

                  Well about a week before this Person X's husband, Mr. person Y suspected his wife was running around on him but had no proof, but did think he knew the guys name.

                  The night before Chirstmas Mrs. X had to much to drink and while she wasnt paying attention her husband grabbed her phone and changed who he thought she was running around on him withs phone number to his number but left the name the same so that any text she sent that weekend would be strait to his phone instead of the suspected "friend".

                  Well Christmas morning rolls around and we are all sitting around the tree waiting on everyone to gather except for Mrs. X who is in the bathroom taking Nudes and sending them to who she thought was her friend back home with some pretty explicit wording below them not know they were going strait to Mr. Husband Y who is reading these all out for everyone to see and hear in the living room. BEST CHRISTMAS EVER.

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                    ^^^^ that is hilarious!!

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                      Originally posted by Gclyde12 View Post
                      This was a few years ago but man did it have me sitting on the couch 100% entertained with the situation that was playing out right in front of me.

                      We were all at my MIL's house for Christmas one year and my wife has a pretty wild relative, we will call this person X. Person X is a female.

                      Person X is married to Person Y and they have a precious little daughter.

                      Well about a week before this Person X's husband, Mr. person Y suspected his wife was running around on him but had no proof, but did think he knew the guys name.

                      The night before Chirstmas Mrs. X had to much to drink and while she wasnt paying attention her husband grabbed her phone and changed who he thought she was running around on him withs phone number to his number but left the name the same so that any text she sent that weekend would be strait to his phone instead of the suspected "friend".

                      Well Christmas morning rolls around and we are all sitting around the tree waiting on everyone to gather except for Mrs. X who is in the bathroom taking Nudes and sending them to who she thought was her friend back home with some pretty explicit wording below them not know they were going strait to Mr. Husband Y who is reading these all out for everyone to see and hear in the living room. BEST CHRISTMAS EVER.

                      Winner of thread! Ha ha ha.

                      So was she hot?


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                        This was when we gave a Guinee pig to our daughter a few years ago. We put it in her stocking.
                        So my 8yo got a guinea pig for Christmas. However, she got it the night before. The family thinks she is getting it in the stocking. No animals were harmed ...

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                          Originally posted by Gclyde12 View Post
                          This was a few years ago but man did it have me sitting on the couch 100% entertained with the situation that was playing out right in front of me.

                          We were all at my MIL's house for Christmas one year and my wife has a pretty wild relative, we will call this person X. Person X is a female.

                          Person X is married to Person Y and they have a precious little daughter.

                          Well about a week before this Person X's husband, Mr. person Y suspected his wife was running around on him but had no proof, but did think he knew the guys name.

                          The night before Chirstmas Mrs. X had to much to drink and while she wasnt paying attention her husband grabbed her phone and changed who he thought she was running around on him withs phone number to his number but left the name the same so that any text she sent that weekend would be strait to his phone instead of the suspected "friend".

                          Well Christmas morning rolls around and we are all sitting around the tree waiting on everyone to gather except for Mrs. X who is in the bathroom taking Nudes and sending them to who she thought was her friend back home with some pretty explicit wording below them not know they were going strait to Mr. Husband Y who is reading these all out for everyone to see and hear in the living room. BEST CHRISTMAS EVER.

                          To be a fly on the wall during that scenario unfolding....

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                            Originally posted by Big Lee View Post
                            To be a fly on the wall during that scenario unfolding....
                            Or in the bathroom...

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                              Originally posted by Gclyde12 View Post
                              This was a few years ago but man did it have me sitting on the couch 100% entertained with the situation that was playing out right in front of me.

                              We were all at my MIL's house for Christmas one year and my wife has a pretty wild relative, we will call this person X. Person X is a female.

                              Person X is married to Person Y and they have a precious little daughter.

                              Well about a week before this Person X's husband, Mr. person Y suspected his wife was running around on him but had no proof, but did think he knew the guys name.

                              The night before Chirstmas Mrs. X had to much to drink and while she wasnt paying attention her husband grabbed her phone and changed who he thought she was running around on him withs phone number to his number but left the name the same so that any text she sent that weekend would be strait to his phone instead of the suspected "friend".

                              Well Christmas morning rolls around and we are all sitting around the tree waiting on everyone to gather except for Mrs. X who is in the bathroom taking Nudes and sending them to who she thought was her friend back home with some pretty explicit wording below them not know they were going strait to Mr. Husband Y who is reading these all out for everyone to see and hear in the living room. BEST CHRISTMAS EVER.
                              So no pics of the Y?

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                                Originally posted by Ouch View Post
                                Or in the bathroom...
                                Now that's using your head. LoL.

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