What are your favorite funny sayings/comebacks?

[Howdy]

Some of mine that come to mind are:

"You think you can hurt my feelings? I used to hold the flashlight for my dad."

"Nobody tells me what to do. My wife don't even tell me what to do. She says I can wash the dishes with hot or cold water."

"Slicker than a harpooned hippo on a banana tree."

"If you cant weld good, weld a lot."

[ny bowhunter]

"You should see the other guy."

[boy wonder]

When it's really dark - "darker than a sack full of bats" .

[Lynn21]

It ain’t who you know, it’s who you snow.

[Smart]

Like playing cards with my brothers kids.....


Son you're gonna die of Windex poisoning if you keep likkin' winders like that.

[Smart]

You just gonna stand there with your teeth in your mouth are you gonna get to work?

[jshouse]

military the only way

[CSanders]

That’s what she said

[bobc]

military the only way

Haha. Awesome.

[jdg13]

"the next time you have a thought, let it go..."

[stryker93]

"I've been called worse by much better people."

[3rdCoastHunter]

Don’t sweat the petty stuff and definitely don’t pet the sweaty stuff

[kcnatural]

If a half pint makes you half tight, does a whole pint make your hole tight?

[Walker]

Man you're sharp today. Have razor soup for breakfast?

[Gumbo Man]

Hey your pretty funny. You should be on a stage. There’s one leaving at midnight.

If you borrow from Peter to pay Paul eventually Peter will get sore. And you just can’t do buisiness with a sore Peter.